The Clothes Have No Emperor Part 4

Coca-Cola announces an agreement to buy Columbia Pictures for $750 million. Objects bearing the c.o.ke logo soon begin appearing with increasing frequency in the studio's films, along with dialogue like "Would you like a Diet c.o.ke?" Eventually, entire scenes are played out in front of c.o.ke machines.

1/19/82.

At his seventh press conference, President Reagan: *Claims there are "a million people more working than there were in 1980," though statistics show that 100,000 fewer fewer people are employed people are employed *Contends his attempt to grant tax-exempt status to segregated schools was meant to correct "a procedure that we thought had no basis in law," though the Supreme Court had clearly upheld a ruling barring such exemptions a decade earlier *Claims that he has received a letter from Pope John Paul II in which he "approves what we've done so far" regarding US sanctions against the USSR, though such approval was not mentioned in the papal message *Responds to a question about the 17% black unemployment rate by pointing out that "in this time of great unemployment," Sunday's paper had "24 full pages of ... employers looking for employees," though most of the jobs available computer operator, for example, or cellular immunologist require special training, for which Reagan cut funds by over 30% *Misstates facts about California's abortion law and an Arizona program to aid the elderly *Responds to a question about private charity by observing, "I also happen to be someone who believes in t.i.thing the giving of a tenth," though his latest tax returns show charitable contributions amounting to 1.4%.

1/20/82.

"This is a very impressive gathering. When I walked in I thought I was back in the studio on the set of High Society High Society."

--President Reagan at a dinner honoring the first anniversary of his Inauguration 1/23/82.

CBS broadcasts The Uncounted Enemy: A Vietnam Deception The Uncounted Enemy: A Vietnam Deception, which charges that Gen. William Westmoreland oversaw the intentional underestimation of enemy forces to improve the perception of how things were going. The general files a libel suit.

1/27/82.

Meeting with a group of television executives, President Reagan volunteers that seeing himself "on the late, late show" is like "looking at the son I never knew I had" an odd statement from a man who actually has two sons he rarely sees.

FEBRUARY 1982.

2/6/82.

A Los Angeles Times Los Angeles Times profile of California industrialist and Reagan crony Justin Dart opens with a scene in which Dart exchanges warm pleasantries with fellow airline pa.s.senger Gerald Ford, then returns to his seat and tells a reporter, "Jerry's a nice man, but he's not very smart. Actually, our seatmate is a dumb b.a.s.t.a.r.d." profile of California industrialist and Reagan crony Justin Dart opens with a scene in which Dart exchanges warm pleasantries with fellow airline pa.s.senger Gerald Ford, then returns to his seat and tells a reporter, "Jerry's a nice man, but he's not very smart. Actually, our seatmate is a dumb b.a.s.t.a.r.d."

2/9/82.

Vice President Bush denies that he ever used the phrase "voodoo economics" and challenges "anybody to find it." NBC's Ken Bode promptly broadcasts the 1980 tape.

2/9/82.

Henry Kissinger enters Ma.s.sachusetts General Hospital for a coronary by-pa.s.s. "My doctors have come to two conclusions," he witticizes. "One, that I do have a heart; second, that it is in need of repair."

2/10/82.

Presidential aide Joseph W. Canzeri resigns in the wake of charges that he received exceptionally favorable terms on a $400,000 home loan and that he double-billed $800 in expenses.

2/16/82.

"She really just got tired of people misinterpreting what she was doing."

--Aide to Nancy Reagan telling the public that the First Lady will no longer accept free clothing "on loan" from top designers 2/18/82.

At his eighth press conference, President Reagan makes four major misstatements about the history of Vietnam and erroneously claims to support the government of Nicaragua.

2/20/82.

Defending New York mayor Ed Koch's decision to break his 1981 promise that he would "never" seek the governorship of New York, political consultant David Garth says, "I don't believe that the people really believe that he didn't believe that when he said it."

2/23/82.

Ed Koch whose campaign for New York governor has not been helped by a Playboy Playboy interview in which he claimed that "it's wasting your life" to live in the "sterile" suburbs insists that he was merely being "jocular" when he scoffed at rural rubes who "have to drive 20 miles to buy a gingham dress or a Sears, Roebuck suit." He goes on to lose the Democratic primary to underdog Mario Cuomo, who is elected in November. interview in which he claimed that "it's wasting your life" to live in the "sterile" suburbs insists that he was merely being "jocular" when he scoffed at rural rubes who "have to drive 20 miles to buy a gingham dress or a Sears, Roebuck suit." He goes on to lose the Democratic primary to underdog Mario Cuomo, who is elected in November.

