The Memoirs of Cleopatra Part 62

"Come as my guest. You would do it for anyone else! Do not do less for ^ ^ >> me.

"Because you are are you, I must do less." you, I must do less."

"Then you punish me for being Cleopatra, and not Cytheris or Glaphyra."

"I did not follow them to their cities, for all the world to see."

"The world! Always the world!"

"You care enough about it in the daylight, outside, my lady. You would not even reveal our liaison in front of my men--soldiers, who are a pretty forgiving lot."

"Now, I will." Now I knew it was more than just that one fever-charged burst of pent-up l.u.s.t. My desire seemed to grow with the very feeding of it, rather than becoming sated or fading. "Come with me to Alexandria. I will show us to all the world. I will present you without shame."

"I am not an idol or a doll to be displayed," he said. "If I came, I would come as a private citizen, a foreign dignitary making a courtesy call."

I noted, silently, that he was sketching the conditions of it--of this visit that he would not make.

But the night still had some hours left in it, and I did not want to spend them talking. I reached out and took his hand, twining my fingers in his. "If you do not come to Alexandria, then you certainly have to use our few remaining hours to the fullest," I whispered, kissing the soft part of his ear. He did not argue.

Chapter 44.

Twilight had spread its tender, soft mantle over the sky, and once again the special lights were lit and glowing in the rigging of the ship. This time the guests would walk not on the wooden deck, but on a carpet of rose petals that would have been knee-deep had they not been held down by a net. No one could sink into them, but instead must tread on their surface, each step crushing the delicate petals and releasing a cloud of fragrance. It would rise like the mist of dawn, a fog of sensual delight.

The perfume of a hundred thousand roses for the nose, the glitter of gold cups and winking lights for the eyes, the sleek feel of silken couch covers for the skin, pure voices and silver lutes making music for the ears, and the finest food I could serve to both caress and tease the tongue--I meant my farewell banquet in Tarsus to linger forever in all five of their senses, imprinted there for a lifetime.

As for myself, it was only fitting I should be arrayed as Egypt's queen, in a gown of gold and blue, wearing a crown of gold and lapis serpents. As Iras braided my hair, pulling it back from my face, I could not help smiling, remembering Antony's comment about it. It was true; most ceremonial hairstyles were stiff and not to be touched. Iras looked into the reflection of my eyes in the mirror, rather than directly at them. Her face held a thousand questions, but she dared not ask them. And tonight I would not answer them. Not until the end of the evening.

A ma.s.sive collar of gold, carnelian, and lapis beads was fastened around my neck, and wide carved-gold armlets were slid onto my upper arms.

Iras unstoppered a slender alabaster bottle and shook a few drops of perfume out onto her palms, then touched me lightly under my chin, on my elbows and forearms, and on my forehead. "The scent of roses must also come from you," she said. "And this fragrance, from white roses, smells just slightly different from the red roses covering all the decks and floors."

The same company as before was to come aboard, thirty-six guests to lie on the twelve couches. Antony had expressed little curiosity about it, a.s.suming it would be like most of those he had attended for years. I had made him leave before dawn; he took it to be my modesty, but I had not wanted him to glimpse the cargo waiting on the dock, although he must have smelled the cartloads of rose petals as he pa.s.sed. Let him be as astounded as everyone else.

"My last dinner here," I had said. "And, should you not come to Alexandria, our last night together."

He was still insisting he could not come. Well, I had also insisted I would not come to Tarsus.

The gangplank, draped with rich Tyrian purple and transformed into a triumphal bridge, welcomed the guests aboard. One by one the Romans stepped off it, and onto the carpet of rose petals, their boots sinking, their bodies bouncing on the springy cushion. I watched their faces as they were taken by surprise, these Roman soldiers and citizens of Tarsus. But it was Antony I most wanted to astonish and please; I took the reaction of the others for granted.

He stopped at the top of the gangplank, leaning on the railing, his eyes taking in the entire setting in one glance: the crimson of the roses, the purple drapings, the artificial constellations in the rigging, and then me, as gilded and ornamented as a statue. It was a spectacle of theater, not one natural thing about it. It is a privilege and challenge to outdo nature on occasion.

