The Man of the World (1792) Part 12

_Sir Per_. Vary weel, sir! vary weel! the fellow is beside himself!

_Eger_. But to be a common barker at envied power--to beat the drum of faction, and sound the trumpet of insidious patriotism, only to displace a rival,--or to be a servile voter in proud corruption's filthy train,--to market out my voice, my reason, and my trust, to the party-broker, who best can promise, or pay for prost.i.tution; these, sir, are services my nature abhors,--for they are such a malady to every kind of virtue, as must in time destroy the fairest const.i.tution that ever wisdom framed, or virtuous liberty fought for.

_Sir Per_. Why, are you mad, sir? you have certainly been bit by some mad whig or other: but now, sir, after aw this foul-mouthed frenzy, and patriotic vulgar intemperance, suppose we were to ask you a plain question or twa: Pray, what single instance can you, or any man, give of the political vice or corruption of these days, that has nai been practised in the greatest states, and in the most virtuous times? I challenge you to give me a single instance.

_Eger_. Your pardon, sir--it is a subject I wish to decline: you know, sir, we never can agree about it.

_Sir Per_. Sir, I insist upon an answer.

_Eger_. I beg you will excuse me, sir.

_Sir Per_. I will not excuse you, sir. I insist.

_Eger_. Then, sir, in obedience, and with your patience, I will answer your question.

_Sir Per_. Ay! ay! I will be patient, never fear: come, let us have it, let us have it.

_Eger_. You shall; and now, sir, let prejudice, the rage of party, and the habitual insolence of successful vice--pause but for one moment,--and let religion, laws, power herself, the policy of a nation's virtue, and Britain's guardian genius, take a short, impartial retrospect but of one transaction, notorious in this land,--then must they behold yeomen, freemen, citizens, artizans, divines, courtiers, patriots, merchants, soldiers, sailors, and the whole plebeian tribe, in septennial procession, urged and seduced by the contending great ones of the land to the altar of perjury,--with the bribe in one hand, and the evangelist in the other,--impiously, and audaciously affront the Majesty of Heaven, by calling him to witness that they have not received, nor ever will receive, reward or consideration for his suffrage.--Is not this a fact, sir? Can it be denied? Can it be believed by those who know not Britain? Or can it be matched in the records of human policy?--Who then, sir, that reflects one moment, as a Briton or a Christian, on this picture, would be conducive to a people's infamy and a nation's ruin?

_Sir Per_. Sir, I have heard your rhapsody with a great deal of patience!

and great astonishment,--and you are certainly beside yourself. What the devil business have you to trouble your head about the sins or the Souls of other men? You should leave these matters till the clergy, wha are paid for looking after them; and let every man gang till the devil his ain way: besides, it is nai decent to find fault with what is winked at by the whole nation--nay, and practised by aw parties.

_Eger_. That, sir, is the very shame, the ruin I complain of.

_Sir Per_. Oh! you are vary young, vary young in these matters, but experience will convince you, sir, that every man in public business has twa consciences,--a religious, and a political conscience. Why, you see a merchant now, or a shop-keeper, that kens the science of the world, always looks upon an oath at a custom-house, or behind a counter, only as an oath in business, a thing of course, a mere thing of course, that has nothing to do with religion;--and just so it is at an election:--for instance now--I am a candidate, pray observe, and I gang till a periwig-maker, a hatter, or a hosier, and I give ten, twenty, or thraty guineas for a periwig, a hat, or a pair of hose; and so on, thro' a majority of voters;--vary weel;--what is the consequence? Why, this commercial intercourse, you see, begets a friendship betwixt us, a commercial friendship--and, in a day or twa these men gang and give me their suffrages; weel! what is the inference? Pray, sir, can you, or any lawyer, divine, or casuist, cawl this a bribe? Nai, sir, in fair political reasoning, it is ainly generosity on the one side, and grat.i.tude on the other. So, sir, let me have nai mair of your religious or philosophical refinements, but prepare, attend, and speak till the question, or you are nai son of mine. Sir, I insist upon it.

_Enter_ SAM.

_Sam_. Sir, my lord says the writings are now ready, and his lordship and the lawyers are waiting for you and Mr. Egerton.

_Sir Per_. Vary weel: we'll attend his lordship. [_Exit_ Sam.] I tell you, Charles, aw this conscientious refinement in politics is downright ignorance, and impracticable romance; and, sir, I desire I may hear no more of it. Come, sir, let us gang down and finish this business.

_Eger_. [_Stopping Sir_ Per. _as he is going off,_] Sir, with your permission, I beg you will first hear a word or two upon this subject.

_Sir Per_. Weel, sir, what would you say?

_Eger_. I have often resolved to let you know my aversion to this match.--

_Sir Per_. How, sir!

