The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 139

FAIRFAX Why, sir, it is no light boon to die swiftly and surely at a given hour and in a given fashion! Truth to tell, I would gladly have my life; but if that may not be, I have the next best thing to it, which is death. Believe me, sir, my lot is not so much amiss!

PHOEBE [aside to MERYLL] Oh, father, father, I cannot bear it!

MERYLL My poor la.s.s!

FAIRFAX Nay, pretty one, why weepest thou? Come, be comforted.

Such a life as mine is not worth weeping for. [sees MERYLL] Sergeant Meryll, is it not? [to LIEUTENANT]

May I greet my old friend? [Shakes MERYLL's hand; MERYLL begins to weep] Why, man, what's all this? Thou and I have faced the grim old king a dozen times, and never has his majesty come to me in such goodly fashion. Keep a stout heart, good fellow-- we are soldiers, and we know how to die, thou and I. Take my word for it, it is easier to die well than to live well-- for, in sooth, I have tried both.

No. 5. Is life a boon?

(BALLAD) Fairfax

FAIRFAX Is life a boon?

If so, it must befall That Death, whene'er he call, Must call too soon.

Though fourscore years he give, Yet one would pray to live Another moon!

What kind of plaint have I, Who perish in July, who perish in July?

I might have had to die, Perchance, in June!

I might have had to die, Perchance, in June!

Is life a thorn?

Then count it not a whit!

Nay, count it not a whit!

Man is well done with it; Soon as he's born He should all means essay To put the plague away; And I, war-worn, Poor captured fugitive, My life most gladly give-- I might have had to live, Another morn!

I might have had to live, Another morn!

[At the end, PHOEBE is led off, weeping, by MERYLL.

FAIRFAX And now, Sir Richard, I have a boon to beg. I am in this strait for no better reason than because my kinsman, Sir Clarence Poltwhistle, one of the Secretaries of State, has charged me with sorcery, in order that he may succeed in my estate, which devolves to him provided I die unmarried.

LIEUT. As thou wilt most surely do.

FAIRFAX Nay, as I will most surely not do, by your worship's grace! I have a mind to thwart this good cousin of mine.

LIEUT. How?

FAIRFAX By marrying forthwith, to be sure!

LIEUT. But heaven ha' mercy, whom wouldst thou marry?

FAIRFAX Nay, I am indifferent on that score. Coming Death hath made of me a true and chivalrous knight, who holds all womankind in such esteem that the oldest, and the meanest, and the worst-favoured of them is good enough for him. So, my good Lieutenant, if thou wouldst serve a poor soldier who has but an hour to live, find me the first that comes-- my confessor shall marry us, and her dower shall be my dishonoured name and a hundred crowns to boot. No such poor dower for an hour of matrimony!

LIEUT. A strange request. I doubt that I should be warranted in granting it.

FAIRFAX There never was a marriage fraught with so little of evil to the contracting parties. In an hour she'll be a widow, and I-- a bachelor again for aught I know!

LIEUT. Well, I will see what can be done, for I hold thy kinsman in abhorrence for the scurvy trick he has played thee.

FAIRFAX A thousand thanks, good sir; we meet again in this spot in an hour or so. I shall be a bridegroom then, and your worship will wish me joy. Till then, farewell. [To GUARD] I am ready, good fellows.

[Exit with GUARD into Cold Harbour Tower]

LIEUT. He is a brave fellow, and it is a pity that he should die. Now, how to find him a bride at such short notice? Well, the task should be easy! [Exit]

[Enter JACK POINT and ELSIE MAYNARD, pursued by a CROWD of men and women. POINT and ELSIE are much terrified; POINT, however, a.s.suming an appearance of self-possession.

No. 6. Here's a man of jollity (CHORUS) People, Elsie, and Jack Point

CHORUS Here's a man of jollity, Jibe, joke, jollify!

Give us of your quality, Come, fool, follify!

If you vapour vapidly, River runneth rapidly, Into it we fling Bird who doesn't sing!

Give us an experiment In the art of merriment; Into it we throw c.o.c.k who doesn't crow!

Banish your timidity, And with all rapidity Give us quip and quiddity-- w.i.l.l.y-nilly, O!

River none can mollify; Into it we throw Fool who doesn't follify, c.o.c.k who doesn't crow!

Banish your timidity, And with all rapidity Give us quip and quiddity-- w.i.l.l.y-nilly, O!

POINT [alarmed] My masters, I pray you bear with us, and we will satisfy you, for we are merry folk who would make all merry as ourselves. For, look you, there is humour in all things, and the truest philosophy is that which teaches us to find it and to make the most of it.

ELSIE [struggling with 1ST CITIZEN] Hands off, I say, unmannerly fellow! [she boxes his ears]

POINT [to 1ST CITIZEN] Ha! Didst thou hear her say, "Hands off"?

1ST CITIZEN Aye, I heard her say it, and I felt her do it! What then?

POINT Thou dost not see the humour of that?

1ST CITIZEN Nay, if I do, hang me!

POINT Thou dost not? Now, observe. She said, "Hands off!

"Whose hands? Thine. Off whom? Off her. Why? Because she is a woman. Now, had she not been a woman, thine hands had not been set upon her at all. So the reason for the laying on of hands is the reason for the taking off of hands, and herein is contradiction contradicted! It is the very marriage of pro with con; and no such lopsided union either, as times go, for pro is not more unlike con than man is unlike woman-- yet men and women marry every day with none to say, "Oh, the pity of it!" but I and fools like me! Now wherewithal shall we please you? We can rhyme you couplet, triolet, quatrain, sonnet,rondolet, ballade, what you will. Or we can dance you saraband, gondolet, carole, pimpernel, or Jumping Joan.

ELSIE Let us give them the singing farce of the Merryman and his Maid-- therein is song and dance too.

ALL Aye, the Merryman and his Maid!

No. 7. I have a song to sing, O!

(DUET) Elsie and Point

POINT I have a song to sing, O!

ELSIE Sing me your song, O!

POINT It is sung to the moon By a love-lorn loon, Who fled from the mocking throng, O!