The Diplomat's Wife Part 13

I lean forward. "Where are we going?"

"Northholt Air Base." He closes the gla.s.s again before I can ask anything further.

An airport. I am flying to Prague. I sit back once more, digesting this information as the streets of north London disappear outside the car windows. I do not know why I am surprised, except that there had not been time to consider how I was going to get there at all. It makes sense; given the urgency of my mission, a slow ferry and train journey would have been out of the question.

We pa.s.s by the industrial warehouses on the outskirts of the city. Then the buildings disappear and the roadside grows empty and dark. I have only been north of London once before. Simon took me on a day trip shortly after we were married to show me Cambridge, where he had been a student. We took the train then, and as we rode through the flat gra.s.slands that seemed to stretch endlessly to the horizon, Simon explained to me that those were the fens of East Anglia. I imagine the countryside that way now, though I cannot see beyond the edge of the roadway.

A short while later, the car turns off the roadway at an unmarked gate. We stop and I hear the driver talking to a guard in a low voice before the gate opens and we continue through. An airplane appears out of the darkness, then another, a row of sleeping giants. I have never seen one up close and did not realize they would be so large. Finally the car pulls up close to one of the planes. "This is it," the driver says as he opens my car door.

I climb out and hesitate, staring at the enormous plane. An image of Paul pops into my mind. What was he thinking when he boarded the plane for England that last fateful flight? I imagine him laughing, joking with the other men. I am certain he was not worried. He had flown dozens of times, jumped out of a plane into enemy fire. The flight back to England was supposed to be nothing, the first step on the journey home. Perhaps he was daydreaming about our reunion.

"Ma'am?" The driver is beside me now, shouting to be heard over whirring propellers. He hands me my suitcase. "They're ready to go. You'd better hurry up and board."

I force Paul's image from my mind and start across the tarmac. As I near the airplane steps, the wind from the propellers grows stronger, whipping my hair against my face. At the top, a woman in a navy-blue skirt suit stands in the open doorway holding a clipboard. Behind her, I see the pilots seated in the c.o.c.kpit, dials and lights spread before them. My head grows light. "Miss Nedermann?" the woman asks. I nod, surprised to hear my maiden name. "I'm Nancy, the stewardess. May I take your bag?" I hand her my suitcase and she stows it in a small closet by the front of the plane, then leads me away from the c.o.c.kpit into the main cabin. A column of single seats, five deep, lines each side of the aisle. "Sit here, please." She points to the only open seat, second from the front on the right. "And don't forget to fasten your seat belt." She walks past me down the aisle.

Once seated, I look around at the other pa.s.sengers. They are mostly young and male; a few wear military uniforms. Who are these people and why are they traveling to central Europe? My thoughts are interrupted by a loud bang as the stewardess shuts the plane door. The urge to stand up and run from the plane engulfs me. But it is too late; the engines roar as the plane begins to roll forward. I fasten the seat belt around my middle, my fingers trembling. Brave like Paul, I tell myself. But I cannot think of him without seeing the fiery crash. I force myself to picture Rachel instead, sleeping peacefully in her crib.

The engines grow louder as the plane picks up speed, pressing me back against the seat. There is a loud b.u.mp, then another. My breath catches as I feel the earth disappear beneath us. The plane seems to hover above the ground for several seconds, then begins to climb. Forgetting to be nervous, I look out the window at the sky, which is beginning to grow pink at the horizon.

"Tea?" Nancy stands in the aisle beside my seat, holding a tray.

I hesitate, surprised. I had not known that airplanes had waitresses. "May I have some water?"

"Certainly." She pours a small gla.s.s, hands it to me. "Our flight to Munich should take about four hours, not counting the hour's time difference."

So that is our destination. "Thank you." I turn back to look out the window once more. Munich. I shudder. It had not occurred to me that we would be landing in Germany. Dachau was near Munich. Don't, I think, but it is too late. I feel the concrete prison floor beneath my head. Panic rises in me, making it hard to breathe. I dig my nails hard into my palms. I cannot go back there. It is too much. That was a lifetime ago, I think, forcing myself to breathe. The n.a.z.is are gone now. Still, it seems inconceivable that in just a few hours I will be back in Germany again.

