The Colloquies of Erasmus Part 59

_Eu._ Hold your Tongue: You disgrace yourself in disgracing your Husband.

_Xa._ Let me dye, if I had not rather lye with a Swine than such a Husband as I have got.

_Eu._ Don't you scold at him then?

_Xa._ Yes, indeed, I use him as he deserves. He finds I have got a Tongue in my Head.

_Eu._ Well, and what does he say to you again?

_Xa._ At first he used to hector at me l.u.s.tily, thinking to fright me with his big Words.

_Eu._ Well, and did your Words never come to downright Blows?

_Xa._ Once, and but once, and then the Quarrel rose to that Height on both Sides, that we were within an Ace of going to Fisty-Cuffs.

_Eu._ How, Woman! say you so?

_Xa._ He held up his Stick at me, swearing and cursing like a Foot-Soldier, and threatening me dreadfully.

_Eu._ Were not you afraid then?

_Xa._ Nay, I s.n.a.t.c.h'd up a three legg'd Stool, and if he had but touch'd me with his Finger, he should have known he had to do with a Woman of Spirit.

_Eu._ Ah! my _Xantippe_, that was not becoming.

_Xa._ What becoming? If he does not use me like a Wife, I won't use him like a Husband.

_Eu._ But St. _Paul_ teaches, that Wives ought to be subject to their own Husbands with all Reverence. And St. _Peter_ proposes the Example of _Sarah_ to us, who call'd her Husband _Abraham_ Lord.

_Xa._ I have heard those Things, but the same _Paul_ likewise teaches that _Men should love their Wives as Christ lov'd his Spouse the Church_. Let him remember his Duty and I'll remember mine.

_Eu._ But nevertheless when Things are come to that Pa.s.s that one must submit to the other, it is but reasonable that the Wife submit to her Husband.

_Xa._ Yes indeed, if he deserves the Name of a Husband who uses me like a Kitchen Wench.

_Eu._ But tell me, _Xantippe_, did he leave off threatening after this?

_Xa._ He did leave off, and it was his Wisdom so to do, or else he would have been thresh'd.

_Eu._ But did not you leave off Scolding at him?

_Xa._ No, nor never will.

_Eu._ But what does he do in the mean Time?

_Xa._ What! Why sometimes he pretends himself to be fast asleep, and sometimes does nothing in the World but laugh at me; sometimes he catches up his Fiddle that has but three Strings, sc.r.a.ping upon it with all his Might, and drowns the Noise of my Bawling.

_Eu._ And does not that vex you to the Heart?

_Xa._ Ay, so that it is impossible to be express'd, so that sometimes I can scarce keep my Hands off of him.

_Eu._ Well, my _Xantippe_, give me Leave to talk a little freely with you.

_Xa._ I do give you Leave.

_Eu._ Nay, you shall use the same Freedom with me. Our Intimacy, which has been in a Manner from our very Cradles, requires this.

_Xa._ You say true, nor was there any of my Playfellows that I more dearly lov'd than you.

_Eu._ Let your Husband be as bad as bad can be, think upon this, That there is no changing. Heretofore, indeed, Divorce was a Remedy for irreconcilable Disagreements, but now this is entirely taken away: He must be your Husband and you his Wife to the very last Day of Life.

_Xa._ The G.o.ds did very wrong that depriv'd us of this Privilege.

_Eu._ Have a Care what you say. It was the Will of Christ.

_Xa._ I can scarce believe it.

_Eu._ It is as I tell you. Now you have nothing left to do but to study to suit your Tempers and Dispositions one to another, and agree together.

_Xa._ Do you think, I can be able to new-make him?

_Eu._ It does not a little depend upon the Wives, what Men Husbands shall be.

_Xa._ Do you and your Husband agree very well together?

_Eu._ All is quiet with us now.

_Xa._ Well then, you had some Difference at first.

_Eu._ Never any Thing of a Storm; but yet, as it is common with human Kind, sometimes a few small Clouds would rise, which might have produc'd a Storm, if it had not been prevented by Condescention. Every one has his Humours, and every one their Fancies, and if we would honestly speak the Truth, every one his Faults, more or less, which if in any State, certainly in Matrimony we ought to connive at, and not to hate.

_Xa._ You speak very right.

_Eu._ It frequently happens that that mutual Love that ought to be between the Husband and Wife is cooled before they come to be throughly acquainted one with another. This is the first Thing that ought to be provided against; for when a Spirit of Dissention is once sprung up, it is a difficult Matter to bring them to a Reconciliation, especially if it ever proceeded so far as to come to reproachful Reflections. Those Things that are joined together with Glue, are easily pull'd one from another if they be handled roughly as soon as done, but when once they have been fast united together, and the Glue is dry, there is nothing more firm. For this Reason, all the Care possible is to be taken that good Will between Man and Wife be cultivated and confirmed even in the Infancy of Matrimony. This is princ.i.p.ally effected by Obsequiousness, and an Agreeableness of Tempers. For that Love that is founded only upon Beauty, is for the most part but short-liv'd.

_Xa._ But prithee tell me by what Arts you brought your Husband to your Humour.

_Eu._ I'll tell you for this End, that you may copy after me.

_Xa._ Well, I will, if I can.

_Eu._ It will be very easy to do, if you will; nor is it too late yet; for he is in the Flower of his Youth, and you are but a Girl; and as I take it, have not been married this Twelve Months yet.

_Xa._ You are very right.

_Eu._ Then I'll tell you; but upon Condition, that you'll not speak of it.

_Xa._ Well, I will not.