The Cook's Oracle; and Housekeeper's Manual Part 5

The antic.i.p.ation of pleasure warms our imagination, and keeps those feelings alive, which possession too often extinguishes.

"'Tis _expectation_ only makes us blest; _Enjoyment_ disappoints us at the best."

Dr. Johnson has most sagaciously said; "Such is the state of life, that none are happy, but by the antic.i.p.ation of change: the change itself is nothing: when we have made it, the next wish is, immediately to change again."

However singular our a.s.sertions may have at first appeared to those who have not considered the subject, we hope by this time we have made converts of our readers, and convinced the "_Amateurs de Bonne Chere_"

of the truth and importance of our remarks; and that they will remember, that DINNER is the only act of the day which cannot be put off with impunity, for even FIVE MINUTES.

In a well-regulated family, all the clocks and watches should agree; on this depends the fate of the dinner; what would be agreeable to the stomach, and restorative to the system, if served at FIVE o'clock, will be uneatable and innutritive and indigestible at A QUARTER PAST.

The dining-room should be furnished with a good-going clock; the s.p.a.ce over the kitchen fire-place with another, vibrating in unison with the former, so placed, that the cook may keep one eye on the clock, and the other on the spit, &c. She will calculate to a minute the time required to roast a large capon or a little lark, and is equally attentive to the degree of heat of her stove, and the time her sauce remains on it, when to withdraw the bakings from the oven, the roast from the spit, and the stew from the pan.

With all our love of punctuality, the first consideration must still be, that the dinner "be well done, when 't is done."

It is a common fault with cooks who are anxious about time, to overdress every thing--the guests had better wait than the dinner--a little delay will improve their appet.i.te; but if the dinner waits for the guests, it will be deteriorated every minute: the host who wishes to entertain his friends with food perfectly well dressed, while he most earnestly endeavours to impress on their minds the importance of being punctual to the appointed hour, will still allow his cook a quarter of an hour's grace.

The old adage that "the eye is often bigger than the belly," is often verified by the ridiculous vanity of those who wish to make an appearance above their fortune. Nothing can be more ruinous to real comfort than the too common custom of setting out a table, with a parade and a profusion, unsuited not only to the circ.u.mstances of the hosts, but to the number of the guests; or more fatal to true hospitality, than the multiplicity of dishes which luxury has made fashionable at the tables of the great, the wealthy, and the ostentatious, who are, often, neither great nor wealthy.

Such pompous preparation, instead of being a compliment to our guests, is nothing better than an indirect offence; it is a tacit insinuation, that it is absolutely necessary to provide such delicacies to bribe the depravity of their palates, when we desire the pleasure of their company; and that society now, must be purchased, at the same price SWIFT told POPE he was obliged to pay for it in Ireland. "I should hardly prevail to find one visiter, if I were not able to hire him with a bottle of wine." Vide Swift's letters to Pope, July 10th, 1732.

When twice as much cooking is undertaken as there are servants, or conveniences in the kitchen to do it properly, dishes must be dressed long before the dinner hour, and stand by spoiling--the poor cook loses her credit, and the poor guests get indigestions. Why prepare for eight or ten friends, more than sufficient for twenty or thirty visiters?

"Enough is as good as a feast," and a prudent provider, who sensibly takes measure of the stomachic, instead of the SILLY ocular, appet.i.te of his guests, may entertain his friends, three times as often, and ten times as well.

It is your SENSELESS SECOND COURSES--ridiculous variety of WINES, LIQUEURS, ICES,[38-*] DESSERTS, &c.--which are served up merely to feed the eye, or pamper palled appet.i.te, that _overcome the stomach and paralyze digestion_, and seduce "children of a larger growth" to sacrifice the health and comfort of several days, for the baby-pleasure of tickling their tongue for a few minutes, with trifles and custards!!!

&c. &c.

"INDIGESTION will sometimes overtake the most experienced epicure; when the gustatory nerves are in good humour, hunger and savoury viands will sometimes seduce the tongue of a '_grand gourmand_' to betray the interests of his stomach in spite of his brains.

