The Family Simon: Jack Part 15

"Nope." He wasn't in the mood to get into it with anyone.

"She pregnant?"

He glanced up sharply, setting the empty gas can down on the dock. For several moments, he held Sabrina's gaze as the water gently lapped against the boat and then shrugged.

"I don't know."

Sabrina's eyes widened in surprise. "What do you mean, you don't know?"

"I mean that she might be."

"You guys have heard of pregnancy tests right?"

At a loss for a few seconds, he didn't answer right away because Jesus f.u.c.k, he'd not thought of that. "I...it just happened."

Okay. Could he not feel any more like a G.o.dd.a.m.n freshman?

"Have you not heard of a pregnancy test? You can find out before you've even missed a period."

Huh. How the h.e.l.l had he missed that one? How the h.e.l.l had Donovan not thrown that in his face?

"Maybe you're not ready to know yet," Sabrina said, getting up from her perch on the edge of the boat.

"It's complicated," he said slowly. Complicated was one h.e.l.l of an understatement.

"I'm sure it is," she replied. "Love is always complicated."

"I don't love her, and she sure as h.e.l.l doesn't love me," he replied darkly. Love? That four letter word didn't exist for them. Not anymore.

"Then why is she here?" Sabrina asked lightly.

Jack scowled and climbed into the boat. Sabrina had always had a way of seeing things, of picking apart a situation and getting it right. He couldn't lie to her and dammit he needed to unload on someone.

"Grace set us up."

"Grace?"

"Yes, she arranged it so that we were both in Belize last week, and things got out of hand. Wasn't what either one of us wanted, but it happened. That I can deal with. But she's hiding something from me and, call me crazy, but I want to know what the h.e.l.l it is. I pretty much forced her to come here, which now that I think about it, might not have been the smartest thing I've ever done."

Sabrina climbed in and yelled to the kids to swim out to the tube. She sat beside Jack and rested her hand on his shoulder.

"Thing is, Jack," Sabrina whispered as she kissed his cheek and smiled. "Donovan James doesn't strike me as the kind of woman to just follow orders. She wouldn't be here if she didn't want to be. Trust me on that one."

Jack glanced up at the house and slowly edged the boat out onto open water.

On one hand, Sabrina was right but on the other, she didn't know the whole story. She didn't know that Donovan was desperate to keep her little vacation with Jack a secret. It made no sense really. In a world where celebrity ruled, if the press found out that Donovan and Jack had hooked up, it would only enhance her profile that much more. What celebrity didn't want that kind of exposure?

He sighed and watched the kids climb onto the tube, pushing the throttle forward slightly in order to get some tension on the rope. But his mind wasn't on the boat or tubing. Why was he forcing the issue with Donovan? Why didn't he just let the chips fall where they may and deal with the fallout when he knew the status of her pregnancy?

Why the h.e.l.l did he care that she was hiding something from him? Caring indicated that his feelings weren't ambivalent, and that didn't bode well.

He thought of Brett and his gut tightened. Jack was out here on the water with Brett's wife and children and d.a.m.n, but that was wrong. Brett should be out here. He should be living his life. Growing old with the woman who loved him and watching his kids achieve all that they could achieve.

Life was too short. As cliched as it sounded, those four words were bang on. Maybe it was time for Jack to move the h.e.l.l on. Maybe it was time for him to cut Donovan loose.

Chapter Eighteen.

Donovan spent most of the day on the front porch of the Simon home with her notebook, a bottle of water, and her guitar.

She'd like to say that it was because she was dedicated to her work-that the melodies in her head needed lyrics to go with them-but if she was being honest with herself, she'd have to admit that she was avoiding Jack. At first it was because she was still angry with him, but when her initial anger wore off, she was left feeling more confused than ever. Add a dose of fear and it had Donovan retreating, which was something she wasn't used to.

She'd watched him take the kids out on the boat with Sabrina. Watched him bring them back in a few hours later.

She pretended to be hard at work when he was on the beach helping Morgan with her sandcastle. And when he played a game of toss football with Harry, she pulled her Gucci's over her eyes so that she could watch them properly.

