The Fading Away of Our Youth (So Young) Vol 2 Chapter 17

Chapter 17

She wasn’t sure how long she had slept for. She hadn’t even dreamt at all. She woke up after feeling a pair of hands touching her forehead, and slowly opened her eyes. Sure enough, she saw Lin Jing sitting along the bed, using his hands to check her body temperature.

“It’s good that you don’t have a fever. What happened? Where does it hurt? Have you eaten yet?”

Zheng Wei didn’t say anything, and just lay on the bed, opening her eyes wide to look at him.

Her gaze made Lin Jing feel a bit strange, and he asked, “Is there something wrong?”

Zheng Wei held her head and sat up. “No, nothing’s wrong, I probably just caught a chill last night. My head hurts a little.”

“No wonder, on the phone your voice sounded out of spirits and you were also in a bad mood. You found the medicine, right? Didn’t I already tell you last time that I put them in the medicine box.”

She casually said, “Did you? I don’t remember. Are you done with your meeting?”

Lin Jing said, “The entire day was filled with a sea of meetings and mountains of paperwork to do. Even after work ended we continued. There wasn’t really anything important, so I went home. Over there are the wontons I bought on the way here, I remembered that you like eating these every time you get sick.”

He brought the still steaming wontons over, and seeing her bent head and red eyes, reached out and petted her hair. “Do you not want to eat them?”

“I’m not hungry, Lin Jing…”

“Ok.” He made a single sound, but before she finished talking, he laughed and said, “You being like this is making be nervous.”

Zheng wei used her hand to tidy up her hair, then suddenly was filled with energy. “Right now my head doesn’t hurt anymore. Lin Jing, can you do something for me?”

Lin Jing stroked his chin and asked, “Can I first know what’s up with you?”

“I’m not going to make you go through any severe trials, you don’t need to be scared.” She pointed at the closet across from her, saying, “Can you go put on that uniform for me to see?” (the severe trials is like climbing a mountain of swords or plunging into a sea of flames, super dangerous tasks)

Lin Jing said, “And how do you know that what I’m afraid of is going through harsh trials? That uniform? The one I brought from the dry cleaners last time and put here?”

Zheng Wei nodded, and smiled as she pulled at him. “Faster, wear it so I can see, don’t keep talking nonsense.”

“What’s there to look at?” Lin Jing shook his head, but still took the uniform out of the closet. “Right now? What idea you have now?” (like what are you up to I think)

Zheng Wei hugged her pillow and sat cross-legged on the bed, tilted her head and laughed. “Have you actually never heard of ‘the temptation of a uniform’?”

Lin Jing almost couldn’t keep up with her constantly changing thought process and froze for a moment before beginning to smile. “How is this hard?”

Zheng Wei saw him unb.u.t.ton his clothes, take off his shirt and put on the blue uniform. She didn’t forget to gesture at him saying, “The pants! The pants! Put them on too.”

Lin Jing followed her words. He looked at Zheng Wei, his eyes intense on her, and the air suddenly had an uncertain/ambiguous feel.

He adjusted his clothing, walked up in fron of her and asked,”Satisfied now?” Zheng Wei looked at him from top to bottom and said, “I want to see what you look like from the other side.” The uniform was very form-fitting, and on Lin Jing’s

body it made his originally gentle and quiet temperament appear more dashing and heroic. Maybe the reason was the badge on his chest, but even his eyes looked sharper. Zheng Wei imagined him sitting on the judgement seat, he would probably be just as cold and rigid. (Ok, so I’m kinda confused as to whether Lin Jing is like the police or a prosecutor because the author writes judgement seat as in like during a trial here but do prosecutors wear blue uniforms? WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK: PROSECUTOR OR POLICE OFFICER)

