The Italian's Rightful Bride Part 2

She accepted so quickly that the memory made her blush later. She brushed her fears aside, desperate to seize her heart's desire.

When, at last, he kissed her it made her forget everything else. There was skill in everything he did, covering her mouth, teasing her with his lips, caressing, holding her close. The effect on her was electric. Yet even then she was cautious enough to hold back a little, waiting until she could sense that his pa.s.sion was as deep as her own.

The wedding was set to take place two months later, in England. Two weeks before the date Gustavo and his family arrived to stay at Rannley Towers and take part in a series of glittering festivities. In the weeks apart they corresponded, but mostly about practical affairs. They talked about the estate, the life they would live there. He addressed her as 'My dearest Joanna' and signed himself 'Yours affectionately'.

But when she saw him again nothing mattered but that he was here, and they would soon be married.

Her dress was a masterpiece of ivory silk, cut simply to suit her tall figure. The sleeves were long, almost down to the hem, the train stretched behind her and the veil streamed down to the floor and over the train. When she put it on and regarded herself in the mirror she knew that she was beautiful. Now, surely, he would fall in love with her?

And then Crystal arrived.

CHAPTER TWO.

AT THE time she seemed like the wicked witch, but Joanna supposed that the bad fairy was more accurate, because Crystal actually looked like a fairy, being pet.i.te with blonde hair that fluffed about her face like candy-floss. time she seemed like the wicked witch, but Joanna supposed that the bad fairy was more accurate, because Crystal actually looked like a fairy, being pet.i.te with blonde hair that fluffed about her face like candy-floss.

She had deep blue eyes, full of fun, a dainty nose, a mouth that was pure Cupid, and her delicious, gurgling laugh was irresistible. She was lovely, glamorous, enchanting.

Everything I wasn't.

Crystal had been invited to stay in the house by Frank, one of Joanna's many cousins, who was courting her. At their first meeting Joanna had liked her. Crystal charmed everyone with her beauty and her wicked sense of humour.

She had a way of talking rapidly, so that Gustavo often asked her to slow down or explain some English word to him. Several times Joanna heard her saying, 'No, no, you say it like this.'

Then she would dissolve into laughter at his p.r.o.nunciation, and he would laugh with her.

Was it then that Joanna first sensed danger?

How can I tell? Whatever I sensed, I wouldn't admit it.

So many things: the burning look that flashed briefly in his eyes for Crystal, which had never been there for her. The way he watched the door until she entered, and relaxed when she appeared.

A hundred tiny little details, which she pretended meant nothing, until the day when it was no longer possible to pretend.

At first she thought he was alone. Coming from the brilliant sunlight into the trees, she saw only him, and her heart leapt before she noticed that he was leaning over and down towards the woman in his arms.

But then she saw them, and the way he was raining kisses on her upturned face, kissing her to the point of madness, again and again, so that Joanna knew that kisses would never be enough for him.

Kissing as he had never kissed her.

She stood and watched, her heart breaking, her world shattering around her.

She drew back behind a great oak, although it was needless. They were beyond noticing her or anything else. She heard him say, 'I'm sorry, my darling. I had no right to do this when I have nothing to offer you.'

'Why can't we be happy?' That was Crystal's voice. 'Don't you love me?'

'You know I love you,' he said, almost violently. 'I didn't know I could feel like this. If I had-'

He stopped. Joanna listened, her heart beating madly. If he had...

'If you'd met me first, you wouldn't have proposed to Joanna, would you?'

'Never,' he said hoa.r.s.ely.

'Don't you want to marry me, my darling?'

'Don't ask me that.'

'But I must ask it,' she persisted in her soft, enticing voice. 'If we're going to lose each other, at least give me honesty.'

'All right, I want to marry you,' he said in a fierce, pa.s.sionate voice. 'I can't, but neither can I stop loving and wanting you. You're there with me every moment, night and day, waking or sleeping.'