The kids loved him. That much was clear, and it was a bittersweet sort of feeling that settled inside her as she watched him serve them hotdogs for lunch and then take them back out on the water.

He had a way with kids. There was no denying that.

He deserved to have a family of his own.

And while she was being honest with herself, she may as well just face the fact that the thought of Jack and a whole pack of kids-their kids-made her crazy with want.

Jesus. She needed some sort of intervention. Since when did she fantasize about Jack and forever? He barely liked her and after the stunt she'd just pulled again, she didn't blame him. Just because the s.e.x was still good meant nothing. They would always have that. There was no rhyme or reason, it's just the way it was. Their bodies fit well together.

There wasn't anything wrong about having s.e.x without love. Men did it all the time. h.e.l.l, women did too. She'd done it in the past when that particular itch needed scratching.

But I want more.

Nothing compared to the connection she felt when she was with Jack, and Donovan was getting tired of denying herself the very thing that she wanted. Was she crazy to even consider it? Would the truth blow up in her face and end things before they had a chance to begin?

"You look like you're thinking too hard."

It was nearly six o'clock and Donovan was down at the beach with Brett. Jack had just returned from town with a few things for dinner-the plan was, food and then a fire. Sabrina insisted Donovan relax and since she was still doing the whole avoiding thing, it hadn't taken much convincing to get her to agree to keep Brett company while Sabrina and Jack finished preparing the burgers, salad, and corn on the cob.

She offered a smile. "I guess I am."

They were quiet for a few moments, both of them gazing out over the water, and Donovan let the easy silence wash over her. It was so peaceful here. So far away from her everyday crazy life.

"So tell me about yourself Donovan James," Brett said glancing her way. "What's your story?"

His voice was low and raspy, and she had to concentrate in order to hear him properly.

"My story?"

He nodded. "Yes. Everyone has a story. What's yours? I know you're a big time celebrity, but I don't know much else about you."

"It's nothing special."

"Humor me."

Donovan hated talking about herself and hesitated for a few moments, eyes back on a boat crossing a mile out. Maybe it was the ease of Brett's company. Or maybe it was the magical waters of Lake Muskoka. Whatever it was, she found herself settling back into her chair and talking.

"Well, I grew up in Arkansas at the foot of the Ozarks with my mom and my grandparents. Our house was a lovely, restored trailer and yes, you guessed it, we lived in a trailer park. Not very original. We didn't have much, but I never went hungry or anything. Even though my clothes might not have been trendy, they were clean."

"No father?"

"Nope." She shrugged. "I have vague memories of him. Just images and feelings, really, and even then sometimes I wonder if what I remember are things I was told, not things I actually saw. But I do have a clear memory of him sitting on the front porch with a beat up Gibson. He'd play and sing and toss me sugar candies."

Donovan paused, chest tight. She hadn't thought about him in forever. A man who was part of her history. A man she'd never really known.

"He loved music almost as much as he liked his whisky and that caused a lot of problems. He left when I was five and died when I was ten. I never really got the story of how he died, but I'm pretty sure he drank himself to death."

"I'm sorry," Brett replied, softly rolling his words.

"Don't be," she replied. "He was a mean drunk. My mama said it was for the best, but I think she was hiding a broken heart and that changed her. I can't remember what her smile looked like." Donovan paused, reaching for a memory, but there was nothing there. "How sad is that?" she whispered. "She was half alive, and the part that was alive was sad and angry."

"You get your talent from him?"

"I suppose. I mean, he played guitar like no ones business. He could pick hillbilly and bluegra.s.s and pretty much everything. He would make me sing for him and after he left, I'd sing everywhere. I think in my mind if I was singing, he'd hear me and come home. I'd sing in church." She smiled. "In school when I was supposed to be studying. I'd sing on the street corner while Mama was in getting our grocery order." She paused. "Singing was my way of leaving all the ugliness behind. It was my way of daydreaming you know? When I sang, I wasn't me...I was like an angel floating above everything. Free to be happy."

"Sounds nice."

