The Complete Works of William Shakespeare Part 552

SCENE II.

A street

Enter VIOLA and MALVOLIO at several doors

MALVOLIO. Were you not ev'n now with the Countess Olivia?

VIOLA. Even now, sir; on a moderate pace I have since arriv'd but hither.

MALVOLIO. She returns this ring to you, sir; you might have saved me my pains, to have taken it away yourself. She adds, moreover, that you should put your lord into a desperate a.s.surance she will none of him. And one thing more: that you be never so hardy to come again in his affairs, unless it be to report your lord's taking of this. Receive it so.

VIOLA. She took the ring of me; I'll none of it.

MALVOLIO. Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her; and her will is it should be so return'd. If it be worth stooping for, there it lies in your eye; if not, be it his that finds it.

Exit VIOLA. I left no ring with her; what means this lady?

Fortune forbid my outside have not charm'd her!

She made good view of me; indeed, so much That methought her eyes had lost her tongue, For she did speak in starts distractedly.

She loves me, sure: the cunning of her pa.s.sion Invites me in this churlish messenger.

None of my lord's ring! Why, he sent her none.

I am the man. If it be so- as 'tis- Poor lady, she were better love a dream.

Disguise, I see thou art a wickedness Wherein the pregnant enemy does much.

How easy is it for the proper-false In women's waxen hearts to set their forms!

Alas, our frailty is the cause, not we!

For such as we are made of, such we be.

How will this fadge? My master loves her dearly, And I, poor monster, fond as much on him; And she, mistaken, seems to dote on me.

What will become of this? As I am man, My state is desperate for my master's love; As I am woman- now alas the day!- What thriftless sighs shall poor Olivia breathe!

O Time, thou must untangle this, not I; It is too hard a knot for me t' untie! Exit

SCENE III.

OLIVIA'S house

Enter SIR TOBY and SIR ANDREW

SIR TOBY. Approach, Sir Andrew. Not to be abed after midnight is to be up betimes; and 'diluculo surgere' thou know'st- AGUECHEEK. Nay, by my troth, I know not; but I know to be up late is to be up late.

SIR TOBY. A false conclusion! I hate it as an unfill'd can. To be up after midnight and to go to bed then is early; so that to go to bed after midnight is to go to bed betimes. Does not our lives consist of the four elements?

AGUECHEEK. Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists of eating and drinking.

SIR TOBY. Th'art a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.

Marian, I say! a stoup of wine.

Enter CLOWN

AGUECHEEK. Here comes the fool, i' faith.

CLOWN. How now, my hearts! Did you never see the picture of 'we three'?

SIR TOBY. Welcome, a.s.s. Now let's have a catch.

AGUECHEEK. By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg, and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last night, when thou spok'st of Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians pa.s.sing the equinoctial of Queubus; 'twas very good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy leman; hadst it?

CLOWN. I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose is no whipstock. My lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.

AGUECHEEK. Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling, when all is done. Now, a song.

SIR TOBY. Come on, there is sixpence for you. Let's have a song.

AGUECHEEK. There's a testril of me too; if one knight give a- CLOWN. Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

SIR TOBY. A love-song, a love-song.

AGUECHEEK. Ay, ay; I care not for good life.

CLOWN sings

O mistress mine, where are you roaming?

O, stay and hear; your true love's coming, That can sing both high and low.

Trip no further, pretty sweeting; Journeys end in lovers meeting, Every wise man's son doth know.

AGUECHEEK. Excellent good, i' faith!

SIR TOBY. Good, good!

CLOWN sings

What is love? 'Tis not hereafter; Present mirth hath present laughter; What's to come is still unsure.

In delay there lies no plenty, Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty; Youth's a stuff will not endure.

AGUECHEEK. A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.

SIR TOBY. A contagious breath.

AGUECHEEK. Very sweet and contagious, i' faith.

SIR TOBY. To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? Shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three souls out of one weaver? Shall we do that?

AGUECHEEK. An you love me, let's do't. I am dog at a catch.

CLOWN. By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.

AGUECHEEK. Most certain. Let our catch be 'Thou knave.'

CLOWN. 'Hold thy peace, thou knave' knight? I shall be constrain'd in't to call thee knave, knight.

AGUECHEEK. 'Tis not the first time I have constrained one to call me knave. Begin, fool: it begins 'Hold thy peace.'

CLOWN. I shall never begin if I hold my peace.

AGUECHEEK. Good, i' faith! Come, begin. [Catch sung]

Enter MARIA

MARIA. What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady have not call'd up her steward Malvolio, and bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me.

SIR TOBY. My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio's a Peg-a-Ramsey, and [Sings]

Three merry men be we.

Am not I consanguineous? Am I not of her blood? Tilly-vally, lady. [Sings]

There dwelt a man in Babylon, Lady, lady.

CLOWN. Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.

AGUECHEEK. Ay, he does well enough if he be dispos'd, and so do I too; he does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.

SIR TOBY. [Sings] O' the twelfth day of December- MARIA. For the love o' G.o.d, peace!

Enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO. My masters, are you mad? Or what are you? Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an ale-house of my lady's house, that ye squeak out your coziers' catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time, in you?

SIR TOBY. We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!

MALVOLIO. Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me tell you that, though she harbours you as her kins-man, she's nothing allied to your disorders. If you can separate yourself and your misdemeanours, you are welcome to the house; if not, and it would please you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell.

SIR TOBY. [Sings] Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.

MARIA. Nay, good Sir Toby.

CLOWN. [Sings] His eyes do show his days are almost done.

MALVOLIO. Is't even so?

SIR TOBY. [Sings] But I will never die. [Falls down]

CLOWN. [Sings] Sir Toby, there you lie.