However, when he laughed, his previous icy countenance completely vanished. “Does it look good?” She was used to seeing the Lin Jing who always knew exactly what to do. Zheng Wei didn’t often see this other side of him which held a bit of uncertainty, like a child waiting for an adult’s approval. “You should believe that no matter what Deputy Attorney General Lin (I’m gonna change his t.i.tle, I think this is more accurate) is wearing, he’ll still look good.” Zheng Wei’s praise made the dimple on Lin Jing’s face all the more obvious. He differed with the necktie is his hand and asked, “Do I still have to put this on?” Zheng Wei leaned over, took the tie, loosened the collar at his neck, smiled up at him then unexpectedly used both hands to pull at the ends of the tie. His entire body was pulled even closer to her and without even waiting for him to react, Zheng Wei seized the opportunity to kiss him on the lips. Lin Jing’s heart had perhaps already been somewhat prepared for this charm and gentleness, but when he returned her kiss, he was still excited and got somewhat out of control. She quickly tore at and messed up his neat uniform, and still hugging her, he pulled her over to straddle him. He enjoyed her wandering sighs and gasped in satisfaction. “Are these actions your praise towards me?” Zheng Wei nibbled at his skin a bit more forcefully, smiling as she said, “No, this is me trying you out.” Lin Jing groaned in a low voice and said, “I’m willing to be sacrificed.” (to her trying him, if that makes any sense.) Zheng Wei had never tried to please him like this before. When he was brought to the peak of happiness by her, he closed his eyes and a mult.i.tude of colors blossomed, lasting till the two of them washed away the sweat from their bodies. Hugging naked close together in the narrow twin bed, that light turned into an inseparable flame. Zheng Wei snuggled up against Lin Jing and felt his hands aimlessly caressing her body, gentle and as light as a feather.

She snuggled her body even closer to his, using her palm to lightly caress his scratchy stubble. All of a sudden, she faintly asked, “Lin Jing, have you ever hugged someone like this before?” Lin Jing’s hand slowly stopped, and after a moment, laughed and said, “Can I understand that little flying dragon is also getting jealous because of me?” Zheng Wei poked her head out from under his embrace and said, “I want to know.” He thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve obviously had female friends before, but those are all in the past.”

“Female friends?” Zheng Wei smiled slightly. “The same kind of female friends I have?” Lin Jing finally began to push his body up and study her seriously. “Don’t use things from before I got together with you against me, okay? It isn’t at all fair, even the law isn’t retroactive (when a law takes effect from a date before it is pa.s.sed).” Zheng Wei said, “Don’t misunderstand, I’m not trying to dig into your past, I don’t have that standpoint either. I was just suddenly curious, do you remember her or their scents/flavors? Did you love them?” He looked thoughtfully at her and said, “We might meet a lot of people in our livves, sometimes we happen to go the same way, and walk together for a bit, until we meet the person we truly want to spend our lives with. Only then will we place the rest of our trip in the hands of that person, and walk with them till the end.”

“So you’re saying that before you find that one last person, without love, a woman can still become your traveling companion temporarily, walking together for some time before paring ways? If being together isn’t because of love, then there must be some other reason for staying together, where each of you guys take what you need?”

“Wei Wei, did you happen to hear some fake gossip, or did someone say something directly to you?” Lin Jing’s face started turning pale. “Should there have been someone who told me?” Zheng Wei smiled innocently and said, “No one has said anything to me yet, I was just wondering.” Lin Jing said, “Once a person has been walking for too long, they will ineveitably get lonely. I admit that before I was certain about who I would spend the rest of my life with, if there was a person who suggested to become my temporary companion for some time, and all of their qualifications were suitable, I probably wouldn’t reject them. As for love, I don’t have a lot of it, so if it isn’t the woman that I want, I can’t give it.” Zheng Wei gave him an expression of admiration and said, “You really get together with people freely, I wonder who will even be lucky enough to receive your precious feelings. “Lin Jing pretended to not hear the teasing note in her voice and caressed her face. “Who this person is, you know in your heart.” Zheng Wei’s smile was disappointed and frustrated inside. “Life is so long, you can’t reach the end in just one day, so you also can’t decide in one day who will be the person who will accompany you till the last. Sometimes you’ll meet a person and think that its him, but afterwards,  looking back, he actually was just someone who gave you what you wanted for that period of the road. Lin Jing, am I right?” Lin Jing avoided the answer and didn’t reply. “Why do you have so many questions tonight?” he asked.

“Because I suddenly felt afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Afraid of the desires and secrets hidden inside people’s hearts.”

Lin Jing lay back down next to her, looking at the ceiling. Zheng Wei didn’t say anything further, her breathing gradually getting softer and shallower. Right before Lin Jing thought she was about to fall asleep, she mumbled a question. “Is Zhou Qu going to be imprisoned?”

“Is that the reason you’ve been so pa.s.sionate with me tonight?” For a few seconds, Zheng Wei seemed to think that Lin Jing’s tone had bits of frustration and disappointment in it. But he quickly returned to normal and said, “If I said that I can’t answer your question, would you be very dissapointed?” Making him surprised, Zheng Wei shook her head and said, “It wouldn’t.” Zhou Qu overestimated her. But she knew herself. In a man’s world, a woman was just a piece of a cloud. He would occasionally priase it’s flawlessness and beauty, and also think back on it fondly, but never would he give it all up for the vast sky. Of course, there were also the more intelligest men, who could step on the flight of steps created by the clouds and immediately reach the top, or hide in the safety under the clouds during a storm. (This is all one big metaphor, the life as one long road, the cloud=woman phrase, etc.)