I glance around the cabin once more. Some of the other pa.s.sengers have pulled out small pillows and blankets that are stowed under the seats. I barely slept before the alarm went off. I should try to get some sleep. I lean my head back and close my eyes, lulled by the gentle rumbling of the engines.

Suddenly there is a loud b.u.mping sound. My eyes fly open. Is something wrong with the plane? I sit up. The other pa.s.sengers do not look afraid but instead are gathering their belongings, b.u.t.toning coats. "Welcome to Munich," Nancy says from the front of the cabin. "When you disembark, please proceed inside to Customs and Immigration." I must have slept through most of the flight and the landing. I look out the window at the snow-coated gra.s.s beside the runway.

The plane rolls along the tarmac, then turns and continues for several more minutes. Finally we stop and the door opens. I follow the other pa.s.sengers down the aisle, collecting my suitcase from Nancy before walking down the stairs. The air is cold and crisp, with a damp smell that suggests more snow is coming. "This way, please." Nancy, who has come down the stairs, begins to lead the group toward a drab three-story building.

Suddenly someone b.u.mps into me from the left. Startled, I jump. "Excuse me," a woman's voice, barely a whisper, says. As I turn toward the voice, a hand grabs my arm. Instinctively, I pull back. A pet.i.te young woman, wearing a dark, boxy man's suit and brimmed hat, stands beside me. I do not recognize her from the plane. "Marta?" She does not wait for an answer. "I'm Renata, from the emba.s.sy."

How did she recognize me? I note then that other than Nancy, I was the only woman on the flight. "Nice to meet you." I extend my hand, but Renata draws me close, into a cloud of perfume and cigarette smoke, kissing me on the right cheek, then the left.

"Act as if you know me," she whispers close to my ear in crisp, accented English. "I need to tell you this now, because once we are in the car you must a.s.sume that our conversation is being listened to, possibly recorded. I've been sent to get you. I know why you've come and I'm here to help you." I am too surprised to respond. Renata pulls me away from the group. "Come, we have a long drive ahead of us." I notice for the first time a black sedan like the one that had picked me up at home parked to one side of the plane. She leads me to it and opens the rear door. Inside, she leans forward and says something to the driver, then sits back and removes her hat, revealing a tight cap of dark hair. Her cheeks are pockmarked, scars from past acne, but her features are striking, her eyes a deep chocolate-brown. "How was your flight?" she asks in a loud voice as the car begins to move. I realize that she is making small talk for the benefit of whoever might be listening.

"Fine," I reply.

She pulls out a pack of cigarettes and holds it out to me. I shake my head. "You're lucky that the weather wasn't worse," she remarks, taking a cigarette from the pack and lighting it with a sleek silver lighter. "We've had some early snow." She cracks the window open so the smoke wafts away from me.

Neither of us speak further as the car turns from the airport out onto the main roadway. I peer out the window. In the distance I can just make out the pine-covered Bavarian mountains silhouetted against the pale gray sky. I shiver, drawing my coat closer. How could so much evil have come from such a beautiful place?

"Cold?" Renata asks. I shake my head. "We'll be at the border in a few minutes. I brought your paperwork from the emba.s.sy. Do you have your pa.s.sport?"

I nod, pulling it from my bag and handing it to her. Simon gave it to me last night with the papers. It was like the others I had seen at the Foreign Office-its cover is black instead of the usual deep red, and the word diplomatic is engraved across the front. But when I thumbed through it, I was surprised. Its issuance date was eight months earlier and its pages were worn and stamped. "We want you to appear as a seasoned cultural attache," Simon explained. "So as not to arouse suspicion." Amazed, I studied the stamps from dozens of places I had never been, trying to memorize them in case I was asked.

The car climbs one hill for several minutes, then another, without seeming to ever descend again. Soon we reach the border checkpoint. Renata rolls down her window. "Guten tag," she greets the lone border guard in German as she hands him our pa.s.sports. He does not answer as he thumbs through them, then peers into the car. My breath catches. Will he question me? But he only nods, then stamps the pa.s.sports and hands them back to Renata. It is like I am someone else, I muse, as the car begins to move once more. Suddenly, I think of Emma. After she escaped from the ghetto to Jacob's aunt, she had to a.s.sume a whole new ident.i.ty as Anna, a non-Jew. And to make matters worse, she had to go to n.a.z.i headquarters every day to work for the Kommandant. At the time, I had been so disdainful: how could she become close to a man like him? It must have been so difficult for her, wondering if at any moment her secret might be discovered. I wonder if she is well, if she and Jacob were able to escape. Perhaps if I can find Marek, he will have news of them.

