The Exception: A Novel Part 52

Iben is not herself during the rest of the interrogation. When Dorte gets up, opens the door, and walks into the hallway, she turns and speaks over her shoulder.

Well, Iben, well take a look at that. Its a good idea. Malenes mother has mentioned that Malene kept writing letters to Rasmus after his death. We are definitely going to follow up that line of inquiry.

chapter 53.

On the pavement a little ahead of me a man in a wheelchair was being pushed along by his wife. I caught up with them. They both seemed quite elderly and were deep in discussion. Just as I pa.s.sed, the woman spluttered with laughter. A little later I turned to look at them and they were both still talking at the same time, apparently sharing a story that they enjoyed hugely. And I came to think of Iben.

Rasmus, you were always loving and kind, helping me whenever I needed it. But I couldnt help feeling that I was a nuisance to you. It was never like that with Iben.

At times when I couldnt do a thing for myself and needed hospital treatment and had to be hauled downstairs to the taxi, she never acted as if she was sacrificing herself. I didnt feel I was a problem. Or when she went shopping for me, helped me dress things like that. For years she was with me and saw more of me than even you did. And all the while we had such a good time. We laughed a lot.

I hate her now for what she has made me suffer over these last few months. Thats a fact. But Ill never find a friend like her again. She really was special: an exception.

I remember one time when I was in the living room and you were in the kitchen. And suddenly I heard a crash.

At first I actually felt pleased. Hes dropped something, I thought. Maybe hes poured boiling water all over his feet. Just for once, I thought, h.e.l.l know what its like not to have full control of your hands. But it didnt take long at all before I started to worry.

I called out to you: Oh, G.o.d! Rasmus? Did you drop something? Did you hurt yourself?

Of course you didnt know what had been going on inside my head. In its own small way, that moment seemed like the sort of dissociative ident.i.ty disorder that Iben was always talking about.

Rasmus, I am so very sorry about what happened on the stairs. I simply dont know what came over me. You are the only one who knows how bad I feel about it. You are the only one who can understand.

G.o.d alone knows how much Iben heard. It wasnt my intention to push you out through the window. I have no idea why it made me so blindly furious when you insisted that your spyware proved that I had sent those e-mails.

I gave you a shove. n.o.body can be sorrier than I am now. Am I truly sick in the head, Rasmus? Is that it?

chapter 54.

theyre sweet now. They speak to her and laugh with her. Everything has changed completely so much so that Anne-Lise finds it hard to believe the way things were not so long ago.

Paul is different too, quite unlike his old self. He is in the office much more and is suddenly of the opinion that it is simply natural that the functions of the DCIG and the DIHR should be coordinated. He is no longer prepared to fight to maintain the independence of the Center.

Anne-Lise cannot make him out. Only recently he did everything he could to help the Center survive, even trying to force Frederik from the board. Was that some kind of macho thing? Could the reason be that any organization only has room for one man of their kind?

The office was closed for the day after Malenes death. The following day Iben brought in a red rose, which she placed on Malenes desk. The next morning Iben replaced it with a fresh rose and again the next day. It was as if Iben believed that Malene was a saint and that her desk and chair were sacred.

When people turned up to use the library, Iben lectured them at length about how her own survival had been due to a psychological miracle. Paul told her repeatedly that if she felt like staying at home she should, but Iben didnt seem to get the hint. Perhaps she wanted to be at work.

Every day people phoned to offer their condolences and find out what happened. At times, it became too much for Iben, and Anne-Lise took over.

Iben was climbing this ladder on the houseboat, so she couldnt follow what happened on the quay. But a lot of the warehouses have been converted into apartments, and people were watching from their windows because they had heard the shot Iben fired at Zigic. The witnesses all say that Zigic was aiming his gun at Iben. But at the moment he was ready to pull the trigger, Malene called out. No one knows why. She threw herself in front of the gun. Iben was then able to reach the roof and that saved her. The metal ridge protected her.

At some point in every single phone call, the person would wonder about Malenes brave act. They wanted to know more, and Anne-Lises replies became more and more precise.

Yes, its true. Quite remarkable. Ive never heard of anything like it Of course, but what Iben did in Kenya was different. She says so herself, you know. After escaping, when she ran back to the hostages, she didnt think of it as taking a risk. She simply couldnt imagine that the Kenyan police might side with the hostage takers.

Yes, how true that is. Malene was very special. We were so proud to have worked with her. No, I suppose we didnt realize that she had this in her. Anne-Lise isnt completely sorry that Malene is dead.

Sometime after Malenes funeral, Iben puts a large portrait of Malene on the bulletin board. She stops bringing in roses and also suggests to Anne-Lise that the two of them should leave their desks in the library and move into the Winter Garden.