_Eger_. But my respect, and fear of disobliging you, have hitherto kept me silent--

_Sir Per_. Your aversion! your aversion, sir! how dare you use sic language till me? Your aversion! Look you, sir, I shall cut the matter vary short:--consider, my fortune is nai inheritance; aw mine ain acquisition: I can make ducks and drakes of it; so do not provoke me, but sign the articles directly.

_Eger_. I beg your pardon, sir, but I must be free on this occasion, and tell you at once, that I can no longer dissemble the honest pa.s.sion that fills my heart for another woman.

_Sir Per_. How! another woman! and, you villain, how dare you love another woman without my leave? But what other woman--wha is she? Speak, sir, speak.

_Eger_. Constantia.

_Sir Per_. Constantia! oh, you profligate! what! a creature taken in for charity!

_Eger_. Her poverty is not her crime, sir, but her misfortune: her birth is equal to the n.o.blest; and virtue, tho' covered with a village garb, is virtue still; and of more worth to me than all the splendor of ermined pride or redundant wealth. Therefore, sir--

_Sir Per_. Haud your jabbering, you villain, haud your jabbering; none of your romance or refinement till me. I have but one question to ask you--but one question--and then I have done with you for ever, for ever; therefore think before you answer:--Will you marry the lady, or will you break my heart?

_Eger_. Sir, my presence shall not offend you any longer: but when reason and reflection take their turn, I am sure you will not be pleased with yourself for this unpaternal pa.s.sion. [_Going._

_Sir Per_. Tarry, I command you; and, I command you likewise not to stir till you have given me an answer, a definitive answer: Will you marry the lady, or will you not?

_Eger_. Since you command me, sir, know then, that I can not, will not marry her. [_Exit._

_Sir Per_. Oh! the villain has shot me thro' the head! he has cut my vitals! I shall run distracted;--the fellow destroys aw my measures--aw my schemes:--there never was sic a bargain as I have made with this foolish lord,--possession of his whole estate, with three boroughs upon it--six members--Why, what an acquisition! what consequence! what dignity! what weight till the house of Macsycophant! O! d.a.m.n the fellow! three boroughs, only for sending down six broomsticks.--O! miserable! miserable! ruined!

undone! For these five and twanty years, ever since this fellow came intill the world, have I been secretly preparing him for ministerial dignity,--and with the fellow's eloquence, abilities, popularity, these boroughs, and proper connections, he might certainly, in a little time, have done the deed; and sure never were times so favorable, every thing conspires, for aw the auld political post-horses are broken-winded and foundered, and cannot get on; and as till the rising generation, the vanity of surpa.s.sing one another in what they foolishly call taste and elegance, binds them hand and foot in the chains of luxury, which will always set them up till the best bidder; so that if they can but get wherewithal to supply their dissipation, a minister may convert the political morals of aw sic voluptuaries intill a vote that would sell the nation till Prester John, and their boasted liberties till the great Mogul;--and this opportunity I shall lose by my son's marrying a vartuous beggar for love:--O! confound her vartue! it will drive me distracted.

[_Exit._

END OF THE FOURTH ACT.

_ACT V. SCENE I_.

_Enter Sir_ PERTINAX, _and_ BETTY HINT.

_Sir Per_. Come this way, Betty--come this way:--you are a guid girl, and I will reward you for this discovery.--O the villain! offer her marriage!

_Bet_. It is true, indeed, sir;--I wou'd not tell your honour a lie for the world: but in troth it lay upon my conscience, and I thought it my duty to tell your worship.

_Sir Per_. You are right--you are right;--it was your duty to tell me, and I'll reward you for it. But you say Maister Sidney is in love with her too.--Pray how came you by that intelligence?

_Bet_. O! sir, I know when folks are in love, let them strive to hide it as much as they will.--I know it by Mr. Sidney's eyes, when I see him stealing a sly side-look at her,--by his trembling,--his breathing short,--his sighing when they are reading together. Besides, sir, he has made love-verses upon her in praise of her virtue, and her playing upon the music.--Ay! and I suspect: another thing, sir,--she has a sweetheart, if not a husband, not far from hence.

_Sir Per_. Wha? Constantia?

_Bet_. Ay, Constantia, sir.--Lord! I can know the whole affair, sir, only for sending over to Hadley, to farmer Hilford's youngest daughter, Sukey Hilford.

_Sir Per_. Then send this instant and get me a particular account of it.

_Bet_. That I will, sir.

_Sir Per_. In the mean time, keep a strict watch upon Constantia,--and be sure you bring me word of whatever new matter you can pick up about her, my son, or this Hadley husband or sweetheart.

_Bet_. Never fear, sir. [_Exit._

_Sir Per_. This love of Sidney's for Constantia is not unlikely.--There is something promising in it.--Yes! I think it is nai impossible to convert it intill a special and immediate advantage. It is but trying.

Wha's there?--If it misses, I am but where I was. [_Enter_ Tomlins.] Where is Maister Sidney?