The Fading Away of Our Youth (So Young) Chapter 12

When Zheng Wei returned to the dorm, the haziness on her face had cleared. She suddenly really wanted to see Ruan Ruan and tell her about everything that was on her mind at the moment. She needed to confess how she was feeling to a close friend.

To be honest, shortly after arguing, Zheng Wei was no longer mad at Ruan Ruan. She knew that feelings between Ruan Ruan and Xiao Chen was impossible. Thinking of it now, she had thought too much of it in the beginning. She was just afraid that Ruan Ruan had accidentally caught the eye of the boy who was in her heart.

There are people who are more important than yourself. She had wanted to make peace with Ruan Ruan earlier, but was too embarra.s.sed. Ruan Ruan had been acting indifferent, which made Zheng Wei not able to say anything. However, now she didn’t have time to care that much, the strong desire to approach and talk to Ruan Ruan at the end of cla.s.s becoming stronger.

But even after cla.s.s had ended, Ruan Ruan did not come back. Zheng Wei soon became anxious. She asked Zhu Xiao Bei, who was getting ready to go out to get some hot water, “Xiao Bei, why hasn’t Ruan Ruan come back yet?”

Zhu Xiao Bei answered, feeling confused, “How would I know? It’s not like I tied her to a string.”

She saw Zheng Wei’s discouraged expression.

As she was walking out the door, she muttered, “It’s strange, two days ago you guys didn’t want to have any contact with each other, now you’re anxiously waiting for her. This is too confusing.”

Zheng Wei felt worried, she did not wait until Ruan Ruan had returned, but instead received a phone call from Xu Kai Yang. He said that at the entrance of the school a new restaurant had opened up. He said he heard that it was pretty tasty and asked her if she wanted to go try it with him.

Zheng Wei thought, Just waiting here for Ruan Ruan isn’t a solution. Since she already felt hungry, she simply agreed.When she had brushed her hair and was getting ready to go out the door, Li Wei Juan asked, “You’re going on a date with Prince Xu (not an actual ‘prince’, just said in a teasing way)?”

Zheng Wei denied it, “What date? We’re just eating a meal together.”

Li Wei Juan smiled, not without envy, “Who doesn’t know that he has some feelings for you, it’s not like he asked me to have a meal with him.”

Zheng Wei didn’t want to hear this, “I’m not going to discuss this with you anymore. I’m going.”

When she was leaving, she heard Li Wei Juan say behind her, “If I were you, I’d grab him and leave this town. If you don’t do this now, who knows when you’ll be crying over it.”

Zheng Wei ignored her and hurried down the stairs. Xu Kai Yang had been waiting downstairs, watching Zheng Wei run towards him, and he laughed happily. The two people laughed and walked towards the front of the school.

To be honest, Xu Kai Yang was a person who fit Zheng Wei’s appet.i.te. His words were always similar to how Zheng Wei also felt and thought. Being with him felt like they were playing their own game, an indescribable ease.

After they sat down in the small, clean restaurant, Xu Kai Yang took out a box and placed it in front of Zheng Wei, and said, “This is for you.”

“What is it?” Zheng Wei said, slightly curious to open the box. She couldn’t help but utter a word of awe when she saw what was inside. It was a cute, delicate doll, and she could see that it was the girl from the Princess and the Pea by Hans Christian Anderson.

Looking at the way Zheng Wei was smiling, sincerely made Xu Kai Yang happy. He knew that expensive gifts were not what she really liked. Instead, these small things were what really fit her style.

“Why are you giving this to me?” Zheng Wei picked up the small doll and threw it with her right and left hands.

Xu Kai Yang casually said, “My dad came back from Hong Kong a few days ago, and brought this with him, I think you would like this toy, so I gave it to you, there’s no other reason.” He wasn’t willing to tell her, this was a Disney Limited Edition that his dad had looked around for in many stores, before finally finding it.

“Thanks, I really like it.” Zheng Wei didn’t understand how affectionately unconventional that was and thought, it’s all written on his face. When she laughed and raised her head, she found that Xu Kai Yang’s face kept staring at her which made her think of Li Wei Juan’s words, and made her feel uncomfortable, “Why are you looking at me?” She asked.

