The Gentle Art of Making Enemies Part 38

The pretty embarra.s.sment of General Hawkins on the occasion of my visit, I myself liked, thinking it seemly, and part of the good form of a West Point man, who is taught that a drum-head court martial--and what else in the experience of this finished officer should so fit him for sitting in judgment upon pictures?--should be presided at with grave and softened demeanour.

If I mistook the General's manner, it is another illusion the less.

And I have, Sir, the honour to be, Your obedient servant,

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Amsterdam, Oct. 6.

_The Art-Critic's Friend_

[Sidenote: _The Scots Observer_, April 5, 1890.]

Mr. Whistler has many things to answer for, and not the least of them is the education of the British Art-Critic. That, at any rate, is the impression left by a little book made up--apparently against the writer's will--of certain of the master's letters and _mots_.... It is useful and pleasant reading; for not only does it prove the painter to have a certain literary talent--of aptness, unexpectedness, above all impertinence--but also it proves him never to have feared the face of art-critical man.... To him the art-critic is nothing if not a person to be educated, with or against the grain; and when he encounters him in the ways of error, he leaps upon him joyously, scalps him in print before the eyes of men, kicks him gaily back into the paths of truth and soberness, and resumes his avocation with that peculiar zest an act of virtue does undoubtedly impart. Indeed, Mr. Whistler, so far from being the critic's enemy, is on the contrary the best friend that tradesman has ever had. For his function is to make him ridiculous....

... Yes, Mr. Whistler is often "rowdy" and unpleasant; in his last combat with Mr. Oscar Wilde--("Oscar, you have been down the area again")--he comes off a palpable second; his treatment of 'Arry dead and "neglected by the parish" goes far to prove that his sense of smell is not so delicate nor so perfectly trained as his sense of sight....

_A Question_

_TO THE EDITOR:_

[Sidenote: _The Scots Observer_, April 19, 1890.]

Sir--It is, I suppose, to your pleasant satisfaction in "The Critic's Friend" that I owe the early copy of the _Scots Observer_, pointed with proud mark, in the blue pencil of office, whereby the impatient author hastened to indicate the pithy personal paragraphs, that no time should be wasted upon other matter with which the periodical is ballasted.

Exhilarated by the belief that I had been remembered--for vanity's sake let me fancy that you have bestowed upon me your own thought and hand--I plunged forthwith into the underlined article, and read with much amus.e.m.e.nt your excellent appreciation.

Having forgotten none of your professional manner as art arbiter, may I say that I can picture to myself easily the sad earnestness with which you now point the thick thumb of your editorial refinement in deprecation of my choicer "rowdyism"? And knowing your a.n.a.lytical conscientiousness, I can even understand the humble comfort you take in Oscar's meek superiority; but, for the life of me, I cannot follow your literary intention when you say that my care of "''Arry,' dead and neglected by the parish," goes far to prove that my "sense of smell is not so delicate nor so perfectly trained as" my "sense of sight."

Do you mean that my discovery of the body is the result of a cold in the head? and that, with a finer scent, I should have missed it altogether? or were you only unconsciously remembering and dreamily dipping your pen into the ink of my former description of "'Arry's"

chronic catarrh? In any case, I am charmed with what I have just read, and only regret that the ridiculous "Romeike" has not hitherto sent me your agreeable literature.--Also I am, dear Sir, your obedient servant,

[Ill.u.s.tration]

_The End of the Piece_

Sir--I beg to draw your attention to the contents of your letter to the _Scots Observer_, dated April 12th, in which you state that you "regret the ridiculous Romeike has not hitherto sent me your agreeable literature."

This statement, had it been true, was spiteful and injurious, but being untrue (entirely) it becomes malicious, and I must ask you at once to apologise.

And at the same time to draw your attention to the fact that we have supplied you with 807 cuttings.

We have written to the _Scots Observer_ for an ample apology, or the matter will be placed in our solicitor's hands, and we demand the same of you.

Yours obediently, ROMEIKE & CURTICE.

J. MCN. WHISTLER, Esq.

April 25, 1890.

_Exit the Prompter_

Sir--If it be not actionable, permit me to say that you _really are delightful_!!

_Navete_, like yours, I have never met--even in my long experience with all those, some of whose "agreeable literature" may be, I suppose, in the 807 cuttings you charge me for.

Who, in Heaven's name, ever dreamed of you as an actual person?--or one whom one would mean to insult?

My good Sir, no such intention--believe me--did I, in my wildest of moments, ever entertain.

_Your_ scalp--if you have such a thing--is safe enough!--and I even think--however great my willingness to a.s.sist you--could not possibly appear in the forthcoming Edition.

To Mr. ROMEIKE, April 25.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

_L'Envoi_

When the Chairman, in a singularly brilliant and felicitous speech led up to the toast of the evening, Mr. Whistler rose to his feet.

[Sidenote: _Sunday Times_, May 5, 1889.]

[Sidenote: Report of a reply to the toast of the evening at the complimentary dinner given to Mr. Whistler, London, May 1, 1889.]

"You must feel that, for me," said Mr. Whistler, "it is no easy task to reply under conditions of which I have so little habit. We are all even too conscious that mine has. .h.i.therto, I fear, been the gentle answer that sometimes turneth not away wrath."

"Gentlemen," said he, "this is an age of rapid results, when remedies insist upon their diseases, that science shall triumph and no time be lost; and so have we also rewards that bring with them their own virtue. It would ill become me to question my fitness for the position it has pleased this distinguished company to thrust upon me."

"It has before now been borne in upon me, that in surroundings of antagonism, I may have wrapped myself, for protection, in a species of misunderstanding--as that other traveller drew closer about him the folds of his cloak the more bitterly the winds and the storm a.s.sailed him on his way. But, as with him, when the sun shone upon him in his path, his cloak fell from his shoulders, so I, in the warm glow of your friendship, throw from me all former disguise, and, making no further attempt to hide my true feeling, disclose to you my deep emotion at such unwonted testimony of affection and faith."