'Then how can you cast me aside?'

'Because I have made promises to Joanna. My darling, I beg you to understand, I must must keep those promises.' keep those promises.'

'Why? She doesn't love you any more than you love her.'

'But we're a few days from our wedding. How can I humiliate her in front of the world?'

'Gustavo, have you thought of the future? All those years tied to a woman you don't love. How will you endure them?'

The silence that followed froze Joanna to the soul. Just a few seconds, but enough to make her feel that she was dying. At last his answer came in a voice that was bleak with despair.

'I'll survive, somehow.'

She'd thought her heart couldn't break any more, but when she heard that she knew she was wrong.

And strangely, it was the knowledge that there was nothing more to hope for that made it possible for her to step out from behind the tree, smiling and saying brightly, 'Isn't there something you want to tell me?'

Their faces were imprinted on her memory forever, Gustavo's pale and shocked, Crystal's with an expression she couldn't read. Only later did she think of cats and cream. At the time she was concentrating on what she must do.

Crystal spoke first, sounding suitably uneasy.

'Joanna, we didn't mean you to find out like this.'

'It doesn't matter how I found out,' she answered with a fair a.s.sumption of gaiety. 'The point is that we're still in time to put matters right.'

'I have no intention of asking you to free me.' Gustavo's voice was hollow.

'But perhaps I'd like to chuck you out,' she replied with a shrug. 'Oh, come on, this isn't the nineteenth century. The sky isn't going to fall if there's a last-minute change of plan.'

She never forgot the look on his face then, sheer blinding hope at the thought of not having to marry her.

'You-mean that?' he asked as though unable to believe his ears.

'Of course I mean it. Honestly, darling,' she added, using the term of endearment for the first time, 'if you're in love with someone else-well, why should I want you?'

'But the formalities-'

'Blow the formalities. We've changed our minds. Both of us. Come on, let's get it over with.'

She turned away quickly, not sure how long she could keep up the facade. As she began to walk she heard Gustavo call, 'Joanna...'

And there it was, the note she had dreamed of hearing in his voice, warm and emotional now that he was grateful for his release. She fled back to the house.

She had only the dimmest recollection of what followed. There was family uproar, scene after scene in which she did most of the talking, laughing as she insisted that it was a mutual decision and she couldn't be happier.

She doubted if anyone was fooled, especially as the engagement to Crystal came immediately after. But in the face of her determination there was nothing anybody could do.

A special licence was obtained with Crystal's name on it and the wedding was to go ahead on the same day in the same church, with one bride subst.i.tuted for another. Joanna sailed through the whole process, apparently with not a care in the world. She dreaded their wedding, but knew she had to be there or the world would know why.

For a while the need to put on an act kept her mind on the terrible ache inside. At night she sobbed herself to sleep. By day she smiled and smiled and smiled.

By the night before the wedding the strain of weeping in secret was tearing her apart. She wanted to scream aloud, impossible in that house.

Outside it had begun to rain, water coming down in noisy torrents with the occasional thunderclap. Too distraught to think clearly, she threw on some clothes and left the house by a side-door, running across the gra.s.s towards the trees.

Deep in the wood she gave vent to her grief, crying like a wounded animal, and even once banging her head against a tree, screaming, 'Why-why-why?'

Why? Because he loves her and not you. Because she's beautiful and dazzling and you're dull and ordinary. Because all the money in the world isn't enough to make him want you.

When it was over she felt no better, just completely exhausted. She sank to the ground, leaning back against a tree trunk, whispering hoa.r.s.ely, 'Why did I do it? Why did I give him up so easily? When we were married I could have made him love me.'

The regret made her start to weep again, but this time weakly, in helpless, devastating misery.

After an hour she dragged herself to her feet and stumbled out of the wood, desperate to get back to the house before the sun came up, and she could be seen.

She managed it, thankful that n.o.body had seen her, and ran up the back stairs until she reached the floor where her room was. She was almost there-the next corridor- 'Joanna!'

