The Darwin Awards Countdown to Extinction Part 7

Reference: New Orleans Times-Picayune Times-Picayune, Nola.com [image]

Reader Comment

"A small consolation-she got the last word!"

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Darwin Award Winner: Wetting the Bed Confirmed by Darwin Featuring a woman, water, weather, and machismo!

27 OCTOBER 2009, ARKANSAS Thirty-year-old Ms. Devan-LeAnn of Shongaloo, Louisiana, was visiting Lake Erling with a male friend. Recent bouts of heavy rain had resulted in a flood of runoff water, and the two decided it would be "fun" to take a mattress careening down the surging water in the spillway.

An air mattress would be one thing. Unfortunately Devan-LeAnn was riding a foam egg-crate mattress pad. Imagine a wet foam pad. Are you sinking yet?

According to her friend, Devan-LeAnn simply vanished from sight at dusk. The next morning her body was found in a tangle of trees seventy yards below the spillway.

Parents, warn your children! Wetting the bed can be deadly can be deadly.

Reference: Arkansas Democrat-Gazette Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, Texarkana Gazette Texarkana Gazette [image]

Reader Comments

"LOL! I'm glad I'm over that habit [embarra.s.sed laugh]."

"At least she died in bed . . ."

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Darwin Award Winner: Missed (but Not Missed By) the Bus Confirmed by Darwin Featuring a woman, a vehicle, and a can of pop!

13 AUGUST 2009, CANADA A twenty-four-year-old was ironically successful in her attempt to catch a bus in Quebec City. Clutching a can of pop, the woman ran into a restricted area restricted area and tried to flag down a forty-five-foot bus that had left on time-a minute ago-without her. As she tried her best to get herself noticed, she herself failed to notice that the bus was making a swift turn in her direction. and tried to flag down a forty-five-foot bus that had left on time-a minute ago-without her. As she tried her best to get herself noticed, she herself failed to notice that the bus was making a swift turn in her direction.

A veteran driver pointed out that drivers cannot hear anything over the sound of their engines. The woman stood her ground-and disappeared beneath the turning bus. Suddenly, she was no longer able to concern herself with getting there on time.

Considering that you have to go out of your way to get mowed down by a bus in a transit center-such as sneaking around barricades into a restricted area and running under the tires-the bus company said it does not plan to increase security.

Instead of riding home in a crowded bus, the deceased woman enjoyed one last luxury: a private one-way trip "home" in a hea.r.s.e.

Reference: Le Journal de Quebec Le Journal de Quebec, CBC.ca At-Risk Survivor: A Clear Lesson Unconfirmed Personal Account Featuring women and a gla.s.s door

2009 When she was younger, a college student had accidentally run right through the gla.s.s sliding doors at home. Ouch! After that painfully "clear" lesson, her family put decals on the doors to keep it from happening again. After all, gla.s.s is expensive.

Years later, the student was home for school break. She was doing some ch.o.r.es for her parents when she decided to clean the sliding gla.s.s doors. She took off the decals, put them aside, and began to polish the gla.s.s. Then the family dog sidetracked her. When the industrious daughter returned to the kitchen a few minutes later, she had already forgotten about those gla.s.s doors.

Father to daughter: "And this this is why we pay all that tuition?" is why we pay all that tuition?"

She saw her sister in the backyard, walked at a fast pace toward her, and smashed right through the gla.s.s again!

The lesson? Never-never-walk away from an unfinished job.

This lesson was learned all too dearly by the author herself (p. 3).

Reference: Anonymous [image]

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Darwin Award Winner: Epitaph-She Liked Feathers Confirmed by Darwin Featuring a woman and gravity

22 FEBRUARY 2009, UK A woman in her forties was following a coastal footpath along the top of a cliff in Devon. While enjoying the natural scenery she noticed a beautiful feather floating just out of reach. Fencing was in place to protect people from falling, but this protective fencing was no match for the allure of a feather blown by the breeze. While chasing the elusive plume, the woman climbed the fence, slipped, and fell.

An experiment much like this one was performed from the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa. There is truly a fine line between genius and madness. Our heroine was on the wrong side of that line.

Eighty vertical feet later, the experiment data point landed.

She was airlifted to the hospital, but unfortunately there was no cure for what ailed her, and she died of head injuries the following day.

