The Italian's Rightful Bride Part 5

'All right,' she said, recognising some justice in this, without actually being fooled by it. 'They've all gone now, so put the book away.'

'OK, Mum.'

They hugged each other and she slipped out into the long, wide corridor. The lights had been turned low and it was a moment before she realised that she wasn't alone. Gustavo stood a few yards away, his hand resting on the handle of Renata's door.

It was on the far side, and a slight bend in the corridor meant that she could plainly make him out, even in the gloom. She saw him try the handle, then again, until he was forced to accept that the door was locked.

For a long moment he stood there. Then he spoke and Joanna thought he said, 'Please, my darling.'

When there was no reply he leaned his head against the door.

Joanna moved away very quietly, knowing that he must never realise that she had glimpsed his private pain. She managed to get into her room and close the door unseen, and stood leaning back against it, eyes closed.

She had come here hoping to find a scene of domestic contentment that would help her draw a line under the past. Instead she'd discovered misery, bitterness and the destruction of the very marriage she had sacrificed herself to bring about.

It was late and she supposed she ought to go to bed, but her mind was seething and she knew there would be no sleep tonight. All evening she'd been aware of Gustavo. While she sat near to him at the table she had sensed him through every fibre of her being, every breath she drew.

Now she was even more aware that his room was just opposite her own. She listened for the sound of his footsteps returning along the corridor, but then stopped, impatient with herself.

I ought to go away from here, she thought. Go! Go now!

But she knew she wasn't going to go.

She went to the window and looked out over the countryside, the fountain in the garden, lawns fading into the darkness of the trees. An owl hooted softly in the distance.

From here she could see exactly the place where she had stood one evening, longing for Gustavo to come out and share the moonlight with her. In the end he had joined her, but their conversation had been stilted and uneasy.

Suddenly the beauty of the night was irresistible. It called to her, promising at least a kind of peace after the tensions of the day. She hurried out into the corridor, down the stairs and out onto the stone terrace.

Does nothing about this place ever change? she thought. Then, now-it might be the same night.

But one thing was different, she realised as a sound from the corner made her turn her head in time to see the shadow sitting there unfold, stand and approach her.

'Ciao,' he said softly. he said softly.

'How did you-?'

'How did I get here so quickly? I came down the back stairs. It was you in the corridor, wasn't it?'

'Yes, I'm sorry. I wasn't prying. I'd just been in to say goodnight to Billy and-'

'It's all right. You need not explain. I hoped that since I'd been away she might-well...' He shrugged.

Now she could see better in the darkness and she realised there was a low table with a bottle of wine and two fluted gla.s.ses. He filled one and handed it to her.

'Were you expecting someone?' she asked.

'Yes. You.'

She didn't waste time with arch questions. Of course he had known she would be here.

'It was so hot inside that I had to come out for some fresh air.'

Gustavo nodded. 'I come out here every night to sit quietly and let the cares and strains of the day fall away. They're always there again tomorrow, but this gets them into perspective.'

'Renata blames you for everything, doesn't she?'

'Is that a guess or do you have inside information?'

'Well, she talks to Billy a lot-'

'I thought that might be it, from the wary way he looked at me.'

'I'm sorry, he doesn't mean to be rude-'

'Don't be sorry. If she's got a friend she can talk to that's the best thing that could happen. I know she doesn't talk to anyone else, even Laura. And she needs someone because her life has been turned upside down in so many ways. I expect you know all about it by now.'

'I'd heard that you and Crystal weren't together any more.'

'Did you also hear that she bore a son by another man?'

'Yes,' she admitted.

'Well, then, you know everything,' he said heavily.

'Gustavo, I wish I knew what to say. It must have been terrible for you-'

But he shook his head. 'I don't matter. Renata loved her little brother. A lot of children would have been jealous, but she has a loving heart and she adored him. Then it was all taken away, mother, brother, the home life she'd known. She has to lash out at someone, and I'm the nearest, so I've become the biggest monster in creation. What am I supposed to have done?'

'Prevented Renata's mother taking her when she left,' Joanna said sympathetically.

Gustavo's lips twisted in mockery, perhaps of his ex-wife, perhaps of himself.

'Did Crystal plead with me to release her darling child, and I cruelly broke off all contact between them?'

'Something like that.'

'G.o.d, what a mess! Do I have to tell you that Crystal could have taken her if she'd wished, but she didn't? The clown she's living with doesn't want Renata hanging around, and Crystal didn't put up a fight. She dumped her daughter and left without a backward glance.

'She doesn't even keep in touch. She's supposed to call Renata, but she doesn't bother. If I call her she makes an excuse and hangs up.'

