The Ladies Book of Useful Information Part 15

It would probably be interesting to many to describe the marriage ceremonies observed by different nations, but to enter into a descriptive detail would occupy too much s.p.a.ce. It is sufficient to say that while some wives are wooed and won, others are bought and sold; while in some countries the husband brings the wife to his home, in others, as in Formosa, the daughter brings her husband to her father's house, and he is considered one of the family, while the sons, upon marriage, leave the family forever. In civilized countries, the ceremonies are either ministerial or magisterial, and are more or less religious in character; while in others, less civilized, the gaining of a wife depends upon a foot-race, in which the female has the start of one-third the distance of the course, as is the custom in Lapland. In Caffraria, the lover must first fight himself into the affections of his ladylove, and if he defeats all his rivals she becomes his wife without further ceremony. Among the Congo tribes, a wife is taken upon trial for a year, and if not suited to the standard of taste of the husband, he returns her to her patents. In Persia, the wife's status depends upon her fruitfulness; if she be barren, she can be put aside. In the same country they have also permanent marriages and marriages for a certain period only-the latter never allowed to exceed ninety years.

In fact, the marriage ceremonies differ in nearly all countries. To us some may appear very absurd, and yet our customs may be just as amazing to them. It matters but little how a conjugal union is effected so long as sanctioned by law or custom and it obligates the parties, by common opinion, to observe the duties pertaining to married life.

THE BASIS OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE.

The state of conjugal union should be the happiest in the whole of the existence of either man or woman, and is such in a congenial marriage.

Yet in the history of very many marriages contentment or happiness is palpably absent and an almost insufferable misery is the heritage of both parties. It is therefore important that previous to the marital union the parties should take everything into consideration that fore-shadows happiness after marriage, as well as everything calculated to despoil conjugal felicity.

The first requisite of congenial marriage is love. Without being cemented by this element the conjugal union is sure to be uncongenial.

It is the strongest bond, the firmest cord, uniting two hearts inseparably together. Love for the opposite s.e.x has always been a controlling influence with mankind. It is the most elevating of all the emotions and the purest and tenderest of all sentiments. It exerts a wonderful power, and by its influence the grandest human actions have been achieved. Of what infinite worth it is to either s.e.x to be compensated with a worthy and satisfying love, and how enn.o.bling to the impulses and actions it is to bestow the sentiment upon one worthy to receive and willing to return.

LOVE IS THE MAINSPRING

that regulates the harmony of conjugal life, and without it there is a void in the machinery, productive only of jars, convulsive movement, and a grating and inharmonious action. The soul yearns for love and to love, and unless the desire is compensated human life is a blank and becomes a purposeless existence. Love ever stimulates the good and suppresses the bad, if kept in a proper channel and guided by pure affections.

Another requisite of a happy marriage is health. No person has a moral right to engage in wedlock who cannot bring to his partner the offering of good health.

Another consideration is _evenness of temper_. In the wooing days everyone is a lamb, and only becomes the howling wolf after marriage.

Circ.u.mstances that ruffle the temper in the presence of the intended are but like the harmless squib, but would become like the explosive torpedo in his or her absence or in after-marriage. Quarreling caused by matrimonial differences is the most frequent cause of infelicity, and most of it is caused by an innate irate temper of either husband or wife.

The _tastes_ should not be dissimilar. Some of them may be unimportant, but others are a fruitful source of disagreement. The social wife will never be contented with the unsocial husband, and the gay husband, though his gayety may not be commendable, will always accuse his wife if she lacks a social disposition to a great extent.

The religious wife will never excuse a tendency to irreligion in her husband, and though he may be far from being immoral, she is unhappy if he does not partic.i.p.ate in her devotions. The one devoted to children will never be happy with one having a natural repugnance for them. In this way we might multiply facts ill.u.s.trative of the importance of an investigation into the similarity of taste previous to marriage. Great love, however, overcomes almost every obstacle.

THE PARTIES SHOULD BE NEARLY OF ONE AGE.

The husband should be the elder. The union of the old husband to the young wife, or the reverse, is seldom a happy one. It is seldom that such a marriage occurs in which the incentive is not the wealth of either of the parties.

Marriages are usually contracted to gratify various desires, as love, fortune or position. The results are more truthfully stated by an eminent divine in the following:

"Who marries for love, takes a wife; who marries for fortune, takes a mistress; who marries for position, takes a lady."

