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Her forehead creased, her brows pulled together in that look of worry she wore whenever one of her children was ill.
Emma twisted to peer over her shoulder. "What is it, Momma?"
"Is everything all right? Mary said you were coming down for breakfast, but that was almost forty-five minutes ago." Momma came into the room and walked over to press her hand against Emma's forehead. "You don't feel feverish."
Emma pulled away, taking care not to topple backward off her bench. "I'm not sick, Momma. Just moving a bit slower than usual this morning." She rose, willing what color remained in her cheeks to fade as quickly as possible. Her mother knew she ran no fever, and there weren't many other plausible explanations for being flushed left.
But it must not have worked, for Momma's eyes narrowed, the way they did whenever she suspected one of her children was not being completely honest with her. It was a look Emma had seen, although not in many years. Not since she'd outgrown the need to tell harmless fibs to her mother, usually to protect one of her brothers, lest they no longer let her follow around after them.
Drat it all. When she pa.s.sed Mary in the corridor, she didn't think twice about it. How was she to know her sister was going to say anything about her coming down soon? Or that her mother would come up to see if she was ill?
Suddenly her delicious secret didn't seem quite so delicious any longer. If she wasn't careful, her secret would be revealed, and it was madness to even think she'd find some way to sneak off to meet Julian. Her mother was like a hawk, lazily circling overhead, until she thought one of her children was courting trouble. Then she'd swoop down and s.n.a.t.c.h up whichever offspring did the trouble-courting. Being late to a family meal was the catalyst for sending Momma into hawk-mode.
"So why the delay?" Momma asked, her voice mild.
The last time Emma heard that mild tone, she had spent two days sequestered in her room, having been caught sneaking a sip of brandy from the decanter in Papa's office.
"I was just about to come down, was on my way, when I remembered I'd forgotten to put my laundry in the basket. Amanda always grumbles when she has to go around and pick up all the things I've forgotten to add, so I wanted to gather them up before she could."
She wanted to kick herself. Her rambling made her mother's brows rise a good half an inch above their normal position. Next, she'd pierce Emma with an unblinking stare. Then, the final blow-a pointed question that she already knew the answer to, and would know any other answer was a lie. And Emma did not want to be on the receiving end of that question.
Rose often remarked wistfully how nice it must be to have one's mother so concerned. Her own mother expended all of her energies on Rose's younger sister, but paid Rose little mind at all.
For the first time, Emma envied Rose. Her mother wouldn't notice any odd behavior on Rose's part. Rose could skip backward through her mother's formal parlor while reciting Shakespeare in the nude, and no one would even notice. Sometimes, being ignored had to have its advantages.
No, that wasn't fair. Or at least not entirely fair. Emma smiled as she slipped her arm through her mother's. "Is everyone below now?"
"They are. Or, they were." She gave Emma an odd look. "With the snow, no one is going anywhere for a while. Are you certain you're all right, Em? You look a little flushed. Perhaps you should go back to bed and I'll have Anna bring you a hot brick."
"I'm fine, Momma. I don't need it. I just hurried back to move the basket." She pasted a bright smile on her lips and squeezed her mother's arm. "And I'm hungry, so shall we?"
"I suppose." Her expression still hinted that she wasn't accepting Emma's excuse, but thankfully, she let the matter drop.
She escorted Emma to the breakfast room, and as they neared it, Emma's belly came to life in a series of flutters and flips. How was she going to get through this meal, with all the prying eyes and curious minds?
Never mind what would happen when she faced Julian.
What would happen when she saw him? Her body grew tight at the thought of seeing him. Surely her d.a.m.ned flush would give her away within minutes of laying eyes on him. How on earth would she ever explain that?
And what would Julian do? This was all so new for her, but for him? Somehow, she didn't think this was unfamiliar territory for him. And all she could do was pray that he'd be discreet.
Emma heard her brothers before she saw them, and she braced herself for whatever would happen next.
A shout of laughter burst out, making her jump. She cursed her giddiness when Momma asked, "And nothing is troubling you?"
