The Fading Away of Our Youth (So Young) Vol 2 Chapter 13.2

Chapter 13, 2/2

She anxiously shoved all of the underwear, dirty socks and clothes from her bed into all possible hiding places. Then, she collected all of the scattered magazines on the floor in a pile, and in her hurry, and she almost mixed her high heels that were in the center of her room in. She cursed softly, and then she discovered that at some unknown time, Shu Bao had already pushed open the closed door, and Lin Jing was smiling, yet not quite smiling, standing right in the door.

“Have you finished tidying up?” He said calmly.

Zheng Wei’s face turned red; she had originally planned to gloss it over with a few sentences, but when they reached the tip of her tongue they suddenly disappeared. If it’s messy then it’s messy, she had been like this originally, and she didn’t have hope that he would have any expectations of her. So, she stopped her efforts in cleaning, and only cleared off a chair covered in clothes to let him sit one. “This is it, just put up with it for a bit. Other then my dorm mate’s husband, no one else has ever come her before.”

Lin Jing calmly stepped over several pairs of high heels on the floor, and seeing the chair that was  piled with clothes, he said, “Don’t tidy up, I’m only here for a bit. I’ll leave after drinking a cup of tea.” Her blanket on the bed was rolled into a ball, and her laptop resting on the pillow, it was very clear as to where she lived and used. Facing this messed up situation, she strangely didn’t feel weird at all, only that when he imagined the Zheng Wei who left from this house every single day, the bright, neat and beautiful Secretary Zheng who left for work every morning, he wanted to laugh badly. He pointed to the bed. “Do you mind if I sit here?”

Zheng Wei had been preoccupied with her thoughts, and now scrambled to arrange her thoughts. That bed had already been used as her couch and her desk, so she hastily nodded. “Sit down, what would you like to drink?”

“Don’t bother, ordinary green will be fine.” Lin Jing found her MP3 player on her computer, and after the music began playing, he finally discovered that she was still standing in the door, speechless.

He immediately understood, “It’s not important if you have green tea or not, what do you have?”

Zheng Wei walked out to go take a look at the refrigerator. “Um, there’s ice cold clean water and not cold clean water.”

“Either’s fine, I’ll just drink whatever you usually drink.”

Zheng Wei pa.s.sed the water to him, and he took it, mentioning, “You should go wash up, it might make your face a bit better.”

Not understanding, she looked at herself in the mirror, and was shocked. The person in the mirror’s hair was unkempt, mascara was running, and the foundation that she had put on her face before leaving was mottled. This was no where near the beautiful and intelligent Zheng Wei; it was simply a ghost.

She covered her face, and escaped, running towards the bathroom. When she had finished cleaning herself up and had walked out, Lin Jing was sitting on her bed, and in his hands was a fashion magazine from beside her pillow.

He had already drank the water, and it was already almost 11:30, but she couldn’t immediately send him off without even exchanging two sentences of conversation. Lin Jing saw her standing there, a bit ill at ease, and said, “Come over and sit with me.”

In her heart, she thought, what even is this. This is my house, so why is he acting like the owner, while I’m like an uninvited guest? If he wants to sit, then I’ll sit; who’s afraid of who.

She sat abou
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t an arm’s distance away from him, and fulling utilizing her skill to come up with conversation topics, she discussed each and every little thing which had happened these past years with him. The computer steadily played an OST song from Golden Sands (some sort of drama), while she listened to him speak about his sad times and happy times when studying overseas. Slowly, she began to tell him funny stories about her experience entering the work market as well. He still was the same as he had been in the past; even when he wasn’t talking, he  made people feel like he was intently listening, so the atmosphere wasn’t too cold.

Once that song, “Among the Flowers” (this translation is by no means correct) was finished, the sound of the music quietly ceased, and coincidentally, the two people had just finished their previous discussion topic. He didn’t say anything thing more, and she suddenly didn’t know where to pick up from. Without the accompaniment of the music, the atmosphere suddenly turned silent and strange. The more she desperately wanted to find a new topic, the more awkward her language became, and he also kept silent.

The relations between two people was a very wonderful thing, one minute they could still pretend that everything was going well, constant conversation, and the next, to be frozen down to the freezing point. In the awkward silence, it was almost as if she could hear the sounds of their breathing in the air. She didn’t know whether it was his or her’s, and felt like she didn’t know where to put her hands and feet. Maybe this was the time to end their unexpected meeting, so she made up her mind and cleared her throat, and was about to say, “It’s too late, you should go back. Don’t let it affect your work tomorrow.” But right when she opened her mouth, her phone which had been thrown near the head of the bed rang. This sudden activity not only didn’t relieve her, but instead, were like a pair of invisible hands, which had just grabbed at her entire heard. She was shocked, and without thinking much, almost sprang up as if she was sitting on a spring, and got up very quickly to grab her phone. But the person next to her was faster and pressed down on her shoulder, and before she could even exclaim, felt his lips cover hers.

Zheng Wei’s entire body was frozen there, and the spring (like the machine part) in her head had already been broken and twisted. This unexpected kiss wasn’t shallow and uncommitted, but carried an intense invading quality, and she momentarily inhaled a faint scent of red wine and aftershave, but there was also another peculiar scent. She was more than an arm’s length away from him, but he easily reached over and grabbed onto her, and then, without too much effort, pushed her down onto the bed.

At that moment, Zheng Wei only felt there was only one word to describe the situation: Ridiculous! (The book has “two words” instead of “one word” as in Chinese, the word for it is two characters.)