"O rare ship!" Antony said. "Let us cut the cables and drift away--to whatever magic land you came from!" Then he took a high leap and landed as hard as he could, losing his balance as the roses squashed under his weight. He rolled over and lay on his back, arms spread, feet apart. "Ah!" he cried. "I will suffocate, drugged by elixir of roses. Help me, help me, for I faint."

He made a show of struggling to his knees and then dragging himself over to me, bowing at my feet, clasping my sandals. "I am quite overcome," he said. The company roared with laughter.

I reached down and took his hand, drawing him up. "Revive yourself, Lord Antony," I said, motioning to a servant to bring him a cup of wine. It was a large one, b.u.mpy with inset coral and pearls, filled with the wine of Chios.

He took a deep drink of it, and then shook his head. "Wine has never yet banished magic," he said. "It merely increases its effect."

"Welcome, all," I said. "Pray, drink with us." At once a company of servants appeared, cups in hand. "I wish my last evening with you to be worthy of long memories."

Already they had that half-uncomfortable, half-excited, dazed look on their faces that betokened uneasy enchantment. They were all mine for the evening, to do with as I wished. Even Dellius was wide-eyed. Ah, the persuasion of props and accoutrements--how mighty they are! What power they give us, properly used!

"Is this the same ship I left this morning?" Antony asked, his voice low.

"The very same," I said.

"What have you done to the cabin below?"

"You must wait to find out," I said. "Unless you prefer to go now?"

He looked around, laughing, a little nervously. "I believe you would be bold enough to do even that," he finally said.

I merely smiled. Let him wonder.

Dellius was talking loudly--too loudly--about the Parthians and how, by Zeus, they had gone too far. He then proceeded to abuse Ca.s.sius in such blistering terms that one of the Tarsians--who hardly had any reason to defend their tormenter--tried to change the subject.

"Dellius," I said, gliding over to him, "doubtless when you march into Parthia with Lord Antony you will have ample opportunity to smite a few Parthians. But forget Ca.s.sius--he has paid the price. A man can die only once."

"No, that's not true--he can die twice. Once the body, next the reputation. Kill the latter, and it's a crueler death than the first." He said it so fiercely that I could almost forget that he had once served Ca.s.sius, and come to Antony only after Philippi.

"There's a third death as well, then, and that's to be abandoned by one's former friends," I said.

He smiled his nasty smile. I turned away. I hoped Antony had more than this reed to lean upon for his fortunes in war.

The chief magistrate of Tarsus was explaining to Antony his choice of man to fill the post of gymnasiarch for the city. He was a plump little man, who would probably spend little time on the exercise field himself but would enjoy the baths and the lectures given in the new gymnasion.

"Yes, yes," Antony was saying, clearly not caring whom he appointed. He was attempting to extricate himself, but the mayor grabbed on to the shoulder of his tunic and kept on talking, buzzing like a bee. In fact he was shaped like one--round and wide.

His wife stood nearby, wearing the most nondescript clothes I had ever seen. Why is it that respectability always seems to drape itself in such proper dreariness? Why do we equate beauty with lack of seriousness? I welcomed her and told her how impressed I was with her city, and how fortunate they were to have the mountains to shelter under, and groves of trees nearby.

What I did not say was that once the Ptolemies had owned all this--we had had not only the sea and sand and Nile of Egypt, but these very mountain slopes and forests. Seeing them had awakened a desire to regain as much as possible of this lost empire. Caesar had given Cyprus back to Arsinoe; perhaps Antony . . .

She was speaking, her low, modest voice as mouselike as the rest of her. I tried to turn my attention to her words. But they were as forgettable as her face.

When we descended to the banquet chamber, the company shuffled, walking carefully on the mattress of rose petals, and did not look up until they stood at the very entrance. Torches flamed and flared, and the couches--far more sumptuous than the ones they had dined on the first night--were surrounded by marble tables with gold legs, and rubies on the borders. The red of the roses, the scarlet wall hangings, the rubies, and the crimson couches all blurred together to make even the air of the chamber seem dyed fiery red.

