The Collected Short Fiction Part 6

'But when?'

'Wait until you can't live without me.'

Edmund checked himself from replying to that.

'Can I ring you?'

'No. No. No. But I'll ring you.'

'When?'

'Whenever I can, darling. Trust me.'

After that there was nothing for Edmund to do but translate from the Dutch, buy his food, and wait for the telephone. The call which had brought about such a striking alteration in the terms of his a.s.sociation with Nera had taken place on the Sunday after Christmas, but on Christmas Day she had not forewarned him, and now she had virtually stated her inability in future ever to do so. None the less, Edmund had something of emotional content to think about and to fill his life: for despairing inertia he had subst.i.tuted dreams of desire; and for listlessness, eager and unresting expectancy. But there was something else. Edmund could never forget that he had not looked upon the being who so agitated his mind and heart; and never was able altogether to disregard the peril possibly implicit in her reluctance to let him look upon her. Simple sameness of days, therefore, had now for him been replaced by a difficult and intense inner combat.

When next he heard from Nera, however, she so enchanted him with tender words and a previously undisclosed richness of expression that the conflict within him began thereafter to abate, and the telephone more and more to become a simple instrument of bliss, like the soup kitchen to the outcast, or the syringe to the drug-addict. When the first defences of convention and restraint had been penetrated, it was surprisingly easy to be intimate into the telephone, very intimate indeed...

Inevitably Edmund's various employers began to complain of late deliveries. In one case a decline in standard was also alleged which was ominous because Edmund knew that few publishers and editors can afford to care much about the quality of a translation. The complaint probably implied some different, unnamed complaint in the background. On the other hand, Edmund now spent less time and money shopping; although previously he had contrived to continue gratifying some few of his more refined and expensive tastes, he now fed more and more on bread, potatoes, and the wholly flavourless 'luncheon meat' which a shop in the next street seemed always to conjure up in Ali Baba-like quant.i.ties.

Always it was impossible to tell when Nera would ring next. She might ring at any hour of the twenty-four, although in the main she seemed to favour the early evening or the early hours of the morning. Edmund would sit all day waiting for her, unable to work or eat; then, after she had telephoned at six or seven o'clock, find himself so nervously exhausted by the wasted hours that still he was unable to settle himself and concentrate. And things were, of course, made worse at such times by the complete uncertainty as to when he would hear from her again. For a long time a bad sleeper, he now hardly slept at all; so that when the bell rang at three or four in the morning, he was already taut and wakeful, and rose to answer like an opium-eater going to his brew and knowing as he goes that he is making worse tension for himself in the future.

A minor nuisance was the shortness of the flex. Unlike most women, Teddie had not provided for the telephone to stand by her bed. It stood at the other end of the studio, under the big window, and therefore nearly on the floor. The most inconvenient place possible, Edmund had thought soon after he took possession; especially in that the hanging of Teddie's pictures made it difficult to reposition the bed.

On one occasion Nera suggested an application for a longer flex.

'Don't suppose they'd give me one.'

'I got a longer flex years ago. Do try, darling.' But Edmund did nothing. One reason was that he feared lest Nera ring up while the flex purveyor was in the studio, so that his end of one of their strange indispensible conversations would be overheard and questioned. A worse possibility was that the fitting of the flex might involve the temporary disconnection of the telephone, so that he might miss a call altogether. He was at all times haunted by the possibility that if he were to miss one of Nera's calls, there might never be another one.

He found it impossible to communicate to her such fears as these. He had tried never to let her know even that he waited for hours, in fact all day and all night, for her calls, but sought to leave with her the presumption that it was by happy accident alone that so far she had always found him in. For whereas his attendance was incessant, her calls were remarkably undependable, and, all things considered, not particularly frequent. It was, in fact, this irregularity and infrequency which especially made Edmund shrink from disclosing his servitude to the little black instrument. Against Nera's refusal of information surely essential, he maintained this fiction of freedom.

Somewhere about the end of February began the intrusion of the Chromium Supergloss Corporation. For some reason the telephone began to ring several times a day (on some days as much as twelve or fifteen times), and when Edmund lifted the receiver it was almost always to discover the caller was dialling for the Corporation. Often when he ventured out in quest of his unappetising food, he would hear his telephone ringing from the bottom of the staircase to the studios. The studios were on the fourth floor of the block, with flats below; and had it been a still higher block, Edmund would not have been there, for he much feared heights. He would race up the eight flights of stone steps, his heart beating even more from warring emotions than from the ill-alimented exertion, collapse on the floor under the big window, and find only a customer for the Corporation, peevish at having reached the wrong number. These numerous strangers, Edmund noticed, regularly, when they got that far in their demands, asked for Extension 281. Edmund felt that this extension must be a busy one, but he knew that the Corporation was a large and multifunctional organisation, as was confirmed by the fact that calls for it (commonly still for Extension 281) not infrequently reached him after office hours, and indeed throughout the night.

