The Hesperides & Noble Numbers Part 142

64. ONCE POOR, STILL PENURIOUS.

Goes the world now, it will with thee go hard: The fattest hogs we grease the more with lard.

To him that has, there shall be added more; Who is penurious, he shall still be poor.

99. UPON BLANCH.

Blanch swears her husband's lovely; when a scald Has blear'd his eyes: besides, his head is bald Next, his wild ears, like leathern wings full spread, Flutter to fly, and bear away his head.

109. UPON CUFFE. EPIG.

Cuffe comes to church much: but he keeps his bed Those Sundays only whenas briefs are read.

This makes Cuffe dull; and troubles him the most, Because he cannot sleep i' th' church free cost.

_Briefs._--Letters recommending the collection of alms.

110. UPON FONE A SCHOOLMASTER. EPIG.

Fone says, those mighty whiskers he does wear Are twigs of birch, and willow, growing there: If so, we'll think too, when he does condemn Boys to the lash, that he does whip with them.

126. UPON s...o...b..E. EPIG.

s...o...b..e for wh.o.r.edom whips his wife; and cries He'll slit her nose; but blubb'ring, she replies, Good sir, make no more cuts i' th' outward skin, One slit's enough to let adultry in.

129. UPON GLASCO. EPIG.

Glasco had none, but now some teeth has got; Which though they fur, will neither ache or rot.

Six teeth he has, whereof twice two are known Made of a haft that was a mutton bone.

Which not for use, but merely for the sight, He wears all day, and draws those teeth at night.

131. THE CUSTARD.

For second course, last night, a custard came To th' board, so hot as none could touch the same: Furze three or four times with his cheeks did blow Upon the custard, and thus cooled so; It seem'd by this time to admit the touch, But none could eat it, 'cause it stunk so much.

135. UPON GRYLL.

Gryll eats, but ne'er says grace; to speak the truth, Gryll either keeps his breath to cool his broth, Or else, because Gryll's roast does burn his spit, Gryll will not therefore say a grace for it.

148. UPON STRUT.

Strut, once a foreman of a shop we knew; But turn'd a ladies' usher now, 'tis true: Tell me, has Strut got e're a t.i.tle more?

No; he's but foreman, as he was before.

163. UPON JOLLY'S WIFE.

First, Jolly's wife is lame; then next loose-hipp'd: Squint-ey'd, hook-nos'd; and lastly, kidney-lipp'd.

171. UPON PAGGET.

Pagget, a schoolboy, got a sword, and then He vow'd destruction both to birch and men: Who would not think this younker fierce to fight?

Yet coming home, but somewhat late (last night), Untruss, his master bade him; and that word Made him take up his shirt, lay down his sword.

183. UPON PRIG.

Prig now drinks water, who before drank beer; What's now the cause? we know the case is clear; Look in Prig's purse, the chev'ril there tells you Prig money wants, either to buy or brew.

_Chevril_, kid.

184. UPON BATT.

Batt he gets children, not for love to rear 'em; But out of hope his wife might die to bear 'em.

188. UPON MUCH-MORE. EPIG.

Much-more provides and h.o.a.rds up like an ant, Yet Much-more still complains he is in want.

Let Much-more justly pay his t.i.thes; then try How both his meal and oil will multiply.

199. UPON LUGGS. EPIG.

Luggs, by the condemnation of the Bench, Was lately whipt for lying with a wench.

Thus pains and pleasures turn by turn succeed: He smarts at last who does not first take heed.

200. UPON GUBBS. EPIG.

Gubbs calls his children kitlings: and would bound, Some say, for joy, to see those kitlings drown'd.

206. UPON BUNCE. EPIG.

Money thou ow'st me; prethee fix a day For payment promis'd, though thou never pay: Let it be Dooms-day; nay, take longer scope; Pay when th'art honest; let me have some hope.

221. GREAT BOAST SMALL ROAST.