The Clothes Have No Emperor Part 6

"Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up, and I think we are going to succeed."

--President Reagan getting confused during a GOP fundraising speech 10/19/82.

During a White House meeting with Arab leaders, President Reagan turns to the Lebanese foreign minister. "You know," he says, "your nose looks just like Danny Thomas's."

10/26/82.

"Listen, it's been fun. Those inmates in San Quentin were fascinating."

--Greg Jackson ending the premiere of ABC's short-lived post-Nightline news hour, news hour, The Last Word The Last Word, which featured an interview with two convicted burglars who advised viewers to leave the lights on when they're away from home 10/28/82.

"Wait till I go home and tell Nancy I played Las Vegas with Wayne Newton and Bob Goulet."

--President Reagan addressing an "Up With America" rally at which the two Vegas saloon singers perform 10/31/82.

Accusing his foes of "cruel scare tactics," President Reagan attacks the "big spenders" for causing inflation, adding, "They even drove prayer out of our nation's cla.s.srooms." A White House aide refuses to clarify who Reagan is talking about, saying only, "They know who they are."

10/31/82.

This just in from The The New York Times New York Times: PERVASIVE USE OF COCAINE IS REPORTED IN HOLLYWOOD.

10/31/82.

America's nuclear policy is debated on The Last Word The Last Word by noted non-experts Paul Newman and Charlton Heston. by noted non-experts Paul Newman and Charlton Heston.

NOVEMBER 1982.

11/9/82.

President Reagan is asked if he'll be visiting the new Vietnam Veterans Memorial. "I can't tell until somebody tells me," he says. "I never know where I'm going."

11/11/82.

"It would be a user fee."

--President Reagan explaining that his proposed five-cent-a-gallon gasoline tax would not be a tax at all 11/11/82.

The White House announces that President Reagan was awakened at 3:35 a.m. to be informed of the death of Leonid Brezhnev.

11/15/82.

New York Times: GOVERNMENT RESTRICTING FLOW OF INFORMATION TO THE PUBLIC 11/20/82.

"My fellow Americans, I've talked to you on a number of occasions about economic problems and opportunities our nation faces and I am prepared to tell you, it's a h.e.l.l of a mess."

--President Reagan who so wants to be funny, though in fact he is not continuing his tradition of quipping during a sound check, where his small live audience pretty much has to laugh, him being the President and all 11/22/82.

"The MX is the right missile at the right time."

--President Reagan in a nationally televised speech in which he renames the deadly weapon "the Peacekeeper," prompting columnist Molly Ivins to wonder if it will be armed with "Peaceheads"

11/23/82.

The annual White House turkey is presented to President Reagan. As it did last year, this reminds him of the time he gashed his thumb while carving a similar bird, and he does not hesitate to tell the story again.

11/25/82.

Larry Speakes chooses Thanksgiving as the ideal moment to announce that the White House is considering a proposal (conceived by Ed Meese) to tax unemployment benefits. This, says Speakes, would "make unemployment less attractive."

11/26/82.

Ed Meese denies that taxing unemployment benefits has been seriously considered, though he can't help adding, "We do know that generally when unemployment benefits end, most people find jobs very quickly."

11/26/82.

Six months to the day after going to the circus in New York, Richard M. Nixon attends one in New Jersey where, once again, he is willingly photographed amidst a group of clowns.

DECEMBER 1982.

12/1/82.

At a dinner welcoming him to Brazil, President Reagan calls for a toast to his host, President Joao Figueiredo, and "the people of Bolivia." In an effort to recover, he explains that Bolivia is "where we're going next," though Colombia is next on the itinerary and no stops in Bolivia are planned.

12/4/82.

President Reagan returns home from his five-day trip to Latin America. "Well, I learned a lot," he tells reporters. "You'd be surprised. They're all individual countries." An aide is soon sent out to explain that the President certainly didn't mean to imply that he he was surprised by this. was surprised by this.

12/4/82.

New York Times: U.S. JOBLESS RATE CLIMBS TO 10.8%, A POSTWAR RECORD / 11.9 MILLION OUT OF WORK 12/9/82.

"Sometimes I look out there at Pennsylvania Avenue and see people bustling along, and it suddenly dawns on me that probably never again can I just say, 'Hey, I'm going down to the drugstore to look at the magazines.'"

--President Reagan discussing his feelings of confinement with a People People reporter reporter 12/15/82.

Literary agent Bill Adler announces that The Deaver Diet The Deaver Diet, recounting the White House aide's 35-pound weight loss, will be published in early 1984. Adler says the book will consist of 75% diet, 20% exercise and 5% "inspiration."

12/16/82.

"I sometimes look out the window at Pennsylvania Avenue and wonder what it would be like to be able to just walk down the street to the corner drugstore and look at the magazines. I can't do that anymore."

--President Reagan spontaneously conveying one of his regrets to The Washington Post The Washington Post 12/18/82.

"I sometimes look out the window at Pennsylvania Avenue and wonder what it would be like to be able to just walk down the street to the corner drugstore and look at the magazines. I can't do that anymore."

--President Reagan sharing a sudden thought with a radio interviewer 12/20/82.

A malignant growth is removed from Nancy Reagan's upper lip.

12/21/82.

Congress pa.s.ses the Boland Amendment, barring the CIA and Defense Department from funding the overthrow of the Nicaraguan government.

12/23/82.

President Reagan suggests that the key to solving the unemployment problem could very well be something as simple as hiring unnecessary workers. "If a lot of businesses ... could hire just one person," he says, "it would be interesting to see how much we can reduce these unemployment rolls."