Xu Kai Yang’s face reddened and busily fixed his line of sight, he was a little embarra.s.sed: “Nothing, I just think you’re very good looking.”

When Zheng Wei heard his words, her ears heated up, but she didn’t want him to observe this and purposely said, a little meanly, “Just because I’m good looking doesn’t mean that you can look at me all the time, be careful that I pull your eyes out.”

After she talked like that, Xu Kai Yang would be nice and not speak, this time however, he lowered his head and seriously said to her, “If I want to look at it, I’ll keep looking at it, is that okay?”

Zheng Wei’s slightly parted lips froze there for a very long time. In all fairness she couldn’t say how she felt towards Xu Kai Yang, forgive a little girl’s vanity but at that age, wasn’t every girl the same, willing to close her eyes and cover her ears, enjoying a guy that wasn’t annoying to her who was good to her also, and deliberately ignored those small, ambiguous thoughts. Zheng Wei was like this, moreover, she didn’t hate him, but didn’t like him, she was willing to be a good partner and be happy with him. She thought he could never bring himself to say it, so that she could keep acting silly.

Xu Kai Yang saw that she did not speak for a long time, but also couldn’t guess how she was feeling. He hesitated for a moment, and then drew up the courage to place his hand on top of hers.

Zheng Wei felt the temperature of his palm and quickly retracted her hand, putting it under the table. She was suddenly awakened from her thoughts and looked across at the boy in front of her.

Her avoidance of this gesture deeply hurt Xu Kai Yang. His beautiful eyes quickly dimmed and he asked, confused, “Wei Wei, you don’t like it?”

Zheng Wei fumbled with her fingers under the table. Today had already been hectic for her. She had just figured out her feelings for Xiao Chen, there was still no result, but then Xu Kai Yang came along. She originally wanted to make her answer vague, and pretend that she didn’t understand what he meant, so they could continue like before and happily spend time together.

However, a small voice in her head reminded her that this was wrong. She couldn’t be that selfish, or else she’d just be like any other bad woman.

She gritted her teeth, raised her hand and pushed the doll that she really liked back towards him, softly saying, “That isn’t what I meant. Kai Yang, The way that I love you and the way that you love me are different types of love……”

It was obvious that Xu Kai Yang was confused by her twisted answer, buthe stil vaguely understood what she had meant. It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought of this outcome. Him liking her was very straightforward, unconsciously. He just felt a bit unwilling.

“Can you tell me why? Am I not good enough?” He questioned, feeling hurt.

“No, no. You are good, really good.” Li Wei Juan’s words once again hovering in Zheng Wei’s heart. Honestly, she didn’t need other people to tell her, she knew that Kai Yang was a good boy. Good family background, good looks, and a rare valuable character.

Of course the most important factor is that he was willing to take her and love her. She could imagine that if she nodded, she would have a happy future. But something held her back and she chose to not love him.

What could she do?

“I, I have someone I like.” Zheng Wei’s heart thought, since it had come to this step, she probably should make him understand that.

Xu Kai Yang had a face of incredulity, “You have someone you like? Is it the guy that went to America, you said that you forgot about him.”

“It’s not him, I have another person I like.”

“You’re tricking me, I don’t believe it.” Xu Kai Yang was a simple man, he knew that Zheng Wei had no guy that was close to her, besides the one (Lin Jing) that she had liked when she was little, he (Lin Jing) could not be replaced, but that person obviously had left.

“I didn’t trick you!” Zheng Wei was excited for a moment. And was panicked, “It’s true, I also just found out, you also know him.”

“Who? Who is it?” He couldn’t believe it, of all the people he knew, someone could actually take away a girl he liked.

“Chen Xiao Zheng.”

“Chen Xiao Zheng?” Xu Kai Yang repeated, “The Chen Xiao Zheng in Lao Zhang’s dormitory?”

When she heard another person saying this name, Zheng Wei’s heart had a strange feeling but she still nodded, “Yes, it’s him.”