Lin Jing had never acted around her this way, before, the most intimate contact they had had other than hugging and holding hands, was that gentle kiss on the bus. The Lin Jing in her memory, was similar to the red lamplight he used for calligraphy. It was a type of warm and serene existence, and even though she had pledged to marry him ever since she was young, she had imagined that married life together would just be staying together for their entire lives, never separating, and she had never made the connection with physical and intimate relations. Lin Jing’s name was neutral; ever since he was younger, people would as him, is your Lin Jing actually a boy or a girl, and Zheng Wei’s reply would be: Lin Jing is just Lin Jing. So to speak, to her, Lin Jing was a special, unique, important individual, but, having nothing to do with sleeping together.

At the moment, he would only have make a tiny movement, and he would be able to easily knock down all of the walls around her heart, making her dizzy. This arousing kiss was slow and probing; this wasn’t the Lin Jing in her memories, but a real man.

She still didn’t dare to believe it, and his hands made her face flush and her heart speed up. Then, Zheng Wei pushed him, and while breathing heavily, she said, “What are you doing?”

He didn’t respond, only laughed softly, half of his weight already pressing down on her body, and on her hands, by chance pinning her down, making her unable to move easily. The amount of strength was just right, if she struggled with all of her might, she really wouldn’t be unable to escape. (meaning if she tried hard enough, she would be able to escape. But then again, who would want to escape from that? Lol)

Maybe he had been able see it even before, she was tired, exhausted because of her heart and her life, and his strenth and power had actually filled in the weak and hollow gaps in her heart exactly,  just in time. She even thought, if she recklessly pushed him away from her side in the moment, would he give her warmth again, and would that hole in her heart widen?

Maybe she really needed that strong support, even if it isn’t forever.

But the rational part of her mind had been pushed into a corner, after all, stubbornly resisting. In the parts of her walls which had been replaced with shock and impulsiveness, she already vaguely knew, if she let him do this again, their relationship would only become more complicated. Even if she thought of him as a man, but shouldn’t doing it normally be taking small steps? They would disregard the past, after reuniting, they had never seriously discussed the problems between them. Even before this, he hadn’t given her a hug or a gentle kiss to act as a buffer. (cushion to adjust to this new affection, like how LJ went from cold politeness to pa.s.sionate kissing, no steps/signs leading up)

The current Zheng Wei felt the impact in her heart much more than she did physically, and the contradiction seemed to come from her embaressment, and pa.s.sion for men, and this kind of refusal to welcome was just pouring oil on the fire. His hand quickly broke through the barrier of clothing, wandering around the parts of her she was shy about, as well as his lips, of course. She felt all of the blood in her body rush up into her head, and he mercilessly provoked and teased her, making her fidget. She really wasn’t a virgin, but she still couldn’t believe how two people could actually be so intimate… …

The music from her cellphone beside the pillow kept ringing, but at the time, neither of them wanted to go over and look at it.

Before conquering her, there was a momentary pause, when his hands clasped her face, and her eyes were both tightly shut. “Open your eyes and look at me,” he said.

Zheng Wei saw herself in his eyes. (her reflection)

“I’ve never thought about this before, Lin Jing.” She opened her eyes, and in his eyes saw herself.

“But I have.”

When he sunk into her body, she felt a little pain. She already hadn’t done it in 4 years, and his movements were extremely strong, to the extent that she felt ignorant when he entered her, for the first time. Zheng Wei gasped loudly, and vaguely heard him cry, “Wei Wei.” She felt indescribable grief in her heart, and almost began to cry immediately after closing her eyes.

The pain made her body unable to evade him, and she clearly felt his hand steadying her. He wasn’t him, they were so extremely different, if you said that the intimate moments between her and Chen Xiao Zheng were full of the inexperienced fumbling around and the novel excitement of teenagers, then Lin Jing was like a man. He began with lingering play, then when they joined together, he was direct and strong. The him on her body was a conqueror. Before when she was in front of that other person, all she wanted was to recklessly give herself away to the ecstasy, for fear that it wasn’t enough, for fear of what would be left of herself, but now, she only needed to support, and accept it.

She heard her own moans and his gasps, and the Lin Jing who had always been calm and collected when he was younger, who was a Deputy Officer good with words, and that charming face which was always confident and composed, was twisted, full of desire and longing at the moment.

Her memories were also stained with longing and desire.

When she was almost at her peak, he gently touched her tears, and suddenly had a moment of uncertainty. “Wei Wei, are you happy?”

She bit her lower lip in silence. Her body was very happy, happiness was such an easy thing, and her soul? Who cares?

Afterwards, Lin Jing hovered above her for a long time before slowly pushing out of her. When he left her, and that bit of warmth subsequently pulled away, she realized that she felt colder than she had been before.

After tidying himself up a bit, he gently patted her. “Let’s go and wash up together, okay?”

Zheng Wei turned her back to him.

When he came out of the bathroom, having already accomplished cleaning himself up, he bitterly laughed and said, “You know I probably have to hurry back.” He saw that she didn’t respond, and couldn’t help but feel a bit worried. Sitting down next to her, he gently caressed her naked back and said, “Wei Wei, do you want me to stay with you, I can just hurry back a bit earlier tomorrow morning to change.”

She said: “No need, you go back.”

This result was what Lin Jing had expected; her heart was very conflicted, he knew that. The Zheng Wei who had grown up had built a wall between them, and so he had chosen when it was at it’s weakest point to attack. He even admitted that he might be being too opportunistic, but if that “hole” does exist, why can’t he go and fill it? He has always only focused on results when doing things, and all of the methods were only a part of the process. He hoped that he could give her happiness, and confidence, this was the result that he wanted.

He sat for a bit, then picked up his car keys. “Then I’ll go back now, go wash up in a bit, and sleep well. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

When he reached the door, he suddenly heard Zheng Wei say, “Lin Jing, take your cat home.”