The F- It List Part 19

Her lips were dry and cracked. I wanted to pa.s.s her some lip balm through the computer, or a gla.s.s of water, or something to help. Once again, I could do nothing.

"Hey, Cueball," I joked. She laughed dryly but didn't say more.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, wanting to know but not sure if she wanted to talk about it or pretend things were normal. I felt that way a lot about my dad.

"Like a bag of a.s.s," she croaked.

"Whose a.s.s? Because if it's mine, then you must be feeling pretty good." I was trying too hard.

"Can't laugh. Hurts." She held up a ban daged and bruised hand --1 to her throat. "Tell me something good."

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"Well, Leo went down on me in the backseat of my dad's car.

And I met Bruce Campbell." Becca coughed, and I couldn't tell if it was because of what I told her or because she had to cough. The coughing continued. "Do you need me to get help?" I asked the screen. She shook her head no. A woman I didn't recognize appeared on the screen, her wide behind blocking the camera. When she was gone, Becca held a cup of water with two hands.

"Who was that?" I asked.

"Night nurse. Helen."

"Was she in the room when I just told you about the car sce- nario?" Becca nodded. "Is she still in the room?" Becca nodded again.

"But do go on," she eked out. I curled my lip in disgust, but Becca said, "It makes me happy to hear about it."

"I hope Helen isn't a prude," I told her, and launched into the story of the night.

When I fi nished, Becca told me, "Helen just crossed herself." I laughed. "I better go to sleep." And just like that she closed her eyes.

I thought she might already be out.

"Are you really dying, Becca?" I asked.

She opened one eye. "The doctors say probably not, but it sure f.u.c.king feels like it." She closed her eyes again.

"Good night," I whispered at the computer. No answer. Becca was already asleep.

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CHAPTER.

1 8.

I slept in on Sat.u.r.day, spending most of the day in my room in case Becca called. I watched all three Basket Case movies, plus The Toxic Avenger and A Nightmare on Elm Street 2. While Nightmare wasn't as cheesy, weird, or gross as the other fi lms, I always loved the prem-ise of someone attacking you in your dreams. Plus, I heard Robert Englund, the guy who played Freddy, wore actual blades on his fi ngers and could cut an apple if he wanted.

The only Skype call I received was from Aunt Judy, who I ignored and didn't care about the consequences. I messaged a little back and forth with Damien and Brandon, and they invited me to a show that night, but I declined. I didn't want to have to talk about Becca or Leo or myself. There was no point in leaving the house.

Instead, my mom, brothers, and I shared a pizza and watched Poltergeist on TV. For a horror movie, it's surprisingly scary. Maybe I watched too many and was desensitized, but it seemed to me most --1 horror movies were funny and gory but not necessarily scary. But -0 -+1 105-54406_ch01_1P.indd 111 105-54406_ch01_1P.indd 111 4/17/13 8:57 PM.

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Poltergeist ... the clown doll? I had second thoughts about leaving my Chuckie doll out after that. CJ hid behind the couch whimpering most of the movie.

I texted Becca at bedtime with a quick note.

Still Ok?

Ten minutes later she wrote back.

Can't stop barfi ng.

And that was it.

Sunday I worked all day, which meant hungover college students and tons of business. There was some game on TV in a corner of the restaurant, but we in the kitchen didn't give a s.h.i.t and drowned out the jocular din with a musical din of our own. I antic.i.p.ated the pos- sibility of Leo coming in for a sub, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. If he did, would we have to talk? Make out in the disgusting bath- room? I grooved on the rhythmic construction of the subs, and I didn't want that to be interrupted. When it turned out I wasn't inter- rupted all day by a visit from Leo, I was a tad disappointed. I wish I could make up my mind.

Before I left work, I texted Becca.

Do u want me to bring u a sub?

It was a long shot, with her puking issue. I was afraid she might say yes, which made me feel horrid. But I was scared to see her in person, not just in the grainy, poorly lit world of my computer screen.

She texted back: -1- 0- 2 pukey. 2 medicated. Thanx.

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I kicked myself for my fear. How scary it must have been for Becca. I'm glad she didn't know what I was thinking. I had to hold it together for her, do what ever I could. I pulled out the f.u.c.k- It List from my pocket. It was always there, transferred each time I changed my jeans. Nothing on the list caught my eye. It was either s.e.x or food, and I wasn't in the mood for either. The guilt piled on me even more. I couldn't even do a simple task like number 2: Stick my tongue to a frozen pole, or one like number 18: Have s.e.x with a football stud and dump him the next day. "Jesus, Becca," I said to the list. "Just f.u.c.king get better, so you can do this ridiculous s.h.i.t yourself." Then I berated myself again for my selfi shness. The cycle was endless.

That night I did my homework in bed as Troll 2 played in the background. Nothing like the original, it was so bad there was even a doc.u.mentary made about how bad the sequel was.

My Skype rang: Becca in bed. I wondered if she had moved at all since the last time we spoke.

She greeted me with "Where's my sub?"

"I thought you didn't want it," I said, defensive.

"I'm kidding. Why are you so wound up?" Becca sounded better than the last time we talked. "I think I'm going to try and come to school tomorrow," she informed me.

"Why?" I asked, but I thought I knew part of the answer. Who wants to sit around feeling like s.h.i.t when you can do something to make yourself forget?

"I want to get out of this death house. Plus, they're auditioning for the fall play."

"Becca, are you seriously going to try out? What if you can't-"

"I'm not an idiot. I'm just going to watch." She looked angry. I --1 didn't know what to say.

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"Do you have any other sordid Leo tales to tell me? Helen's not in the room."

I smiled. "Sorry, no. Just me and my hand. And I'm not telling you about that."

"Speaking of hands, Caleb has huge ones."

"Caleb? Homeschool boy?" I confi rmed.

"I had Helen roll my bed near the window, so I could watch him mow the lawn. He looks a lot like Chris Hemsworth, I think. Sans the Thor lady hair."

"Maybe you can do a number 11 on yourself then."

"I'm being watched too closely to play with myself. Speak of the dev il. Helen just walked in with my med c.o.c.ktail. Gotta go."

"So I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Hopefully." She signed off .

I hadn't thought of Becca back at school so soon. Would the school year veer into semi- standard territory? It was hard to remem- ber a time when life felt anything but abnormal.

I spent the following morning at school looking over my shoulder for Becca. I saw Leo once, and he gave me a smileless wave, not unfriendly but on his way to somewhere. He caught me on my way to lunch.

"You feel like ... hanging out?" At that point, it was unclear if "hang- ing out" meant just hanging out or taking each other's clothes off while surrounded by books.

"I can't today. Becca said she might come to school, so I want to stay visible." I guess I answered my own question as to where we'd end up.

-1- "Is Becca well enough to come to school?" Leo asked, concerned.

0- "I have no idea. She seems to think so."

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"Oh." Leo remembered something and dug into his front pocket.

"Here." He handed me a key, similar to the one he used to open the book closet door. "I got you one." I turned the key over in my hand, wondering what exactly it meant. My face must have revealed some- thing because Leo said, "d.a.m.n, it's not an engagement ring. I just thought maybe you'd like a key in case you wanted to go in there when I'm not around. No need to get all disturbed."

"I'm not disturbed."

"You kind of are," Leo pushed.

"Don't you have a cla.s.s to go to?"

"Not really. But I'll fi nd one to get away from you." He was messing with me, but he still walked away.