"Momma, I'm fine." She bit off the last word and straightened herself to add, "It's been a while since I've had to contend with them all at once." She took a deep breath and stepped over the threshold. That breath was a joke. It calmed nothing.
"Well, look who decided to join us." Drew lifted his coffee cup in her direction. "Aren't you the early bird of the family?"
Emma made a face at him as she sat between him and Mary.
"Where did you vanish to, Em? You told me you were on your way down almost an hour ago," Mary leaned close to keep from being overheard. "Then you never showed up."
"I know. And now Momma knows it. You didn't have to say I'd told you I'd be right down. Momma heard that and a.s.sumed I was but an hour away from death."
"She wanted to bring up a hot brick, didn't she?"
"Yes!" It came out a little louder than she'd mean, earning her a queer look from Drew. She ignored him, tilting her head closer to Mary's. "Yes. I'm not sure she isn't convinced I still don't need it."
"Sorry, Em. I didn't think that far ahead. I didn't mean for her to come barreling upstairs."
Drew dipped his bacon in the syrup puddling in the middle of his plate. "You both should know better. Momma becomes a nurse at the slightest sniffle. What?" He cast a feigned look of innocence at them both. "You're not as quiet as you think. And besides, you both know better. You both know exactly why she throws herself so headlong into nursing. You shouldn't be all that surprised by it now."
Guilt touched her insides like pins, and she didn't feel the need to keep arguing.
"Now, you do look a little flushed, Em," Drew continued, taking a bite of the bacon before dipping it back into the sticky puddle. "Perhaps Momma should confine you to bed with that brick."
"I'm not sick and I don't need the b.l.o.o.d.y brick!"
As soon as she said it, she wished she could take her words back. That desire intensified as Drew arched one brow and offered up a knowing look as he chewed his bacon. "Flushed and no fever?" he managed around crunches. "Do tell."
Then he swallowed and held up a hand. "On second thought, I don't want to know. I don't want to be in the same room with him-" he pointed his stump of bacon at Garrett, perusing the morning newspaper, oblivious to their conversation "-or even in the same state, if that's an 'I'm in love' flush."
"Perhaps," Garrett broke in over his newspaper, "she was out in the storm last night. Did you go out last night, Em?"
"Stop it," Emma ground out. "I'm not sick. I'm not in love. And I was out, but only briefly, and it has nothing to do with anything. I simply didn't sleep well."
Mary reached for the b.u.t.ter dish to spread some on her toast. "Why not?"
"Because I had strange dreams."
"Strange dreams?" Drew reached for his coffee mug. "Makes perfect sense, as I know I'm always red-faced when I'm dead on my feet. You do realize Momma is going to confine you at any moment, and you're going to spend the next three days cuddling up to that warm chunk of masonry, whether you like it or not. She has that look."
Emma resisted the urge to peer down the table, where her mother sat, most likely sipping her tea and peering back at her. "Does she?"
"Absolutely." Drew's chair squeaked as he rose to refill his plate. "You know the one, where it's like she can see the nasties inside you."
"Wonderful." She also rose and followed him to the sideboard, where breakfast had been laid out. All the while she filled her plate, she swore she could feel her mother's eyes on her back. She sniffed, almost expecting to smell her hair burning or her dress melting.
As she made her way back to her chair, she forced herself to meet her mother's stare. Dear G.o.d, she did have that look. Before the day was over, she'd find herself tucked into her bed, with, as Drew phrased it, "a warm chunk of masonry."
Mary chirped, "Good morning, Mr. McCallister!"
"Good morning, Miss McKenzie, everyone." Julian's low voice sent a shiver down her spine. With her back turned, she didn't know where he looked, but her back felt much warmer than it had only a minute earlier.
The floor creaked behind her and the hairs along the nape of her neck p.r.i.c.kled. Julian's arm brushed her shoulder, sending a shower of tingles spilling through her. A sidelong glance up at him told her his hair was now dry. And he smelled wonderful-like soap and cold winter air.
