The Inglises Part 11

"Of what are you afraid, Davie? There is nothing you need fear, except delay. You cannot come to Him too soon. David, when you were the child of an hour only, I gave you up to G.o.d to be His always. I asked Him to make you a special messenger of His to sinful men. His minister. That may be if He wills. I cannot tell. But I do know that He will that you should be one of His 'good soldiers.'"

There was a long silence, for it tired him to speak, and David said nothing. By and by his father said:

"How can I leave your mother to your care, unless I know you safe among those whom G.o.d guides? But you must give yourself to Him. Your mother will need you, my boy, but you may fight well the battles of the Lord, even while working with your hands for daily bread. And for the rest, the way will open before you. I am not afraid."

"Papa," said David, raising himself up to look into his father's face, "why are you saying all this to me to-night?"

"I am saying it to you because you are your mother's first-born son, and must be her staff and stay always. And to-night is a good time to say it."

"But, papa," said the boy with difficulty, "it is not because you think you are going to die? Does mamma know?"

"I do not know, my son. Death has seemed very near to me to-day. And it has been often in your mother's thoughts of late, I do not doubt. My boy! it is a solemn thing to feel that death may be drawing near. But I am not afraid. I think I have no cause to be afraid."

He raised himself up and looked into the boy's face with a smile, as he repeated:

"David--I have no cause to fear--since Jesus died."

"No, papa," said David, faintly. "But mamma--and--all of us."

"Yes, it will be sad to leave you, and it will be sad for you to be left. But I am not afraid. 'Leave thy fatherless children; I will preserve them alive, and let thy widow trust in me.' He has said it, and He will bring it to pa.s.s. The promise is more to me, to-night, than untold wealth could be. And Davie, I leave them to your care. You must take my place with them, and comfort your mother, and care for your brothers and sisters. And David you must be a better soldier than I have ever been."

David threw himself forward with a cry.

"Oh papa! how can I? how can I? I am afraid, and I do not even know that my name is enrolled, and that is the very first--"

"My boy! But you may know. Have you ever given yourself to our great leader? Have you asked him to enrol your name? Ask Him now. Do not I love you? His love is greater far than mine!"

There had been moments during that day when the Lord had seemed very far away from His servant, but he felt Him to be very near Him now, as he poured out his heart in prayer for his son. He did not use many words, and they were faintly and feebly uttered, but who shall doubt but they reached the ear of the Lord waiting to hear and answer. But they brought no comfort to David that night. Indeed he hardly heard them.

There was only room in his heart for one thought. "Death may be drawing near!" his father had said, and beyond that he could not look. It was too terrible to believe. He would not believe it. He would not have it so.

By and by when there came the sound of footsteps on the stairs, he slipped unseen out of the room, and then out of the house, and seeking some place where he might be alone, he went up into the loft above old Don's crib, and lay down upon the hay, and wept and sobbed his heart out there. He prayed, too, asking again for the blessing which his father had asked for him; and for his father's life. He prayed earnestly, with strong crying and tears; but in his heart he knew that he cared more for his father's life and health than for the better blessing, and though he wept all his tears out, he arose uncomforted. The house was still and dark when he went in. His mother had thought that he had gone to bed, and Jem that he was sitting in the study as he often did, and he was fast asleep when David lay down beside him, and no one knew the pain and dread that was in his heart that night.

But when he rose in the morning, and went down-stairs, and heard the cheerful noise of the children, and saw his mother going about her work as she always did, all that had happened last night seemed to him like a dream. By and by his father came among them, no graver than in other days, and quite as well as he had been for a long time, and everything went on as usual all day, and for a good many days. n.o.body seemed afraid. His mother was watchful, and perhaps a little more silent than usual, but that was all. As for his father, the worst must have been past that night, as he had said, for there was no cloud over him now.

