The Etiquette of To-day Part 13

_Mr. and Mrs. Albion Frederick Marston_

_Will be at home_ _763 Chapel Avenue_ _after the first of August_ _Toronto_

For the card of invitation to the wedding reception the wording is as follows:

_Reception_ _immediately after the ceremony_ _Eight Salem Street_

or

_Reception_ _immediately after the ceremony_ _in the church parlors_

In the case of a church wedding, it is always well to enclose with the invitation a small card reading: "Please present this card at the church on August the third."

In case the wedding takes place in the country and invitations are sent to many friends in the city, a card giving directions as to what train to take, and where, which is to be presented to the conductor instead of a ticket, and which ent.i.tles the possessor to special accommodations, is enclosed with the invitation.

Wedding invitations, or announcements, and their accompanying cards, are enclosed in two envelopes, one within the other, of the same stock as the billets. Upon the outer is written the name of the person and his street address; upon the inner only the name of the one for whom it is intended.

Wedding invitations should be addressed to "Mrs. Chandler Jones," on the outside envelope. Within this is a second envelope addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Jones." The older custom is to address the outside envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Jones," as well as the inside. The lady of the house is now, however, beginning to be looked upon as head of its social affairs, as her husband is of its business affairs, and hence the style of addressing invitations to her.

The words "And Family" are no longer used after the parents' names, but separate invitations are sent to the members.

It is quite the courteous thing to include among the people invited to a wedding, especially if it is to be in a church, the special business friends and a.s.sociates of the bridegroom-elect, his father, and the bride's father.

In case the invitations are for the ceremony only at a church wedding, the address of the bride's parents should be embossed upon the outside envelope.

Acquaintances purely professional do not receive cards to a wedding.

One's physician, however, if his family is prominent socially, may be included among the guests.

Announcement cards should be quite ready to post immediately after the ceremony. They should be sent to all the circle of friends and acquaintances of both the bride's and the bridegroom's families, save to those who have been invited to the marriage or the wedding reception.

The announcement of an "At Home" or reception should always be made on a separate card,--not on a corner of the wedding invitation or announcement.

An immediate reply is necessary when one is invited to a home wedding.

If the wedding is a church wedding, and there is no reception following it, one makes no reply if one intends to be present, but sends one's card upon the date set, if one cannot attend.

_Various Announcement Cards_

In case of the postponement of a wedding or a dinner or reception because of some grave accident or illness, the cancellation of the invitations, or the announcement of the postponement, should be engraved and sent out at the earliest possible date.

For a wedding it may read somewhat as follows:

_Mr. and Mrs. Maynard S. Taylor_ _regret to announce_ _that on account of serious illness in the family_ _the marriage of their daughter_ _Emmeline and Mr. Fosd.i.c.k Arlington_ _will be indefinitely postponed_

A family which has pa.s.sed through a period of calamity and bereavement may wish to make some acknowledgment of the attentions of friends, and may do so in some such form as follows:

_The brothers and sisters of_ _Dr. Ralph J. Harkins_ _gratefully acknowledge_ _your kind expression of sympathy_

The special "At Home" card which is used for a reception in honor of a friend or guest may contain the name of the friend either on the first or the last line of the invitation, with the words "To meet" before it; as:

_Mrs. Ernest L. Lafricain_ _At Home_ _Thursday, December twenty-third_ _from four to six_ _275 Grand Pre Avenue, Montreal_ _To meet Mrs. Jackson Seymour Montgomery_

For a general reception the following form is good:

_Mr. and Mrs. Henry Illington Bray_ _Mr. and Mrs. Harold Bray_ _request the honor of your presence_ _on New Year's Day_ _from four until half after seven o'clock_ _174 Albemarle Street_ _Winnipeg_

The private engraved card for Christmas and New Year greetings, which may be sent to one's entire list of friends, is much in favor. Great distinction and individuality of design and selection of sentiment may be obtained by this means. The following is an appropriate form:

"_The glory breaks And Christmas comes once more_"

_Mr. and Mrs. Nathaniel Clarke Sutherland cordially greet_

_with every good wish of the Season_

CHAPTER VII

BEHAVIOR IN PUBLIC

THE test of the depth of one's courtesy is found in one's att.i.tude to strangers and the public at large. If one observes toward them the little courtesies, then one may be safely trusted to keep to the highest ideal of social intercourse in times of emergency and rigid testing.

Always in a public place the real gentleman and lady will be un.o.btrusive, speaking quietly, and showing in their manner that they each believe himself and herself but a single unit in the world of humanity, and therefore not ent.i.tled to monopolize attention. They will go about their business with none of that idle curiosity which forms the street crowd.

In places of public amus.e.m.e.nt, they will show true courtesy by not coming in late,--that is, by being on time or missing the performance.

They will not rustle their programs needlessly. They will so dispose of their coats and wraps that others will not be inconvenienced by them, even if it takes them an extra ten minutes at the close of the evening to obtain them from the cloak room.

They will not talk or whisper to each other during speaking or singing on the stage, or at any time when so doing will make it difficult for others to hear what is going on. They will applaud temperately, and with only that degree of fervor which is for the best interests of the audience and the actors as a whole. That is, at a concert they will not so applaud one artist as to break up the program.

At formal business meetings they will take pains to conform to Parliamentary usage, which is really only the etiquette of debate, and will not insist upon rights which have been ruled out, or in word or manner express a disorderly spirit. "The greatest good of the largest number" will be the rule of their deportment in public.

At a social occasion of any sort, every one present is under obligation to do what he can to add to the general pleasure. If he cannot or will not, he should remain away. If he is asked to play a musical instrument or sing, he should do so without urging, for his talents, except in very special cases wherein he would not be asked, are or should be at the disposal of the company, or at the request of his hostess. Any voluntary or requested performance of this sort may be as brief as he pleases, and should be brief, unless his talent is so great that there can be no possible doubt of its acceptability, and he is in a generous mood,--a combination of circ.u.mstances rare in any but the most talented circles.

If you turn the pages of music for a musician, do so in a quiet and self-forgetful manner. Interest in you is quite subordinate to interest in the performer.

Do not by extravagant applause encourage parlor recitations, for mediocre talent is always profuse.

It is a mark of good breeding to control or at least conceal one's moods, so that in company one always appears to be content, if not happy. It adds much to the happiness of others to give this impression, and is therefore generous as well as wise.

It is always rude to interrupt with conversation, or yawning, or any motion, a musical performance, or any entertainment whether public or private, in which those about one are interested. One should retire if he cannot refrain.

Behavior in church may be taught in one great principle, providing that principle is fundamental enough. The sense of reverence for the things of the spiritual life may be felt, if not comprehended, by even the child. No amount of "Don't's," if the spirit of worship be not instilled, will avail to make the child of any age an attentive and reverent worshiper or even attendant at church.

The sense of worship will forbid whispering and chatting with friends, the noisy turning of the leaves of hymn-book or Bible, or an indifferent or scornful att.i.tude when any are in prayer.

Another sign of the same reverence is the careful observance of punctuality at the service. A church service is, by its very nature, a more intimate and important service to the attendant than any other.

Therefore, to come in late, thus distracting the attention of those who have gone to church for meditation or worship, is a far more flagrant offense against the rights of others, than is the disturbing of their pleasure at a theatre or a concert by a tardy entrance.