The incessant 'wrong number' calls tended to convert Edmund from a pa.s.sive into an active servitor of the telephone. After some weeks of it, he did write a strong letter to the Supervisor; and then, ten days later, received a courteous acknowledgement, printed in a carefully chosen type-face, and with a handwritten postscript, difficult to read but apparently conveying an a.s.surance that this complaint was 'under investigation'. The calls continued as before. This development in Edmund's relationship with the telephone helped to conceal from him for some time that Nera's calls were becoming slowly but markedly fewer than ever. One morning he noticed that there were buds on the plane trees beneath the studio window, and realised that, although the telephone bell seemed seldom to stop ringing, he had not heard from Nera for a week. Instantly his concentration upon the telephone leapt to and remained at a new intensity. As the tender tide of spring trickled round the grey rocks of London, Edmund became a man eviscerated and absorbed by the squat black monster tethered by its stubby flex.

As soon as possible, he challenged Nera. 'Wrong number' calls had been coming in all that day, varied by one call which was not a wrong number but informed Edmund that he would not be wanted to translate the Italian book on the eighteenth century in England after all. Nera came through at 11:25P.M. precisely. She was as alluring as ever; roses in Edmund's horizonless desert. Never in retrospect could he at all determine what it was about those bare words of hers, intensified by no accessory charm beyond her attractive voice, which so moved him that he had become as one of Odysseus's sailors. Now he remonstrated and begged.

At first she made light of her remissness and little of Edmund's trouble. He noticed, however, that she did not, as she had originally seemed to do, claim that she had been unable to telephone. Convinced that she was tiring of their inadequate and unsatisfying a.s.sociation, he found himself pleading desperately.

'I can't live without you.' The rags and bones of his pride had hitherto prevented him from admitting so much as long as she persisted without explanation in standing so far off.

'Oh,' she said. 'Then it's time for me to come and see you.' Her voice was soft as gra.s.s new sprung from the seed.

This fulfilment of her previous vague promise was the last thing that Edmund had expected. He looked round the room for his reflection, but Teddie had managed to smash the mirror on the day she left, and Edmund had not replaced it.

'Yes,' he said in a low voice. 'Any time. When?'

'Very soon. Wait for me. Goodbye.'

After that Nera stopped telephoning Edmund altogether; but the telephone itself began to behave more and more strangely. The calls for the Corporation came as frequently as before; but now there were other calls which were wholly inexplicable. Believing that Nera would surely ring him up to tell him when she was coming, Edmund became more frightened than ever lest he miss a single one of them. He renewed efforts, suspended as unavailing during the first week of his tenancy, to arrange for food to be delivered at his door, but with no more success than then. Now, moreover, his money was fast running out, and the reservoir was by no means being replenished. He tried to arrange credit with the shop in the next street, but was no more successful than when he tried to persuade them to deliver. Edmund had never been apt with shop a.s.sistants, and now he felt that he was being eyed with positive hatred. There was a long London heat-wave, premature, opaque, and damp; through which Edmund sat seeing almost n.o.body, eating almost nothing, and no longer waiting for, but increasingly ministering to the telephone.

Sometimes now he would lift the receiver and hear only a crescendo of terrifying abuse and curses; at other times, groans and screams, as of the dying or the d.a.m.ned. Sometimes unknown voices would conduct hectoring or wheedling conversations with him; and when he questioned them upon the number they wanted, persist that they wanted his. If he rang off, they would often ring again; threatening, or breaking down. Sometimes there was a cat's-cradle of confused noises, in part, it seemed to Edmund, mechanical, in part simply disembodied and without significance. Several times there was laughter on the line; and once an enormous voice which plunged through Edmund's head, then diminished before plunging again. It was like overhearing an immense ram as it battered its way through mighty resistances and defences. It was even more frightening than the confused noises.

One day the studio bell rang. It was the first occasion for weeks. Edmund, supposing that the shop in the next street might have changed its mind, opened the door. It was Teddie's friend Toby.

'Didn't recognize you, St. Jude. It's that beard...'

He was inside the studio before Edmund could stop him.

'Sorry to b.u.t.t in when you're not dressed.'

He looked round for Edmund to offer him a cigarette.

'When's Teddie coming back? Do you hear from her?' He barely attempted even the surface of politeness.

'I see that you do.' He picked up a heap of air mail envelopes which stood on Teddie's Benares table.

'Unopened, by G.o.d.' Toby was staring at Edmund. He was now by the window. Edmund was at the door, willing him to go.

The telephone rang.

Toby lifted the receiver.

'Miss Taylor-Smith's studio.'

Edmund was upon him, fighting like a starving animal.

'What the h.e.l.l '

Toby's free arm wheeled round, pushed rather than struck: and Edmund was on the floor.

'It's a bloke called Sefton.' Toby was holding out the receiver. He seemed to bear no malice, but instead of going, he seated himself in Teddie's big armchair and found a cigarette of his own.

Sefton was speaking. 'I say, is everything all right?'

'Of course.' Edmund was picking himself up.