He was cheerful always--even merry, sometimes, when he amused himself with little Polly and the rest. He was very gentle with them all, more so than usual, perhaps, and David noticed that he had Violet and Jem alone with him in the study now and then. Once when this happened with Jem, David did not see him again all day, and afterwards--a long time afterwards--Jem told him that he had spent that afternoon in the hay-loft above old Don's crib.

At such times he used to wonder whether their father spoke to them as he had spoken to him that night, when he told him how "Death might be drawing near." But they never spoke to one another about it. And, indeed, it was not difficult during those cheerful quiet days, to put such thoughts out of their minds. The people came and went, looking grave sometimes, but not as though they had any particular cause for fear. The minister went out almost every fine day with David or his mother, or with Jem if it was Sat.u.r.day, for the children were growing almost jealous of one another, as to opportunities for doing things for papa, and Jem must have his turn, too.

How kind all the people were! Surely there never was anything like it before, the children thought. Some among them whom they had not much liked, and some whom they had hardly known, came out in a wonderful way with kind words and kinder deeds, and if kindness and thoughtfulness, and love that was almost reverence, would have made him well, he would soon have been in his old place among them again. His place on Sunday was supplied as often as possible from abroad, and when it could not be, the people managed as well as they could, and that was better than usual, for all hearts were softened and touched by the sorrow that had come on them as a people, and nothing was allowed to trouble or annoy the minister that could be prevented by them. They would have liked him to go away as the doctor had advised, and the means would have been provided to accomplish it, but the minister would not hear of being sent away. He felt, he said, that he would have a better chance for recovery at home. Not that there was any chance in that, according to his thought. It was all ordered, and it would all be well, whichever way it was to end, and he was best and happiest at home.

And so the time pa.s.sed on, and then, and afterwards, no one ever thought or spoke of these days but as happy days. And yet, in the secret heart of every one of them, of the mother and the children, and of the kind people that came and went, there was a half-conscious waiting for something that was drawing near. It was a hope, sometimes, and sometimes it was a dread. The neighbours put it into words, and the hopeful spoke of returning health and strength, and of the lessons of faith and love they should learn by and by, through the experience of the minister in the sick room; and those who were not hopeful, spoke of other lessons they might have to learn through other means. But in the house they only waited, speaking no word of what the end might be.

At last there came a day, when no words were needed, to tell what messenger of the King was on his way. The hushed voices of the children, the silence in the house, told it too plainly. The laboured breathing of the sick man, the feverish hand, the wandering eye, were visible tokens that death was drawing near. The change came suddenly.

They were not prepared for it, they said. But there are some things for which we cannot make ourselves ready, till we feel ourselves shuddering under the blow.

Ah! well. He was ready, and the rest mattered little. Even the mother said that to herself and to him, with the sobbing of their children in her ears. She did not sob nor cry out in her pain, but kept her face calm and smiling for him till the very last. And because, with his laboured breathing, and the pain which held him fast, he could not say to her that which was in his heart, she said it all to him--how they had loved one another, and how G.o.d had cared for them always, and how happy they had been, and how, even in the parting that was before them, G.o.d's time was best, and she was not afraid.

And she was _not_ afraid! Looking into those triumphant eyes, glad with the brightness of something that she could not see, how could she be afraid? "For neither life nor death, nor princ.i.p.alities nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of G.o.d, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord," she murmured, comforting him with her words. He was dying! He was leaving her and their children alone, with G.o.d's promise between them and poverty, and nothing else. Nothing else! Is not that enough? Think of it! G.o.d's promise!

"I am not afraid!" She said the words over and over again. "Why should I be afraid? There are things far worse than poverty to bear. 'Our bread shall be given us, and our water sure.' I might be afraid for our children without you, had they the temptations of wealth to struggle with. Their father's memory will be better to them than lands or gold.

Put it all out of your thoughts, dear love. I am not afraid."