As we climb above the tree line, the snowcapped peaks break into full view. I feel a tug, remembering the first time I woke up in Salzburg and saw the mountains. We are north of Austria, I know. Salzburg and the palace are several hundred kilometers away. But I cannot help thinking of Dava. I tried to write to her once after Simon and I were married, enclosing money to repay what she lent me. But the envelope came back undeliverable. I read in the newspaper a few months later that many of the displaced persons camps closed, all of the residents relocated to new countries. I wonder where she is now.

"We still have several hours until we reach Prague," Renata says sometime later. "Feel free to nap, if you're tired."

"I'm fine. I slept on the plane. And I've grown used to getting less sleep since my daughter was born." I feel my insides grow warm as I think of Rachel.

"How old is she?"

"Eighteen months. Do you have children?"

Renata shakes her head. "I was pregnant once, but I lost the baby. During the war."

"I'm so sorry. Maybe you can try again."

She clears her throat. "Thank you, but I'm afraid it is impossible."

Uncertain what to say, I look out the window once more. Soon we reach a small town. The houses remind me of those in my own village, set close to the roadside with long sloping roofs. As we near the center of town, the car slows to let a group of schoolboys cross the road. At the corner sits a house with bright blue curtains. A flash of recognition surges through me: we had curtains that very color in my childhood home in the village. I still remember my mother painstakingly dyeing the material and sewing them, my father shaking his head at the audacity of a color so bright. For a second, I imagine that the house is my parents', and that if I walked up to the door and knocked, I might find my mother inside baking. Then the door opens and a heavyset woman, her gray hair in a thick bun, walks out carrying a broom. Noticing my stare, she eyes the sedan warily for several seconds, then turns her back and begins sweeping the porch. The car begins to move, pa.s.sing a crudely dressed man atop a horse-drawn wagon, its carriage full of cut brush. Suddenly the village seems foreign and ancient, something out of a long-forgotten dream.

We pick up speed and the houses disappear, the narrow road giving way to a smoothly paved highway. "The roads are really well kept," I remark.

Renata nods. "One of the few benefits of our neighbors." I know that she is talking about the Soviets. "Czech industry is critical to their economy, so they keep the roads in top condition. The railways, too. Of course the West is doing the same in Germany. Marshall Plan and all that. If only the two would meet up somehow."

"I don't understand."

"The West is building. The Soviets are building. But not together. Take the border, for example. The roads are a mess for that twenty-kilometer stretch on either side of the border because neither side wants to build anything that might help the other. Same with the trains. The Soviets build track at a different gauge width than the rest of the world. If you wanted to take a train east from Prague, you have to change trains at the border."

"I see." I wonder if she has forgotten her own admonition not to speak openly, or if what she is saying is such common knowledge she does not care who hears us.

Outside, the landscape begins to change, the forests and fields giving way to industrial warehouses and factories. Smokestacks belch black smoke into the sky. Behind the factories, the hills have been sheared of trees and gra.s.s. Strip mining, I realize sadly. Once pristine, the coal-rich land is being pillaged. The pollution from the factories must be awful. I lean my head back, suddenly tired. Then I close my eyes, allowing the motion of the car to lull me into a gentle half sleep.

"Look." Renata touches my arm, jarring me awake. She points out the front window of the car. In the distance, I see the tops of buildings, interspersed with spires and church steeples. "We're nearing Prague." I blink several times. How long was I asleep? The road climbs to the top of a hill. Below, the panorama of the city spreads out like a postcard, an endless sea of red roofs. A wide, curving river divides the city into two halves. "Hradcany Castle," Renata says, pointing to a ma.s.sive, turreted structure that sits atop a hill on the far bank. It reminds me of Wawel Castle in Krakow, only larger. "And below it sits the Mala Strana, or Little Quarter. That's where the emba.s.sy is located." The car begins to descend the hill, into the narrow, winding streets. The buildings are painted blues and pinks and yellows, their brightness muted by a coating of soot. "And on this side, we have the Old City. You'll be staying here, at the Excelsior. It is quite close to the Old Town Square."