She pulled her teacup closer and brought the cup to her lips. The mouthful of tea gave her a chance to gather her thoughts. When her wits were sufficiently gathered, she lowered the cup and managed a, "Good morning, Mr. McCallister," that was neither too breathy nor too cheery.
He smiled as he took his seat across from her. "A good morning to you as well, Miss McKenzie. How are you faring on this lovely day?"
Garrett finally looked up from his paper. "Good morning, Julian." His eyes narrowed sharply as he looked from Mary, to Emma, and then to Drew, all innocently sipping or chewing. "What did I miss?"
Drew shrugged, setting down his mug. "Nothing yet. But watch."
Emma shot him a glare. "Just drink your coffee," she muttered. Then, ever mindful of Drew's knowing stare, she managed what she hoped was a normal smile at Julian. Thankfully, her belly remained calm and her nerves steadied. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. "I'm faring just fine today, Mr. McCallister. And yourself?"
"Wonderful." A surrept.i.tious wink accompanied this, and it undid the calmness through her. The b.u.t.terflies flapped wild wings as they flitted about from the pit of her belly up into her throat. She swallowed hard against them, willing them into quiet submission.
"You're awful cheery this morning, McCallister." Garrett folded his newspaper to set alongside his plate. "Spend some time at Molly's, did you?"
"Garrett!" Momma's gasp brought a smile to Emma's lips and a chuckle to Papa's, one he tried to hide behind his hand. Molly's was one place that was rarely brought up in polite conversation, and never at the dining table. But that didn't stop everyone from snickering, even if they were shocked. Even Mary snorted, although she did a fair job of hiding it behind her napkin.
To his credit, Julian simply smiled. "No, McKenzie, I didn't set one foot inside Molly's. I slept well for the first time in months. No bed is as comfortable as one of Stonebridge's."
"I think I might be sick." Drew dabbed at his lips with his napkin.
"Oh, hush," Mary broke in. "He's right. When we go to St. Kitts, I barely sleep a wink on that hard bed I always end up with. The floor is softer."
Emma picked up her fork to poke at her eggs. They were runnier than usual, and not appealing at all. But then her stomach growled to let her know a bit of toast just wasn't enough for a meal. "These beds are comfortable. I hate having to get out of mine."
Was it her imagination, or did Julian groan as he sank into his chair? A faint flush swept over his cheekbones.
Drew must have heard it, too, for he set down his cup to stare pointedly at Julian. "Everything all right over there?"
"Everything's fine." Looking only slightly ruffled, Julian set down his plate and reached for his fork. "I just twisted funny."
It was Papa's turn to affix his stare on Julian, and Emma waited for him to say something. However, all he did was bring his cup up, sipped from it, and then lowered it. "I'm going to attempt to go into town. Does anyone need anything?"
Momma, who was pouring herself a second cup of tea, nodded. "I do. I think I'll go with you."
"Just give me a list, love. I don't want you out in this cold." Papa took a sip of his coffee and added, "Garrett can go with me if it's a long list. And knowing you, it is. I'm going to spend all day in Brunswick, aren't I?"
"Unfair. You make it sound as if I do nothing but shop." Momma's eyes sparkled at his teasing. "And for your information, Mr. McKenzie, there is only one thing on my so-called list. I need more cloves for the wa.s.sail. I'm afraid the guests would riot if I didn't serve it."
"Is that it?" Papa asked.
"You almost sound disappointed," she replied, stirring a bit of cream into her tea. "If you like, I can add much more. I was thinking about redecorating the library and possibly Garrett's chambers."
"What's wrong with Garrett's chambers?" Papa cut off a slice of ham.
"Nothing, that's what." Garrett wiped his mouth then dropped his napkin onto his plate. "They're fine just the way they are, and I'd rather not come home again to find new wallpaper and new draperies. The last time you chose to redecorate, it was months before I found all of my things. And I'm not even sure I have found all of them."
"It would be better if he came home to find all of his belongings somewhere else," Drew chimed, leaning back in his chair, an angelic smile on his face. "Isn't it time you set up your own residence?"
