The Complete Works of Josh Billings Part 75

It iz a mighty hard job tew respekt the man that we hav tew forgiv.

I beleave thare iz more people in this world, honest from policy, than thare iz from principle.

Very old people often are free from all appearances ov sin, bekauze they hav nothing left for either tew feed upon.

Thare are people who are alwus antic.i.p.ating trubble, and in this way they manage tew _enjoy_ menny sorrows that never really happen tew them.

Fear ov sin haz made a grate menny more Christians than the luv ov virtew haz.

I kno ov sevral kinds ov kuriosity, but thare iz one kind which prompts us tew stick our noze into things just for the purpose ov smelling.

The luv ov praize never made enny man wuss, and haz made menny a man better.

Thoze people who are sik and disgusted with themselfs are the ones who suffer from ennui.

In bible times, when Balem's a.s.s spoke, it waz a mirakle; but the daze ov mirakels are over, and the greatest a.s.ses we hav in theze times are the gratest talkers.

Thare iz quite a difference between a _lu_minous and a _vo_luminous writer, altho menny authors konfound the two.

Thoze who hav never sukceeded themselfs are alwus the most reddy tew tell others how tew do it.

I am satisfied that the 2 gratest bores in the world are the Hoosick tunnel and the author who iz hunting up a publisher for his fust book.

If yu wish tew retain the friendship, or even luv, ov others, yu must keep them in yure hands, and not git into theirs.

It iz kind ov phunny that while modesty iz the gratest evidence ov merit, it seems tew be the poorest gurantee ov suckcess.

Admire beauty, but don't worship it.

Cunning men are sure tew git kaught at last, and when they are kaught they are like a fox in a trap, about the sylliest looking fox yu ever see.

Yu mite az well undertake tew drown a knot-hole out, bi pouring water into it, az tew outtalk sum wimmin I kno ov.

We laff at sheep bekauze when one ov them leads the way all the rest follow, however ridikilus it may be, and i suppose sheep laff, when they see us doing the vary same thing.

It will do tew endorse some men, but not their paper, while thare iz others whoze paper iz safer tew endosse than their karakter.

Fortune iz no holyday G.o.ddess she don't simper amung arkadian scenes, she dwells in rugged places, and yu kant wear her favors without winning them.

FOUNDLINGS.

He that will foller good advice, iz a greater man than he that gives it.

It iz human to err, but devlish to brag on it.

Blessed iz he who haz a big pile, and knows how to spread it.

The minds ov the young are eazily trained; it iz hard work to git an old hop vine to travel a new pole.

I dont hanker after bad luck, but I had rather run the risk ov it than trust too mutch in the professions ov men.

Just in proportion that a man iz thankful to Heaven, and hiz nabor, just in that proportion he iz happy.

It iz a dredful fine thing to whip a young one jist enuff, and not enny more. I take it that the spot iz lokated jist whare their pride ends, and their mad begins.

Blessed iz them who hav no eye for a key, nor ear for a knot-hole.

A man should learn tew be a good servant to himself before he iz fit to boss others.

The more exalted our stashun, the more conspikuous our virtews, just az a ritch setting adds to the brilliancy ov a jewel.

Blessed are the single, for they kan double at leizure.

If yu want to learn a child to steal oats in the bundle, make him beg out ov yu evry thing that yu giv him.

Thare iz nothing so difikult for the best ov us az tew git the approval ov our own conscience.

Blessed iz he who kan pocket abuse, and feel that it iz no disgrace to be bit by a dog.

Punishments, tew hit the spot, should be few, but red-hot.

Happyness consists in being perfektly satisfied with what we hav got, and what we haint got.

We are told that ritches takes wings and flies out ov sight, and i hav known them tew take the proprietor along with them.

Blessed iz the man who kan eat hash with a clear conscience, for hiz heart must be full ov pitty.

I hav seen those who were az full ov awl sorts ov learning az the heavens are ov wind; they are just the things to cut up into weather-c.o.c.ks.

If a man iz thoroughly satisfied with himself, he will be very well satisfied with evrybody else.

"Blessed are the meek and lowly" (and very lucky, too, if they don't git their noze pulled.)

If death iz an evil, birth iz a greater one.

One ov the fussyest scenes I ever listened to, waz two old maids, waiting on one sick bachelor.

If we take all the hard sledding ov this life, and make it four times az mutch, it wont amount tew the affliktions that men pile on to each other.

I think evry man and woman on earth, ought tew wear on their hat-band theze words, in large letters: "Lead us not into temtashun."

I never knew ennyboddy yet to git stung by hornets, who kept away from whare they waz--it iz jist so with bad-luck.

Blessed iz he who haz got a good wife and knows how to sail her.