The Legend of the Glorious Adventures of Tyl Ulenspiegel in the land of Flanders Part 17

"Of a truth you are a very talkative fellow," said the Landgrave, looking him up and down.

"May it please your Lordship," answered Ulenspiegel, "Jef--my donkey--has dined most excellently well on thistles, but as for me I have seen nothing but misery these three days past, and have had nothing to nourish me but the mists of expectation."

"You shall soon have some better fare than that," answered the Landgrave. "But where is this donkey of yours?"

"I left him on the Grande Place," Ulenspiegel said, "opposite the palace; and I should be most obliged if he could be given lodging for the night--some straw and a little fodder."

The Landgrave immediately gave instructions to one of his pages that Ulenspiegel's donkey should be treated even as his own.

The hour for supper soon arrived, and the meal was like a wedding festival. Hot meats smoked in the dishes, wine flowed like water, while Ulenspiegel and the Landgrave grew both as red as burning coals. Ulenspiegel also became very merry, but His Highness was somewhat pensive even in his cups.

"Our painter," said he suddenly, "will have to paint our portrait. For it is a great satisfaction to a mortal prince to bequeath to his descendants the memory of his countenance."

"Sir Landgrave," answered Ulenspiegel, "your will is my pleasure. Nevertheless, I cannot help feeling sorry at the thought that if your Lordship is painted by himself he will feel lonely, perhaps, all there in solitary state through the ages to come. Surely he should be accompanied by his n.o.ble wife, Madame the Landgravine, by her lords and ladies, and by his captains and most warlike officers of State. In the midst of these, my Lord and his Lady will shine like twin suns surrounded by lanterns."

"Well, painter mine, and how much shall I have to pay you for this mighty work?"

"One hundred florins, either now or later, just as you will."

"Here they are, in advance," said the Landgrave.

"Most compa.s.sionate master," said Ulenspiegel as he took the money, "you have filled my lamp with oil, and now it shall burn bright in your honour."

On the next day Ulenspiegel asked the Landgrave to let him see those persons who were to have the honour of being painted. And first there came before him the Duke of Luneburg, commander of the infantry of the Landgrave. He was a stout man who carried with difficulty his great paunch swollen with food. He went up to Ulenspiegel and whispered in his ear:

"When you paint my portrait see that you take off half my fat at least. Else will I order my soldiers to have you hung."

The Duke pa.s.sed on. And next there came a n.o.ble lady with a hump on her back and a bosom as flat as a sword-blade.

"Sir painter," said she, "unless you remove the hump on my back and give me a couple of others in the place where they should be, verily I will have you drawn and quartered as if you were a prisoner."

The lady went away, and now there appeared a young maid of honour, fair, fresh, and comely, only that she lacked three teeth under her upper lip.

"Sir painter," said she, "if you do not paint me smiling and showing through my parted lips a perfect set of teeth, I'll have you chopped up into small pieces at the hands of my gallant. There he is, look at him."

And she pointed to that Captain of Artillery who a while ago had been playing dice on the palace steps. And she went her way.

The procession continued, until at last Ulenspiegel was left alone with the Landgrave.

The Landgrave said to him:

"My friend, let me warn you that if your painting has the misfortune to be inaccurate or false to all these various physiognomies by so much as a single feature, I will have your throat cut as if you were a chicken."

"If I am to have my head cut off," thought Ulenspiegel, "if I am to be drawn and quartered, chopped up into small pieces, and finally hung, I should do better to paint no portrait at all. I must consider what is best to be done."

"And where is the hall," he asked the Landgrave, "which I am to adorn with all these likenesses!"

"Follow me," said the Landgrave. And he brought him to a large room with great bare walls.

"This is the hall," he said.

"I should be very grateful," said Ulenspiegel, "if some curtains could be hung right along the walls, so that my paintings may be protected from the flies and the dust."

"Certainly," said the Landgrave.

When the curtains had been hung as directed, Ulenspiegel asked if he might have three apprentices to help him with the mixing of his colours.

This was done, and for thirty days Ulenspiegel and the apprentices spent the whole of their time feasting and carousing together, with every extravagance of meat and drink. And the Landgrave looked on at it all. But at last on the thirty-first day he came and thrust his nose in at the door of the chamber where Ulenspiegel had begged him not to enter.

"Well, Tyl," he said, "and where are the portraits?"

"They are not finished," answered Ulenspiegel.

"When shall I be able to see them?"

"Not just yet," said Ulenspiegel.

On the six-and-thirtieth day the Landgrave again thrust his nose inside the door.

"Well, Tyl," he inquired, "how now?"

"Ah, Sir Landgrave," said Ulenspiegel, "the portraits are getting on."

On the sixtieth day the Landgrave grew very angry, and coming right into the room:

"Show me the pictures at once!" he cried.

"I will do so," answered Ulenspiegel, "but pray have the kindness not to draw the curtain until you have summoned hither the lords and captains and ladies of your court."

"Very well," said the Landgrave, and at his command the aforesaid notabilities appeared. Ulenspiegel took up his stand in front of the curtain, which was still carefully drawn.

"My Lord Landgrave," he said, "and you, Madame the Landgravine, and you my Lord of Luneburg, and you others, fine ladies and valiant captains, know that behind this curtain have I portrayed to the best of my abilities your faces, every one warlike or gentle as the case may be. It will be quite easy for each one of you to recognize himself. And that you are anxious to see yourselves is only natural. But I pray you have patience and suffer me to speak a word or two before the curtain is drawn. Know this, fair ladies and valiant captains; all you that are of n.o.ble blood shall behold my paintings and rejoice. But if there be among you any that is of low or humble birth, such an one will see nothing but a blank wall. So there! And now, have the goodness to open wide your n.o.ble eyes."

And so saying, Ulenspiegel drew the curtain.

"Remember," said he again, "only they of n.o.ble birth can see my pictures, whether they be lords or ladies." And again, presently: "He of low birth is blind to my pictures But he who clearly sees, that man is a n.o.bleman without a doubt."

At that every one present opened wide his eyes, pretending--you may be sure--to see, and feigning to recognize the various faces and pointing themselves out to one another, though in reality they beheld nothing at all but a bare wall. And for this they were each and all secretly ashamed.

Suddenly the court jester, who was standing by, jumped three feet in the air and jaggled his bells.

"Take me for a villain," he cried, "a most villainous villain, but I verily will affirm and a.s.sert and say with trumpets and fanfares that there I see a wall, a blank, white wall, and nothing but a wall, so help me G.o.d and his saints!"

Ulenspiegel said:

"When fools 'gin talking, time for wise men to be walking."

And he was about to leave the palace when the Landgrave stopped him.