Afterwards the doubt might come--the care, the anxiety, the painful reckoning of ways and means, to her who knew that the roof that covered them and the daily bread of her children, depended on the dear life now ebbing so fast away. But now, seeing--not Heaven's light, indeed, but the reflection of its glory on his face, she no more feared life than he feared death, now drawing so near. The children came in, at times, and looked with sad, appealing eyes from one face to the other to find comfort, and seeing her so sweet and calm and strong, went out to whisper to one another that mamma was not afraid. All through these last days of suffering the dying father never heard the voice of weeping, or saw a token of fear or pain. Just once, at the very first, seeing the sign of the coming change on his father's face, David's heart failed him, and he leaned, for a moment, faint and sick upon his mother's shoulder. But it never happened again till the end was near.

Seeing his mother, he grew calm and strong, trying to stand firm in this time or trouble that she might have him to lean on when the time of weakness should come. The others came and went, but David never left his mother's side. And she watched and waited, and took needful rest that she might keep calm and strong to the very end; and the dying eyes never rested on her face but they read there, "G.o.d is good, and I am not afraid."

And so the time wore on till the last night came. They did not know it was the last night; and the mother lay down within call, for an hour or two, and David watched alone. Will he ever forget those hours, so awful yet so sweet?

"It is 'the last evening,' Davie, lad!" said his father, in gasps, between his hard-drawn breaths. "Strong, but not invincible! Say something to me, dear."

"'He, also, Himself likewise took part of the same, that through death He might destroy him that hath the power of death--.'" David paused.

"Go on, dear," said his father.

"'And deliver them who through fear of death were all their life-time subject to bondage.'"

"I am not--afraid! Tell me more."

"'I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, shall give me at that day, and not to me only, but to all them also that love His appearing.'"

"His gift, dear boy, His gift! Say something more."

"'In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us--'" went on David, but he had no power to add another word, and his father murmured on:

"Loved us! Wonderful!--wonderful! And gave--Himself--for us."

And then he seemed to slumber for awhile, and when he awoke David was not sure that he knew him, for his mind seemed wandering, and he spoke as if he were addressing many people, lifting his hand now and then as if to give emphasis to his words. But his utterance was laboured and difficult, and David only caught a word here and there. "A good fight"--"the whole armour"--"more than conquerors." Once he said, suddenly:

"Are you one of them, Davie? And are you to stand in my place and take up the weapons that I must lay down?"

David felt that he knew Him then, and he answered:

"Papa, with G.o.d's help, I will."

And then there came over his father's face a smile, oh! so radiant and so sweet, and he said:

"Kiss me, Davie!" And then he murmured a word or two--"Thanks!" and "Victory!" and these were the very last words that David heard his father utter; for, when he raised himself up again, his mother was beside him, and the look on her face, made bright to meet the dying eyes, was more than he could bear.

"Lie down a little, Davie. You are quite worn out," said she, softly, soothing him with hand and voice.

But he could not go away. He sat down on the floor, and laid his face on the pillow of little Mary's deserted cot, and by and by his mother came and covered him with a shawl, and he must have fallen asleep, for when he looked up again there were others in the room, and his mother's hand was laid on his father's closed eyes.

Of the awe and stillness that filled the house for the next three days of waiting, few words need be spoken.

"I must have three days for my husband, and then all my life shall be for my children," said their mother. "Davie, you and Letty must help one another and comfort the little ones."

So for the most part she was left alone, and David and Letty did what they could to comfort the rest, through that sorrowful time. The neighbours were very kind. They would have taken the little ones away for awhile, but they did not want to go, and David and Violet said to one another it was right that even the little ones should have these days to remember afterwards.

How long the days of waiting seemed! Sudden bursts of crying from the little ones broke now and then the stillness too heavy to be borne, and even Violet sometimes gave way to bitter weeping. But they thought of their mother, and comforted one another as well as they could; and David stood between her closed door and all that could disturb her in her sorrow, with a patient quiet at which they all wondered. Just once it failed him. Some one came, with a trailing ma.s.s of black garments, which it was thought necessary for her to see, and Violet said so to her brother, very gently, and with many tears. But David threw up his hands with a cry.

"What does it matter, Letty? What can mamma care for all that now? She shall not be troubled."