The Etiquette of Engagement and Marriage Part 15

Marrying for Money.

There are many marriages that are casually put under this heading which do not deserve to be. A man's position may be such that it will mean ruin to him if he adds to his expenses by taking a wife without a penny. He honourably refrains from making any advances to girls who are so situated; but that does not prevent his becoming really attached to one whose income will make married life possible for him.

The possession of money does not make a woman unlovable for herself, though it may give her an unenviable experience at the hands of the fortune hunter.

The cold, calculating nature that deliberately plans a mercenary marriage is probably satisfied for the time being by the acquisition of the coveted wealth. Little pity will be given when the long-starved human element of the man or woman begins to cry out for something more than money can buy.

There are excuses for some mercenary alliances. The sorely-tried daughter of impecunious parents, whose youth has been clouded by grey, grinding poverty, and who sees the prospects of her brothers and sisters blighted by lack of means to start them in life, is to be pardoned, if not commended, when she marries for money, but she should not deceive the man who gives it to her if she does not love him.

The man with talents and high ambitions may easily be tempted to take the wife whose money will open a field for the realisation of his hopes. He would be more of a man if he fought his way through alone.

The curse of it all is that no one marrying for money dares say so. It would be brutal, no doubt; and unless there were some fair equivalent to offer in exchange, probably few such marriages would take place.

When the cloak of simulated love is thrown over the real motive, often only to be cast aside as soon as the prize is secured, it is hard not to feel contempt and indignation.

{119} Marriage _with_ money is a necessity; marriage _for_ money is a mere business affair, a travesty of the sacred inst.i.tution.

"He that marries for money sells his liberty." It is humiliating enough for a woman, but immeasurably mean in a man.

Marrying for a Home.

The woman with strong domestic instincts, who dreads to face life alone, or has grown weary in the attempt to wage the fight single-handed, often yields to the temptation of marrying one who can give her a home, with only a secondary regard for the man himself. If she duly counts the cost and does not ask too much, the plan may succeed very well; but the entirely domestic woman does not hold the highest place in a man's mind. He may fully value the creature comforts she ensures for him, but she so soon becomes a drudge, and so soon loses touch with the higher side of his nature that he will probably seek sympathy elsewhere, and salve his conscience with the thought that he has given her what she really wanted most.

She must never forget that she has to reckon with the man who has provided her with a home; and she will probably have to repay him in whatever coin he may choose.

Marrying for a Housekeeper.

The man who must keep a home together and maintain appearances grows tired of wrestling with domestic problems, and either dreads the sudden departure of his cook-housekeeper or trembles under her tyrannical sway. He finally takes a lady who cannot give him a month's notice, nor leave his roof by stealth without unpleasant consequences to herself. When he thus primarily marries for a housekeeper who will promote his own comfort, he should be satisfied if she shows the needful domestic efficiency. He sometimes finds that the one who was intended to be little more than a dependant turns out to be his mistress. There are plenty of level-headed women who have done with romance, and who are perfectly willing to take up the position of wife to a man who honestly states that he requires a companion to {120} help his digestion by conversing at meals, to manage his house, entertain his guests, and darn his socks. When such a couple meet together let them show mutual respect for each other's motives, and invest the arrangement with comfort and dignity in the absence of tenderer emotions.

Concluding Remarks.

However short a marriage may fall of the high ideal standpoint, there should never be recrimination in public between man and wife, nor the utterance of taunts as to the avarice, expediency, or cowardice that may have influenced either side in the presence of a third person. Few attain to the highest happiness of which we are capable in this state: few, perhaps, make the most of what they have; yet it is very rare to find a married woman who honestly wishes herself single, and that is a powerful argument in favour of an inst.i.tution which seems to give the weaker s.e.x her full share of the burden. There is much soul-disquieting discussion nowadays on the relative positions of the s.e.xes. The following lines express that which surely might make marriage a very heaven on earth:--

"This is Woman's need; To be a beacon when the air is dense, A bower of peace, a lifelong recompense-- This is the sum of Woman's worldly creed.

And what is Man the while? And what his will?

And what the furtherance of his worldly hope?

To turn to Faith, to turn, as to a rope A drowning sailor; all his blood to spill For One he loves, to keep her out of ill-- This is the will of Man, and this his scope."

THE END