The Funny Philosophers Part 18

"A negro, who is clothed and fed and protected, will occasionally run off from a comfortable home, and why not a monkey?" said Seddon.

"A negro may run away from the mush-pot of his master because he is a slave, and is impelled by a natural and laudable desire for liberty. But my monkey was not a slave, Mr. Seddon. He was a friend and a companion.

Monkeys and apes, Mr. Tickle, have emotions and sentiments. All they lack is the power of speech to give expression to their thoughts and feelings."

"They sometimes, though rarely, have that faculty," said the Professor.

"On one occasion I heard a venerable baboon express himself in emphatic and excellent English."

"Indeed!" said Bragg.

"It was in Kentucky," said the Professor, "There was a traveling menagerie exhibiting in a small village. A number of negroes were examining the baboon with much curiosity, and one of them insisted that he could talk but would not, because if he did the white people would put him to work, and he was too lazy to work. I was present and heard the baboon indignantly exclaim, 'You lie, you ugly, nasty n.i.g.g.e.r! I am not as lazy as you are! Begone! or I'll bite your nose off!' The Africans tore a hole in the tent in their efforts to get out."

Here there was heard an uproar in the street and a crowd of boys was seen approaching. One of them was carrying an animal, which he grasped by the tail and held with its head hanging down.

"What is that?" asked Seddon.

"A dead monkey," said the boy. "We found him in the grove by the fountain lying on his back in the bushes."

Bragg rushed forward and the boy dropped the monkey, which lay on the ground with its hideous face turned upward.

"My monkey! my monkey!" exclaimed Bragg. He stooped down and examined the dead body. Its skull had been cracked by a terrible blow which must have produced instant death. "This monkey has been foully murdered! Oh, that I knew the villain who perpetrated the b.l.o.o.d.y deed! Who killed my monkey? I say who killed my monkey?" said Bragg.

"Botts!" said a voice apparently issuing from the mouth of the monkey.

Bragg started back with a look of amazement. The crowd of boys opened and they fell back in awe and terror.

"Bill," said a boy to his companion, "that monkey spoke."

"True as preaching!" said Bill. "I heard it."

Bragg stood speechless for some minutes. Then, in solemn tones, he exclaimed,--

"Gentlemen, did you not hear that?"

"What?" said Toney, who with Tom stood at a distance of some paces. "I heard nothing."

"Did you not hear a voice issuing from the mouth of the corpse and proclaiming the name of the murderer?" exclaimed Bragg.

"Impossible!" said Seddon.

"By no means impossible," said the Professor. "Shakspeare, who is good authority on all such subjects, tells us that

Stones have been known to move and trees to speak; Auguries and understood relations have, By magot-pies and choughs and rooks, brought forth The secret'st man of blood."

"True, Mr. Tickle," said Bragg. "And as sure as yonder sun is shining in the heavens I heard a voice issuing from that monkey's mouth and proclaiming Botts to be the murderer!"

"Botts could prove an alibi," said Toney. "He has gone back to Mapleton."

"The conscience-stricken villain!" exclaimed Bragg. "He has imbrued his hands in innocent blood and then fled. I will follow him to the ends of the earth!" And Bragg started off as if in pursuit of the murderer.

"Captain!" shouted Seddon, "What will you do with the corpse?"

"Bury it," said Bragg, coming back,--"and then I will seek out that villain Botts."

Accompanied by the boys, Bragg proceeded to bury his monkey.

"That man is insane," said the Professor.

"All excitable people are insane at times," said Toney.

"Bragg has monkey-mania," said Tom.

"And pseudomania," said Toney.

"His lies are harmless," said Seddon.

"And amusing," said Toney. "Bragg can beat Baron Munchausen."

"That was an amusing story he told about his residence in Africa among those long-tailed gentlemen," said Seddon.

"What was that?" asked the Professor.

Here Tom gave an account of Bragg's residence in Africa as related by himself.

"The man is demented," said the Professor. "But do you think he will go after Botts?"

"As sure as his name is Bragg," said Toney. "Yonder he comes now."

Bragg was seen walking towards them rapidly, carrying a carpet-bag.

"Good-by, gentlemen!" said he, hurrying along.

"Are you going, captain?" said Toney. "When will you return?"

"As soon as I have settled with that villain Botts. Good-by!"

Bragg hurried to the railway. A train of cars was just ready to start.

"All aboard!" shouted the conductor, and the train moved off. Bragg seated himself with an ominous frown on his brow, for he was thinking of Botts. Immediately in front of him sat a man who had a large bundle by his side. The cars soon stopped at another station. The man got up and went out, leaving his bundle behind.

"Here, my man, you have left your bundle!" exclaimed Bragg.

The man made no answer, but had disappeared. The whistle sounded and the train was moving off, Bragg jumped up and threw the bundle out the window. It was picked up by a ragged loafer, who ran off with it. Just then the man re-entered the car.

"Where is my bundle?" exclaimed he.

"That man threw it out the window," said a pa.s.senger, pointing to Bragg.

"What!" exclaimed the man, and he looked out the window and saw the loafer running of with his bundle. "You infernal thief!--threw my bundle out the window for one of your gang to carry off!"