The Complete Works of Josh Billings Part 73

Thare iz no man in the world so easy to cheat az ourselfs.

I don't kno ov ennything that will kill a man so quick az praize that he don't deserve.

Repentanse should be the effekt ov love--not fear.

The soul haz more disseases than the boddy haz.

Things that we kant do wouldn't be ov enny use to us, if we could do them.

Amongst animals the most ignorant are the most stubborn, and i wonder if this ain't so amungst men.

A phool seems tew be a person who haz more will than judgment, and more vanity than either.

The fust intimashun i had that i waz gitting old waz, i found myself telling to mi friends the same storys over again.

In repenting ov sins, men are apt tew repent ov thoze they haint got, and overlook thoze they hav.

A dandy never yet fell in love--only with himself.

Revenge sumtimes sleeps, but vanity always keeps one eye open.

Thoze folks who expekt to fail in an enterprise, most generally do.

A man with only one accomplishment kant expekt to interest us long.

We all git tired pretty soon looking at a goose standing on one leg.

EMBERS ON THE HARTH.

The moon looks down at night upon the vices of the world and yet remains az chaste az ever.

Caution and curiosity are the privy counsillers ov truth.

I had rather not have a thing than tew be obliged tew wait for it.

We are always a-looking ahed, and that iz the way tew look; if the man at the wheel looks back he will soon beach hiz vessell.

The time tew be karefullest iz when we hav a hand full ov trumps.

I am a poor man, but i hav this consolashun, i am poor by acksident, not desighn.

What an unreal life most folks lead; they don't ever hav a genuine taste ov sorrow during their existence.

How menny people thare iz whoze importance depends entirely upon the size ov their hotel bills.

_Mother!_--The holy thoughts and chastened memorys that cl.u.s.ter around this name can never be so well expressed az in the calm utterance ov the name itself.

It iz a good thing tew be hedstrong, but it iz a better thing tew understand that a stun-wall iz a hard thing tew buk agin.

Mankind ain't apt tew respekt verry mutch what they are familiar with, it iz what we don't know, or kant see, that we hanker for.

When i see people ov shaller understandings extravagantly clothed, i always feel sorry--for the clothes.

I am just az certain that thare iz sitch a thing az "Spiritual manafestashuns" az i am that there iz plenty ov superstishun and trickery.

Prosperity makes us suspicious ov each other, while adversity makes us trust in each other--the only way that i kan akount for this iz that in prosperity we hav sumthing tew lose, while in adversity we hav everything tew gain.

I konsider it a grate kompliment tew religion that there are only two subst.i.tutes for it; one iz hipokrasy, and the other iz superstishun.

It iz a safe mistake tew make to call a man "Kurnel," who may in fakt be only a 4th Korporal.

We are never nearer right than we am when we fear we are rong.

Modesty weighs a pound, impudence only 6 ounces, this ackounts for the diffidence ov the one, and the vivacity ov the other.

Envy iz not so bad a pashun when it prompts us tew bild our chimney higher than our nabors, but when it prompts us tew hurt hiz draft it iz an awful mean one.

I thank the Lord for one thing, that he haz made the word _no_ the hardest one in any language tew say.

Old dorgs nuss their grudges, but yung pupps fight and then frolik.

A man may git a big fut, or a pug noze, bi birthright, but nine-tenths ov hiz virtews are the effekt ov a.s.sociashun or edukashun.

Confess yure sorrows, yure fears, yure hopes, yure love, and even yure deviltrys tew men, but don't let them git a smell ov yure poverty--poverty haz no friends, not even among paupers.

Larning iz the only good subst.i.tute for experience.

I suppoze the reazon whi we all ov us admire the Atlantik Ocean so mutch iz bekauze it don't belong tew enny boddy in partiklar; for what we kant own, iz about all that we aint jealous ov.

Pedantry iz ignorant knowledge.

Thare iz this difference between modesty and bashfulness, one iz paint under the skin, and the other iz paint on the outside ov it, liable tew wash oph.

_Abstinence_ should be the exception, and _temperance_ the rule.

If a man should happen tew reach perf.e.c.kshun in this world, he would hav tew die immediately tew enjoy himself.

One ov the best evidences ov our immortality, iz our desires tew be so.

A man who haint got enny imaginashun at all, iz just right for a hitching post.

Old age iz covetous, bekauze it haz larnt bi experience, that the best friend a man haz in this world, iz hiz pocket-book.

Love iz the fust pashun ov the heart, ambishun the seckond and avarice the third, and last.