Her worst nightmare came true. Gustavo stood there in his dressing gown, astonished at the sight of her.

'Whatever has happened to you?' he said, concerned. 'You've been out in that rain?'

'It wasn't raining when I went out,' she said, struggling for words.

'But it's been raining for an hour.'

'I walked a long way. I needed some air. It took time to get back.' She had no idea what she was saying.

'You're hurt,' he said, looking at her forehead.

'I fell,' she gasped. 'I hit my head on a log.'

'You need a doctor. Let me-'

'Keep away from me.'

He was reaching gentle fingers towards her bruise, but she knew if he touched her she'd start screaming again.

'Your teeth are chattering,' he said, his hand falling. 'Go and have a hot bath or you'll catch cold. My dear, you've got water dripping from your hair and over your face.'

The water on her face wasn't rain. He stood there looking at her tears and didn't know it.

'Please look after yourself,' he said. 'I don't want you being too unwell for my wedding tomorrow, not when I owe it all to you.'

The warmth in his voice was her undoing. She fled to her own room and locked the door. Tearing off her clothes, she got under a hot shower and stayed there, not moving, just leaning against the tiled wall.

After a long time her brain started working again, enough to make her wonder how he'd come to be in that corridor at that hour. Then she remembered that it was near to where Crystal slept.

She'd thought her tears were all cried out, but she found she was wrong. This time it was the shower that disguised them.

Next day she sat in the body of the church, looking at Gustavo's back as he waited for his bride, then saw him turn and watch her approach with an expression of such total adoration that she closed her eyes. For a dreadful moment she actually feared she was going to faint, but she recovered and sat rigid as Crystal became his wife.

Now he was lost to her forever.

But he'd been lost anyway. Her regret of last night had been foolish. He might have married her, but he would never, ever have loved her.

The reception was followed by a ball at which she danced until she was ready to drop. That was how she met Freddy Manton, who seemed to appear from nowhere, a friend of a friend of a friend. He was handsome, charming and a great dancer. Their steps blended perfectly, and they put on a bravura display that made the others applaud.

When the music became soft and tender Joanna and Freddy danced again, holding each other romantically close. It was her way of telling the world that she didn't care whom Gustavo married. She hoped he would notice.

But when he waltzed past with Crystal clasped in his arms, Joanna knew that he was oblivious to everyone else in the world. His bride's face was raised to his, and for a cruel moment Joanna saw the worship in his gaze. She closed her eyes, feeling her brave pretence shatter around her.

At last it was time for the bride and groom to leave for their honeymoon. Joanna had wanted to go straight to Italy, but Crystal had set her heart on Las Vegas, and Gustavo could refuse her nothing.

Determined to play out the charade to the end, Joanna joined the crowd waving them off. Was it accident or spite that made Crystal toss the bouquet to her? She caught it instinctively, before she could stop herself, then stood there, clutching the bouquet that should always have been hers.

It was only later that she fully understood what that day had done to her. She had pa.s.sed through the fire and emerged stronger, because something that had been burned to ash could never be burned again.

She enrolled in college, studied archaeology and blanked out grief by working herself into the ground.

'If you ask me you had a nervous breakdown,' Aunt Lilian said later. 'Whenever I saw you, you looked as if you were dying. And instead of being sensible like other girls, and taking a cruise, you made everything worse by working away at those awful books.'

But far from making things worse, Joanna knew that 'those awful books' had saved her. After a year her tutors were predicting great things for her.

Grief finally subsided into a dull ache that she managed to push aside in the fascination with the subject she loved.

She made herself a promise. Never again would she allow herself to feel anything with the depth and intensity she'd felt for Gustavo. She knew she couldn't stand it a second time.

She was safe now. She could protect herself from hurt. But she had paid a terrible price.

She began going to parties again, even enjoying them. Finally, one evening, as she was sipping champagne- 'Fancy meeting you here!'