The Missing Boatman Part 30

Drove there?

He drove across the f.u.c.king country in two days?

Im-f.u.c.kin'-possible! Stickman's mind shrieked in rage. Not even if Levin had a jet engine strapped to his a.s.s!

"I want to help you find this man," Pain told him. "I want you... and I to find him together."

"OK!" Stickman blurted out. He was ready to agree to anything. His G.o.dd.a.m.n arm!

"You're going to drive me to BC. It won't take long. I'll make a phone call."

"BC?"

"No, no," Pain said slowly, enjoying the time he took speaking, knowing it was torture to the Mundane. "To a friend who owes me a favour. Well, he's going to owe me a favour because he's doing things that I don't think are fair. But maybe you don't understand? Let me explain..."

"NO!" Stickman retched through bared teeth and a red face.

At that time, the door creaked open. An Irving man stuck his head inthe cashier from out front. "Everything okay in here?" he asked timidly, not knowing and probably not wanting to know what was going on.

Stickman did not see what happened next. He heard a voice growl, "Get the f.u.c.k out of here."

Stickman heard the door quickly close, and he closed his eyes in defeat when he did.

"Now," the voice went on very close to his ear. He felt the groin press up against his rump. "You were about to agree to help me help you, right?"

"YES!"

The voice paused. "Y'know, I don't believe you. In your position, I guess I'd say just about anything to get out of the predicament I was in. Just about anything."

"JESUS H. CHRIST!" the Stickman blurted out in agony. He did not see the face behind him close its eyes in pleasure.

"Yes, just about anything." Pain went on smiling. "So you won't mind if I ask a few questions to, uh, satisfy my suspicious nature."

"YES!" Stick's eyes widened in sudden fright at what he'd just said might be taken as defiance. "NO! NO!"

"Good. So, you'll give me your word that you'll do as I say from here on in?"

"YES!"

"My every command?"

"YESYES!"

"Everything?"

"YESSWEETMARYf.u.c.kYES!"

There was a laugh of someone who had two great lungfuls of phlegm. Even in Stickman's agony, the sound of that b.u.t.tery rattle made his tongue curl.

"I guess that's enough," the voice chuckled. Then, it became lethal sounding. "But remember this. I took you easy. I can do it again."

The pressure on Stickman's arm and shoulder was released, and he snapped around like a coiled spring. For a moment, he considering tackling the b.a.s.t.a.r.d and thrusting his thumbs into his p.i.s.s-hole eyes. He considered it. He considered his arm. It was still on fire. He sighed, "Y'know Badger?"

"From way back."

"Why didn't ye say so den?"

The man shrugged. "I had to domesticate your a.s.s first."

That made Stickman hold his tongue. He didn't like to be talked to like that all.

"Listen," the other said, smile disappearing. "I apologize. I overreacted. One reason why I don't work for Badger anymore is that he sent me away. But I remember things he did for me. I heard you were looking for the guy that put him in the hospital."

Stickman held up his good hand. "You 'eard dat? Where from?"

Pain smiled. "Around."

"Yeah, where?"

"The same place I heard where Levin is heading."

"Y'know where 'ee's goin'?"

"I do."

"And ye wants I to go wit ye?"

Pain nodded. "He has company with him. You'll even up the odds."

"Two's better, eh?"

"Maybe," and a skull smile.

A frown formed on Stickman's features. He sure as h.e.l.l didn't trust this d.i.c.k, but if he knew where Levin was, then a partnership would be a smart thing. "Alright," he said, ma.s.saging his shoulder. For a while anyway.

Pain smiled at him. His eyes were no more than blots of tar.

"So what's yer name?" Stickman asked.

The grin got wider.

Chapter 36.

Paradise.

Paradise was sinking.

Or so it seemed to Tony who, despite not really intending to, drank a pitcher of beer over a span of sixty minutes. So much for resisting the impulse. He felt so much better for doing so except that now, Paradise was sinking. And spinning.

A different waitress appeared before their table. "Another?"

"You got anything else?"

Lucy exchanged looks with H2, who was also feeling his beers. The man gave a half cut smirk.

"c.o.c.ktails."

"c.o.c.ktails?" Tony repeated stupidly. "Paradise has c.o.c.ktails?"

The waitress winked at him. "Paradise has everything, honey."

Lucy had something she wanted to say to that, but H2 placed a hand on her arm. He wanted to see what Tony would do.

"You have any... daiquiris?" he asked.

"Strawberry ones."

"I'll have one of those."

The waitress took the empty pitcher away from the table. The plates had been gathered up a while ago.

"We'll have another, too," H2 said. "Stuff's too good. Almost as good as you!"

The woman frowned good-naturedly and took the empty pitcher away from H2. "You guys sure like your beer."

"Our friend here has discovered his thirst for life, it seems." H2 pointed at a red-faced Tony.

"The beer is good," Tony remarked, getting more and more buzzed.

"Yes, it is," H2 nodded, "but a girly drink?"

"f.u.c.k you."

A little drunk smile appeared on H2's face. "Starting to like this boy of yours, Lucy."

Lucy had her own glow on. "He does start to wear on you after a while, doesn't he?" she said as she looked at Tony with a growing red-faced fondness. Her dark hair hung loosely about her shoulders, and Tony thought she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen... recently. The last word made him giggle, prompting Lucy to look at him with an unspoken question.

Death pa.s.sed in front of their table. He cast an annoyed look at the trio, but did not slow down. He moved towards the washrooms. This amazed Tony. Death had to p.i.s.s! He actually felt the need to void himself! In Tony's buzzing world, it was the coolest thing to realize. Then he remembered he had a job to do.

"There he goes," he said like a man who had drunk a bit and was aware of it. "Gotta do it now. Gotta talk to him."

"Wait for him to come back," Lucy advised. "Don't try talking to him while he's peeing."

"I wasn't going to," Tony said.

"Looked to me you were," H2 said. Lucy pointed a you see? finger at Tony.

"Well, I wasn't," Tony said, defending his honour. "I was gonna wait until he got back."

Then the man called only H appeared before them. "Hey," he greeted with a heads up.

"Hey," the three chorused back.

"Guys feeling good?"

"Yep," Tony said.

H regarded him for a moment. "He's feeling good, I see."

"Oh, he's fine," Lucy said, sipping on her beer.

"When you coming over?" H asked, looking at Tony.

"Soon," H2 answered.

"I wasn't talking to you, wingnut," H fired back.

"Soon," Lucy nodded agreement. "We're waiting for him to come back from peeing. He's gone to pee."

This display of intoxicated cuteness had no effect whatsoever on H. He regarded them all with the look of a police officer wishing to f.u.c.k that he wasn't the one on duty to have to deal with these drunken teens.

"You didn't call her a wingnut." H2 protested with a sloshed smile.

"She isn't. You are." H told him stoically, levelling a "don't f.u.c.k with me" glare at the man. "If you are coming over, make it soon. I think he's gonna want to head out somewhere for pizza next. He's been waiting for you, y'know."

"He's waiting?" this amazed Tony.

"Oh, yeah," H nodded.

"How many he's after having, H?" Lucy asked.

"Two pitchers."

"In under two hours?" Lucy asked. She was a little surprised. Frankie was downing them faster than usual.

"And all the while he's been waiting," H informed them. "You know he isn't going to cross the floor. And you know he's not going to make any first moves. And if you don't make it first, he's going to say f.u.c.k it and move on."

"Pizza?" Tony asked.

H regarded him. "Doesn't like big crowds. But you do have one thing going for you. I think he's going to make a move on one of the waitresses here."