Reference: Telegraph.co.uk [image]

At-Risk Survivor: Pill Pusher Confirmed by Reliable Eyewitness Featuring a woman, teen, and medicine

Darwin says, "We asked for medical submissions and have greatly enjoyed the responses! "

PENNSYLVANIA My husband worked at a small, busy rural pharmacy. His customers were hard-working, simple people. Early one morning he dispensed a prescription to the mother of a teenager for anti-nausea tablets and suppositories, labeled with what he thought thought were clear directions. were clear directions.

Early that evening he received a phone call from the child's mother, asking when the medications would take effect. Knowing that the suppository should should have taken effect within an hour, he asked which form of the medicine she had given the child. The mother said she had tried both tablets and suppositories, but the patient was still experiencing severe nausea. have taken effect within an hour, he asked which form of the medicine she had given the child. The mother said she had tried both tablets and suppositories, but the patient was still experiencing severe nausea.

Since the child was evidently sicker than originally diagnosed, my husband told her that she needed to call the doctor and ask for further instructions. Then the mother asked the key question: Should she have unwrapped the suppository before her child swallowed it? Should she have unwrapped the suppository before her child swallowed it? That winner was quickly followed by her inquiry as to how far she should have inserted the tablet rectally, or rather should it have been inserted v.a.g.i.n.ally? That winner was quickly followed by her inquiry as to how far she should have inserted the tablet rectally, or rather should it have been inserted v.a.g.i.n.ally?

To this day, he includes directions for unwrapping suppositories before use, as well as stating that tablets should be taken by mouth!

Reference: Ann Boncal [image]

Reader Comments

"Do we really really need suppository instructions?" need suppository instructions?"

"I used to think people had some some brains." brains."

". . . and they say a pharmacy is dull?"

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SCIENCE INTERLUDE s.e.x ON THE BRAIN.

By Robert Adler

Suppose our big brains didn't evolve for practical reasons such as better hunting, gathering, or fighting-things that our less-endowed primate cousins do quite well. What if the explosive growth in brain power that made us what we are today had nothing to do with fitness, but everything to do with s.e.x?

That 's what evolutionary psychologist Geoffrey Miller thinks, and presents in convincing detail in his book, The Mating Mind: How s.e.xual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature. (New York: Vintage, 2001) The Mating Mind: How s.e.xual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature. (New York: Vintage, 2001) What counted wasn't the ability to pitch a spear more accurately, but the ability to pitch a good pickup line.

Our brains ballooned over the last two million years not to make us more fit on the savannah, but to make us more marketable in the Pleistocene equivalent of pickup bars, Miller says. s.e.xual selection-the individual mating choices of thousands of generations of our ancestors-is driving the growth of our big brains.

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Art, Music, Language, and Creativity s.e.xual selection's fingerprints are all over a bouquet of complex and colorful human capacities, valued and attractive talents that have little to no survival value. Miller's list includes expressive arts such as music, poetry, painting, dance, personal decoration, and universally admired qualities-such as generosity and heroism-that are tough to explain based on survival of the fittest.

"Theories of human mental evolution just weren't accounting for (these) aspects of human behavior," says Miller. s.e.xual selection, which accounts for many of the most surprising features of plants and animals, does a much better job of explaining a range of useless human talents. His ideas may even shed light on the evolutionary history that lurks behind the fatal displays of risk-taking and derring-do that garner Darwin Awards.

Survival of the s.e.xiest The idea started with Darwin. In The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to s.e.x, The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to s.e.x, Darwin argued that evolution winnows every generation through two sieves: Darwin argued that evolution winnows every generation through two sieves: fitness, fitness, which selects adaptations that help us survive; and which selects adaptations that help us survive; and s.e.xiness s.e.xiness (s.e.xual selection) (s.e.xual selection), which selects adaptations that help us mate. Fitness selection might lead to warm fur, and the ability to communicate. s.e.xual selection might lead to long hair and a pleasant voice. which selects adaptations that help us mate. Fitness selection might lead to warm fur, and the ability to communicate. s.e.xual selection might lead to long hair and a pleasant voice.

Fitness selection has enjoyed extensive scientific scrutiny while s.e.xual selection has been an afterthought, but current researchers are taking an avid interest in s.e.x. After all, survival is worthless, from an evolutionary point of view, unless you manage to woo and win a mate.

s.e.xual selection is powered by two main engines: compet.i.tion among potential suitors and individual choice of mate.