Taking over Malenes place so soon after her death makes Anne-Lise uneasy, but Iben says that its okay with her. Paul and Camilla agree.

Malenes things are put away on a shelf behind Iben, and Anne-Lise takes the seat opposite her. Anne-Lise puts her photo of Henrik and the children almost exactly where Malenes plastic troll used to be.

Until a new project manager is appointed, Iben takes over Malenes tasks. They stop speaking incessantly about Malene during the breaks and move on to other things. As they continue working together on the special Turkey issue, the talk flows easily between the desks in just the way Anne-Lise used to dream it would. Everything is as she hoped it would be when she left Lyngby Central Library. The only problems troubling Anne-Lise are rooted inside her own mind.

Look how they smile, she thinks, sweet as pie, as if they never tried to drive me insane. Of course they tell themselves that never happened. It makes them feel good. And how much better would it be if I managed to forget everything as well? But how can I forgive them? How will I ever be able to trust anyone the way I did just a year and a half ago?

One evening she agrees to go with Henrik to a tasting arranged by his wine club.

He beams and gives her a kiss. Youre my old Anne-Lise again!

The tasting takes place in a large specialist wineshop in sterbro. It is crowded, and everyone seems to be in a good mood. Some come straight from work and are still in their suits. Others, like Henrik, have changed their clothes.

A couple of Henriks old friends from university started the club and most of their circle joined it, mainly because it was a nice way to keep in touch. Henrik and Anne-Lise usually meet many of their old gang.

Nicola rushes up to greet Anne-Lise. Its great that youll be at Jutta and Stigs! And thank you so much for the invitation to your place. Im so pleased that youre your old self again!

Anne-Lise and Nicola see much more of each other these days.

The shops proprietor introduces the first wine and the first round of gla.s.ses are being filled at the long, French-style dining table in the middle of the room.

As one wine follows another, several people come over to say how delighted they are to see Anne-Lise. They must have been talking about me more than I ever realized, she thinks. Its as if shes been away in the hospital with a disease or something.

It all becomes too much for her. She finds Henrik and nods toward a narrow pa.s.sage between two walls of boxes of wine. They slip away from the others.

Henrik, listen. Its good that n.o.body has noticed anything different about me, but it isnt right what theyre all saying: Im not the old Anne-Lise.

Henrik looks stunned, taking a step back and hitting his head against the protruding corner of a box. She must have sounded much more adamant than she intended.

Im trying to behave like a good person, but its such an effort. Im so bitter.

But Anne-Lise, darling.

My head is bursting with fantasies about revenge. You have no idea! And they wont stop. I cant cope with it! Ill never, ever be my old self again! Anne-Lises lips are tightly closed, and she sinks down on a spindly wooden chair.

Henrik sighs, drags a box along to the chair, sits down, and puts an arm around her. He speaks to her gently. You will be yourself again, Anne-Lise. Of course you will. It just wont happen overnight, thats all.

No. Iben is right. Other people shape who I am. I cant make myself into who I want to be. We all have it in us to be murderers and executioners and war criminals.

Henriks arm tightens around Anne-Lises shoulders. What are you saying?

Henrik, for G.o.ds sake. I wouldnt be the woman I am now if I could choose. But Iben says we cant choose. Other people determine who we are.

Henrik shifts the box so he can sit facing her and takes her face in his hands.

Please, explain this to me slowly. Try to help me understand what youre saying.

Anne-Lise feels like throwing her gla.s.s of red wine on the storeroom floor.

Its like this. Iben watches nature films and says that people behave the same way as animals. She says that there are patterns of behavior that everyone conforms to because they are instinctive and predestined psychological laws of nature. Shes been studying developmental biology and social psychology and research papers about the psychology of the perpetrator. And she has written two articles about evil called The Psychology of Evil I and II.

I hate those articles of hers and her lectures too. Ibens outlook is so grim and black. Ive heard her say things like The more I learn, the more convinced I am that we would all act in exactly the same way as the perpetrators if we were in their situation.

I see. What do the others say to all this?

No one in the office ever argues with Iben. And I realize now that shes right.

Shes wrong, you know.

Anne-Lise mustnt start sobbing now, when all their friends are within earshot. She tries to be as quiet as possible. I dont want to be like this, Henrik. Im evil. She looks into Henriks face and senses him thinking: Oh, G.o.d, will this never end? He deserves so much better.

Anne-Lise. You are not evil.

But I wasnt sorry to hear that the back of Malenes head had been blown to bits, was I? If the others had died as well, I wouldnt have minded. Does that sound like the old Anne-Lise? Does it?

Anne-Lise drives Henriks large, dark blue car home from the wine tasting. He asks her to stop just before they reach the house where Anne-Lises parents live. Her mother has looked after the children, but he would prefer them to wait a little before picking them up.