Xu Kai Yang stopped laughing, and extended a hand to touch Zheng Wei’s forehead, “Wei Wei, you’re kidding, trying trick me with this reason right?” The whole world knew the disgusting way she treated Chen Xiao Zheng.

Zheng Wei turned his head away fro his hand, “Yes, it’s him, I like him.”

He understood her, right now she didn’t want to joke around. Xu Kai Yang used a long time before speaking so he didn’t sound weird, “Why, you obviously hate him. Who did I think it was? So it was him. What’s so good about him. What makes him better than me?” Frustration and incredible emotions let Xu Kai Yang lose control and even though he tried to restrain it his tone was still very sharp.

His tone was obvious disapproval of Chen Xiao Zheng, so Zheng Wei was mad, she could hate Chen Xiao Zheng but she couldn’t stand others’ contempt for him, “That’s right, he doesn’t have the money that you have, he doesn’t look as good at you, he isn’t better than you, but you love me, and I love him, based off of that point, you will forever lose to him!”

How injuring was this statement! Maybe only fearless ignorance could make one so young so unscrupulous, after Zheng Wei said this she regreted it, and those were her heart’s true thinkings, even though she later understood that Kai Yang hadn’t lost to Chen Xiao Zheng, he lost to her, and she had lost to Chen Xiao Zheng, whoever loved first, lost first.

Xu Kai Yang stood up immediately, Zheng Wei lowered her head, she thought he would walk out, Xu Kai Yang thought that he would too, but he took a deep breath and slowly sat back in place. “You’re so dumb, loving anyone would be good, but why does it have to be him?”

Zheng Wei felt regretful but she still said, “You’re relaxed, does this have anything to do with me?”

Xu Kai Yang didn’t have any way to refute her and lowered his head to play with the dishware and chopsticks in front of him, it pa.s.sed a moment before he pouted, “But I won’t give up, you can love him, and I can like you. What he wants is different from what you want, Wei Wei, I bet you’ll never get him.”

Zheng Wei looked up, “Kai Yang, we’ll see.”

The two people ate the meal with different feelings, the excellent food taste had decreased to average food. Before they ended, Xu Kai Yang had even given her back his doll, “I’m not a girl, why do I want this? Unless you don’t make me into your boyfriend and give it to me like that, you Zheng Wei, wouldn’t be that childish right?”

She thought about it, and still followed with, “Kai Yang, thank you.”

She stood up with him, “It was only a bit of money, there’s no need for thanks.”

“Not for this.” She was rarely soft spoken. He didn’t know what she meant, and knocked on her head and said again, “Zheng Wei, you are silly.”

He said he would send her back, she refused, the sky had just darkened, and it was the busiest time of the school, “I want to go around to walk.”

He didn’t force her.

Zheng Wei swayed around the school yard by herself in the morning, she felt that she had never felt so many feelings since the time she had come here at the age of 18 years. She didn’t understand why feelings weren’t like digging a foundation, digging a pit, piling it up, all of the pit had its own pile, one could find a particular pit, there was no despair, no failure, no regret, and there was never any falling sky.

It was pitiful that there was no one to give her an answer.

She walked and walked and suddenly stopped, so she had somehow walked underneath his dormitory. She still remembered a few months ago when she had walked out, mad, and swore to never let that rascal off, she turned for a while, it was the same place, but she had already changed her opinions. But this was also good, changing a method, she still wouldn’t let him go, thinking to here, she gave a shallow laugh.

The people in study hall, and the people who were rushing to an appointment from the stairs all weren’t him. She still aimlessly wandered downstairs, not knowing what to do, and she didn’t know if she would like him, and maybe other people liked the Jade Small Flying Dragon, except that when he stepped on her, she had fell in love with her catastrophe, so she was willing to bow her head and come.

She suddenly wanted to know where he was and what he was doing? Was he in the dormitory, or had he already gone to self study? On an impulse she went downstairs to see the old man who was in charge of calling his dorm’s phone.

When the “Ring Ring…..” sound came, she didn’t know what he would say to him, and hoped she would have a bit of luck, he must not be at the dorm now.