Antony and I took our places, and I gave the signal for the banquet to begin. The food itself was nothing unusual--how could it be? A ship's kitchen cannot rival one on land, and I had to rely on mostly local fare like scarus-fish, purple sh.e.l.lfish, peac.o.c.ks, and kid. From Egypt I had brought smoked duck, geese, and Nile perch. Toasted papyrus stems, gilded, would serve as a novelty. It was eaten--ungilded, of course--by the common people at home, but would amuse the Romans and Tarsians. I had brought many amphorae of the best Chian wine with me, and I meant for them to finish most of it this evening. When I sailed for Egypt, the ship must be much lighter.

The musicians--also clothed in red--played their instruments softly, and could barely be heard above the rising voices. Everyone was talking, their tongues loosened at last.

"You are extravagant," said Antony, his eyes roving from one thing to another.

"Hardly," I said. "This is modest. I know how to spend ten times this much on one dinner."

"Impossible. That is, without increasing the number of guests."

"I could do so this very instant," I said. "With these very guests, and keeping almost the same menu." An idea had come to me, and I meant to use it. "If I can do so, will you relent and come to Alexandria?"

He thought long before answering. "Yes. But you must keep to the rules. No additional guests, no expensive presents suddenly added. Just this banquet, with these guests, and this food."

"Agreed." I motioned to one of my servers. "Fill a goblet with strong vinegar," I said, "and bring it to me."

Antony frowned. "Vinegar is hardly very expensive."

I ignored him. "Dear guests," I said loudly, "Lord Antony and I have a wager. I have bet him that I can make this banquet cost over a million sesterces. He,says it is impossible for any banquet to cost that much, and particularly one with only thirty-six guests. Ah." I reached out and took the vinegar-filled goblet. "Thank you."

Antony was leaning forward on his elbows, watching me intently. His dark eyes were riveting.

"Now," I said, removing one of my pearl earrings and dropping it into the goblet, where it landed with a plunk and then sank to the bottom. I swirled the goblet, and they could all hear the pearl rolling inside. "It will dissolve and I will drink it--the most expensive wine in history." I held the goblet up in both hands, gently shaking it.

Everyone was staring, and Antony looked shocked. I kept shaking the goblet until I felt it was time, then I brought it to my lips, tilted it up and drank it. There was a collective gasp.

"Bitter!" I said. "Vinegar, even flavored with pearl, is still rough. Another goblet, please! All of you must partake!"

My servant quickly brought a second one, and I started to unfasten the other pearl, but Dellius cried out, "No, stop! It is unnecessary! Do not sacrifice the second one!" and Antony reached out and stayed my hand.

"You win," he said quietly. "No need to repeat it."

I returned the goblet to the servant's hands.

"You are . . . there is no word to describe you. 'Extravagant' fades beside all this," Antony said.

I looked at him, and knew that I had won more than the wager.

As the banquet proceeded, and the dishes were brought out and set daintily before us, I found that the chamber was suddenly charged with erotic splendor for me, it fairly shimmered with it. Had my wager excited me, transforming me from calm host to a bedazzled guest of my pwn self? I found myself watching Antony's arm as he held his cup, leaning on his elbow. It was thick, muscled and tan, and I stared at it, lascivious thoughts racing through my mind. Even his feet, tucked partially under the couch cushion, seemed objects of desire. I had swallowed the pearl, and it seemed to have acted as a magic potion, surrounding him with an aureole of desirability for me, literally from head to toe.

Suddenly I could hardly stand another minute of this banquet. Let it be over, so we could descend below. . . .

When, at long last, it ended, there was still a part for me to enact. I rose, and gestured toward the couches. "All this is yours," I said. "And the vessels and plates you have used, as before."

Since these were finer work and made of more precious material, everyone's mouth fell open.

"As before, do not worry about how to transport them. My servants will do that. But in addition, I wish to present you all with horses which I brought, along with their trappings embellished with silver and gold. These boys from Ethiopia"--I nodded to a company of them filing into the chamber, each taking one of the torches from its stand--"will escort you home, leading the horses."

The banquet was now over, and the guests could take their leave. But there was one more thing to do before they departed. I took Antony's hand in mine, and he stood up with me.

"I bid you good night, and farewell. Lord Antony and I will now take our leave." I turned and left the chamber, still holding Antony's hand, and went directly to my private quarters, leaving the rest of the company to emerge on deck and realize that Antony had vanished, and would not be going ash.o.r.e with them. And there was only one place he could be, since no one actually has the power to vanish.

