The Handbook of Conundrums Part 5

Why do we a.s.sume that Moses wore a wig? Because sometimes he was seen with Aaron (hair on), and sometimes without.

If you were to throw a white stone into the Red Sea, what would it become? Wet.

Who were the first mathematicians mentioned in the Bible? The Children of Israel, who multiplied upon the face of the earth.

What is the difference between the ancient Israelites and modern washstands? The former had hewers of wood and drawers of water; the latter have ewers of water and drawers of wood.

Why would it be impossible to starve in the desert of Sahara? Because of the sandwiches (sand which is) there.

How did the sandwiches get there? When Ham was sent there with his followers, who were bred (bread) and mustered (mustard), and when Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt, all but-ter (but her) went into the desert.

Who was the oldest man that ever lived, yet who died before his father did? Methuselah: his father Enoch did not die, but was translated.

If Richard Jones were milking a cow too quickly, what ancient name would that animal mention? Melchisedek (Milk easy, d.i.c.k).

What man had no father? Joshua, the son of Nun.

Who took the first newspapers? Cain took A-Bell's Life, and Joshua countermanded the Sun.

Why was the giant Goliath very much astonished when David hit him with a stone? Because such a thing had never entered his head before.

How many soft-boiled eggs could the giant Goliath eat upon an empty stomach? One, after which his stomach was not empty.

What ancient king was often literally in his contemporaries' mouth?

Agag.

What is the difference between Solomon and Rothschild? The one was king of the Jews, the other Jew of the kings.

Where did the Witch of Endor live--and end-her days? At Endor.

Who was hanged for not wearing a wig? Absalom.

In what tongue did Balaam's donkey speak? Probably in he-bray-ic.

Why would Samson have made an excellent actor? Because he could so easily bring down the house.

Why is the gla.s.s I drank out of yesterday like Nebuchadnezzar in his debased condition? Because it was my tumbler (might humbler).

What is the difference between Nineveh and a donkey-boy? One is in a.s.syria, the other is an a.s.s-hurryer.

Who was the first unfortunate speculator? Jonah, because he got taken in.

What did the whale gain in the little transaction between him and Jonah? The whale got all the prophet.

Why was the whale which swallowed Jonah like a milkman who has retired on an independence? Because he took a great profit (prophet) out of the water.

How did Jonah feel when the whale was going to swallow him? Down in the mouth--as if he was going to blubber.

What divine law did the whale obey when he swallowed Jonah? Jonah was a stranger and he took him in.

Who was Jonah's tutor? The whale that brought him up.

Wherein did the prophet Jonah differ from the modern theologians?

Because while he disagreed with the whale, they disagree about him.

Why was John the Baptist like a penny? Because he was one cent (sent).

Who won the first horse race in the Bible? Herodias' daughter when she got a head of John the Baptist on a charger.

When is a policeman like the good Samaritan? When he comes out of some area (Samaria).

Which are the two smallest things mentioned in the Scripture? The widow's mite, and the wicked flee.

Why is a good wife like the devil? While the husbandman sleepeth, she seweth (soweth) tears (tares).

CHAPTER IV

HISTORICAL CONUNDRUMS

There has been but one king crowned in England since the conquest.

What king was he? James I. He was King of Scotland before he was King of England.

When Louis Philippe was deposed, why did he lose less than any of his subjects? Because, while he lost only a crown, they lost a sovereign.

Why is a portrait of Queen Elizabeth like a wager which is neither lost nor won? Because it is a drawn Bet.

What Egyptian official would a little boy mention if he were to call his mother to the window to see something wonderful? "Mammy, look!"

(Mameluke).

What young ladies won the battle of Salamis? The Miss Tocles (Themistocles).

Who was the most wretched of all the murderers of Julius Caesar? The miserable Cinna (sinner).

What is the difference between the Emperor of Russia and a beggar?

One issues manifestoes; the other manifests toes without 'is shoes.

Why is the Emperor of Russia like a greedy schoolboy on Christmas Day? Because he's confounded Hung(a)ry, and longs for Turkey.

Why is chloroform like Mendelssohn? Because it is one of the great composers of modern times.

Why was William Tell like a post? Because they couldn't get a bough out of him.

The name of what character in history would a person mention in asking the servant to put coal on the fire? Philip the Great (fill up the grate).

Why are volunteers like Lord Nelson? Because the last thing he did was to die for his country, and that is about the last thing the volunteers intend doing.