"My mama figured out early on that my singing could bring in some extra dollars, so she started booking shows at fairs and such. When I was seventeen, we got ourselves a talent agent and well, here I am."

"Living the dream," Brett said.

"I'm living someone's dream," she replied. "Just not mine."

s.h.i.t. What was she doing? A trip down memory lane was never a good idea.

"Sometimes life gets crazy," Brett said. "You need to slow down and appreciate everything you've got."

Donovan took a sip of iced tea and nodded, her gut twisted and her throat tightened with emotion. What the h.e.l.l was wrong with her?

"You're right. Of course you're right, but it's hard sometimes. America thinks I have the world by the b.a.l.l.s. They think that fame and money is everything. That if you're some kind of star, you must be happy." She glanced at Brett sharply. "I'm not gonna lie. Money makes things a whole lot easier. I don't have to worry about where my next dollar is coming from. Don't have to worry about how I'm gonna pay the mortgage or car payment. Those are real problems for a lot of folks, and I get that but..."

She took another sip of iced tea and hoped she didn't sound like a spoiled, ungrateful brat.

"It's not everything. I play in front of thousands of fans. I step out onto that stage and man, the love I get... Whew, the love is fast and hard. It wraps itself around me for those two and half hours, and I can't even describe the rush. You just can't know unless you're there. But I miss..."

She stared down at her hands unable to continue because the truth was hard.

"What do you miss?"

"I miss simple and easy. I miss a time when I didn't have to worry about my road crew and their families and their need for income. I love them all, I do, but the weight of knowing I'm responsible for their livelihood is heavy. I miss the honkytonks. Those little hole in the wall places filled with smoke and sweat and beer and s.e.x. That right there is an entirely different connection. I mean, when the light was just right, I could see the faces of the people standing at the back of the bar watching me. Feeling me. I miss that intimacy. Everything in my world is so big and flashy and commercialized that sometimes I feel lost inside it."

Jesus. Where the h.e.l.l was all this coming from?

"You miss the simplicity."

"Yes, but more than that I miss..."

Someone waiting for me at night.

Someone with strong arms and a mouth worth dying for.

Someone I love arguing with. Making love with.

Someone who doesn't kiss my a.s.s.

Someone who challenges me.

"I miss Jack," she whispered.

s.h.i.t. Brett was going to think she was a complete and utter loser. "I'm sorry," Donovan said quickly, more than a little fl.u.s.tered. "I guess you got a whole lot more than my story."

Brett was silent for a few seconds, and Donovan noticed his fingers trembled as he tugged on his blanket. She bent over and pulled it up over his lap.

"It's a good story, a real story," he said, voice a little hoa.r.s.e as he settled back into his chair. "But it's not finished."

"No," Donovan said. "It's not."

The kids came running down onto the beach, and even though they were about to eat, Harry dove into the water and after a quick glance over to their father, Morgan giggled and followed her brother in.

"Some might think mine is over."

She glanced at Brett, her eyes bubbling when she saw the raw pain and love and sorrow on his face as he watched his children.

"It's not." He turned to Donovan and tried to smile, but the sadness in his eyes made it hard.

"I'm mad as h.e.l.l at the way it's been written. Mad as h.e.l.l that Sabrina will have to raise our kids without me. That Harry and Morgan's memories will be of a dad too sick to take them out onto the boat that last summer they had with him. I'm p.i.s.sed that Sabrina will meet someone, and she will, she's too d.a.m.n special not to. I'm angry at all of that, but so blessed at the same time. I had these three people. I had them. They were mine, Sabrina for over ten years, and those ten years are all that matter. Those ten years are my story, and I'll take it with me wherever I end up."

He glanced up at the sky and smiled and for a few precious moments, Donovan felt as if she was looking into his soul.

"I'll always have them. Whatever is still out there for me will just have to make room for what I'm bringing along for the ride. Love doesn't die." Brett met her gaze. "Sometimes it hides. Sometimes it changes. But real love is always there, and I believe it can even transcend death."

He cleared his throat and sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to get so heavy."

"No," she said, leaning forward and clasping his hands between hers. "Don't you dare apologize. I think that you just might be the smartest man I've ever met."