Inside the private cabin, I leaned against the door and shut my eyes. It was over. And I had played my part well. One never knows in advance.

Antony was standing in the middle of the room, looking wary, as if he expected something else to happen--a serpent to glide out from under the bed, invisible hands to proffer cups of wine, a ghostly chorus to start wailing.

I went over to him and put my arms around him. "I have waited all night for this," I said. And it was true.

"Then you must take off all these things," he said, reaching down to remove the crown. "Hard, glittering things that are cold." Gently he unfastened the collar of gems and laid it on a table. "And the braids. Take them down."

I unpinned the clip holding them back, and slowly unbraided them, feeling my scalp tingle as the blood rushed back into it. It took a long time; Iras had made a great many of them. At length, all my hair was free, and he put his hands in it and combed through it with his fingers. It made me weak with desire.

"Now you are human again," he said, kissing me. I realized he was as excited as I, that this whole evening had had the same effect on him.

Unable to control ourselves, we had to. give in and make fast, unrefined love just to take the edge off our fever and reduce our desire to a normal, if still overheated, level.

Lying beside me in the dark, he said, "I see you decided to tell the world after all." He was still trying to catch his breath.

"Yes," I said, laying my head on his chest. My words were probably m.u.f.fled. "It could be hidden no longer, nor had I any wish to."

He kissed the top of my head, gently. "Then the fat is in the fire, as the common saying goes."

"It isn't the fat that is in the fire, it is us." And it was true. This fire in the blood . . . when would it be banked, die down?

"Yes, much fire." He sounded as if he did not, at this moment, much care. "Fire in Rome, at least. They do not like changes there, new factors, new contestants. I myself did not like it when Octavian arrived to claim his inheritance."

"And set aside my son's." I paused. "For Caesar had a true son, not this adopted interloper."

"Still, it was Caesar's own will that named him," said Antony. "I think he left you out of it from love, or as a tribute. He knew you could fight your own battles, with no help from him."

My own battles. Yes. There was one more matter to be settled before I set sail. "Antony ..." I hated to interject politics, but I must. "You must do something for me. My sister Arsinoe, in Ephesus, helped the a.s.sa.s.sins. You should have summoned her to answer charges, not me. They recognized her as Queen of Egypt, and it was she who persuaded Serapion, the governor of Cyprus, to yield my fleet to them. I have even received reports that in my absence she has been testing the political waters to see if there is any support remaining for her in Alexandria. And then there is a new pretender to be Ptolemy XIII, whom Caesar himself defeated, and who is as dead as it is possible to be. All these threaten my throne's stability."

"And?" he asked, his voice soft, still drowsy with amorousness.

"Destroy them."

"Yes, my love." He was caressing my shoulders.

I had to get his promise before he lost himself again. "Promise me. Execute them all."

"Yes, my love. And I will restore Cyprus to you as well." He knotted his hands in my hair and gently pulled my head toward his. I opened my mouth for his kiss.

That night, of all nights, will never fade from my memory. How often we made love, and how we made it, provide details that I can bring out in private to relive whenever I feel bereft, or sad, or even wish to divert my mind from pain. It was a gift from the G.o.ds, given rarely and seldom repeated. But it sealed my belief that, philosophers notwithstanding, the joy of the body can equal that of the mind and spirit.

When he took his leave, I was not sad. This time was over; it could not be prolonged and retain its perfection. There would be other times, in other places, and they too would be perfect in their own, different, way.

"Farewell, my general," I said, kissing him on deck as the sun peeped above the horizon, painting the ship red-gold. The lamps in the rigging were burnt out, and the dawn revealed them as ordinary clay pots--not magic.

"Farewell, my queen." He embraced me a moment, holding me close against his purple cloak. "I will follow as soon as I may."

"A day is too long," I said. "Would that you were waiting for me when I arrived."

"Only if I could fly would that be possible," he said. "And that power is not given to man." He broke away, and stood for a moment apart from me. The rising sun gilded him, touching all the folds of his garment.

"Farewell," I said, reaching out to touch him good-bye.