The Poor Mouth Part 12

That is most unfortunate, Mr Sproule said.

And me that's after burying him in Rome and raising a headstone to his memory, all out of my own pocket!

He looked to each of us incredulously.

That can't be helped, I said severely. What else is there, Mr Sproule?

After all that has been done, Mr Sproule went on, we have to set up the Collopy Trust. The Trust will pay the daughter Annie three hundred pounds a year for life. The Trust will erect and maintain three establishments which the testator calls rest rooms. There will be a rest room at Irishtown, Sandymount, at Harold's Cross and at Phibsborough. Each will bear the word PEACE very prominently on the door and each will be under the patronage of a saint-Saint Patrick, Saint Jerome and Saint Ignatius. Each of these establishments will bear a plaque reading, for instance 'THE COLLOPY TRUST-Rest Room of Saint Jerome'. You will note that they are very well dispersed, geographically.

Yes indeed, I said. Who is going to design those buildings?

My dear sir, Mr Collopy thought of everything. That has already been done. Architect's approved plans are lodged with mo.

Well is that the lot? the brother asked.

Substantially, yes. There are a few small bequests and a sum for Ma.s.ses in favour of Rev. Kurt Fahrt, S.J. Of course, nothing can be paid until the will is admitted to probate. But I take it that will be automatic.

Very good, I said. My brother lives in London but I am still here. At the old address.

Excellent. I can write to you.

We turned to go. Abruptly the brother turned at the door.

Mr Sproule, he said, may I ask you a question?

A question? Certainly.

What was Mr Collopy's Christian name?

What?

Mr Sproule was clearly startled.

Ferdinand, of course.

Thanks.

When we found ourselves again in the street, I found that the brother was not as downcast as I thought he might be.

Ferdinand? Fancy! What I need badly at this moment he said, is a drink. I am five hundred pounds poorer since I went into that office.

Well, let us have a drink to celebrate that I'm better off.

Right. I want to keep near the Kingstown tram, for I'm going to jump the boat tonight. I left my bags in London on the way here. This place will do.

He led the way into a public house in Suffolk Street and to my surprise agreed to drink half-ones instead of b.a.l.l.s of malt, in view of the long night's travelling he had to face. He was in a reminiscent, nostalgic mood, and talked of many things in our past lives.

Have you made up your mind, he asked eventually, what you're going to do with yourself?

No, I said, except that I have decided to pack up school.

Good man.

As regards making a living, I suppose that five hundred pounds will give me at least another two years to think about it if I need all that time.

Would you not join me at the university in London.

Well, I'll consider that. But I have a terrible feeling that sooner or later the police will take a hand in that foundation.

Nonsense!

I don't know. I feel the ice is pretty thin, smart and all as you are.

I haven't put a foot wrong yet. Have you ever thought about getting into this new motor business? It's now a very big thing on the other side.

No, I never thought much about that. I would need capital. Besides, I know nothing whatever about machines. For all the good those d.a.m.ned Brothers have been to me, I know nothing about anything.

Well, I was the same. The only way to learn anything is to teach yourself.

I suppose so.

Tell me this, the brother said rather broodily, How is Annie and how do you get on with her.

Annie is all right, I said. She is recovering from that terrible affair in Rome. I think she feels grateful to yourself for what you did, though she doesn't talk about it. Do you know what? It would be a nice thing if you gave her a present of a hundred pounds to keep the house and everything going until the will is fixed up.

Yes, that is a good idea. I'll post a cheque from London and write her a nice letter.

Thanks.

Tell me: does she look after you all right?

Perfectly.

Grub, laundry, socks and all that?

Of course. I live like a lord. Breakfast in bed if you please.

That's good. Lord, look at the time! I'll have to look slippy if I'm to get that boat. Yes, I'm very pleased that Annie is turning out like that. She is a good-hearted girl.

But what are you talking about, I said rather puzzled. Hasn't she been looking after a whole houseful all her life? Poor Mrs Crotty in her day never did a hand's turn. She was nearly always sick and, G.o.d rest the dead, but Mr Collopy was a handful in himself, always asking whether there was starch in his food, no matter what you gave him. He even suspected the water in the tap.

Ah yes. All the same, he paid his debt. I was delighted at the generous way he is treating her in the will.

So am I.

Yes indeed. Look, we will have two last drinks for the road. Paddy, two gla.s.ses of malt!

Right, sir.

He brought those deep yellow drinks and placed them before us.

You know, the brother said, a substantial house and three hundred pounds a year for life is no joke. By G.o.d it is no joke.

He carefully put some water in his whiskey.

Annie is an industrious, well-built quiet girl. There are not so many of them knocking about. And you don't see many of that decent type across in London. Over there they are nearly all prost.i.tutes.

Perhaps you don't meet the right people.

Oh I meet enough, don't you worry. Decent people are rare everywhere.

I grunted.

And decent people who are well got are the rarest of all.

Occasionally decent people get a right dose of Gravid Water.

He ignored this and picked up his drink.

In my opinion, he said solemnly, half your own battle was won if you decided to settle down. Tell me this much: have you ever had a wish for Annie?

WHAT . . .?.

He raised the gla.s.s of whiskey to his lips and drained it all away in one monstrous gulp. He then slapped me on the shoulder.

Think about it!.

The slam of the door told me he was gone. In a daze I lifted my own gla.s.s and without knowing what I was doing did exactly what the brother did, drained the gla.s.s in one vast swallow. Then I walked quickly but did not run to the lavatory. There, everything inside me came up in a tidal surge of vomit.

ISBN 9780285640061.

end.