The Colloquies of Erasmus Part 6

_Ge._ But I think you ought to take care that the Distemper don't grow upon you.

_Li._ It has grown too much upon me already.

_Ge._ Is it a Dropsy?

_Li._ They say it is not.

_Ge._ Is it a Dissentery?

_Li._ I think not.

_Ge._ Is it a Fever?

_Li._ I believe it is a Kind of Fever; but a new one, as ever and anon new ones spring up that were unknown before.

_Ge._ There were more old ones than enough before.

_Li._ Thus it pleases Nature to deal with us, which is a little too severe.

_Ge._ How often does the Fit come?

_Li._ How often do you say? Every Day, nay every Hour indeed.

_Ge._ O wonderful! It is a sad Affliction. How did you get this Distemper? How do you think you came by it?

_Li._ By Reason of Want.

_Ge._ Why you don't use to be so superst.i.tious as to starve yourself with Fasting.

_Li._ It is not Bigotry but Penury.

_Ge._ What do you mean by Penury?

_Li._ I mean I could get no Victuals, I believe it came by a Cold. I fancy I got the Distemper by eating rotten Eggs. By drinking too much Water in my Wine. This Crudity in my Stomach came by eating green Apples.

_Ge._ But consider whether you han't contracted this Distemper by long and late Studying, by hard Drinking, or immoderate use of Venery? Why don't you send for a Doctor?

_Li._ I am afraid he should do me more Harm than good. I am afraid he should poison me instead of curing me.

_Ge._ You ought to chuse one that you can confide in.

_Li._ If I must dye, I had rather dye once for all, than to be tormented with so many Slops.

_Ge._ Well then, be your own Doctor. If you can't trust to a Doctor, pray G.o.d be your Physician. There have been some that have recover'd their Health, by putting on a Dominican or a Franciscan Fryars Cowl.

_Li._ And perhaps it had been the same Thing, if they had put on a Wh.o.r.e-master's Cloak. These things have no Effect upon those that have no Faith in 'em.

_Ge._ Why then, believe that you may recover. Some have been cur'd by making Vows to a Saint.

_Li._ But I have no Dealings with Saints.

_Ge._ Then pray to Christ that you may have Faith, and that he would be pleased to bestow the Blessing of Health upon you.

_Li._ I can't tell whether it would be a Blessing or no.

_Ge._ Why, is it not a Blessing to be freed from a Distemper?

_Li._ Sometimes it is better to dye. I ask nothing of him, but only that he'd give me what would be best for me.

_Ge._ Take something to purge you.

_Li._ I am laxative enough already.

_Ge._ Take something to make you go to Stool. You must take a Purge.

_Li._ I ought to take something that is binding rather, for I am too laxative.

_Of enquiring of a Person upon his Return_.

The ARGUMENT.

_Of interrogating a Person returning from a Journey, concerning War, private Affairs, a Disappointment, great Promises, a Wife Lying-in, Dangers, Losses_, &c.

_George._ Have you had a good and prosperous Journey?

_Li._ Pretty good; but that there is such Robbing every where.

_Ge._ This is the Effect of War.

_Li._ It is so, but it is a wicked one.

_Ge._ Did you come on Foot or on Horse-back?

_Li._ Part of the Way a Foot, Part in a Coach, Part on Horse-back, and Part by Sea.

_Ge._ How go Matters in _France?_

_Li._ All's in Confusion, there's nothing but War talk'd of. What Mischiefs they may bring upon their Enemies I know not; but this I'm sure of, the _French_ themselves are afflicted with unexpressible Calamities.

_Ge._ Whence come all these tumultuary Wars?

_Li._ Whence should they come but from the Ambition of Monarchs?

_Ge._ But it would be more their Prudence to appease these Storms of human Affairs.