The Man of the World (1792) Part 9

_Lord Lum_. Why, as I was drinking my coffee with the women just now, I desired they would fix the wedding night, and the etiquette of the ceremony; upon which the girl burst into a loud laugh, telling me she supposed I was joking, for that Mr. Egerton had never yet given her a single glance or hint upon the subject.

_Sir Per_. My lord, I have been just now talking to him about his shyness to the lady.

_Enter_ TOMLINS..

_Tom_. Counsellor Plausible is come, sir, and serjeant Eitherside.

_Sir Per_. Why then we can settle the business this very evening, my lord.

_Lord Lum_. As well as in seven years: and, to make the way as short as possible, pray, Mr. Tomlins, present your master's compliments and mine to Lady Rodolpha, and let her ladyship know we wish to speak with her directly: [_Exit_ Tomlins.]--He shall attack her this instant, Sir Pertinax.

_Sir Per_. Ay! this is doing business effectually, my lord.

_Lord Lum_. O! I will pit them in a moment, Sir Pertinax,--that will bring them into the heat of the action at once, and save a great deal of awkwardness on both sides. O! here your dulcinea comes, sir.

_Enter Lady_ RODOLPHA, _singing, a music paper in her hand._

_Lady Rod_. I have been learning this air of Constantia: I protest, her touch on the harpsichord is quite brilliant, and really her voice not amiss. Weel, Sir Pertinax, I attend your commands, and yours, my paternal lord. [_Lady_ Rod. _curtsies very low; my lord bows very low, and answers in the same tone and manner._]

_Lord Lum_. Why, then, my filial lady, we are to inform you that the commission for your ladyship and this enamoured cavalier, commanding you to serve your country, jointly and inseparably, in the honourable and forlorn hope of matrimony, is to be signed this very evening.

_Lady Rod_. This evening, my lord!

_Lord Lum_. This evening, my lady. Come, Sir Pertinax, let us leave them to settle their liveries, wedding-suits, carriages, and all their amorous equipage, for the nuptial campaign.

_Sir Per_. Ha, ha, ha! excellent! excellent! weel, I vow, my lord, you are a great officer:--this is as guid a manoeuvre to bring on a rapid engagement as the ablest general of them aw could have started.

_Lord Lum_. Ay, ay! leave them together; they'll soon come to a right understanding, I warrant you, or the needle and loadstone have lost their sympathy. [_Exit Lord_ Lum. _and Sir_ Per.

[_Lady_ Rodolpha _stands at that side of the Stage, where they went off, in amazement:_ Egerton _is at the opposite side, who, after some anxious emotion, settles into a deep reflection:--this part of the scene must be managed by a nice whispering tone of self-conversation mutually observed by the Lovers._]

_Lady Rod_. [_Aside._] Why, this is downright tyranny! it has quite dampt my spirits; and my betrothed, yonder, seems planet-struck too, I think.

_Eger_. [_Aside._] A whimsical situation, mine!

_Lady Rod_. [_Aside._] Ha, ha, ha! methinks we look like a couple of cautious generals, that are obliged to take the field, but neither of us seems willing to come till action.

_Eger_. [_Aside._] I protest, I know not how to address her.

_Lady Rod_. [_Aside._] He will nai advance, I see: what am I to do in this affair? guid traith, I will even do, as I suppose many brave heroes have done before me,--clap a guid face upon the matter, and so conceal an aching heart under a swaggering countenance.

[_As she advances, she points at him, and smothers a laugh; but when she speaks to him, the tone must be_ loud, _and rude on the word_ Sir.]

_Sir_, as we have,--by the commands of our guid fathers, a business of some little consequence to transact,--I hope you will excuse my taking the liberty of recommending a chair till you, for the repose of your body--in the embarra.s.sed deliberation of your perturbed spirits.

_Eger_. [_Greatly embarra.s.sed._] Madam, I beg your pardon. [_Hands her a chair, then one for himself._] Please to sit, madam. [_They sit down with great ceremony: she sits down first. He sits at a distance from her. They are silent for some time. He coughs, hems, and adjusts himself. She mimicks him._]

_Lady Rod_. [_Aside._] Aha! he's resolved not to come too near till me, I think.

_Eger_. [_Aside._] A pleasant interview, this--hem, hem!

_Lady Rod_. [_Aside, mimicks him to herself._] Hem! he will not open the congress, I see.--Then I will.--[_very loud._] _Come, sir_, when will you begin?