Compet.i.tive selection-compet.i.tion for mating rights-sets up an arms race that leads to aggressive, well-armed males who fight for access to females. Picture a male lion and his pride, or a stag sporting his rutting rack of antlers. While compet.i.tion leads to fairly predictable outcomes, mate selection is another matter.

Survival is worthless unless you manage to woo and win a mate.

Mate selection-evolution's wild card-is based on whatever aesthetic qualities happen to lead an individual to mate with one partner and reject another. Mate selection can home in on any feature or behavior that happens to attract and impress the opposite s.e.x. Favorites include bright colors, rhythmic movements, and melodious voices, but there are practically as many possibilities as there are species.

s.e.xual selection is powered by compet.i.tive selection and mate selection. is powered by compet.i.tive selection and mate selection.

Through a hypothetical process called runaway s.e.xual selection, runaway s.e.xual selection, those attractive qualities can be exaggerated to an astonishing degree. You can see it coming-the bird everyone agrees is frivolous-the peac.o.c.k! Mate selection led to the insane plumage of peac.o.c.ks, the meter-tall architectural nest of the bowerbird, and perhaps to many of hu manity's most cherished creative abilities. The next time you show your moves on the dance floor, wink at the driver of that flashy sports car, or splurge on a new tattoo, thank your smart, s.e.xy, selective ancestors-who knew there was more to life than mere survival. those attractive qualities can be exaggerated to an astonishing degree. You can see it coming-the bird everyone agrees is frivolous-the peac.o.c.k! Mate selection led to the insane plumage of peac.o.c.ks, the meter-tall architectural nest of the bowerbird, and perhaps to many of hu manity's most cherished creative abilities. The next time you show your moves on the dance floor, wink at the driver of that flashy sports car, or splurge on a new tattoo, thank your smart, s.e.xy, selective ancestors-who knew there was more to life than mere survival.

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Choosy Men Choose Too One important way in which Miller departs from Darwin is in the kind of mate selection he sees operating in the human animal. Darwin's examples of mate selection involved flashy males showing off to attract choosy females. Miller points out that if that had been a dominant pattern in human evolution, men and women might have evolved minds as different as the plumage of peac.o.c.ks and peahens.

Instead, human mental capacities seemingly evolved through mutual mate choice-our male and female forebears were equally equally attracted to smart, creative, communicative mates. Men have the reputation of being less picky than women when choosing s.e.xual partners, but recent research has shown that that's not the case when it comes to serious relationships that lead to children. attracted to smart, creative, communicative mates. Men have the reputation of being less picky than women when choosing s.e.xual partners, but recent research has shown that that's not the case when it comes to serious relationships that lead to children.

Our brains are more like entertainment centers than Swiss army knives.

Let the Big-Brained Beware However much we value our verbal, creative, and interpersonal skills, there's a catch. If Miller is right and our brains are more like multifunction entertainment centers than Swiss army knives, if we have been bred more to woo and win mates than simply to survive, then we may be a lot less practical and rational than we think.

Out of necessity, survival selects for realistic problem-solving minds, but s.e.xual selection is not obliged to follow suit. It obviously favored human males who were driven to demonstrate their skills, even if that meant taking (cough) risks. Miller believes it also favored imaginative storytellers over plodding realists, creative dreamers and self-confident explorers over sensible worker bees.

It's encouraging to think that our minds evolved as much to dream, play, and create as to struggle to survive. "Our ancestors were more lovers than fighters," says Miller. "That's important for our self-concept as a species. It highlights the deep roots of love, and the attractiveness of moral virtues."

Still, we shouldn't be surprised if some of those playful dreamers "slide" off thousand-foot cliffs (see p. 227), do one pull-up too many on the ski-lift drive wheel (p. 51), or find other creative, dramatic and high-risk ways to take themselves and their genes over the edge and into the annals of the Darwin Awards.

REFERENCES:.

Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to s.e.x The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to s.e.x (London: John Murray, 1871). (London: John Murray, 1871).

G. Gehrer and G. F. Miller, eds., Mating Intelligence: s.e.x, Relationships, and the Mind's Reproductive System Mating Intelligence: s.e.x, Relationships, and the Mind's Reproductive System (Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 2007). (Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 2007).

G. F. Miller, The Mating Mind: How s.e.xual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature The Mating Mind: How s.e.xual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature (New York: Vintage, 2001). (New York: Vintage, 2001).