Zheng Wei said, “Have you ever heard of the phrase, a company is like a tree. If there isn’t anything wrong than you shouldn’t shake it, or else it will be very difficult for it to grow many leaves.”

Lin Jing said lightly, “But if this tree is full of bugs, then if you don’t shake it it might die even faster.”

“What kind of tree doesn’t have bugs (All trees have bugs), so is the one you’ve chosen coincindentally the one suffering from to most severe case of bugs?” Lin Jing hadn’t thought that she would ask this question, and he muttered to himself for a bit. “That’s right, that tree indeed isn’t the most seriously suffering one, but who let it grow near the edge of the woods?” (This is like saying it’s corruption is more obvious/visible). Zheng Wei nodded her head and slowly said, “Then every time before you are about to shake to tree over, you pluck off a leaf, is this your consistent style of doing things?” (Basically I think she’s saying before getting the company into trouble, they accuse an innocent, like Zhou Qu). Lin Jing suddenly became angry and sat up from the bed, his breathing also becoming rushed and the anger flashing in his eyes. Zheng Wei stubbornly looked straight at him and he pursed his lips, eyes shut tight. In the end, he bent over and picked up his clothes which had fallen on the floor. While he was putting them on, he said coldly, “If you’re going to think like this then there’s no way.” Zheng Wei also at up and looked at his tidied up appearance with keys clasped in his hand. He walked to the door but then doubled back and bent down beside the bed, making himself eye to eye with Zheng Wei. “Wei Wei, you can criticize me as much as you want, but have you ever seen/thought of me as the person who will accompany you your whole life? When have you ever not just used me as a piece of driftwood, hoping that there’ll be someone to accompany you along the murkiest part of the journey. (unimportant, just temporary). I’ll even dare to say that at least I’ve thought of possibly walking with you till the end, but you haven’t.” After finishing his speech he stood back up, then continued saying, “I still have things I have to rush back to do, you should go to bed earlier.”

“Lin Jing,” she called out to him. Lin Jing almost immediately stopped in his tracks but he didn’t turn around, only hearing Zheng Wei ask from behind him, “One last question–Do you love me?” This was the silliest and stupidest question in the world, and was also the question that women in the world asked about the most specifically. The men would undoubtedly laugh at women for being bored, and women too actually new how foolish they were, but they still asked this question time and time again, looking for an answer. Why? Because there was no knowing what was in a man’s heart, because women cared too much, because they hadn’t been able to get an answer which made them feel sufficently safe in a different heart (previous boyfriend?). Even though most answers that men gave were empty, women still needed that little bit of comfort from the words.

Lin Jing had said that he had thought of walking with her till the end, this Zheng Wei believed. But she discovered that she actually cared whether he pledged his life to her because he had wanted to regain the happiness from his memories after going through many trials, or if she was just coincidentally there at the right time.

Lin Jing replied, “If you don’t believe it in your heart, no matter how many affirmative replies I give you, would they be of any use? The same question, do you love me?” Maybe only this was considered mature feelings between adults, putting them on scales and carefully calculating, how much you gave me, how much I mean to you. What we can invest in a relationship is limited, we can no longer afford to waste or squander it. And where did our young selves who loved freely, disregarding the price, go?

Zheng Wei lost hope then, but her despair wasn’t because of Lin Jing, but in fact herself. She had thrown away her most important treasure, and looking back now, trying to find it, she discovered that she actually didn’t know when it had left her and where it had gone–that treasure’s name was ‘courage’.

Lin Jing, whose back was towards her, similarly didn’t wait for a response and said, “I’ll call you when I come over in a few days.”

“You don’t need to come over after a few days.” Zheng Wei felt his slight astonishment.

“Reason?”

“Because those few days are coincidentally my period days.”

He left, the gentleman-like Lin Jing, the Deputy Attorney General Lin who wouldn’t even be fl.u.s.tered in from of Mount Tai, the sound of the door closing heavy enough to rattle the gla.s.s in the windows. Startled, Shu Bao ran to hid underneath the bed. Zheng Wei had thought no one could infuriate Lin Jing in the past, but it turned out that he was just an ordinary person made of flesh and blood too.

She turned the light on, but even this most beloved light of hers was unable to warm her up.