'Then in that case I can only say there's something wrong with your line. I've been trying to get you for days. I should report it to the Supervisor.'

'I'm sorry.'

'It's all right. But I've got some bad news. Did you know that Queenie's dead?'

'No, I didn't. When did it happen?'

'I've only just heard about it. From another mutual friend, you know. But it seems she died about six months ago. Same trouble as her husband, I understand. It must have been about the time we last met. Strange how small the world is. I just thought I'd let you know, in case you hadn't heard.'

'Thank you,' said Edmund. 'I suppose you don't know who's now got her telephone number?'

'I don't,' said Sefton. 'If it matters, I should ask the Exchange.'

Toby didn't move when Edmund rang off. 'Still having trouble with the telephone?' he asked, filling the stuffy air with cigarette smoke and crossing his legs. 'It was going on when I came here before. Remember?'

'What makes you think ' began Edmund.

'I overheard your friend Sefton. I'm used to the telephone, you know. You're not.'

Edmund was now waiting for it to ring again.

'Things mechanical are like the ladies,' continued Toby. 'You need to understand their ways. If you understand them, they'll do what you want from the start. If you don't, they've got you. And then G.o.d help you.'

'Would you mind going?' said Edmund.

'I'll go,' said Toby. 'But first let me get the Supervisor for you.' He rose, returned to the telephone, and dialled o. Edmund, wrought up because the line was again being occupied, would have liked to stop him, but could not see how.

'Get me the Supervisor.'

There was a pause, but only a short one.

Toby gave the number. 'There've been a lot of complaints about delays in getting through. Look into it, will you, and report back as soon as possible?'

Clearly the answer was deferential.

'That's all.' He was about to ring off, but Edmund stopped him.

'I've got something to say myself.'

'Hold on.' Toby handed over the receiver.

'Would you mind leaving me?'

'OK. I'll be back. About Teddie, you know.' His glance was on the heap of unopened letters. 'I happen to love that girl, St. Jude.' He went. This time he even shut the door.

'Hullo,' said Edmund.

'Do you wish to make a complaint?' enquired the voice at the other end, fretful with waiting.

'No. I just want to know who's got a certain number.' He mentioned the number which Sefton had given him, and which he would never forget.

'We're not supposed to give information like that,' snapped the voice. 'But hold on.' Plainly some part of Toby's aura remained.

There was a long wait.

'That number's dead.'

'I rang up. And someone answered.'

'Oh, you often get an answer on a dead number.'

'How can that be?'

'Dead person, I suppose.' Whether or not this was meant for facetiousness was unsure because the voice then rang off. Toby would never have been so treated.

None the less, the telephone now ceased to ring, as had happened on the previous occasion when Edmund had grappled with the Exchange. Instead the studio was filled by day and night with a silent hot airlessness into which the children on the walls stared with a.s.sertive insignificance. There were no more callers, no more money, and, Edmund realised, no more letters from Teddie. After a week of silence, Edmund brought himself to tear open the last of the heap. The contents appalled him. Alarmed by his long-continued failure to write, Teddie was on her way home. She had left the New Mexico sanatorium in defiance of a united medical commination. Edmund looked at the date. Clearly she might arrive at any moment.

He dialled the familiar number. One or another kind of climax was inevitable. He could hear the telephone ringing, but faintly and distantly, as if at the end of a very long corridor. Then, although the bell continued dimly audible, he heard a voice.

'At last, darling, at last.'

'Nera! Where have you been?'

'There are terrible difficulties. We have to find a channel, you know.'

'We?' Edmund could still hear the bell, far off and minute. It was as if cushioned by a very thick fog.

'I've been trying to reach you, darling, ever since you came here. Didn't you know?' She laughed coquettishly. 'But here I am! You can ring off.'

As she spoke, the bell stopped ringing, and the line went quite silent.

'The line's gone dead.'

'Already?' She seemed unconcerned.

'Where are you?'

'What frightful-looking children? Put back the receiver, darling. You said the line was dead.'

Edmund's arm slowly dropped, lowering the receiver to his waist, as he fell back against the window. 'Where are you?'

'As the line's already dead, I suppose it doesn't matter whether you put back the receiver or not.' The worst thing was that her voice still sounded exactly as it had sounded over the telephone; attractive though it was, it retained the effect of having been filtered through the Exchange. Edmund let fall the receiver. It crashed to the floor.

'For G.o.d's sake, where are you?'

'I'm here, darling.' The voice, slightly dehumanised, seemed to come from no particular point. 'You said you couldn't live without me.'

'I can't see you.' The breakfast-food faces of the children smiled brightly at him through the sunshine.

'Not yet, darling. You said you couldn't live without me.'

'What do you mean?'

'Darling, you said you couldn't live without me.' It was exactly like one of the telephone's standard locutions: 'Sorry you've been troubled,' or 'Number please'.

Edmund placed his hands before his eyes.

'Now there's no need to live without me. Don't you understand? Darling, just look behind you. Over your shoulder.'

Edmund stood rigid.