To a man there is but one choice that he can rationally make, a marriage of love. My female readers, I hope, will decide rather to wed a husband than the master or the elegant gentleman.

A little foresight, a little prudence, and a little caution will prevent in most cases the entrance into a marriage which, by the very nature of the alliance, is certain to be an unhappy and improper one.

CHAPTER VIII.

PREGNANCY-LABOR-PARTURITION.

Perhaps there is no more eventful period in the history of woman than that in which she first becomes conscious that the existence of another being is dependent upon her own and that she carries about with her the first tiny rudiments of an immortal soul.

THE SIGNS OF PREGNANCY

are various. Many females are troubled with colic pains, creeping of the skin, shuddering, and fainting fits immediately on conception taking place. Where such symptoms occur immediately after connection, they are a certain indication of impregnation.

A REMARKABLE CHANGE

takes place in the face in most cases, varying in time from three days to three months. The eyes are dull and heavy, and present a gla.s.sy appearance; the nose pinched up; the skin becomes pale and livid, and the whole countenance appears as if five or ten years' advance in life had been taken at a single step.

Another important and remarkable sign, and one the most to be relied on, is an increase in the size of the neck. This often occurs at a very early period, and many females, by keeping a careful daily measurement of the neck, can always tell when they are pregnant.

A suppression of the menstrual flow is another strong presumptive sign. It is true a partial flow of the menses often occurs after pregnancy, from the lower part of the womb, but when the flow is suddenly stopped without any apparent cause, pregnancy is generally the predisposing cause.

SOON AFTER CONCEPTION

the stomach often becomes affected with what is called morning sickness. On first awaking, the female feels as well as usual, but on rising from her bed qualmishness begins and perhaps while in the act of dressing retching and vomiting takes place.

This symptom may occur almost immediately after conception, but it most frequently commences for the first time between two and three weeks after. Now and then it is experienced only during the last six weeks or two months of pregnancy, and subsides about the time the movements of the child begin to be felt.

CHANGES IN THE BREAST

are generally considered as strong signs of pregnancy. When two months of pregnancy have been completed, an uneasy sensation of throbbing and stretching fullness is experienced, accompanied by tingling about the middle of the b.r.e.a.s.t.s, centering in the nipples. A sensible alteration in their appearance soon follows, they grow larger and more firm. The nipple becomes more prominent, and the circle around its base altered in color and structure, const.i.tuting what is called the areola, and as pregnancy advances milk is secreted.

THE PERIOD OF GESTATION,

at which these changes may occur, varies much in different females.

Sometimes, with the exception of the secretion of the milk, they are recognized very soon after conception; in other instances, particularly in females of a weakly and delicate const.i.tution, they are hardly perceptible until pregnancy is far advanced or even drawing toward its termination.

The changes in the form and size of the b.r.e.a.s.t.s may be the result of causes unconnected with pregnancy. They may enlarge in consequence of marriage, from the individual becoming stout and fat or from accidental suppression of the monthly flow.

The changes which take place in the nipple, and around its base, are of the utmost value as an evidence of pregnancy.

ABOUT THE SIXTH OR SEVENTH WEEK

after conception has taken place, if the nipple be examined it will be found becoming turgid and prominent, and a circle forming around its base, of a color deeper in its shade than rose or flesh color, slightly tinged with a yellowish or brownish hue, and here and there upon its surface will be seen little prominent points from about ten to twenty in number. In the progress of the next six or seven weeks these changes are fully developed, the nipple becoming more prominent and turgid than ever, the circle around it of larger dimensions, the skin being soft, bedewed with a slight degree of moisture, frequently staining the linen in contact with it; the little prominences of larger size, and the color of the whole very much deepened.

Calculations of the

DURATION OF PREGNANCY,

founded upon what has been observed to occur after casual intercourse, or perhaps a single act, in individuals who can have no motive to tell us what is false, are likely to be correct. The conclusion drawn from these is, that labor usually, but not invariably, comes on about 280 days after conception, a mature child being sometimes born before the expiration of the forty weeks, and at other times not until that time has been exceeded by several days. A case is on record where the pregnancy lasted 287 days. In this case the labor did not take place until that period had elapsed from the departure of the husband for the East Indies, consequently the period might have been longer than 287 days.

CHILDBIRTH IS A NATURAL PROCESS,