The Complete Works of William Shakespeare Part 558

FABIAN. More matter for a May morning.

AGUECHEEK. Here's the challenge; read it. I warrant there's vinegar and pepper in't.

FABIAN. Is't so saucy?

AGUECHEEK. Ay, is't, I warrant him; do but read.

SIR TOBY. Give me. [Reads] 'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'

FABIAN. Good and valiant.

SIR TOBY. [Reads] 'Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'

FABIAN. A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.

SIR TOBY. [Reads] 'Thou com'st to the Lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly; but thou liest in thy throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'

FABIAN. Very brief, and to exceeding good sense- less.

SIR TOBY. [Reads] 'I will waylay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to kill me'- FABIAN. Good.

SIR TOBY. 'Thou kill'st me like a rogue and a villain.'

FABIAN. Still you keep o' th' windy side of the law. Good!

SIR TOBY. [Reads] 'Fare thee well; and G.o.d have mercy upon one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy, ANDREW AGUECHEEK.'

If this letter move him not, his legs cannot. I'll give't him.

MARIA. You may have very fit occasion for't; he is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.

SIR TOBY. Go, Sir Andrew; scout me for him at the corner of the orchard, like a b.u.m-baily; so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and as thou draw'st, swear horrible; for it comes to pa.s.s oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply tw.a.n.g'd off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earn'd him. Away.

AGUECHEEK. Nay, let me alone for swearing. Exit SIR TOBY. Now will not I deliver his letter; for the behaviour of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth, set upon Aguecheek notable report of valour, and drive the gentleman- as know his youth will aptly receive it- into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so fright them both that they will kill one another by the look, like c.o.c.katrices.

Re-enter OLIVIA. With VIOLA

FABIAN. Here he comes with your niece; give them way till he take leave, and presently after him.

SIR TOBY. I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge.

Exeunt SIR TOBY, FABIAN, and MARIA OLIVIA. I have said too much unto a heart of stone, And laid mine honour too unchary out; There's something in me that reproves my fault; But such a headstrong potent fault it is That it but mocks reproof.

VIOLA. With the same haviour that your pa.s.sion bears Goes on my master's griefs.

OLIVIA. Here, wear this jewel for me; 'tis my picture.

Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you.

And I beseech you come again to-morrow.

What shall you ask of me that I'll deny, That honour sav'd may upon asking give?

VIOLA. Nothing but this- your true love for my master.

OLIVIA. How with mine honour may I give him that Which I have given to you?

VIOLA. I will acquit you.

OLIVIA. Well, come again to-morrow. Fare thee well; A fiend like thee might bear my soul to h.e.l.l. Exit

Re-enter SIR TOBY and SIR FABIAN

SIR TOBY. Gentleman, G.o.d save thee.

VIOLA. And you, sir.

SIR TOBY. That defence thou hast, betake thee tot. Of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, b.l.o.o.d.y as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end. Dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy a.s.sailant is quick, skilful, and deadly.

VIOLA. You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel to me; my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man.

SIR TOBY. You'll find it otherwise, I a.s.sure you; therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath, can furnish man withal.

VIOLA. I pray you, sir, what is he?

SIR TOBY. He is knight, dubb'd with unhatch'd rapier and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl. Souls and bodies hath he divorc'd three; and his incens.e.m.e.nt at this moment is so implacable that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre. Hob-n.o.b is his word- give't or take't.

VIOLA. I will return again into the house and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on others to taste their valour; belike this is a man of that quirk.

SIR TOBY. Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury; therefore, get you on and give him his desire.

Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me which with as much safety you might answer him; therefore on, or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.

VIOLA. This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you do me this courteous office as to know of the knight what my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose.

SIR TOBY. I Will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return. Exit SIR TOBY VIOLA. Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?

FABIAN. I know the knight is incens'd against you, even to a mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circ.u.mstance more.

VIOLA. I beseech you, what manner of man is he?

FABIAN. Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is indeed, sir, the most skilful, b.l.o.o.d.y, and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk towards him? I will make your peace with him if I can.

VIOLA. I shall be much bound to you for't. I am one that would rather go with sir priest than sir knight. I care not who knows so much of my mettle. Exeunt

Re-enter SIR TOBY With SIR ANDREW

SIR TOBY. Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a firago. I had a pa.s.s with him, rapier, scabbard, and all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal motion that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.

AGUECHEEK. Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.

SIR TOBY. Ay, but he will not now be pacified; Fabian can scarce hold him yonder.

AGUECHEEK. Plague on't; an I thought he had been valiant, and so cunning in fence, I'd have seen him d.a.m.n'd ere I'd have challeng'd him. Let him let the matter slip, and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.

SIR TOBY. I'll make the motion. Stand here, make a good show on't; this shall end without the perdition of souls. [Aside] Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.

Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA

[To FABIAN] I have his horse to take up the quarrel; I have persuaded him the youth's a devil.

FABIAN. [To SIR TOBY] He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.

SIR TOBY. [To VIOLA] There's no remedy, sir: he will fight with you for's oath sake. Marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of.

Therefore draw for the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.

VIOLA. [Aside] Pray G.o.d defend me! A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a man.

FABIAN. Give ground if you see him furious.

SIR TOBY. Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you; he cannot by the duello avoid it; but he has promis'd me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on; to't.

AGUECHEEK. Pray G.o.d he keep his oath! [They draw]

Enter ANTONIO

VIOLA. I do a.s.sure you 'tis against my will.

ANTONIO. Put up your sword. If this young gentleman Have done offence, I take the fault on me: If you offend him, I for him defy you.

SIR TOBY. You, sir! Why, what are you?

ANTONIO. One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more Than you have heard him brag to you he will.

SIR TOBY. Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.

[They draw]

Enter OFFICERS

FABIAN. O good Sir Toby, hold! Here come the officers.

SIR TOBY. [To ANTONIO] I'll be with you anon.

VIOLA. Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.

AGUECHEEK. Marry, will I, sir; and for that I promis'd you, I'll be as good as my word. He will bear you easily and reins well.

FIRST OFFICER. This is the man; do thy office.

SECOND OFFICER. Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit Of Count Orsino.

ANTONIO. You do mistake me, sir.

FIRST OFFICER. No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well, Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.

Take him away; he knows I know him well.

ANTONIO. I Must obey. [To VIOLA] This comes with seeking you; But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.

What will you do, now my necessity Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me Much more for what I cannot do for you Than what befalls myself. You stand amaz'd; But be of comfort.

SECOND OFFICER. Come, sir, away.

ANTONIO. I must entreat of you some of that money.

VIOLA. What money, sir?

For the fair kindness you have show'd me here, And part being prompted by your present trouble, Out of my lean and low ability I'll lend you something. My having is not much; I'll make division of my present with you; Hold, there's half my coffer.