"Why are you so anxious to for me to leave?" Garrett asked. "Am I under your oversized feet? And besides, I don't see you offering to go anywhere."
"Funny. If you haven't noticed, it's miserable out there. Whoever insulted Mother Nature should apologize and fast. Maybe then we'll get the sun back. And if we do, I'll be more than happy to help you look for a new home."
"Or I can help you," Garrett offered with a glower.
"Now, now." Momma clapped her hands, shooting both Drew and Garrett a sharp look. "That's enough bickering. Fair enough, Garrett. I won't touch your chambers. At least, not yet."
Emma sighed. "I don't miss this at all when you're both at sea. It's much quieter then."
"You're just peeved because we all know you don't greet any morning bright-eyed. And yet, today..." His voice trailed off, only to return with a note of triumph in it. "Today, you look almost radiant, sister dear. It's just a bit curious."
A bit of dry toast caught in her throat and she gagged, trying to stave off the cough. It wasn't meant to be, and she sucked in a sharp breath, inhaling even more brittle crumbs. They clogged her throat even worse, and tears flooded her eyes as she hacked and sputtered in desperation to clear her airway.
Whump! Her brother clapped her firmly across the back, and it almost knocked her clean out of her chair. She gasped and wheezed as Drew pounded on her once more.
Finally, the toast cried quarter and she was able to clear her throat with a mouthful of tea. Thankfully it was only tepid. Had it been hot, she'd have begun choking all over again.
"Are you all right, Em? Can you breathe?" Rebecca darted from her chair at the foot of the table and hurried to the far end to crouch before her daughter.
Emma's eyes still watered and her nose began running to shred the last of any dignity she had remaining. Still, she nodded and attempted to wave Momma off. "I'm fine, Momma. Or I will be in a few minutes."
Drew leaned forward, and she blocked him as he moved to clap her on the back again. "No. Don't you dare touch me again, Drew. I think you cracked two bones in my spine and I can't spare any more."
"Sorry, Em. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"I'm fine," she rasped. Her throat ached, feeling scratched and raw in places. She swallowed her tea, which offered only the slightest comfort. She just wanted to drink her tea and survive the rest of this family breakfast without anyone discovering that she and Julian were sharing intimacies that would soon lead them to even more intimacies.
She rubbed her neck and shifted back to find Julian glaring at her brothers. His jaw tightened and he scowled at both Garrett and Drew. But he remained silent. Thank G.o.d for small favors. There would be no way to explain why Julian had suddenly turned on both of his friends.
That made her smile, but she was quick to duck her head to keep it to herself. He wanted to court her. Marriage would be the next step. Her heart skipped that odd little beat as she bent over her plate. Married to Julian. It was all she had ever wanted.
She forced herself back to the discussion over who was going into town.
Momma sighed, rubbing her forehead with one hand. "All of this over cloves? Perhaps I should just go and fetch them myself."
"You'll do no such thing." Papa's eyes narrowed beneath their heavy brows, and he wagged a finger at Momma. "Garrett's already coming and I think Drew should as well."
Drew looked less than enthused, even as he said, "If I must."
"What about Mr. McCallister?" Mary asked, pushing her plate away. "You're going to leave him here, surrounded by females? Do you think that's wise? Or even a nice thing to do to him?"
Julian smiled. "I have business of my own in town. I need to get a letter to Boston and hope Mr. Percival isn't too put off by delaying our meeting. I can only hope he's caught up in Christmas merriment."
Momma waved a hand toward him. "Give me your post, Mr. McCallister. Captain McKenzie can see that it gets on the mail boat to Boston."
"Thank you, Mrs. McKenzie. I'd greatly appreciate it. I'll get it after breakfast."
And for the remainder of the meal, the bantering faded as one by one, Papa, Garrett, and Drew finished and left their plates for the maid.
Emma breathed a silent sigh of relief when Julian set his coffee cup down and rose.
"If you will excuse me, I'll get that letter for you, Mrs. McKenzie. A good morning to you, ladies."