2/24/82.

Addressing the Voice of America's 40th birthday celebration, President Reagan reminisces about making up exciting details while announcing baseball games from wire copy. "Now, I submit to you that I told the truth," he says of his enhanced version of a routine shortstop-to-first ground out. "I don't know whether he really ran over toward second base and made a one-hand stab or whether he just squatted down and took the ball when it came to him. But the truth got there and, in other words, it can be attractively packaged." No one questions his premise that embellishing the truth does not compromise it.

2/27/82.

The Congressional Budget Office finds that taxpayers earning under $10,000 lost an average $240 from last year's tax cuts, while those earning over $80,000 gained an average of $15,130.

MARCH 1982.

3/1/82.

Sen. Bob Packwood (R-OR) reveals that President Reagan frequently offers up transparently fictional anecdotes as if they were real. "We've got a $120 billion deficit coming," says Packwood, "and the President says, 'You know, a young man, went into a grocery store and he had an orange in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other, and he paid for the orange with food stamps and he took the change and paid for the vodka. That's what's wrong.' And we just shake our heads."

3/1/82.

In a speech to the Civil Defense a.s.sociation, Ed Meese describes nuclear war as "something that may not be desirable."

3/5/82.

John Belushi dies alone in a Hollywood hotel room. LAPD lieutenant Dan Cooke reports that the 33-year-old comedian's death "appeared to have been from natural causes." And what about those apparent needle marks in the crook of his arms? Cooke explains that they were caused by "blood settling."

Days later, coroner Thomas Noguchi reveals that his death was the result of drinking and shooting cocaine and heroin in amounts that "would have killed anybody." Meanwhile, the "mystery woman" who was with him at the Chateau Marmont before he died is identified as show business hanger-on Cathy Evelyn Smith. Police say they have no reason to suspect her of any criminal involvement.

3/16/82.

"Is it news that some fellow out in South Succotash someplace has just been laid off, that he should be interviewed nationwide?"

--President Reagan whose presidency is based on the premise that people believe what they see on TV complaining about coverage of the nation's economic suffering 3/18/82.

20/20 airs an interview with a none-too-healthy-looking Cathy Evelyn Smith, who reveals in a slurred voice why John Belushi was imbibing alcohol during her last night with him. "He was working on a screenplay that had to do with vintage wine-making," she explains, "so he was drinking wine." When reporter Tom Jarriel asks about rumors that she's a heroin dealer, her lawyer Robert Sheahan interrupts. "Tom, Tom," he says patronizingly, "she doesn't even have a business license." airs an interview with a none-too-healthy-looking Cathy Evelyn Smith, who reveals in a slurred voice why John Belushi was imbibing alcohol during her last night with him. "He was working on a screenplay that had to do with vintage wine-making," she explains, "so he was drinking wine." When reporter Tom Jarriel asks about rumors that she's a heroin dealer, her lawyer Robert Sheahan interrupts. "Tom, Tom," he says patronizingly, "she doesn't even have a business license."

3/24/82.

Agriculture official Mary C. Jarratt tells Congress her department has been unable to doc.u.ment President Reagan's horror stories of food stamp abuse, pointing out that the change from a food stamp purchase is limited to 99 cents. "It's not possible to buy a bottle of vodka with 99 cents," she says. Deputy White House press secretary Peter Roussel says Reagan wouldn't tell these stories "unless he thought they were accurate."

3/27/82.

At the Gridiron Dinner an annual Washington event at which the powers that be in politics and the media gather to congratulate each other on how inside they all are Nancy Reagan takes the stage dressed as a bag lady and pokes fun at her clothes-horse image. "Second hand clothes / I'm wearing second hand clothes," she warbles, "I sure hope Ed Meese sews." Everyone laughs and laughs, and it is understood by all concerned that she has done her penance and will now be granted a fresh start.

APRIL 1982.

4/2/82.

Argentina invades Great Britain's Falkland Islands. Hours later, UN amba.s.sador Jeane Kirkpatrick attends a dinner at the Argentine emba.s.sy.

4/4/82.

"If Mr. Reagan thinks he has to cut social spending to help right the economy, others might disagree, but he has earned the right to try. What he is not ent.i.tled to do is to cut spending for the poor and then claim that he is increasing increasing it." it."

--New York Times editorial editorial 4/5/82.

Asked about the situation in the Falkland Islands to which a British fleet is currently en route President Reagan refuses to choose between one of America's strongest allies and the South American junta that invaded that ally's territory. "We're friends of both sides," he says.

