The Pot Boiler: A Comedy in Four Acts Part 11

_Jack_ (_springs up_). My G.o.d, you're done up. Sit down.

_Belle_ (_in terror_). No, no, no! He'll hear you! He'd not keep me if he thought I was sick.

_Jack_. d.a.m.n his soul! Have you no one to take care of you?

_Belle_. I have a sister, sir. But she can't earn enough for two.

Please let me be.

_Jack_. Poor little girl!

_Belle_. I'll be all right. It's near closing time. I'm tired--that's all.

_Jack_. What time do you come on?

_Belle_. At ten o'clock, sir.

_Jack_. What, in the morning?

_Belle_. Yes.

_Jack_. Fourteen hours! And you have to stand up?

_Belle_. Of course.

_Jack_. The whole time?

_Belle_. Oh, no! I have time for two meals.

_Jack_. And that's all?

_Belle_. It's the same everywhere, sir. They don't like you to sit down. It wouldn't look right. (_Seeing Schmidt entering Left_). Will you have some dessert, sir?

_Jack_. No, not yet. (_He finishes food, then turns to Schmidt, hesitatingly_.) See here, my friend.

_Belle_ (_in terror_). No, no!

_Jack_ (_waving her aside_). I'm sorry, my friend, but I'm afraid you'll have to have me arrested.

_Schmidt_. Hey? Vot?

_Jack_. You'll have to have me arrested.

_Schmidt_. Vot you mean?

_Jack_. I mean--I've eaten a meal and I haven't any money to pay for it.

_Schmidt_. No money!

_Jack_. Not a cent.

_Schmidt_. Aber--vy--how you dare?

_Jack_. I was starving. I have walked the streets for two days begging for work, and I can't find any. I am wet, chilled to the bone, exhausted. Look at me----

_Schmidt_ (_in excitement_). Vot I got to do mit your looks?

_Jack_. I had to have something to eat.

_Schmidt_. But vy should _I_ feed you? Vy you come by _me_?

_Jack_. I'll work for you, if I may.

_Schmidt_. Vork? I don't vant no vork! I got all the vork as I need.

I vant customers!

_Jack._ You'll have to have me arrested, then.

_Schmidt._ Arrested? Vot good will it do me if I have you arrested?

You tink I earn my living by having you arrested? Mein Gott in Himmel, vot----

_Jack._ There's no use in getting excited, my friend.

_Schmidt._ Excited? I get excited if I _please_ to get excited! Vot you got for business to tell me if I get excited? I show you vot I get! _(Rushes to door.)_ Police! Police! _(Rushes back.)_ If I did not vant a police, he stand by my door and hold out his hand for sandwiches! If you have to steal food, why you don't go by Schnitzelman on der next block--he haf a big place, und I can yust mein expenses not make.

_Jack._ I'm sorry, truly. But what could I do?

_Schmidt._ I dunno vot you do, but you keep out from mein place. Dey comes me somebody every veek und plays me dot trick, und den tells me I get dem arrested! _(Rushes to door.)_ Find me a police! I keep dis man here till I find a police! Help! Police! police! _(Exit shouting)._

_Jack (to Belle)._ G.o.d knows I'm sorry. But I can't help you. You see, I can't even help myself.

_Belle._ Are you really as bad off as you said?

_Jack._ I am clean down and out.

_Schmidt (rushes back)._ All right! Now I got a police! I show you!

You come und rob a man! I show you!

_Policeman (enters Center; a big red-faced Irishman)._ An' phat's this, now?

_Schmidt._ Policeman, you arrest him und you take him to jail. He comes by my place und he eats my food und den he tells me he don't pay me.

_Policeman (to Jack)._ Phat's the matter wid yez?

_Jack._ Officer, I had to have something to eat--I was starving. I have walked the streets for two days, begging for a job, and I've not been able to earn a penny. I was desperate.

_Policeman (grasping Jack)._ Where do yez live, young divvil?

_Jack._ I've come from--a long way off. And I've been unfortunate--lost my money. I've tried my best. I'm willing to work----