The Lincoln Story Book Part 44

"That review yonder," returned Lincoln gently, as he smiled, "is about as big as ours!"--(By General O. O. Howard.)

REST!

Sitting before his desk in his office, at the White House, Lincoln quaintly uttered: "I wish George Washington or some of those old patriots were here in my place so that I could have a little rest."--(Heard by General Viele.)

"I CAN BEAR CENSURE, BUT NOT INSULT!"

An army officer appeared before the President with a statement of his defense against a sentence of cashiering. He was told that his own paper did not warrant the superior interference. But he showed up twice more, repeating the plea and the version of his own preparation.

At the continued repulse he blurted out:

"I see, Mr. President, that you are not disposed to do me justice!"

If Lincoln was the embodiment of any one virtue it was justice to all.

At this slur he sprang up and put the fellow out of the door by a lift of his collar, saying:

"Never show yourself in this room again! I can bear censure, but not insult!"

A BATTLE OF ROSES.

At every reverse to the Unionists, the more or less secret sympathizers with the seceders reiterated the cry that gentler measures should be used against "our erring brothers." To one such pleader, the President severely, but humorously, responded, in writing:

"Would you have me drop the war where it is, or would you prosecute it in future with elder-stalk squirts charged with rose-water?"

Mr. Lincoln may or may not have said this and thus--but he certainly _wrote_ it, for which see his letter to C. Bullitt, July 28, 1862. Guns of elder squirts are mentioned by his dear Shakespeare.

"HELP ME LET GO!"

The year 1862 had its gold in the victories of Murfreesboro and Perryville in the West, but in the neighborhood of the capital General Burnside's defeat at Fredericksburg, while his supporters counted on his justifying his superseding McClellan, clouded all Washington. The staff-officer [Footnote: An account says it was Governor Curtin in person.] who brought the painful news saw that the President was so saddened that he faltered an apology for the nature of his mission.

"I wish, Mr. President, that I might be the bearer of good instead of bad news--I wish I brought the intelligence by which you could conquer or get rid of these rebellious States!"

His hearer smiled at the essay to cheer him, who believed he would "never sleep again," and related, with a view to enliven him also, the story of "Help me let go."

The version, circulating viva voce, ran as follows:

"That reminds me of the camp where a bear suddenly made his appearance and scattered the party. All save one shinned up trees, or got behind rocks, and that one meeting the animal head on, before he could turn, seized bruin by the ears and held on 'like grim death to a dead n.i.g.g.e.r.'

"Recovering from their fright the hunters came out of ambush and were unable to do anything but laugh at the fix their friend was in.

"'You ain't mastered, are you?' asked they.

"'Not licked, but I want you to help me let go!'"

Mr. Lincoln expressed himself when he said he was slow to learn and slow to forget; the two qualities are redeemed by his wonderful ease and quickness in remembering. To quote well is good, but to quote fitly is better. His intimates noticed that he would reecho a story--a simile or a tag--and so neatly apply it that it seemed fresh on the second use. He was an admirable actor, though not appreciated in that light; for he could reappear in the same part without palling. Hence one often meets his stories, as, for instance, this one. His life law partner, Herndon, tells it as used toward a petty judge, in Illinois, of inferior ability to Lincoln's. It was a murder case, and this bully on the bench kept ruling against Herndon and Lincoln. A material point was ruled adversely just at the refreshment recess. Lincoln withdrew sore, as he believed that the judge was personally controverting his positions. He avowed his own feelings, and announced:

"I have determined to _crowd_ the court to the wall and regain my position before night."

As Judge Herndon was a bystander, his account of the further proceedings must be as faithful as veracious:

"At the rea.s.sembling of court, Mr. Lincoln rose to read a few authorities in support of his position, keeping within the bounds of propriety just far enough to avoid a reprimand. He characterized the continuous rulings against him as not only unjust but foolish, and, figuratively speaking, peeled the court from head to foot.... Lincoln was alternately furious and eloquent, and after pursuing the court with broad facts and pointed inquiries in rapid succession, he made use of this homely incident to clinch his argument."

(The tale is given as about a wild boar. In either phrase, the point is that the judge was attached to his Tartar and wanted to be let go!)

"The prosecution tried in vain to break Lincoln down," concludes Mr.

Herndon, "and the judge, badgered effectually by Lincoln's masterly arraignment of law and fact, pretended to see the error of his former position, and finally reversed his decision in his tormentor's favor.

Lincoln saw his triumph and surveyed a situation of which he was master."

SPLITTING THE DIFFERENCE.

Upon the Western Virginia Stateship Bill pa.s.sing in Congress, an opponent, Mr. Carlisle, ran to the President. He urged him to veto the bill.

"Well, I'll tell you what I'll do: I'll split the difference and say nothing about it!"--(Frank Moore.)

IN THE INCA'S POSITION.

Long after the President reconsidered his hasty surmise that the impending war was "artificial crisis," Congress continued to waver, and no one put forward a definite and working policy for the head who avowed that he never had one. In his despondency and lonesomeness, he welcomed an old friend from his State, who, however, like the rest, had his frets and rubs to seek solace for.

"You know better than any man living that, from my boyhood up, my ambition was to be President. I am, at least, President of one part of the divided country; but look at me! With a fire in my front and one in my rear to contend with, and not receiving that cordial cooperative support from Congress, reasonably expected, with an active and formidable enemy in the field threatening the very life-blood of the government, my position is anything but on a bed of roses."