The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 33

d.i.c.k (mysteriously). I'm come to give you warning.

CAPT. Indeed! do you propose to leave the Navy then?

d.i.c.k. No, no, you misunderstand me; listen!

DUET CAPTAIN and d.i.c.k DEADEYE

d.i.c.k. Kind Captain, I've important information, Sing hey, the kind commander that you are, About a certain intimate relation, Sing hey, the merry maiden and the tar.

BOTH. The merry maiden and the tar.

CAPT. Good fellow, in conundrums you are speaking, Sing hey, the mystic sailor that you are; The answer to them vainly I am seeking; Sing hey, the merry maiden and the tar.

BOTH The merry maiden and the tar.

d.i.c.k. Kind Captain, your young lady is a-sighing, Sing hey, the simple captain that you are, This very might with Rackstraw to be flying; Sing hey, the merry maiden and the tar.

BOTH. The merry maiden and the tar.

CAPT. Good fellow, you have given timely warning, Sing hey, the thoughtful sailor that you are, I'll talk to Master Rackstraw in the morning: Sing hey, the cat-o'-nine-tails and the tar.

(Producing a "cat".)

BOTH. The merry cat-o'-nine-tails and the tar!

CAPT. d.i.c.k Deadeye--I thank you for your warning--I will at once take means to arrest their flight. This boat cloak will afford me ample disguise--So! (Envelops himself in a mysterious cloak, holding it before his face.) d.i.c.k. Ha, ha! They are foiled--foiled--foiled!

Enter Crew on tiptoe, with RALPH and BOATSWAIN meeting JOSEPHINE, who enters from cabin on tiptoe, with bundle of necessaries, and accompanied by LITTLE b.u.t.tERCUP.

ENSEMBLE

Carefully on tiptoe stealing, Breathing gently as we may, Every step with caution feeling, We will softly steal away.

(CAPTAIN stamps)--Chord.

ALL (much alarmed). Goodness me-- Why, what was that?

d.i.c.k. Silent be, It was the cat!

ALL. (rea.s.sured). It was--it was the cat!

CAPT. (producing cat-o'-nine-tails). They're right, it was the cat!

ALL. Pull ash.o.r.e, in fashion steady, Hymen will defray the fare, For a clergyman is ready To unite the happy pair!

(Stamp as before, and Chord.)

ALL. Goodness me, Why, what was that?

d.i.c.k. Silent be, Again the cat!

ALL. It was again that cat!

CAPT. (aside). They're right, it was the cat!

CAPT. (throwing off cloak). Hold! (All start.) Pretty daughter of mine, I insist upon knowing Where you may be going With these sons of the brine, For my excellent crew, Though foes they could thump any, Are scarcely fit company, My daughter, for you.

CREW. Now, hark at that, do!

Though foes we could thump any, We are scarcely fit company For a lady like you!

RALPH. Proud officer, that haughty lip uncurl!

Vain man, suppress that supercilious sneer, For I have dared to love your matchless girl, A fact well known to all my messmates here!

CAPT. Oh, horror!

RALPH and Jos. { I } humble, poor, and lowly born, He The meanest in the port division-- The b.u.t.t of epauletted scorn-- The mark of quarter-deck derision-- Have } dare to raise { my } wormy eyes Has his Above the dust to which you'd mould { me him In manhood's glorious pride to rise, I am } an Englishman--behold { me He is him

ALL. He is an Englishman!

BOAT. He is an Englishman!

For he himself has said it, And it's greatly to his credit, That he is an Englishman!

ALL. That he is an Englishman!

BOAT. For he might have been a Roosian, A French, or Turk, or Proosian, Or perhaps Itali-an!

ALL. Or perhaps Itali-an!

BOAT. But in spite of all temptations To belong to other nations, He remains an Englishman!

ALL. For in spite of all temptations, etc.

CAPT. (trying to repress his anger).

In uttering a reprobation To any British tar, I try to speak with moderation, But you have gone too far.

I'm very sorry to disparage A humble foremast lad, But to seek your captain's child in marriage, Why damme, it's too bad

[During this, COUSIN HEBE and FEMALE RELATIVES have entered.

ALL (shocked). Oh!

CAPT. Yes, damme, it's too bad!

ALL. Oh!

CAPT. and d.i.c.k DEADEYE. Yes, damme, it s too bad.

[During this, SIR JOSEPH has appeared on p.o.o.p-deck. He is horrified at the bad language.

HEBE. Did you hear him? Did you hear him?

Oh, the monster overbearing!

Don't go near him--don't go near him-- He is swearing--he is swearing!

SIR JOSEPH. My pain and my distress, I find it is not easy to express; My amazement--my surprise-- You may learn from the expression of my eyes!

CAPT. My lord--one word--the facts are not before you The word was injudicious, I allow-- But hear my explanation, I implore you, And you will be indignant too, I vow!

SIR JOSEPH. I will hear of no defence, Attempt none if you're sensible.

That word of evil sense Is wholly indefensible.

Go, ribald, get you hence To your cabin with celerity.

This is the consequence Of ill-advised asperity

[Exit CAPTAIN, disgraced, followed by JOSEPHINE

ALL. This is the consequence, Of ill-advised asperity!

SIR JOSEPH. For I'll teach you all, ere long, To refrain from language strong For I haven't any sympathy for ill-bred taunts!

HEBE. No more have his sisters, nor his cousins, nor his aunts.

ALL. For he is an Englishman, etc.

SIR JOSEPH. Now, tell me, my fine fellow--for you are a fine fellow-- RALPH. Yes, your honour.

SIR JOSEPH. How came your captain so far to forget himself? I am quite sure you had given him no cause for annoyance.

RALPH, Please your honour, it was thus-wise. You see I'm only a topman- -a mere foremast hand-- SIR JOSEPH. Don't be ashamed of that. Your position as a topman is a very exalted one.

RALPH. Well, your honour, love burns as brightly in the fo'c'sle as it does on the quarter-deck, and Josephine is the fairest bud that ever blossomed upon the tree of a poor fellow's wildest hopes.