"Lovely," I say, playing along with the charade. "I will have to be sure to see it." In truth, I doubt I will have time to visit many of the sights. Speed, Simon told me the night before I left, is critical. I need to persuade Marek to introduce me to Marcelitis and get the cipher before the Soviets have any idea that I am here.

As we stop at a traffic light, I notice an ornate building with Hebrew writing on it. "A synagogue?"

Renata nods. "We are just on the edge of Josefov, which is the Jewish quarter. Or was," she corrects herself. "Prague used to have an enormous Jewish community before the war. But of the survivors, only those who had nowhere to go came back. The others went to Israel or Western Europe or America."

Like me. "You can hardly blame them for leaving." I can hear the defensiveness in my own voice.

"Of course," Renata replies quickly. "I only meant that it's a shame for the city to have lost such a vibrant part of its population." I study the synagogue. The structure seems to have survived the war intact, but it is in a state of complete disrepair, the stained-gla.s.s windows cracked, the front steps crumbling. In my mind I see the tiny synagogue in our village. Is there anyone left to pray in it now? "The synagogues survived mostly but they're little more than sh.e.l.ls," Renata adds. She drops her voice. "The communists want to create a Jewish museum, but it's really a Soviet propaganda piece."

Behind the synagogue I can see a ma.s.sive Jewish cemetery, crowded with tombstones that seem to be standing on top of one another. Thousands of Jews, I think. Hundreds of years of history. And these are the ones who were lucky enough to die before the war. I study the cracked headstones, tall gra.s.s growing between them. Are there no Jews left in Prague to care for the cemetery, or are they too afraid to come here? To Jews, keeping up a cemetery is a moral obligation, a way to pay tribute to the ancestors that came before. I remember my own father walking faithfully to the cemetery each week, even in the worst of weather, to visit his parents' grave and say Kaddish. Even during the war, there were stories of Jews in Krakow sneaking into the cemeteries at night under penalty of death to care for the gravesites that had not been completely destroyed by the n.a.z.is, defiantly leaving a few pebbles on the headstones to show that they were there. My heart aches at the thought of my own parents, denied a proper Jewish burial by the n.a.z.is.

"Here we are," Renata announces a few minutes later as the car pulls up in front of a hotel. We climb out of the car. "The porter will take your bag," she says as I start toward the trunk. I follow her inside to the desk, hanging back as she speaks to the clerk in Czech. The lobby is large and, I can tell, was once grand. But the red carpet is faded and worn through in places, and several lights are broken or missing from the chandelier that hangs overhead. The air smells of overcooked dill.

A minute later, Renata turns from the counter and hands me a key. "Well, I'm sure you're tired, so have a good night's sleep." I look at her, puzzled. Then she pulls me close to kiss my cheek as she had done at the airport. "Go upstairs and drop off your bag. Wait ten minutes. At the end of the hallway you'll find a second stairwell. Take it and it will lead to the back alley. I'll see you there." She releases me and strides across the lobby with a jaunty wave.

CHAPTER 16.

Upstairs, I unlock the door to the hotel room and flick the light switch. The bare bulb on the ceiling splutters to life. Then there is a popping sound and the room goes dark once more. I feel my way along the wall, finding a table lamp and turning it on to reveal a small, triangular room. A twin bed is wedged into one corner, covered in a garish pink-flowered duvet. To the left of the bed, beneath a window, sits a chair with a worn gold slipcover. A damp odor permeates the room, as if there is some sort of leak.

I drop my bag onto the bed, then walk into the water closet to relieve myself after the long journey. The sink faucet is rusty and the floor tiles cracked, mold growing where the grout should be. There is a claw-footed bathtub, though, inviting and deep. It reminds me of the wood tub in our house in the village, large and st.u.r.dy, that my mother would fill fresh with heated water for each of us every week.