'I see,' she said slowly. 'It's just that Renata told me-'

'What? It's best if I know. What has the poor little soul told herself now?'

'She says Crystal bought her a cellphone and they talk every day.'

Gustavo dropped his head into his hands.

'She does have a cellphone,' he said at last. 'I bought it to help them stay in touch. And I can tell you, Crystal never calls on it. What's more, she keeps her own cellphone switched off, so Renata can't get through. I get the phone records sent to me every week so that I can tell what's happening.'

He gave a grunt of harsh laughter, then said with terrible bitterness, 'It would be nice if my child confided in me, but since she doesn't, the phone records keep me up-to-date.'

'Oh, heavens!' she breathed. 'I wish I knew what to say.'

'Saying things is useless. It doesn't make anything better. I found that out long ago.'

'And Renata blames you for all this?'

'Of course. It's that or admit that her mother doesn't want her. What is the poor little thing to do? I long to help her, but I seem to be the one person who can't. I'm floundering.'

He gave her a painful smile.

'This is quite like old times. Do you remember how I used to confide in you?'

She almost gave an exclamation of shock. He'd confided in her? Had he? She searched her brain for anything that could have given him such memories, but although she could remember long talks as they rode or walked together, she could recall nothing she would have described as personal confidences. And yet that was what he remembered.

'I know we talked a lot,' she said cautiously. 'Especially when we were here.'

'I used to enjoy those talks,' he said. 'I always felt that I could tell you everything I was thinking, and you would understand. I'd never felt that with anyone before. Or since.'

'But the things we talked about-' she stammered '-they were just-'

'It didn't matter what we talked about. Your mind was always there with mine. Or at least, that was what you made me feel. It was a good feeling.'

She was stunned. Had she been so absorbed by her own feelings that she'd failed to appreciate that Gustavo placed his own value on their relationship, a different one from hers?

For the first time it struck her that there had been something self-centred in her love. She'd fallen for Prince Charming, but she'd had no insight into the thoughts of the real man.

'Of course,' he added, 'years spent living with a woman who couldn't have cared less what I was thinking may have heightened my impression of you. Joanna, I can't tell you what it's like seeing you again. When Carlo told me he'd made an arrangement with Mrs Manton I had no idea it would be you.'

'And you're not sorry that it is?'

'Of course not. It's marvellous to me that we should have met again like this. I've thought of you so often through the years.'

Joanna turned a wry, disbelieving face towards him, making him ask, 'Why do you look at me like that?'

'I should think I'm the last person you'd want to remember.'

'Why? We had no quarrel. I have only the kindest memories of you. Unless you're referring to the fact that I behaved badly.'

'You didn't. You behaved honestly. And ending our engagement suited me too. You know that.'

'But not the way it happened, surely?'

'You mean with me looking like a jilted wallflower?' she teased. 'Come on! I was never that. You should have seen me dancing at your wedding?'

'Yes, I did. Dance after dance with the same man. Who was he, by the way? n.o.body I asked seemed to know him.'

She was almost knocked breathless by the discovery that Gustavo had noticed her that day and enquired about her partner. She had thought him oblivious.

'He was a friend of a friend. He dropped a lot of names, and acted like he belonged there. That's his style, charming his way through life and being so convincing that n.o.body challenges him.'

'You talk as though you know him well.'

'His name is Freddy Manton,' she said with the air of a conjurer producing a rabbit from a hat.

'You mean-?'

'I married him.'

There was a slight clatter as he set his gla.s.s down sharply.

'Were you in love with him all the time? You jumped at the chance to break up with me because of him?'

'No way. That was our first meeting. After that I didn't see him again for a year. Then we b.u.mped into each other again and things happened. It had nothing to do with what happened to you and me.'

'I see,' he said slowly, and she couldn't tell if he was glad or disappointed.

She drained her gla.s.s, and Gustavo immediately refilled it for her.

'Careful,' she said. 'I don't want to get tipsy.'

'You won't. I remember what a good head you always had.'

She gave a crack of laughter. 'What a thing to be remembered for!'

'I remember everything,' he said quietly. 'Everything. Don't you?'

CHAPTER FOUR.

DID she remember everything? she wondered. What about the things she'd tried so hard to blot out? she remember everything? she wondered. What about the things she'd tried so hard to blot out?

'Yes, I suppose I do,' she said.

'One thing that always puzzled me is why you ever let yourself be part of that merry-go-round.'

'Blame Aunt Lilian,' she said. 'She really belonged in the nineteenth century, when things were done that way. I suppose I just got on board and didn't know how to get off.'

'Until the last moment, when you jumped off in a panic. Forgive me, Joanna. I never realised that you were being forced.'

'It wasn't quite like that,' she said quickly.