The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 4

Of that there is no manner of doubt-- No probable, possible shadow of doubt-- No possible doubt whatever.

ALL. No possible doubt whatever.

But owing, I'm much disposed to fear, To his terrible taste for tippling, That highly respectable gondolier Could never declare with a mind sincere Which of the two was his offspring dear, And which the Royal stripling!

Which was which he could never make out Despite his best endeavour.

Of that there is no manner of doubt-- No probable, possible shadow of doubt-- No possible doubt whatever.

ALL. No possible doubt whatever.

Time sped, and when at the end of a year I sought that infant cherished, That highly respectable gondolier Was lying a corpse on his humble bier-- I dropped a Grand Inquisitor's tear-- That gondolier had perished.

A taste for drink, combined with gout, Had doubled him up for ever.

Of that there is no manner of doubt-- No probable, possible shadow of doubt-- No possible doubt whatever.

ALL. No possible doubt whatever.

The children followed his old career-- (This statement can't be parried) Of a highly respectable gondolier: Well, one of the two (who will soon be here)-- But which of the two is not quite clear-- Is the Royal Prince you married!

Search in and out and round about, And you'll discover never A tale so free from every doubt-- All probable, possible shadow of doubt-- All possible doubt whatever!

ALL. A tale free from every doubt, etc.

CAS. Then do you mean to say that I am married to one of two gondoliers, but it is impossible to say which?

DON AL. Without any doubt of any kind whatever. But be rea.s.sured: the nurse to whom your husband was entrusted is the mother of the musical young man who is such a past-master of that delicately modulated instrument (indicating the drum). She can, no doubt, establish the King's ident.i.ty beyond all question.

LUIZ. Heavens, how did he know that?

DON AL. My young friend, a Grand Inquisitor is always up to date. (To Cas.) His mother is at present the wife of a highly respectable and old-established brigand, who carries on an extensive practice in the mountains around Cordova. Accompanied by two of my emissaries, he will set off at once for his mother's address. She will return with them, and if she finds any difficulty in making up her mind, the persuasive influence of the torture chamber will jog her memory.

RECITATIVE--CASILDA and DON ALHAMBRA.

CAS. But, bless my heart, consider my position!

I am the wife of one, that's very clear; But who can tell, except by intuition, Which is the Prince, and which the Gondolier?

DON AL. Submit to Fate without unseemly wrangle: Such complications frequently occur-- Life is one closely complicated tangle: Death is the only true unraveller!

QUINTET--DUKE, d.u.c.h.eSS, CASILDA, LUIZ, and GRAND INQUISITOR.

ALL. Try we life-long, we can never Straighten out life's tangled skein, Why should we, in vain endeavour, Guess and guess and guess again?

LUIZ. Life's a pudding full of plums,

DUCH. Care's a canker that benumbs.

ALL. Life's a pudding full of plums, Care's a canker that benumbs.

Wherefore waste our elocution On impossible solution?

Life's a pleasant inst.i.tution, Let us take it as it comes!

Set aside the dull enigma, We shall guess it all too soon; Failure brings no kind of stigma-- Dance we to another tune!

LUIZ. String the lyre and fill the cup,

DUCH. Lest on sorrow we should sup.

ALL. Hop and skip to Fancy's fiddle, Hands across and down the middle-- Life's perhaps the only riddle That we shrink from giving up!

(Exeunt all into Ducal Palace except Luiz, who goes off in gondola.)

(Enter Gondoliers and Contadine, followed by Marco, Gianetta, Giuseppe, and Tessa.)

CHORUS.

Bridegroom and bride!

Knot that's insoluble, Voices all voluble Hail it with pride.

Bridegroom and bride!

We in sincerity Wish you prosperity, Bridegroom and bride!

SONG--TESSA.

TESS. When a merry maiden marries, Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries; Every sound becomes a song, All is right, and nothing's wrong!

From to-day and ever after Let our tears be tears of laughter.

Every sigh that finds a vent Be a sigh of sweet content!

When you marry, merry maiden, Then the air with love is laden; Every flower is a rose, Every goose becomes a swan, Every kind of trouble goes Where the last year's snows have gone!

CHORUS. Sunlight takes the place of shade When you marry, merry maid!

TESS. When a merry maiden marries, Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries; Every sound becomes a song, All is right, and nothing's wrong.

Gnawing Care and aching Sorrow, Get ye gone until to-morrow; Jealousies in grim array, Ye are things of yesterday!

When you marry, merry maiden, Then the air with joy is laden; All the corners of the earth Ring with music sweetly played, Worry is melodious mirth, Grief is joy in masquerade;

CHORUS. Sullen night is laughing day-- All the year is merry May!

(At the end of the song, Don Alhambra enters at back. The Gondoliers and Contadine shrink from him, and gradually go off, much alarmed.)

GIU. And now our lives are going to begin in real earnest!

What's a bachelor? A mere nothing--he's a chrysalis. He can't be said to live--he exists.

MAR. What a delightful inst.i.tution marriage is! Why have we wasted all this time? Why didn't we marry ten years ago?

TESS. Because you couldn't find anybody nice enough.

GIA. Because you were waiting for us.

MAR. I suppose that was the reason. We were waiting for you without knowing it. (Don Alhambra comes forward.) Hallo!

DON AL. Good morning.

GIU. If this gentleman is an undertaker it's a bad omen.

DON AL. Ceremony of some sort going on?

GIU. (aside). He is an undertaker! (Aloud.) No--a little unimportant family gathering. Nothing in your line.

DON AL. Somebody's birthday, I suppose?

GIA. Yes, mine!

TESS. And mine!

MAR. And mine!

GIU. And mine!

DON AL. Curious coincidence! And how old may you all be?