The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 113

NICE. Apollo your husband? He is my husband.

DAPH. I beg your pardon. He is my husband.

NICE. Apollo is Sparkeion, and he's married to me.

DAPH. Sparkeion is Apollo, and he's married to me.

NICE. He is my husband.

DAPH. He's your brother.

THES. Look here, Apollo, whose husband are you? Don't let's have any row about it; whose husband are you?

SPAR. Upon my honor I don't know. I'm in a very delicate position, but I'll fall in with any arrangement Thespis may propose.

DAPH. I've just found out that he's my husband and yet he goes out every evening with that "thing."

THES. Perhaps he's trying an experiment.

DAPH. I don't like my husband to make such experiments. The question is, who are we all and what is our relation to each other.

SPAR. You're Diana. I'm Apollo And Calliope is she.

DAPH. He's your brother.

NICE. You're another. He has fairly married me.

DAPH. By the rules of this fair spot I'm his wife and you are not.

SPAR & DAPH. By the rules of this fair spot I'm/she's his wife and you are not.

NICE. By this golden wedding ring, I'm his wife, and you're a "thing."

DAPH, NICE, SPAR. By this golden wedding ring, I'm/She's his wife and you're a "thing."

ALL. Please will someone kindly tell us.

Who are our respective kin?

All of us/them are very jealous Neither of us/them will give in.

NICE. He's my husband, I declare, I espoused him properlee.

SPAR. That is true, for I was there, And I saw her marry me.

DAPH. He's your brother--I'm his wife.

If we go by Lempriere.

SPAR. So she is, upon my life.

Really, that seems very fair.

NICE. You're my husband and no other.

SPAR. That is true enough I swear.

DAPH. I'm his wife, and you're his brother.

SPAR. If we go by Lempriere.

NICE. It will surely be unfair, To decide by Lempriere. [crying]

DAPH. It will surely be quite fair, To decide by Lempriere.

SPAR & THES How you settle it I don't care, Leave it all to Lempriere.

[Spoken] The Verdict As Sparkeion is Apollo, Up in this Olympian clime, Why, Nicemis, it will follow, He's her husband, for the time. [indicating Daphne]

When Sparkeion turns to mortal Join once more the sons of men.

He may take you to his portal [indicating Nicemis]

He will be your husband then.

That oh that is my decision, 'Cording to my mental vision, Put an end to all collision, My decision, my decision.

ALL. That oh that is his decision. etc.

[Exeunt Thes, Nice., Spar and Daphne, Spar. with Daphne, Nicemis weeping with Thespis. mysterious music. Enter Jupiter, Apollo and Mars from below, at the back of stage. All wear cloaks, as disguise and all are masked]

JUP., AP., MARS. Oh rage and fury, Oh shame and sorrow.

We'll be resuming our ranks tomorrow.

Since from Olympus we have departed, We've been distracted and brokenhearted, Oh wicked Thespis. Oh villain scurvy.

Through him Olympus is topsy turvy.

Compelled to silence to grin and bear it.

He's caused our sorrow, and he shall share it.

Where is the monster. Avenge his blunders.

He has awakened Olympian thunders.

[Enter Mercury]

JUP. Oh monster.

AP. Oh monster.

MARS. Oh monster.

MER. [in great terror] Please sir, what have I done, sir?

JUP. What did we leave you behind for?

MER. Please sir, that's the question I asked for when you went away.

JUP. Was it not that Thespis might consult you whenever he was in a difficulty?