I wash and dry my hands, then return to the main room. Renata said to wait ten minutes, but I walk to the door, eager to find Marek. I peer into the hallway, looking in both directions, then make my way to the unmarked door at the end of the hall. At the bottom of the stairs, as Renata described, is a doorway leading to an alley. Outside, the sun is beginning to set, and it's colder, too. I draw my coat closer, blinking and trying to adjust my eyes. The alley is narrow, tall brick buildings close on either side. The air is heavy with the smell of garbage. Something rustles by my feet. A rat. Nausea rises up in me. The rats had been everywhere in prison, scratching inside the walls, running across the floor at night. They were as rampant as flies in the ghetto, too. Once, I awoke in bed screaming as one ran across my neck. Mama chased it down, killed it with a broom. But I was too scared to sleep for days.

Someone grabs my arm. "Hey!" I exclaim, jumping.

"Shh!" Renata whispers. Still holding my arm, she leads me through the alleyway to a backstreet. "Be careful," she adds, gesturing to the slick, wet cobblestones. As we walk, I notice that Renata somehow changed outfits in the few minutes I was upstairs. She is now wearing a short, dark skirt and a pink blouse that dips low to reveal something lacy beneath. Her practical shoes have been replaced with stiletto heels, and she is wearing rouge and bright lipstick. It is as if she is dressed for a night on the town, which, I realize, is exactly the idea, suddenly feeling very frumpy in my wool travel skirt and jacket.

She leads me to a boxy car parked at the corner, so tiny it is almost toylike. The pa.s.senger door, its dark paint gouged, groans as Renata opens it for me. I fold myself into the damp car. "We must hurry," she says loudly as she turns the ignition. "Aunt Sophie will be worried if we are late."

"Aunt Sophie?" I whisper.

"Talk normally now," she says in a low voice, and I realize that she is speaking for the benefit of anyone who might be listening.

"I-I am really looking forward to seeing Aunt Sophie after so long," I improvise as she pulls the car away from the curb. These spy games are very confusing to me.

Renata turns on the radio, which blares a mixture of cla.s.sical music and static. "Sorry we couldn't take the emba.s.sy sedan tonight. Meet Wartburg, pride of German engineering." She pats the dashboard. "Careful that your feet don't fall through the holes in the floor."

I start to laugh, then, looking down, see that she is serious. "Are we going far?"

Renata pulls the Wartburg to a halt at a traffic light. "Just to a bar in the Nove Mesto. It's just a little too far to walk in the cold and..." She stops, peering uneasily in the rearview mirror.

I turn around to look behind us. "What's...?"

"Don't look," she whispers, grabbing my arm. I face front quickly, feeling my cheeks burn. As the light turns green, she slams hard on the gas and the car lurches forward. She turns right, then immediately to the left. The wheels skid sideways, sending us careening toward a light post. I grip the seat, bracing myself for the crash I am sure will come. But Renata turns the wheel hard in the other direction, pulling us back into the center of the roadway. A minute later, she slows the car, looking into the rearview mirror once more. "Sorry. There was a suspicious car and I thought we were being followed, but it's gone." I cannot help but wonder if perhaps she overreacted. "I didn't mean to snap at you," she adds. "But turning around would only arouse suspicion."

So would a car accident. "I'm sorry," I reply. "I didn't know."

"You haven't had any training for this, have you?" I shake my head, uneasiness growing inside me. It had all been so last-minute. Simon had been angry, the D.M. rushed. What else do I need to know that they forgot to tell me?

A few minutes later, Renata pulls the car into a small s.p.a.ce along the curb on a residential side street. I look out the window in both directions, but do not see a bar. "Here?"

"No, but it is best if we park and walk a few blocks." I start to open the car door, but she grabs my arm. "Wait a second. You don't have any crowns, do you?"

I hesitate, then realize she is talking about Czech money. I shake my head. "I meant to exchange some money at the hotel...."

"Here." She presses some bills and coins into my hand. "Don't worry," she says, cutting me off as I start to protest. "I'll get repaid by the emba.s.sy. Let's go."

I step out onto the pavement and follow Renata silently through the dark, deserted streets. It begins to drizzle, a light fine mist, and I can feel the curls around my face tightening in response. Renata leads me halfway down the block, stopping in front of an unmarked building. Music and voices rise from below.

