The Etiquette of To-day Part 17

Coffee may be served in demi-ta.s.se at the table, or later in the drawing-room. Cream is never served with a demi-ta.s.se.

The napkin should be left lying loosely beside the plate after a meal.

In case either a guest or a servant meets with any accident one should pa.s.s it over with as much speed as possible and turn the attention of all immediately toward some interesting matter. A mistake should be completely ignored by both hosts and guests.

Whenever a course is offered which you do not enjoy, never decline it, but accept it, and endeavor to take a small portion at least of it.

You avoid then the tacit criticism of the taste of those who like it, and put your hostess at ease.

No personal preferences in foods are to be consulted or mentioned when one is a guest at dinner. If one cannot accept of the fare offered, one should have declined the invitation.

Should a guest be late, the hostess need not wait more than fifteen minutes for him, after which time, if he appear, the host rises from the table to greet him and cover the interruption of his entrance, but the hostess does not leave her place. If he does not come until after the second course, he is served only as the others are served, and no attempt is made to serve the previous courses to him.

When dinner is ready, the maid or butler appears in the drawing-room door, catches the eye of the hostess, and announces quietly that dinner is served.

Upon the signal, the host gives his arm to the guest of honor, and they lead the way, the lady being seated at the right of her host.

After them come the other couples as the hostess has planned. Each man has found upon the dressing-room table an envelope addressed to him, in which is the name of the lady whom he is expected to take out to dinner, and also in the corner "R" or "L" to indicate on which side of the table he and his lady are to sit.

After all the others have pa.s.sed out, the hostess brings up the rear with the gentleman guest of honor, who will sit at her right.

Evening dress should always be worn. For a lady a gown with low neck and short sleeves or elbow sleeves; for a gentleman, a dress coat and its accompanying trousers, vest, and tie of regulation cut and color.

Arrival a few minutes before the hour is customary in order for the guests to a.s.semble in the drawing-room, greet their host and each other, and proceed together to the table.

When the meal is finished, the hostess catches the eye of the guest at her husband's right, smiles understandingly, and they immediately rise, and, followed by the rest of the ladies, leave the room, the men standing meanwhile. The men linger for a half-hour or so over their cigars and coffee, or liqueurs, before following the ladies into the drawing-room.

In the United States it is more usual for the men and women to leave the dining-room together, and the hostess to serve the coffee in the drawing-room, than it is for the men to linger by themselves at the table.

After a dinner party one should bid good-night to the lady one has taken out to the table, to one's host and hostess. It is not good form to omit the latter, for she should be a.s.sured that you at least have enjoyed the evening, and that her effort at hospitality has been appreciated by you. It is not necessary to take a formal leave of the other guests. If you choose you may wish them a general good-night.

A ceremonious dinner begins with a tiny bit of caviare on a tiny bit of toast.

Then comes the fruit. It may be melons, peaches, strawberries, or grape fruit. It must be in perfection, and should be on ice up to the moment of serving, and must tempt the eye as well as the palate.

Next comes the course of oysters or clams on the half-sh.e.l.l, which should be served on crushed ice, on oyster plates made with hollows for the sh.e.l.ls, and picked up with silver forks made for the purpose.

Or they may be served more daintily without the ice, immediately after they have been taken from the cooler, and without delay.

Then a clear soup. It may be served from a silver tureen by the hostess, or may be brought in soup plates to the guests by the waiter.

Then fish. This may be served by the host or arranged in a dainty mince and served in sh.e.l.ls to the separate guests. If served by the host, potatoes very daintily cooked may accompany it.

Throughout the dinner olives, salted almonds, radishes, and similar relishes may be pa.s.sed. These are the only articles of food on the table when the guests take their seats.

After the fish there can be an entree or two of some delicate dish, but the roast properly comes next. It may be turkey, beef, mutton, or lamb. The host may carve it if he pleases, and the waiter receive portions from him and carry them to the guests. In many houses the lady of the house is served first, and next the guest of honor, who is the lady at the right of the host. With the roast some vegetables are served.

Then comes a salad, and with the salad cheese and crackers are served.

The dessert follows the salad, and black coffee concludes the repast.

This last may be served at the dining table, or later in the drawing-room by the hostess.

The dessert may consist of ices, fruit, pastry, or confections.

Frequently there is a final course after the sweets, consisting of crackers and toasted cheese.

_Visits_

It is now considered quite proper for the host or hostess to specify the length of time covered by an invitation for a visit. The complication of duties in our present-day life makes the a.s.signment of even pleasures to definite periods necessary. This is as important as the arrangement of trains and methods by which the guest may arrive and leave.

The English manner of entertaining is a very excellent one, as it gives the guest his freedom and makes his visit of the utmost profit to himself and also to his host. The English host sets the time of arrival, has his servant meet the guest at the station with conveyance, has him met at the house door again by a servant, and shown to his room, where he is made at home by being offered some light refreshments. He is told at what hour he will be received by his host and hostess in the drawing-room, usually a short time before dinner. Then throughout his stay he does not see his hostess till midday, although she provides amus.e.m.e.nt for her guests, which he is at liberty to enjoy or ignore as he chooses.

