The Hotel New Hampshire Part 23

'Schweinsdreck,' Frank would say.

'Show off,' Franny would say back to him.

'Pig s.h.i.t to you, Frank,' I'd say.

'What?' Egg would shout.

And one morning Lilly asked Father, 'Will we leave before the circus called Fritz's Act moves in, or will we get to see them?'

'I hope to miss miss seeing them,' Franny said. seeing them,' Franny said.

'Won't we overlap, at least a day?' Frank asked. 'I mean for the pa.s.sing of the keys, or something?'

'What keys?' Max Urick asked. keys?' Max Urick asked.

'What locks locks?' said Ronda Ray, whose door was shut to me.

'Perhaps we'll coincide for about ten or fifteen minutes,' Father said.

'I want to see them,' Lilly said, seriously. And I looked at Mother, who looked tired - but nice: she was a soft, rumpled woman, whom Father clearly loved to touch. He was always burrowing his face in her neck, and cupping her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, and hugging her from behind - which she only pretended to resent (in front of us children). When he was around Mother, Father was remindful of those dogs whose heads are always thrust in your lap, whose snouts take comfort in armpits and crotches - I don't mean, at all, that Father was crude with her, but he was always making contact: hugging and hanging on tight.

Of course, Egg did this with Mother, too, and Lilly - to a degree - though Lilly was more dignified, and holding back of herself, since her smallness had become such an item. It was as if she didn't want to appear any smaller than she was by acting too young.

'The average Austrian is three to four inches shorter than the average American, Lilly,' Frank informed her, but Lilly appeared not to care - she shrugged; it was Mother's move, independent and pretty. In their different ways both Franny and Lilly had inherited the motion.

Sometime that spring I saw Franny use it: just a single deft shrug, with a hint of some involuntary ache behind it - when Junior Jones told us that he would be accepting the football scholarship from Penn State in the fall.

'I'll write you,' Franny told him.

'Sure, and I'll I'll write write you you,' he told her.

'I'll write you more,' said Franny. Junior Jones tried to shrug, but it didn't come off.

's.h.i.t,' he told me, when we were throwing rocks at a tree in Elliot Park. 'What does Franny want to do do, anyway? What does she think is going to happen to her over there?'

'Over there' was what we all called it. Except Frank: he now spoke of Vienna the German way.' Wien Wien,' he said.

'Veen,' Lilly said, shuddering. 'It sounds like something a lizard would say.' And we all stared at her, waiting for Egg to say his 'What?'

Then the gra.s.s came out in Elliot Park, and one warm night, when I was sure Egg was asleep, I opened the window and looked at the moon and the stars and listened to the crickets and the frogs, and Egg said, 'Keep pa.s.sing the open windows.'

'You awake?' I said.

'I can't sleep,' Egg said. 'I can't see where I'm going,' he said. 'I don't know what it'll be like.'

He sounded ready to cry, so I said, 'Come on, Egg. It will be great great. You've never lived in a city city,' I said.

'I know,' he said, sniffling a little.

'Well, there's more to do than there is to do here,' I promised him.

'I have a lot to do here,' he said.

'But this will be so different different,' I told him. I told him.

'Why do the people jump out of windows?' he asked me.

And I explained to him that it was just a story, although the sense of a metaphor might have been lost on him.

'There are spies in the hotel,' he said. 'That's what Lilly said: "Spies and low women.'"

I imagined Lilly thinking that 'low women' were short, like her, and I tried to rea.s.sure Egg that there was nothing frightening about the occupants of Freud's hotel; I said that Father would take care of everything - and heard the silence with which both Egg and I accepted that that promise. promise.

'How will we get there?' Egg asked. 'It's so far.'

'An airplane,' I said.

'I don't know what that's like, either,' he said.

(There would be two airplanes, actually, because Father and Mother would never fly on the same plane; many parents are like that. I explained that to Egg, too, but he kept repeating. 'I don't know what it'll be like.') Then Mother came into our room to comfort Egg and I fell back to sleep with them talking together, and woke up again as Mother was leaving; Egg was asleep. Mother came over to my bed and sat down beside me; her hair was loose and she looked very young; in fact, in the half-dark, she looked a lot like Franny.

'He's only seven,' she said, about Egg. 'You should talk to him more.'

'Okay,' I said. 'Do you want to go to Vienna?'

And of course, she shrugged - and smiled - and said, 'Your father is a good, good man.' For the first time, really, I could see them in the summer of 1939, with Father promising Freud that he would would get married, and he get married, and he would would go to Harvard - and Freud asking Mother one thing: to forgive Father. Was this what she had to forgive him for? And was rooting us out of the terrible town of Dairy, and the wretched Dairy School - and the first Hotel New Hampshire, which wasn't so hot a hotel (though n.o.body said so) - was that so bad a thing that Father was doing, really? go to Harvard - and Freud asking Mother one thing: to forgive Father. Was this what she had to forgive him for? And was rooting us out of the terrible town of Dairy, and the wretched Dairy School - and the first Hotel New Hampshire, which wasn't so hot a hotel (though n.o.body said so) - was that so bad a thing that Father was doing, really?