"Ready?" Renata asks. I nod, swallowing. The din grows louder as she leads me down a set of stairs and through the door. Inside, the bar is a long brick cellar. Crude wooden benches and tables, seemingly scattered at random angles, are filled mostly with young people, playing cards and talking over large mugs of dark brown beer. Several look up at us across the dim, smoky room, as if they know we do not belong here.

But Renata, not seeming to notice, surveys the room coolly. "There," she says in a low voice, gesturing slightly with her head toward the back of the bar.

I follow her gaze to a man seated on the end of one of the benches. "I see him." Marek. In truth, I might not have recognized him if Renata had not pointed him out. Once heavyset, he looks as though he has lost at least thirty pounds. His face, usually clean-shaven, now sports a mustache and goatee. He's trying to be Alek, I realize with a start. At the sight of him, my breath catches.

"We need to get his attention," Renata says.

I nod, too nervous to respond. What will his reaction be to seeing me again? But Marek, engrossed in conversation with a gray-haired man beside him, has not looked up since we entered the bar. "How?" I ask a minute later. "I can't just walk up to him."

"True," Renata agrees. "But I can." She pulls a sc.r.a.p of paper and pencil out of her bag. She scribbles something I cannot read, then crumples up the paper. "You wait here." Before I can respond, she strides across the bar, drawing several appreciative stares in her short skirt and heels. I climb onto a bar stool, watching as she pa.s.ses Marek, brushing against him, just hard enough so that he notices but the others at his table do not. Then, without stopping, she drops the paper into his lap. Marek looks up in surprise, but Renata has already disappeared into the toilet at the back of the bar. I watch, not breathing, as Marek scans the note. He looks up and our eyes meet. He blinks twice behind his gla.s.ses, trying to mask his surprise. Then he leans toward the man beside him and whispers something, before making his way slowly toward the front of the bar.

Before reaching me, he stops, staring as though seeing a ghost. "Marta...?"

"Czesc, Marek," I say in Polish, struggling to keep my voice even.

"What are you...?" He falters. "I mean, we thought that you were..."

"Why don't you sit down?" I suggest quietly.

He opens his mouth to speak, then, appearing to think better of it, closes it again and climbs onto the bar stool beside me. "Two pilsners, please," he says to the bartender. Neither of us speak as the bartender pours the beer from the tap. I look over Marek's shoulder, wondering what has become of Renata. She will not come back during my conversation with Marek, I suspect. She did her job by getting him here; the rest is up to me.

I look back at Marek. Images race through my mind: Marek sitting at the head of the table beside Alek at Shabbat dinner each week, laughing and talking. Later they would huddle over papers in the back room of the apartment, plotting in hushed whispers. Then I see Marek again that last night at the cabin when I confronted him as he prepared to flee. He was supposed to lead the resistance after Alek was gone. I know, of course, that there was nothing more we could have done. The movement was in tatters after the cafe bombing; even a great leader like Alek could not have carried on. But Marek left the rest of us behind at the moment we needed him most. Does he feel guilty, as I do, at having survived when so many others did not?

Enough, I think, forcing my anger down. I wait until the bartender has set the gla.s.ses in front of us and walked away once more. "You thought I was dead. Isn't that what you were about to say?"

He nods. "The bridge...We heard that Richwalder shot you."

"He did. I survived that and n.a.z.i prison, too." There is a note of pride in my voice. Marek had never been a supporter of women helping with the resistance, other than as occasional decoys. He thought us weak, inconsequential. Now, watching his stunned expression, I cannot help but feel smug.

"Did they ask...?"

"About the resistance? They suspected my involvement and spent months trying to beat it out of me. I didn't tell them anything," I add quickly.

Relief crosses his face, as though the n.a.z.is are still in power and might be able to hurt him if they knew the truth. "And now? Surely you didn't go back to Poland after all that happened."

"No. I live in London, actually."

"England? But how? And what are you doing here?"

"It's a long story." I pause, looking around the bar for Renata. Has something happened to her? "I'm afraid we don't have much time."

Marek's forehead wrinkles. "I don't understand."

"Marek, I..." I take a deep breath. "I've been sent to find you."

His eyes widen. "Sent? By whom?"