12/28/82.

Posing on the deck of the battleship New Jersey, President Reagan reports that he has "the strange feeling that I'm back on the set filming h.e.l.lcats of the Navy h.e.l.lcats of the Navy."

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JANUARY 1983.

1/4/83.

Three weeks after the House cited Environmental Protection Agency chief Anne Gorsuch (known by colleagues as the "Ice Queen") for contempt of Congress for her refusal at President Reagan's insistence to turn over subpoenaed doc.u.ments pertaining to her agency's handling of its $1.6 billion toxic waste clean-up fund, two shredders are delivered to the offices of the EPA.

1/10/83.

Health and Human Services Secretary Richard Schweiker proposes a "tattletale rule" that would force federally funded clinics to inform parents when teen-age girls receive birth-control devices.

1/10/83.

"I've had it up to my keister with these leaks!"

--President Reagan complaining about loose-lipped members of his Administration, as reported by aide David Gergen, widely believed to be a prime leaker 1/11/83.

The New York Times explains that "keister" is a "slang term for rump." explains that "keister" is a "slang term for rump."

1/13/83.

"The Reagan White House has pioneered the New Graft. Instead of selling influence, sell your White House celebrity ..."

--Columnist William Safire suggesting that perhaps there is something unseemly about White House PR guru Michael Deaver trading on his position to sell a diet book 1/18/83.

"The President and Cap [Weinberger] sit around and talk about how workfare got surfers off the beach in California. They have no concept of what is going on."

--Unnamed aide on President Reagan's failure to comprehend the seriousness of the recession 1/20/83.

In an interview with Business Week Business Week, James Watt who has described environmentalists as "a left-wing cult dedicated to bringing down the type of government I believe in" compares them to n.a.z.is. "Look what happened to Germany in the 1930s," he says. "The dignity of man was subordinated to the powers of n.a.z.ism ... Those are the forces that this can evolve into." Observes Wilderness Society chairman g.a.y.l.o.r.d Nelson, "I think the secretary has gone bonkers."

1/20/83.

President Reagan tells reporters about "the ten commandments of Nikolai Lenin ... the guiding principles of Communism," among them "that promises are like pie crust, made to be broken." Soviet scholars claim that no such commandments exist, and point out that Lenin's name was Vladimir.

1/25/83.

"For a White House aide to publish a diet book while jobless totals rise and cheese lines lengthen is a sure setup for Johnny Carson."

--New York Times editorial on editorial on The Deaver Diet The Deaver Diet, which is never published 1/25/83.

"For the last thirty years he's been in a dream world ... I think he actually believes that giving more to rich people will make them work harder, whereas the only way to make poor people work is to tax their unemployment benefits."

--NAACP executive director Benjamin Hooks, unimpressed by President Reagan's understanding of the undercla.s.s 1/26/83.

Having traveled to a Boston bar to show solidarity with the working cla.s.s, President Reagan dismays his handlers by instead urging the abolition of the corporate income tax, something there is much less enthusiasm for among this crowd.

1/30/83.

Congratulating Redskins coach Joe Gibbs in the inevitable post-Super Bowl phone call, President Reagan pays special tribute to MVP John Riggins. "Would he mind," asks the President, "if I changed my spelling so it had an 'i' and a couple of 'g's in it?" In fact, the President does not change the spelling of his name.

1/31/83.

"Has anyone stopped to consider that the best way to balance the federal budget is not by taxing people into the poorhouse and it's not by cutting spending to the bone, but by all of us simply trying to live up to the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule?"

--President Reagan to a convention of religious broadcasters 1/31/83.

Penthouse publishes an interview-by-mail with John W. Hinckley Jr., who declares himself "a poet first and a would-be a.s.sa.s.sin last" and says he's become a "strong advocate" of gun control. publishes an interview-by-mail with John W. Hinckley Jr., who declares himself "a poet first and a would-be a.s.sa.s.sin last" and says he's become a "strong advocate" of gun control.

FEBRUARY 1983.

2/4/83.

Singer Karen Carpenter, 32, dies of heart failure after years of battling anorexia nervosa.

2/4/83.

Amid charges of political manipulation of the Environmental Protection Agency's toxic waste clean-up including "sweetheart" settlements with some of the worst offenders EPA head Anne Gorsuch demands the resignation of aide Rita Lavelle, who chooses instead to be fired. Within a week, six congressional subcommittees are poised to investigate allegations of perjury, conflict of interest and destruction of subpoenaed doc.u.ments in connection with the growing scandal.

2/4/83.

During a difficult point in her husband's 15th press conference, Nancy Reagan barges on stage carrying a birthday cake, instantly turning a news event into entertainment. Observes the President erroneously of his upcoming 72nd: "It's just the 31st anniversary of my 39th birthday."

2/15/83.

New York Times: REAGAN MISSTATEMENTS GETTING LESS ATTENTION 2/16/83.

At his 16th press conference, President Reagan reaffirms his confidence in Anne Gorsuch, complaining that her "splendid record" which includes having reduced by almost two-thirds the number of environmental cases being referred for prosecution is "being overlooked in the flurry of accusations."

2/17/83.

Claiming to represent a "new political generation" with "new ideas," Colorado Sen. Gary Hart declares his candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination. His advisers have to remind him to kiss his wife Lee from whom he has twice been separated to demonstrate that they are now, in the words of an aide, "together for good."

2/21/83.