The Constant Couple Part 6

_Sir H._ Like light and heat, incorporate we lay; We bless'd the night, and curs'd the coming day.

Well, if this paper kite flies sure, I'm secure of my game----Humph!--the prettiest _bourdel_ I have seen; a very stately genteel one----

FOOTMEN _cross the Stage_.

Heyday! equipage too!----'Sdeath, I'm afraid I've mistaken the house!

_Enter_ LADY DARLING.

No, this must be the bawd, by her dignity.

_Lady D._ Your business, pray, sir?

_Sir H._ Pleasure, madam.

_Lady D._ Then, sir, you have no business here.

_Sir H._ This letter, madam, will inform you farther. Mr. Vizard sent it, with his humble service to your ladyship.

_Lady D._ How does my cousin, sir?

_Sir H._ Ay, her cousin, too! that's right procuress again. [_Aside._

_Lady D._ [Reads.] _Madam----Earnest inclination to serve----Sir Harry----Madam----court my cousin----Gentleman----fortune_---- _Your ladyships most humble servant_, VIZARD.

Sir, your fortune and quality are sufficient to recommend you any where; but what goes farther with me is the recommendation of so sober and pious a young gentleman as my cousin Vizard.

_Sir H._ A right sanctified bawd o' my word! [_Aside._

_Lady D._ Sir Harry, your conversation with Mr. Vizard argues you a gentleman, free from the loose and vicious carriage of the town. I shall therefore call my daughter. [_Exit._

_Sir H._ Now go thy way for an ill.u.s.trious bawd of Babylon:--she dresses up a sin so religiously, that the devil would hardly know it of his making.

_Enter_ LADY DARLING _with_ ANGELICA.

_Lady D._ Pray, daughter, use him civilly; such matches don't offer every day. [_Exit_ LADY DARL.

_Sir H._ Oh, all ye powers of love! an angel!--'Sdeath, what money have I got in my pocket? I can't offer her less than twenty guineas----and, by Jupiter, she's worth a hundred.

_Ang._ 'Tis he! the very same! and his person as agreeable as his character of good humour.----Pray Heaven his silence proceed from respect!

_Sir H._ How innocent she looks! How would that modesty adorn virtue, when it makes even vice look so charming!----By Heaven, there's such a commanding innocence in her looks, that I dare not ask the question!

_Ang._ Now, all the charms of real love and feigned indifference a.s.sist me to engage his heart; for mine is lost already.

_Sir H._ Madam--I--I----Zouns, I cannot speak to her!--Oh, hypocrisy!

hypocrisy! what a charming sin art thou!

_Ang._ He is caught; now to secure my conquest--I thought, sir, you had business to communicate.

_Sir H._ Business to communicate! How nicely she words it!----Yes, madam, I have a little business to communicate. Don't you love singing-birds, madam?

_Ang._ That's an odd question for a lover--Yes, sir.

_Sir H._ Why, then, madam, here's a nest of the prettiest goldfinches that ever chirp'd in a cage; twenty young ones, I a.s.sure you, madam.

_Ang._ Twenty young ones! What then, sir?

_Sir H._ Why then, madam, there are----twenty young ones----'Slife, I think twenty is pretty fair.

_Ang._ He's mad, sure!----Sir Harry, when you have learned more wit and manners, you shall be welcome here again. [_Exit._

_Sir H._ Wit and manners! 'Egad, now, I conceive there is a great deal of wit and manners in twenty guineas--I'm sure 'tis all the wit and manners I have about me at present. What shall I do?

_Enter_ CLINCHER JUNIOR _and_ d.i.c.kY.

What the devil's here? Another cousin, I warrant ye!--Harkye, sir, can you lend me ten or a dozen guineas instantly? I'll pay you fifteen for them in three hours, upon my honour.

_Clinch. jun._ These London sparks are plaguy impudent! This fellow, by his a.s.surance, can be no less than a courtier.

_d.i.c.ky._ He's rather a courtier by his borrowing.

_Clinch. jun._ 'Faith, sir, I han't above five guineas about me.

_Sir H._ What business have you here then, sir?--For, to my knowledge, twenty won't be sufficient.

_Clinch. jun._ Sufficient! for what, sir?

_Sir H._ What, sir! Why, for that, sir; what the devil should it be, sir? I know your business, notwithstanding all your gravity, sir.

_Clinch. jun._ My business! Why, my cousin lives here.

_Sir H._ I know your cousin does live here, and Vizard's cousin, and every body's cousin----Harkye, sir, I shall return immediately; and if you offer to touch her till I come back, I shall cut your throat, rascal. [_Exit._

_Clinch. jun._ Why, the man's mad, sure!

_d.i.c.ky._ Mad, sir! Ay----Why, he's a beau.

_Clinch. jun._ A beau! What's that? Are all madmen beaux?

_d.i.c.ky._ No, sir; but most beaux are madmen.--But now for your cousin.

Remember your three sc.r.a.pes, a kiss, and your humble servant. [_Exeunt._

SCENE III.

_A Street._

_Enter_ SIR HARRY WILDAIR, COLONEL STANDARD _following_.