Someone answered the phone, she heard Lao Zhang’s dormmate, “Who are you looking for……h.e.l.lo, do you hear me, who are you looking for, say something……”

Zheng Wei was determined, “I’m looking for Chen Xiao Zheng……” Her heart was internally yelling, she wasn’t there, she wasn’t there, she better not exist, she definitely didn’t exist.

The phone asked, “Wait a second?”

Her mind “Wow,” soon strike a few seconds, and then she heard the voice of her dreams to remember, a little heavy, with a little cold, “h.e.l.lo,  who is this?”

“You, you…..I, I am……no, I……” She had no way to say what she wanted, and almost bit her tongue, her palms kept sweating, she was really good for nothing, this would make her lose her reputation.

She had initially wanted to pretend as if she had called the wrong number but she didn’t think that he would know her voice, “Zheng Wei? What do you want?” He unexpectedly answered the phone so alertly and clearly. Zheng Wei’s braveness began to decrease to a normal level, “I have something to say to you, I’m downstairs, come downstairs.” She didn’t give him a chance to reject her and put down the phone with a click.

And then she faced the public telephone, her two hands two her face in a daze.

“Five cents.” She thought it based off of those guys and girls’ feelings, as she looked at the old man he reminded her of life’s most important unpleasant moments.

Zheng  Wei took out the money and put it in front of the window. She walked in front of her dormitory, under a mango tree, and the lights underneath were black and swarthy under the light, and there were a lot of flies that flew around. She felt like she had been waiting for a century, forget it, he wouldn’t be so silly, and send himself over, thinking about it like this, she still wasn’t in a hurry to leave and turned around and around under the mango tree.

“What are you playing with now?” She turned around, he was hugging his books with both hands, in the 2 meter distance between them having no emotions as she looked at him.

He lived in this city, in Zheng Wei’s impressions, Lingnan people were mostly dark, small, with high cheekbones and thick lips, Chen Xiao Zheng was also darker, but he had a tall slim face, he had typical Southern eyes, and a straight nose and thin lips, he seemed like he was graceful and clear.

She didn’t realize that she stared at him, dazed, until he frowned, “If you don’t have anything to say this time we meet, I hope next time we can recover to not knowing each other.”

The moment he saw her, he ignored her and left immediately.

“Wait, I have things to say.” She called him.

He couldn’t help but look back, and looked at her, and uncharacteristically stammered, “What do you want?”

Zheng Wei looked down, a mango leaf fell on her back, she didn’t move it aside, “Chen Xiao

The sentence the 1000 year old Zheng Wei said most often to the young, inexperienced Zheng Wei was: “When you do things for insolent men, always think about it carefully.”  She recalled many times in the pa.s.sed, even she didn’t like the spoiled girl she had become, so young and frivolous, thinking that everyone was in love with her, thinking that everyone had to love her, thinking that there wasn’t anything that was impossible, of course, when she thought of this night, under the school yard’s dim lights, a dazed girl’s back still had a piece of a falling leaf after losing the person she loved most, she suddenly thought of the person she had  been back then, that was a silly child that had been too eager to love, but didn’t know how to love. From childhood, everyone loved her, but that love was not enough to make her safe and satisfied, she was excited that she was finally complete, and entrusted herself to her feelings, but only lost what she really wanted. If the young years were wrong, then later, her long loneliness was the price.

She articulated every word clearly, one by one, Chen Xiao Zheng was shocked, cracks appeared in his usual cold appearance, he was stunned for a moment and only hugged his books, pointing at Zheng Wei, “You, you……stop playing around.” After he said this he left immediately making a desperate retreat.

Zheng Wei felt a bit of disappointment, don’t panic, his refusal now was normal, this was a reflection of the long road to come, happiness, life, everything had just began. She used her hands to cup her mouth and said towards his back, “Chen Xiao Zheng, I’m serious!”

She seemed to feel his slight stagger for a moment and laughed, very satisfied. She didn’t understand why people would like to play crush, if you like a person and didn’t tell them, everything had no meaning, wasn’t this the Small Flying Dragon’s temperament. She came before, she loved before, she tried hard before, and learned that fortunes, didn’t make up one’s life. Of  course, during our youthful times, how do we believe our fate when we are young.