Ive thought about what you said. Remember what Malene did. She was the worst of them; nonetheless, she did something that Ibens theories couldnt explain in a thousand years.

To sacrifice your life for someone who is not your child how would Iben get around that? She cant. And if Malene can do something like that, then there is something in all of us that is both unpredictable and potentially good. It exists in you. And in me.

They sit together in silence. Anne-Lise moves close to Henrik and rests her head on his shoulder. He puts his arm around her.

One week after the police interrogated everyone in the Center about Rasmuss death, Camilla starts pressing Iben to find out how the investigation is going. She feels nervous about her sessions with Dorte Jrgensen and is keen to know what is going on.

When Iben puts down the receiver, her hand is shaking. I spoke to Dorte Jrgensen. The investigation is closed. Malene wrote on her home computer that she was aware of having a split personality. She admitted to having killed Rasmus.

All work ceases. It seems unbelievable at first, and then Malenes image changes in an instant. They decide to phone again to make sure Iben hasnt misheard. Anne-Lise makes the call.

Iben is shocked, but then, they all are. They had put together a shared memory of Malene, like a jigsaw puzzle. Now it has come apart and every piece takes on a new meaning.

The rumors about Malene spread rapidly through the world of human rights. Anne-Lise hears Iben speaking to one of the callers: Naturally Im deeply grateful for Malenes self-sacrifice. Deeply. But I did wonder. It didnt fit somehow. Its understandable now. She was tormented by her guilt over having killed Rasmus. And, perhaps, she was mentally ill. That would explain a lot.

Iben listens to the voice at the other end of the line, and then continues.

Absolutely. What she did wasnt the response of a healthy human being. In fact, her self-sacrifice in no way contradicts the theories I discussed in my articles in Genocide News on evil.

chapter 55.

paul opens the front door with a bang and steps into the office, beaming happily at everyone. Hes barely over the threshold before he starts announcing his news. At last, I can tell you all!

Hi, Paul! Tell us what?

Its such a relief to be able to tell you. I promised not to whisper a word before it was official. Todays the day! Morten Kjrum has accepted a post at the United Nations in New York. His directorship at Human Rights will be advertised soon, possibly as early as May.

Iben gets in first. Is it yours for the asking, then?

So far, thats impossible to tell.

But you seem over the moon, right?

Paul slings his jacket over one chair and sits down on another. Put it this way: to be honest, the heavyweight contenders are Frederik and myself. Im the boss for this place as well as a member of the board at the Center for Democracy. Weve been very active at the DCIG, organizing things like conferences and other stuff thats kept us in the public eye quite unlike the Democracy Center. Take that successful Yugoslav conference at Louisiana Frederiks people didnt have a chance, organization-wise. It means that I have the edge. Also, Frederik removed himself from our board not long ago. One way or the other, hes lost quite a bit of power.

How long have you known this? Anne-Lise wants to know.

Two weeks.

Iben, Anne-Lise, and Camilla exchange glances. Its suddenly clear to all of them why Paul has behaved so strangely over the past few weeks. They pretend to be pleased for him, but it doesnt take Camilla long to see that the news is to their advantage too. Paul obviously wants to stay in charge of the DCIG and will set about merging it with the DIHR as soon as possible.

Iben will get a whole crew of intellectuals with whom she can argue all day long.

Anne-Lise will have other librarians around her. Sh.e.l.l want that, even if she and Iben make a great show of getting along so very well. Camilla can clearly see that Anne-Lise would love to have other colleagues to talk to. Now her dreams will come true, and without the ha.s.sle of looking for a new job.

Only one of them has any reason to worry, and that person is Camilla herself. She knows that when this kind of place merges with another one, the bosses will always try to save on secretarial posts.

Its only three oclock, but Iben starts clearing her desk. She seems very happy these days and has stopped staying late at the office every night. Apparently she sees rather a lot of Gunnar Hartvig Nielsen.

Her bag is packed and on her desk when that seedy old fusspot Erik Prins ambles in. As usual he stops at Ibens and Anne-Lises desks for a chat. He starts telling them about a new book he has come across. Talking about it reminds him of Ibens articles.

He continues in his high-pitched voice: You know the way everyone harps on about how odd it is that concentration camp officers would go home from work and behave like decent loving fathers? Whats so odd about it? Were all like that.

Iben nods and says she agrees. It seems shes not in such a great hurry to get home after all. They chat away and then she launches into one of her spiels.

We let rip with idealism and grand words, but its nothing but rationalizations of our own egoistic behavior. Not only do we lie to others; we also lie to ourselves. Each one of us lives inside a house of mirrors our own instinctive self-righteousness distorts the way we view reality so that we can justify our actions to ourselves. And theres no way we can escape.