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I see that amongst the value of things nothing is the equal of "free thought." Everything else they can take from me, 'on ne pent pas m'oter cela'! I see no future for me here, and certainly should have departed long ago if I had had the money, but, as I have already told you, all that I can do barely suffices to procure me 'de quoi vivre'. 'Je me sens ecceuye'. Do not pay too much attention to my Jeremiads; you know what a pessimist I am. 'Je ne perds pas courage'.
Hoping that you are well, and in the cordial pressing of your hand, I subscribe myself,
Your very devoted
LOUIS FERRAND.
He rode with the letter open in his hand, frowning at the curious turmoil which Ferrand excited in his heart. It was as though this foreign vagrant tw.a.n.ged within him a neglected string, which gave forth moans of a mutiny.
"What does he say?" Antonia asked.
Should he show it to her? If he might not, what should he do when they were married?
"I don't quite know," he said at last; "it 's not particularly cheering."'
"What is he like, d.i.c.k--I mean, to look at? Like a gentleman, or what?"
Shelton stifled a desire to laugh.
"He looks very well in a frock-coat," he replied; "his father was a wine merchant."
Antonia flicked her whip against her skirt.
"Of course," she murmured, "I don't want to hear if there's anything I ought not."
But instead of soothing Shelton, these words had just the opposite effect. His conception of the ideal wife was not that of one from whom the half of life must be excluded.
"It's only," he stammered again, "that it's not cheerful."
"Oh, all right!" she cried, and, touching her horse, flew off in front.
"I hate dismal things."
Shelton bit his lips. It was not his fault that half the world was dark.
He knew her words were loosed against himself, and, as always at a sign of her displeasure, was afraid. He galloped after her on the scorched turf.
"What is it?" he said. "You 're angry with me!"
"Oh no!"
"Darling, I can't help it if things are n't cheerful. We have eyes," he added, quoting from the letter.
Antonia did not look at him; but touched her horse again.
"Well, I don't want to see the gloomy side," she said, "and I can't see why YOU should. It's wicked to be discontented;" and she galloped off.
It was not his fault if there were a thousand different kinds of men, a thousand different points of view, outside the fence of her experience!
"What business," he thought, digging in his dummy spurs, "has our cla.s.s to patronise? We 're the only people who have n't an idea of what life really means." Chips of dried turf and dust came flying back, stinging his face. He gained on her, drew almost within reach, then, as though she had been playing with him, was left hopelessly behind.
She stooped under the far hedge, fanning her flushed face with dock-leaves:
"Aha, d.i.c.k! I knew you'd never catch me" and she patted the chestnut mare, who turned her blowing muzzle with contemptuous humour towards Shelton's steed, while her flanks heaved rapturously, gradually darkening with sweat.
"We'd better take them steadily," grunted Shelton, getting off and loosening his girths, "if we mean to get home at all."
"Don't be cross, d.i.c.k!"
"We oughtn't to have galloped them like this; they 're not in condition.
We'd better go home the way we came."
Antonia dropped the reins, and straightened her back hair.
"There 's no fun in that," she said. "Out and back again; I hate a dog's walk."
"Very well," said Shelton; he would have her longer to himself!
The road led up and up a hill, and from the top a vision of Saxonia lay disclosed in waves of wood and pasture. Their way branched down a gateless glade, and Shelton sidled closer till his knee touched the mare's off-flank.
Antonia's profile conjured up visions. She was youth itself; her eyes so brilliant, and so innocent, her cheeks so glowing, and her brow unruffled; but in her smile and in the setting of her jaw lurked something resolute and mischievous. Shelton put his hand out to the mare's mane.
"What made you promise to marry me?" he said.
She smiled.
"Well, what made you?"
"I?" cried Shelton.
She slipped her hand over his hand.
"Oh, d.i.c.k!" she said.
"I want," he stammered, "to be everything to you. Do you think I shall?"
"Of course!"
Of course! The words seemed very much or very little.
She looked down at the river, gleaming below the glade in a curving silver line. "d.i.c.k, there are such a lot of splendid things that we might do."
Did she mean, amongst those splendid things, that they might understand each other; or were they fated to pretend to only, in the old time-honoured way?
They crossed the river by a ferry, and rode a long time in silence, while the twilight slowly fell behind the aspens. And all the beauty of the evening, with its restless leaves, its grave young moon, and lighted campion flowers, was but a part of her; the scents, the witchery and shadows, the quaint field noises, the yokels' whistling, and the splash of water-fowl, each seemed to him enchanted. The flighting bats, the forms of the dim hayricks, and sweet-brier perfume-she summed them all up in herself. The fingermarks had deepened underneath her eyes, a languor came upon her; it made her the more sweet and youthful. Her shoulders seemed to bear on them the very image of our land--grave and aspiring, eager yet contained--before there came upon that land the grin of greed, the folds of wealth, the simper of content. Fair, unconscious, free!
And he was silent, with a beating heart.