"On such an unfortunate occasion, when the stomach sends forth eructant[38-+] signals of distress, the _peristaltic persuaders_ are as agreeable and effectual a.s.sistance as can be offered; and for delicate const.i.tutions, and those that are impaired by age or intemperance, are a valuable panacea.

"They derive, and deserve this name, from the peculiar mildness of their operation. One or two very gently increase the action of the princ.i.p.al viscera, help them to do their work a little faster, and enable the stomach to serve with an ejectment whatever offends it, and move it into the bowels.

"Thus _indigestion_ is easily and speedily removed, _appet.i.te_ restored, the mouths of the absorbing vessels being cleansed, _nutrition_ is facilitated, and _strength_ of body, and _energy_ of mind, are the happy results." See "PEPTIC PRECEPTS," from which we extract the following prescription--

To make FORTY PERISTALTIC PERSUADERS,

Take

Turkey rhubarb, finely pulverized, two drachms, Syrup (by weight), one drachm, Oil of carraway, ten drops (minims), Made into pills, each of which will contain _three grains of rhubarb_.

"The DOSE OF THE PERSUADERS must be adapted to the const.i.tutional peculiarity of the patient. When you wish to accelerate or augment the alvine exoneration, take two, three, or more, according to the effect you desire to produce. _Two pills_ will do as much for one person, as _five or six_ will for another: they will generally very regularly perform what you wish to-day, without interfering with what you hope will happen to-morrow; and are therefore as convenient an argument against constipation as any we are acquainted with.

"The most convenient opportunity to introduce them to the stomach, is early in the morning, when it is unoccupied, and has no particular business of digestion, &c. to attend to--i. e. at least half an hour before breakfast. Physic must never interrupt the stomach, when it is busy in digesting food.

"From two to four persuaders will generally produce one additional motion, within twelve hours. They may be taken at any time by the most delicate females, whose const.i.tutions are so often distressed by constipation, and destroyed by the drastic purgatives they take to relieve it."

The cloth[39-*] should be laid in the parlour, and all the paraphernalia of the dinner-table completely arranged, at least half an hour before dinner-time.

The cook's labour will be lost, if the parlour-table be not ready for action, and the eaters ready for the eatables, which the least delay will irreparably injure: therefore, the GOURMAND will be punctual for the sake of gratifying his ruling pa.s.sion; the INVALID, to avoid the danger of encountering an _indigestion_ from eating ill-dressed food; and the RATIONAL EPICURE, who happily attends the banquet with "_mens sana in corpore sano_," will keep the time not only for these strong reasons, but that he may not lose the advantage of being introduced to the other guests. He considers not only what is on the table, but who are around it: his princ.i.p.al inducement to leave his own fireside, is the charm of agreeable and instructive society, and the opportunity of making connexions, which may augment the interest and enjoyment of existence.

It is the most pleasing part of the duty of the master of the feast (especially when the guests are not very numerous), to take advantage of these moments to introduce them to one another, naming them individually in an audible voice, and adroitly laying hold of those ties of acquaintanceship or profession which may exist between them.

This will much augment the pleasures of the festive board, to which it is indeed as indispensable a prelude, as an overture is to an opera: and the host will thus acquire an additional claim to the grat.i.tude of his guests. We urge this point more strongly, because, from want of attention to it, we have seen more than once persons whom many kindred ties would have drawn closely together, pa.s.s an entire day without opening their lips to each other, because they were mutually ignorant of each other's names, professions, and pursuits.

To put an end at once to all ceremony as to the order in which the guests are to sit, it will save much time and trouble, if the mistress of the mansion adopts the simple and elegant method of placing the name of each guest in the plate which is intended for him. This proceeding will be of course the result of consideration, and the host will place those together whom he thinks will harmonize best.

_Le Journal des Dames_ informs us, that in several fashionable houses in Paris, a new arrangement has been introduced in placing the company at a dinner-table.

"The ladies first take their places, leaving intervals for the gentlemen; after being seated, each is desired to call on a gentleman to sit beside her; and thus the lady of the house is relieved from all embarra.s.sment of _etiquette_ as to rank and pretensions," &c.

But, without doubt, says the Journalist, this method has its inconveniences.

"It may happen that a bashful beauty dare not name the object of her secret wishes; and an acute observer may determine, from a single glance, that the _elected_ is not always the _chosen_."