'Do you like like Freud?' I asked her. Freud?' I asked her.

'I don't really know know Freud,' Mother said. Freud,' Mother said.

'But Father likes him,' I said.

'Your father likes him,' Mother said, 'but he doesn't really know him, either.'

'What do you think the bear will be like?' I asked her.

'I don't know what the bear is for,' for,' Mother whispered, 'so I couldn't guess what it could be Mother whispered, 'so I couldn't guess what it could be like.' like.'

'What could could it be for?' I asked, but she shrugged again - perhaps remembering what Earl had been like, and trying to remember what Earl could have been it be for?' I asked, but she shrugged again - perhaps remembering what Earl had been like, and trying to remember what Earl could have been for. for.

'We'll all find out,' she said, and kissed me. It was an Iowa Bob thing to say.

'Good night,' I said to Mother, and kissed her.

'Keep pa.s.sing the open windows,' she whispered, and I was asleep.

Then I had a dream that Mother died.

'No more bears,' she said to Father, but he misunderstood her; he thought she was asking him a question.

'No, one one more bear,' he said. 'Just one more. I promise.' more bear,' he said. 'Just one more. I promise.'

And she smiled and shook her head; she was too tired to explain. There was the faintest effort of her famous shrug, and the intention of a shrug in her eyes, which rolled up and out of sight, suddenly, and Father knew that the man in the white dinner jacket had taken Mother's hand.

'Okay! No more bears!' Father promised, but Mother was aboard the white sloop, now, and she went sailing out to sea.

In the dream, Egg wasn't there; but Egg was there when I woke up - he was still sleeping, and someone else was watching him. I recognized the sleek, black back - the fur thick and short and oily; the square back of his blundering head, and the half-c.o.c.ked, no-account ears. He was sitting on his tail, as he used to do - in life - and he was facing Egg. Frank had probably made him smiling, or at least panting, witlessly, in that goofy way of dogs who repeatedly drop b.a.l.l.s and sticks at your feet. Oh, the moronic but happy fetchers fetchers of this world - that was our old Sorrow: a fetcher and a farter. I crept out of bed to face the beast - from Egg's point of view. of this world - that was our old Sorrow: a fetcher and a farter. I crept out of bed to face the beast - from Egg's point of view.

I could see at a glance that Frank had outdone himself at 'niceness.' Sorrow sat on his tail with his forepaws touching and modestly hiding his groin; his face had a dippy, glazed happiness about it, his tongue lolled stupidly out of his mouth. He looked ready to fart, or wag his tail, or roll idiotically on his back; he looked like he was dying to be scratched behind his ears - he looked like a hopelessly slavish animal, forever in need of fondling attention. If it weren't for the fact that he was dead, and that it was impossible to banish from memory Sorrow's other manifestations, this this Sorrow looked as harmless as Sorrow ever could have looked. Sorrow looked as harmless as Sorrow ever could have looked.

'Egg?' I whispered. 'Wake up.' But it was Sat.u.r.day morning - Egg's morning for sleeping in - and I knew Egg had slept badly, or only a little, through the night. Out the window I saw our car driving between the trees of Elliot Park, treating the soggy park like a slalom course - at slow speed - and I knew that meant Frank was at the wheel; he'd just gotten his driver's license, and he liked to practice by driving around the trees in Elliot Park. Also, Franny had just gotten her learner's permit and Frank was teaching her to drive. I could tell it was Frank at the wheel because of the stately progress of the car through the trees, at limousine speed, at hea.r.s.e hea.r.s.e speed - that was the way Frank always drove. Even when he drove Mother to the supermarket, he drove as if he were bearing the coffin of a queen past throngs of mourners seeking one last look. When Franny drove, Frank yelped beside her, cringing in the pa.s.senger seat; Franny liked to go fast. speed - that was the way Frank always drove. Even when he drove Mother to the supermarket, he drove as if he were bearing the coffin of a queen past throngs of mourners seeking one last look. When Franny drove, Frank yelped beside her, cringing in the pa.s.senger seat; Franny liked to go fast.

'Egg!' I said more loudly, and he stirred a little. There was a slamming of doors outside, a changing of drivers in our car in Elliot Park; I could tell Franny had taken the wheel when the car began to careen between the trees, great slithers of the spring mud flying - and the wild, half-seen gestures of Frank's arms waving in what is popularly called the death seat.

'Jesus G.o.d!' I heard Father yell, out another window. Then he shut the window and I heard him raving at Mother - about the way Franny drove, about having to replant the gra.s.s in Elliot Park, about having to chip the mud off the car with a chisel - and while I was still watching Franny racing among the trees, Egg opened his eyes and saw Sorrow. His scream jammed my thumbs against the windowsill and made me bite my tongue. Mother ran into the room to see what was the matter and greeted Sorrow with a shriek of her own.

'Jesus G.o.d,' said Father. 'Why does Frank have to spring spring the d.a.m.n dog on everyone? Why can't he just say, 'Now I'm going to show you Sorrow,' and carry the d.a.m.n thing into a room - when we're all the d.a.m.n dog on everyone? Why can't he just say, 'Now I'm going to show you Sorrow,' and carry the d.a.m.n thing into a room - when we're all ready ready for it, for Christ's sake!' for it, for Christ's sake!'

'Sorrow?' said Egg, peering from under his bedclothes.

'It's just Sorrow, Egg,' I said. 'Doesn't he look nice?' Egg smiled cautiously at the foolish-looking dog.

'He does does look nice,' Father said, suddenly pleased. look nice,' Father said, suddenly pleased.

'He's smiling smiling!' Egg said.

Lilly came into Egg's room and hugged Sorrow; she sat down and leaned back against the upright dog. 'Look, Egg,' she said, 'you can use him like a backrest.'

Frank came in the room, looking awfully proud.

'It's terrific, Frank,' I said.

'It's really nice,' said Lilly.

'A remarkable job, son,' Father said; Frank was just beaming. Franny came in the room, talking before she came in.

'Honestly, Frank is such a chicken s.h.i.t in the car,' she complained. 'You'd think he was giving me stagecoach lessons!' Then she saw Sorrow. 'Wow!' she cried. And why did we all wait so quietly for what Franny would say? Even when she was not quite sixteen, my whole family seemed to regard her as the real authority - as the last word. Franny circled Sorrow, almost as if she were another dog - sniffing him. Franny put her arm around Frank's shoulder, and he stood tensed for her verdict. 'The King of Mice has produced a f.u.c.king masterpiece masterpiece,' Franny announced; a spasm of a smile crossed Frank's anxious face, 'Frank,' Franny said to him sincerely, 'you've really done it, Frank. This really is is Sorrow,' she said. And she got down and patted the dog - the way she used to, in the old days, hugging his head and rubbing behind his ears. This seemed completely rea.s.suring to Egg, who began to hug Sorrow without reserve. 'You may be an a.s.shole in an automobile, Frank,' Franny told him, 'but you've done an absolutely first-rate job with Sorrow.' Sorrow,' she said. And she got down and patted the dog - the way she used to, in the old days, hugging his head and rubbing behind his ears. This seemed completely rea.s.suring to Egg, who began to hug Sorrow without reserve. 'You may be an a.s.shole in an automobile, Frank,' Franny told him, 'but you've done an absolutely first-rate job with Sorrow.'

Frank looked as if he were going to faint, or just fall over, and everyone began talking at once, and pounding Frank on the back, and poking and scratching Sorrow - everyone but Mother, we suddenly noticed; she was standing by the window, looking out at Elliot Park.

'Franny?' she said.

'Yes,' Franny said.

'Franny,' Mother said, 'you're not to drive like that in the park again - do you understand?'

'Okay,' Franny said.

'You may go out to the delivery entrance, now now,' Mother said, 'and get Max to help you find the lawn hose. And get some buckets of hot hot, soapy soapy water. You're going to wash all the mud off the car before it dries.' water. You're going to wash all the mud off the car before it dries.'

'Okay,' Franny said.

'Just look at the park,' Mother told her. 'You've torn up the new gra.s.s.'

'I'm sorry,' Franny said.

'Lilly?' Mother said, still looking out the window - she was through with Franny, now.

'Yes?' Lilly said.

'Your room, Lilly,' Mother said. 'What am I going to say about your room?'

'Oh,' Lilly said. 'It's a mess.'

'For a week week it's been a mess,' Mother said. 'Today, please, don't leave your room until it's better.' it's been a mess,' Mother said. 'Today, please, don't leave your room until it's better.'

I noticed that Father slunk quietly away, with Lilly - and Franny went to wash the car. Frank seemed bewildered that his moment of success had been cut so short! He seemed unwilling to leave Sorrow, now that he had re-created him.

'Frank?' said Mother.

'Yes!' Frank said.

'Now that you're finished with Sorrow, perhaps you you could straighten up could straighten up your your room, too?' Mother asked. room, too?' Mother asked.

'Oh, sure,' Frank said.

'I'm sorry, Frank,' Mother said.

'Sorry?' Frank said.

'I'm sorry, but I don't like Sorrow, Frank,' Mother said.

'You don't like like him?' Frank said. him?' Frank said.

'No, because he's dead dead, Frank,' Mother said. 'He's very real real, Frank, but he's dead, and I don't find dead things amusing.'

'I'm sorry,' Frank said.

'Jesus G.o.d!' I said.

'And you you, please,' Mother said to me, 'will you watch your .language? Your language is terrible,' Mother told me. 'Especially when you pause to consider that you share a room with a seven-year-old. I am tired of the "f.u.c.king" this and the "f.u.c.king" that,' Mother said. This house is not a locker room.'

'Yes,' I said, and noticed that Frank was gone - the King of Mice had slipped away.

'Egg,' Mother said - her voice winding down.

'What?' Egg said.