After the noon meal he may do as he chooses through the afternoon, appearing only at dinner, which is the formal meal of the day, and at the general gathering of the family and guests in the evening. The various members of the family are ready to show the visitors the place, or the countryside, or play their favorite games during the day; but there is no effort to make the entertainment formal or to force it upon the guest. We do not wish to see even our most honored guests or our dearest friends all of the time, and this arrangement makes the meeting at dinner all the more enjoyed and valued.

Before inviting guests it is necessary to see to the comfort which is represented in the guest chamber. This should be as dainty and comfortable as any chamber in the house, and, in addition to the usual furnishings, should have other fittings intended to supply all the comforts of one's home. A full line of towels, toilet articles, and even night robe, bathrobe, and slippers should be ready for the use of the guest in the event that her trunk and suitcase do not arrive at the expected time.

If the bed is fitted out with finery as well as with all the linen, blankets, and comfortables which a well-set-up bed requires, the care of the finery, its removal at night and folding up, should not be left to the guest. This should be attended to before bedtime by the maid, and the bed turned down ready for occupancy.

There should, of course, be vacant bureau drawers and wardrobe. The guest, especially if her visit be for a short time, and she has not brought her workbox, will much appreciate a small workbasket fitted out with needles, thread, thimble, and scissors. A desk fitted with stationery, pens, and postage stamps adds much to the comfort of a guest chamber, for, no matter how brief the stay, facilities for writing to the distant home are needed promptly and constantly.

The guest's comfort should be provided for before her entertainment or amus.e.m.e.nt, and she should be made to feel perfectly at home in her room, and her possession of it be absolute for the time of her stay.

It is a compliment to a guest to remember her favorite dishes, or to arrange things to suit her known tastes and preferences.

It is the duty of the hostess to give the signal for retiring. This should be done with a fine regard for the desires of guests, rather than according to one's personal wishes.

_Special Duties of the Country Hostess_

The country hostess should make her entertaining distinctive from that of the city. Every one should, at times, return to the country, for both physical and mental well-being. So when he is there, it is of great importance that he get country fare and country life, rather than make a fruitless attempt to live in the country as he does in the city.

The country hostess should not attempt to entertain unless she can depend upon her servants. Her relations with them should be such that there is no likelihood of having a houseful of guests and the servants thereupon suddenly weary of the quiet of the country, or for any other trivial reason promptly departing. The country hostess will, however, fit herself to meet any emergency which may arise, both on her own and her family's account, as well as on that of her guests.

Therefore, housekeeping and entertaining should be simplified as much as possible, and the most unexpected of emergencies should be antic.i.p.ated and provided for, as far as may be. Unless the country hostess is herself competent to cook and to tend the fires, she will never be safe in the sending out of invitations. For the same reason, other members of the family should be trained in helpfulness, so that an emergency will simply mean the adoption of emergency tactics previously agreed upon and practiced to the point of efficiency.

The country hostess should remember that to her guests the charm and novelty of the fresh air and outdoor life are perhaps the greatest attractions of her home. So she should see to it that guests are left untrammeled, to go and wander where they may wish; and also that the guest chambers and all other rooms are kept filled with fresh air even in the coldest of weather.

Often the change to the invigorating country air makes the guest feel colder than the actual temperature of the room warrants. The hostess should remember this, and should provide that at all times the living-rooms and guest chambers be warmed as well as ventilated. The open fireplace is needed in addition to steam or furnace heat in an isolated country house.

"Simple things need to be excellent." The hostess should provide fresh fruit, chickens, eggs, vegetables, cream, and milk, the products of the country, rather than the elaborate dishes of the city.

The hostess should enjoy the country and teach her guests to enjoy it.

She should know the attractive walks and drives, the places of real interest, and she should be able to point out the picturesque spots, and the points of vantage for especially fine views, and to make others feel the charm of the country.

The hostess should furnish outdoor occupations, should interest her guests in making collections of curious plants from the woodlands, and in getting acquainted with the trees. There should be some popular sports provided even in midwinter, and all the necessities for the enjoyment of these should be furnished, as well as a library, games, and all sorts of indoor entertainment and pastimes for the possible days of storm which shall block all exit from the house.

The serving of meals out of doors, if the season and weather permit, is a distinctive feature of country hospitality, and very enjoyable to city dwellers. Breakfast and afternoon tea are especially easy to serve on the lawn or piazza, but more elaborate meals may be so served if there are servants and facilities enough. Simple meals out of doors are preferable to more elaborate meals within. In order to do this enjoyably or successfully, it is necessary to have the piazza or garden somewhat secluded. A hedge, in the absence of other protection from the curious, easily makes this possible.

The informality possible in country entertaining is its greatest charm. Neighbors should be encouraged to "drop in" at any hour, as the monotony of country life may thus be greatly relieved.

The hostess who, in order to meet an emergency, is obliged to do much herself, should either simplify her plans of entertainment, so that she could carry them through without too great weariness to play her part as hostess by being with her guests, or should call upon them to a.s.sist her, and make it a companionable visit at any rate.