If the party is large, the founders of the feast may sit in the middle of the table, instead of at each end, thus they will enjoy the pleasure of attending equally to all their friends; and being in some degree relieved from the occupation of carving, will have an opportunity of administering all those little attentions which contribute so much to the comfort of their guests.

If the GUESTS have any respect for their HOST, or prefer a well-dressed dinner to one that is spoiled, instead of coming half an hour after, they will take care to make their appearance a quarter of an hour before the time appointed.

The operations of the cook are governed by the clock; the moment the roasts, &c. are ready, they must go to the table, if they are to be eaten in perfection.

An invitation to come at FIVE o'clock seems to be generally understood to mean _six_; FIVE PRECISELY, _half past five_; and NOT LATER THAN FIVE (so that dinner may be on the table within five minutes after, allowing this for the variation of watches), FIVE O'CLOCK EXACTLY.

Be it known to all loyal subjects of the empire of good-living, that the COMMITTEE OF TASTE have unanimously resolved, that "an invitation to ETA. BETA. PI. must be in writing, and sent at least ten days before the banquet; and must be answered in writing (as soon as possible after it is received), within twenty-four hours at least," especially if it be not accepted: then, in addition to the usual complimentary expressions of thanks, &c. the best possible reasons must be a.s.signed for the non-acceptance, as a particular pre-engagement, or severe indisposition, &c. Before the bearer of it delivers it, he should ascertain if the person it is directed to is at home; if he is not, when he will be; and if he is not in town, to bring the summons back.

Nothing can be more disobliging than a refusal which is not grounded on some very strong and unavoidable cause,--except not coming at the appointed hour;--"according to the laws of conviviality, a certificate from a sheriff's officer, a doctor, or an undertaker, are the only pleas which are admissible. The duties which invitation imposes do not fall only on the persons invited, but, like all other social duties, are reciprocal.

"As he who has accepted an invitation cannot disengage himself from it; the master of the feast cannot put off the entertainment on any pretence whatever. Urgent business, sickness, not even death itself, can dispense with the obligation which he is under of giving the entertainment for which he has sent out invitations, which have been accepted; for in the extreme cases of compulsory absence, or death, his place may be filled by his friend or executor."--_Vide le Manuel des Amphitryons_, 8vo.

_Paris_, 1808; and _Cours Gastronomique_, 1809; to which the reader is referred for farther instructions.

It is the least punishment that a blundering, ill-bred b.o.o.by can receive, who comes half an hour after the time he was bidden, to find the soup removed, and the fish cold: moreover, for such an offence, let him also be _mulcted_ in a pecuniary penalty, to be applied to the FUND FOR THE BENEFIT OF DECAYED COOKS. This is the least punishment that can be inflicted on one whose silence, or violation of an engagement, tends to paralyze an entertainment, and to draw his friend into useless expense.

BOILEAU, the French satirist, has a shrewd observation on this subject.

"I have always been punctual at the hour of dinner," says the bard; "for I knew, that all those whom I kept waiting at that provoking interval, would employ those unpleasant moments to sum up all my faults.--BOILEAU is indeed a man of genius, a very honest man; but that dilatory and procrastinating way he has got into, would mar the virtues of an angel."

There are some who seldom keep an appointment: we can a.s.sure them they as seldom "'scape without whipping," and exciting those murmurs which inevitably proceed from the best-regulated stomachs, when they are empty, and impatient to be filled.

The most amiable animals when hungry become ill-tempered: our best friends employ the time they are kept waiting, in recollecting and repeating any real faults we have, and attributing to us a thousand imaginary ones.

Ill-bred beings, who indulge their own caprice, regardless how they wound the feelings of others, if they possess brilliant and useful talents, may occasionally be endured as convenient tools; but deceive themselves sadly, even though they possess all the wisdom, and all the wit in the world, if they fancy they can ever be esteemed as friends.

Wait for no one: as soon as the clock strikes, say grace, and begin the business of the day,

"And good digestion wait on appet.i.te, And health on both."

MANNERS MAKE THE MAN.

Good manners have often made the fortune of many, who have had nothing else to recommend them: