The King's Own Part 38

"I d.a.m.n Mrs Skrimmage! You lie, sir."

"Who then, sir?"

"Red Cap--Red Cap."

"I d.a.m.n Mrs Skrimmage? You lie, sir."

And thus was the accusation bandied about the table, to the great amus.e.m.e.nt of the whole party, except the caterer, who regretted having taken any notice of what had been said.

"Really, gentlemen, this behaviour is such as cannot be tolerated,"

observed Mr Skrimmage, who invariably preferred the _suaviter in modo_.

"As caterer of this berth--"

"It is your duty to give us something to eat," added one of the midshipmen.

"Gentlemen, you see what there is on the table; there are rules and regulations laid down, which cannot be deviated from, and--"

"And those are, to starve us. I've paid six-and-twenty shillings, and have not had six-and-twenty mouthfuls in the three days that I have been here. I should like to see your accounts, Mr Caterer."

"Bravo! let's have his accounts," roared out several of the party.

"Gentlemen, my accounts are ready for inspection, and will bear, I will venture to a.s.sert, the most minute investigation; but it must be from those who have a right to demand it, and I cannot consider that a person who has only been in the ship for three days has any pretence to examine them."

"But I have been in the ship three weeks," said another, "and have paid you one pound sixteen shillings. I have a right, and now I demand them--so let us have the accounts on the table, since we can get nothing else."

"The accounts--the accounts!" were now vociferated for by such a threatening mult.i.tude of angry voices, that Mr Skrimmage turned pale with alarm, and thought it advisable to bend to the threatening storm.

"Steward, present the gentlemen's respects to Mrs Skrimmage, and request that she will oblige them by sending in the mess account-book.

You understand--the gentlemen's respects to Mrs Skrimmage."

"d.a.m.n Mrs Skrimmage," again cried out one of the midshipmen, and the game of goose was renewed with the phrase, until the steward returned with the book.

"Mrs Skrimmage's compliments to the gentlemen of the gun-room mess, and she has great pleasure in complying with their request: but, in consequence of her late indisposition, the accounts are not made up further than to the end of last month."

This was the plan upon which the wily clerk invariably acted, as it put an end to all inquiry; but the indignation of the midshipmen was not to be controlled, and as they could not give it vent in one way, they did in another.

"Gentlemen," said one of the oldest of the fraternity, imitating Mr Skrimmage's style, "I must request that you will be pleased not to kick up such a d.a.m.ned row, because I wish to make a speech: and I request that two of you will be pleased to stand sentries at the door, permitting neither ingress nor egress, that I may 'spin my yarn' without interruption.

"Gentlemen, we have paid our mess-money, and we have nothing to eat. We have asked for the accounts, and we are put off with 'indisposition.'

Now, gentlemen, as there can be no doubt of the caterer's honour, I propose that we give him a receipt in full."

"And here's a pen to write it with," cried out another, holding up the sleeve-board, with which they had been playing the game.

"Then, gentlemen, are you all agreed--to cobb the caterer?"

The shouts of a.s.sent frightened Mr Skrimmage, who attempted to make his escape by the gun-room door, but was prevented by the two sentries, who had been placed there on purpose. He then requested to be heard--to be allowed to explain; but it was useless. He was dragged to the table, amidst an uproar of laughter and shouting. "Extreme bad headaches"--"Mrs Skrimmage"--"nervous"--"ample satisfaction"--"conduct like gentlemen"--"complain to first-lieutenant"--were the unconnected parts of his expostulation, which could be distinguished. He was extended across the table, face downwards; the lapels of his coat thrown up, and two dozen blows, with the sleeve-board, were administered with such force, that his shrieks were even louder than the laughter and vociferation of his a.s.sailants.

During the infliction, the noise within was so great that they did not pay attention to that which was outside, but as soon as Mr Skrimmage had been put on his legs again, and the tumult had partially subsided, the voice of the master-at-arms requesting admittance, and the screaming of Mrs Skrimmage, were heard at the door, which continued locked and guarded. The door was opened, and in flew the lady.

"My Skrimmage! my Skrimmage!--what have the brutes been doing to you?

Oh, the wretches!" continued the lady, panting for breath, and turning to the midshipmen, who had retreated from her;--"you shall all be turned out of the service--you shall--that you shall. We'll see--we'll write for a court-martial--ay, you may laugh, but we will. Contempt to a superior officer--clerk and caterer, indeed! The service has come to a pretty pa.s.s--you villains! You may grin--I'll tear the eyes out of some of you, that I will. Come, Mr Skrimmage, let us go on the quarter-deck, and see if the service is to be trifled with. Dirty sc.u.m, indeed--" and the lady stopped for want of breath occasioned by the rapidity of her utterance.

"Gentlemen," said the master-at-arms, as soon as he could obtain hearing,--"the first-lieutenant wishes to know the reason why you are making such a noise?"

"Our compliments to Mr Phillips, and we have been settling the mess-account, and taking the change out of the caterer."

"Yes," continued Mrs Skrimmage, "you villains, you have, you paltry cheats--you blackguards--you warmin--you sc.u.m of the earth--you grinning monkeys--you!--don't put your tongue into your cheek at me, you--you beast--you ill-looking imp, or I'll write the ten commandments on your face--I will--ay, that I will--cowardly set of beggars--" (No more breath.)

"I'll tell you what, marm," rejoined the old master's-mate, "if you don't clap a stopper on that jaw of yours, by George, we'll _cobb_ you."

"Cobb me!--you will, will you? I should like to see you. I dare you to cobb me, you wretches!"

"Cobb her, cobb her!" roared out all the midshipmen, who were irritated at her language; and in a moment she was seized by a dozen of them, who dragged her to the table. Mrs Skrimmage struggled in vain, and there appeared every chance of the threat being put in force.

"Oh,--is this the way to treat a lady?--Skrimmage! help, help!"

Skrimmage who had been battered almost to stupefaction, roused by the call of his frightened wife, darted to her, and throwing his arm round her waist,--"Spare her, gentlemen, spare her for mercy's sake, spare her,--or," continued he, in a faltering voice, "if you will cobb her, let it be _over all_."

The appeal in favour of modesty and humanity had its due weight; and Mr and Mrs Skrimmage were permitted to leave the gun-room without further molestation. The lady, however, as soon as she had obtained the outside of the gun-room door, forgetting her a.s.sumed gentility, turned back, and shaking her fist at her persecutors, made use of language, with a repet.i.tion of which we will not offend our readers,--and then, arm-in-arm with her husband quitted the gun-room.

"'Mrs Skrimmage's compliments to the gentlemen of the gun-room mess,'"

cried one of the midshipmen, mimicking, which was followed by a roar of laughter, when the quarter-master again made his appearance.

"Gentlemen, the first-lieutenant says, that all those who are waiting for a pa.s.sage round to Plymouth, are to be on deck with their traps immediately. There's a frigate ordered round--she has the blue-peter up, and her top-sails are sheeted home."

This put an end to further mischief, as there were at least twenty of them whose respective ships were on that station. In the meantime, while they were getting ready, Mr Skrimmage having restored the precision of his apparel, proceeded to the quarter-deck and made his complaint to the first-lieutenant; but these complaints had been repeatedly made before, and Mr Phillips was tired of hearing them, and was aware that he deserved his fate. Mr Skrimmage was therefore silenced with the usual remark--"How can I punish these young men, if they are in the wrong, who slip through my fingers immediately?--the parties you complain of are now going down the side. _Why don't you give up the caterership_?"

But this, for the reasons before stated, did not suit Mr Skrimmage, who returned below. For a day or two, the mess was better supplied, from fear of a repet.i.tion of the dose; after that, it went on again as before.

CHAPTER FORTY ONE.

All desperate hazards courage do create, As he plays frankly who has least estate.

DRYDEN.

It were all one, That I should love a bright particular star, And think to wed it.

SHAKESPEARE.

Seymour was soon weary of the endless noise and confusion to which he was subjected on board of the guard-ship, and he wrote to Captain M---, requesting that he might be permitted to join some vessel on active service, until the period should arrive when the former would be enabled to resume the command of his ship. The answer from his patron informed him, that the time of his renewal of his professional duties would be uncertain, not having hitherto derived much benefit from his return to England; that as the _Aspasia_ was daily expected to arrive from the mission on which she had been despatched, and would then remain on Channel service, ready to be made over to him as soon as his health should be re-established, he would procure an order for him to join her as soon as she arrived. He pointed out to him that he would be more comfortable on board a ship in which he had many old messmates and friends than in any other, to the officers of which he would be a perfect stranger. That, in the meantime, he had procured leave of absence for him, and requested that he would pay him a visit at his cottage near Richmond, to the vicinity of which place he had removed, by the advice of his medical attendants.

Seymour gladly availed himself of this opportunity of seeing his protector, and after a sojourn of three weeks, returned to Portsmouth, to join the _Aspasia_, which had, for some days, been lying at Spithead.

Most of the commissioned, and many of the junior officers, who had served in the West Indies, were still on board of her anxiously waiting for the return of Captain M---, whose value as a commanding officer was more appreciated for the change which had taken place. Seymour was cordially greeted by his former shipmates, not only for his own sake, but from the idea that his having rejoined the frigate was but a precursor of the reappearance of Captain M--- himself.

There is, perhaps, no quality in man partaking of such variety, and so difficult to a.n.a.lyse, as _courage_, whether it be physical or mental, both of which are not only innate, but to be acquired. The former, and the most universal, is most capriciously bestowed; sometimes, although rarely, Nature has denied it altogether. We have, therefore, in the latter instance, courage nil as a zero, courage negative, halfway up, and courage positive, at the top, which may be considered as "blood heat;" and upon this thermometrical scale the animal courage of every individual may be placed. Courage _nil_ or cowardice, needs no explanation. Courage negative, which is the most common, is that degree of firmness which will enable a person to do his duty when danger _comes to him_; he will not avoid danger, but he will not exactly seek it.

Courage positive, when implanted in a man, will induce him to seek danger, and find opportunities of distinguishing himself where others can see none. Courage negative is a pa.s.sive feeling, and requires to be roused. Courage positive is an active and restless feeling, always on the look-out.

An extreme susceptibility, and a phlegmatic indifference of disposition, although diametrically in opposition to each other, will produce the same results: in the former, it is mental, in the latter, animal courage. Paradoxical as it may appear, the most certain and most valuable description of _courage_ is that which is acquired from the _fear of shame_. Further, there is no talent which returns more fold than courage, when constantly in exercise: for habit will soon raise the individual, whose index is near to zero, to the degree in the scale opposite to courage negative; and the possessor of courage negative will rise up to that of courage positive; although, from desuetude, they _will again sink to their former position_.