_Eger_. [_Greatly surprised._] Begin! what, madam?

_Lady Rod_. To make love till me.

_Eger_. Love, madam!

_Lady Rod_. Ay, love, sir.--Why, you have never said a word till me on the subject,--nor cast a single glance at me,--nor heaved one tender sigh,--nor even secretly squeezed my loof:--now, sir, thof our fathers are so tyrannical as to dispose of us without the consent of our hearts;--yet you, sir, I hope, have more humanity than to think of marrying me without administering some of the preliminaries, usual on those occasions:--if not till my understanding and sentiments, yet till the vanity of my s.e.x, at least, I hope you will pay some little tribute of ceremony and adulation: that, I think, I have a right to expect.

_Eger_. Madam, I own your reproach is just:--I shall therefore no longer disguise my sentiments, but fairly let you know my heart.

_Lady Rod_. [_Starts up, and runs to him._] That's right,--that is right, cousin;--honourably and affectionately right;--that is what I like of aw things in my swain.--Ay, ay, cousin--open your mind frankly till me, as a true lover shou'd.--But sit you down--sit you down again: I shall return your frankness and your pa.s.sion, cousin, with a melting tenderness, equal till the amorous enthusiasm of an ancient heroine.

_Eger_. Madam, if you will hear me----

_Lady Rod_. But, remember, you must begin with fervency,--and a most rapturous vehemency:--for you are to consider, cousin, that our match is nai to arise fra the union of hearts, and a long decorum of ceremonious courtship;--but is instantly to start at once--out of necessity, or mere accident;--ha, ha, ha! like a match in an ancient romance,--where you ken, cousin,--the knight and the damsel are mutually smitten and dying for each other at first sight,--or by an amorous sympathy before they exchange a single glance.

_Eger_. Dear madam, you entirely mistake----

_Lady Rod_. And our fathers,--ha, ha, ha! our fathers are to be the dark magicians that are to fascinate our hearts and conjure us together, whether we will or not.

_Eger_. Ridiculous!

_Lady Rod_. So now, cousin, with the true romantic enthusiasm,--you are to suppose me the lady of the enchanted castle, and you--ha, ha, ha! you are to be the knight of the sorrowful countenance--ha, ha, ha! and, upon honour--you look the character admirably;--ha, ha, ha!

_Eger_. Rude trifling creature!

_Lady Rod_. Come, sir,--why do you nai begin to ravish me with your valour, your vows, your knight errantry, and your amorous phrenzy.--Nay, nay, nay! guin you do nai begin at once, the lady of the enchanted castle will vanish in a twinkling.

_Eger_. Lady Rodolpha, I know your talent for raillery well;--but at present, in my case, there is a kind of cruelty in it.

_Lady Rod_. Raillery! upon honour, cousin, you mistake me quite and clean.--I am serious--very serious;--ay, and I have cause to be serious;-- nay, I will submit my case even till yourself. [_Whines_.] Can any poor la.s.sy be in a more lamentable condition, than to be sent four hundred miles, by the command of a positive grandmother, to marry a man, who I find has no more affection for me,--than if I had been his wife these seven years.

_Eger_. Madam, I am extremely sorry----

_Lady Rod_. [_Cries and sobs_.] But it is vary weel, cousin.--I see your unkindness and aversion plain enough,--and, sir, I must tell you fairly, you are the ainly man that ever slighted my person,--or that drew tears fra these een.--But--it is vary weel--it's vary weel--I will return till Scotland to-morrow morning, and let my grandmother know how I have been affronted by your slights, your contempts, and your aversions.

_Eger_. If you are serious, madam, your distress gives me a deep concern;--but affection is not in our power; and when you know that my heart is irrecoverably given to another woman, I think, your understanding and good nature will not only pardon my past coldness and neglect of you,--but forgive me when I tell you, I never can have that honour which is intended me,--by a connection with your ladyship.

_Lady Rod_. [_Starting up_.] How, sir!--are you serious?

_Eger_. [_Rises_.] Madam, I am too deeply interested, both as a man of honour and a lover, to act otherwise with you on so tender a subject.

_Lady Rod_. And so you persist in slighting me?

_Eger_. I beg your pardon, madam; but I must be explicit, and at once declare--that I never can give my hand where I cannot give my heart.

_Lady Rod_. [_In great anger_.] Why then, sir, I must tell you, that your declaration is sic an affront as nai woman of spirit can, or ought to bear:--and here I make a solemn vow, never to pardon it, but on one condition.