The Legend of Ulenspiegel Volume Ii Part 67

And Lamme, speaking to the monk:

"Wilt thou still say, 'big man'? Thou art bigger than I. Who made thee seven meals a day? I. Whence cometh it, bawler, that now thou art quieter, milder towards the poor Beggars?"

And continuing further:

"If thou dost stay another year encaged, thou wilt not be able to come out again: thy cheeks quiver like pork jelly when thou dost move: thou criest no longer already; soon thou wilt not be able to breathe."

"Hold thy peace, big man," said the monk.

"Big man," said Lamme, becoming furious; "I am Lamme Goedzak, thou art Broer Dikzak, Vetzak, Leugenzak, Slokkenzak, Wulpszak, the friar big sack, grease sack, lying sack, cram sack, l.u.s.t sack: thou hast four fingers deep of fat under thy skin, thy eyes can be seen no longer: Ulenspiegel and I would both lodge comfortably within the cathedral of thy belly! Thou didst call me big man; wilt thou have a mirror to study thy Bellyness? 'Tis I that fed thee, thou monument of flesh and bone. I have sworn that thou wouldst spit grease, sweat grease, and leave behind thee spots of grease like a candle melting in the sun. They say that apoplexy cometh with the seventh chin; thou hast five and a half by now."

Then to the Beggars:

"Look at this lecher! 'tis Broer Cornelis Adriaensen Rascalsen, of Bruges: there he preached the new modesty. His grease is his punishment; his grease is my work. Hear now, all ye sailors and soldiers: I am about to leave you, to leave thee, thee, Ulenspiegel, to leave thee, too, thee, little Nele, to go to Flushing where I have property, to live there with my poor wife that I have found again. Of yore ye took an oath to grant me all that I might ask of you...."

"On the word of the Beggars," said they.

"Then," said Lamme, "look on this lecher, this Broer Adriaensen Rascalsen of Bruges; I swore to make him die of fatness like a hog; construct a wider cage, force him to take twelve meals a day instead of seven; give him a rich and sugared diet: he is like an ox already; see that he be like an elephant, and ye will soon see him fill the cage."

"We shall fatten him," said they.

"And now," went on Lamme, speaking to the monk, "I bid thee also adieu, rascal, thee whom I cause to be fed monkishly instead of having thee hanged: grow in grease and in apoplexy."

Then taking his wife Calleken in his arms:

"Look, growl or bellow, I take her from thee; thou shalt whip her never more."

But the monk, falling in a fury and speaking to Calleken:

"Thou art going away then, carnal woman, to the bed of l.u.s.t! Aye, thou goest without pity for the poor martyr for the word of G.o.d, that taught thee the holy, sweet, celestial discipline. Be accursed! May no priest give thee absolution; may earth be burning underneath thy feet; may sugar be salt to thee; may beef be as dead dog to thee; may thy bread be ashes; may the sun be ice to thee, and the snow h.e.l.l fire; may thy child-bearing be accursed; may thy children be detestable; may they have the bodies of apes, pigs' heads greater than their bellies; mayst thou suffer, weep, moan in this world and in the other, in the h.e.l.l that awaits thee, the h.e.l.l of sulphur and bitumen kindled for females such as thou art. Thou didst refuse my fatherly love: be thrice accursed by the Blessed Trinity, seven times accursed by the candlesticks of the Ark; may confession be to thee d.a.m.nation; may the Host to thee be mortal poison, and may every paving stone in the church rise up to crush thee and say to thee: 'This woman is the fornicator, this woman is accursed, this woman is d.a.m.ned'."

And Lamme, rejoicing, jumping for joy, said:

"She was faithful; he said it, the monk: hurrah for Calleken!"

But she, weeping and trembling:

"Remove it," she said, "my man, remove this curse from over me. I see h.e.l.l! Remove the curse!"

"Take off the curse," said Lamme.

"I will not, big man," rejoined the monk.

And the woman remained all pale and swooning, and on her knees with hands folded she besought Broer Adriaensen.

And Lamme said to the monk:

"Take off thy curse, else thou shalt hang, and if the rope breaks because of thy weight, thou shalt be hanged again and again until death ensues."

"Hanged and hanged again," said the Beggars.

"Then," said the monk to Calleken, "go, wanton, go with this big man; go, I lift my curse from thee, but G.o.d and all the saints will have their eyes upon thee; go with this big man, go."

And he held his peace, sweating and puffing.

Suddenly Lamme cried out:

"He puffs, he puffs! I see the sixth chin; at the seventh 'tis apoplexy! And now," said he to the Beggars:

"I commend you to G.o.d, thou Ulenspiegel; to G.o.d, you all my good friends, to G.o.d, thou Nele; to G.o.d the holy inspirer of liberty: I can do no more for her cause."

Then having given all and taken from all the kiss of parting, he said to his wife Calleken:

"Come, it is the hour for lawful loves."

While the boat was slipping over the water, carrying off Lamme and his beloved, he in the stern, soldiers, sailors, and cabin boys all called out, waving their caps: "Adieu, brother; adieu, Lamme; adieu, brother, brother and friend."

And Nele said to Ulenspiegel, taking a tear from out the corner of his eye with her dainty finger:

"Thou art sad, my beloved?"

"He was a good fellow," said he.

"Ah!" said she, "this war will never end; shall we be forced to live forever in blood and in tears?"

"Let us seek out the Seven," said Ulenspiegel: "it draws nigh, the hour of deliverance."

Following Lamme's behest, the Beggars fattened the monk in his cage. When he was set at liberty, in consideration of ransom, he weighed three hundred and seventeen pounds and five ounces, Flemish weight.

And he died prior of his convent.

VIII

At this time the States General a.s.sembled at The Hague to pa.s.s judgment upon Philip, King of Spain, Count of Flanders, of Holland, etc., according to the charters and privileges consented to by him.

And the clerk of the court spake as follows:

"It is to all men of common knowledge that a prince of any land so ever is established by G.o.d as sovereign and chief of his subjects that he may defend them and preserve them from all wrong, oppression, and violence, even as a shepherd is ordained for the defence and keeping of his sheep. It is in like manner known that subjects are not created by G.o.d for the use of the prince, to be obedient unto him in whatsoever he commandeth, be it seemly or unseemly, just or unjust, nor to serve in the manner of slaves. But the prince is a prince for his subjects, without which he could not be, to govern them in accordance with right and reason, to maintain and love them as a father doth his children, as a shepherd doth his sheep, hazarding his life to defend them; if he doth not so, he must needs be held for no prince but a tyrant. Philip the king hath launched upon us, by calling up of soldiers, by bulls of crusade and of excommunication, four armies of foreigners. What shall be his punishment, by virtue of the laws and customs of the country?"

"Let him be deposed," replied the States.

"Philip hath played false to his oaths: he hath forgot the services we rendered him, the victories we aided him to win. Seeing that we were rich, he left us to be pillaged and put to ransom by the Council of Spain."

"Let him be deposed as ungrateful and a robber," replied the States.