4/8/82.

Following two days of official meetings that were hastily scheduled so it wouldn't look like they were just taking a Caribbean vacation, the Reagans arrive in Barbados for a four-day visit with actress Claudette Colbert.

4/15/82.

"The statisticians in Washington have funny ways of counting."

--President Reagan explaining to Illinois high school students why, although the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported a rise in unemployment, he believes the jobless rate has in fact declined 4/15/82.

"England was always very proud of the fact that the English police did not have to carry guns ... In England, if a criminal carried a gun, even though he didn't use it, he was not tried for burglary or theft or whatever he was doing. He was tried for first-degree murder and hung if he was found guilty."

--President Reagan citing a favorite example of British jurisprudence 4/16/82.

"Well, it's a good story, though. It made the point, didn't it?"

--White House spokesman Larry Speakes on being informed that President Reagan's fable about British gun law is "just not true"

4/21/82.

Henry Kissinger speaks at the opening of the Beverly Hills corporate headquarters of the Progressive Savings and Loan a.s.sociation. Says president Lon Harmon, "I was surprised that he was available."

4/22/82.

The Reagan Administration gripes that the CBS doc.u.mentary People Like Us People Like Us a Bill Moyers report on four people who have slipped through the President's "safety net" const.i.tuted a "below-the-belt" attack on its economic policies. A government request for a prime time half hour "to present our side" is rejected by the network. a Bill Moyers report on four people who have slipped through the President's "safety net" const.i.tuted a "below-the-belt" attack on its economic policies. A government request for a prime time half hour "to present our side" is rejected by the network.

4/27/82.

California a.s.semblyman Phillip D. Wyman proposes a bill in the state legislature requiring record companies to post warning labels on alb.u.ms that contain backward-recorded messages singing the praises of Satan. The idea goes nowhere.

4/30/82.

President Reagan describes the Falkland Islands war as a "dispute over the sovereignty of that little ice-cold bunch of land down there."

MAY 1982.

5/6/82.

Police Chief Daryl Gates explains that a disproportionate number of Los Angeles blacks have been injured or killed by police choke holds because "in some blacks ... the veins or arteries do not open up as fast as they do in normal people."

5/10/82.

Taking questions from students at a Chicago high school, President Reagan explains why his revised tax exemption policy could not possibly have been intended to benefit segregated schools. "I didn't know there were any," he says. "Maybe I should have, but I didn't."

5/10/82.

"If Robert Kennedy were alive today, he would not countenance singling me out for this kind of treatment."

--Sirhan Sirhan in a boldly ill-conceived bid for parole 5/13/82.

At his 10th press conference, President Reagan on record as thinking that trees cause more pollution than cars states that, while "there is no recall" for missiles fired from silos, "those that are carried in bombers, those that are carried in ships of one kind or another, or submersibles ... can be recalled if there has been a miscalculation." Let's give him the benefit of the doubt just this once and a.s.sume that, despite his clumsy language, what he means is that the bombers or ships or subs can be recalled before the missiles are fired. Still, no one in the media asks for a clarification.

5/21/82.

Discussing Soviet weaponry at a National Security Council meeting, President Reagan asks CIA deputy director Bobby Inman, "Isn't the SS-19 their biggest missile?" No, Inman replies, "that's the SS-18."

"So," says the President, "they've even switched the numbers on their missiles in order to confuse us!" Inman explains that the numbers are a.s.signed by US intelligence.

5/26/82.

After viewing the circus with his family in New York, Richard M. Nixon goes backstage to shake hands with the clowns.

"Great! Absolutely great! Really funny!" he tells them. Later, asked what he liked best about the show, Nixon says, "I really enjoy the clowns."

JUNE 1982.

6/1/82.

Richard M. Nixon predicts that the Democratic nominee in 1984 will be "Kennedy, of course." As for Mondale, "No way ... Mondale blah! he just doesn't come over ... No, Kennedy is going to be the nominee."

6/7/82.

President Reagan's overscheduling on his European trip catches up with him, as he briefly falls asleep during a Vatican meeting with the Pope. Though it seems for a moment as if he might tumble out of his chair, the forward jerk of his head awakens him. Nancy sees to it that plenty of rest time is booked into all future trips.

6/8/82.

In the wake of an embarra.s.sing mix-up at the UN regarding a US vote on the Falkland Islands War, Jeane Kirkpatrick describes the nation's foreign policy as "stumbling from issue to issue almost on a Mad Hatter basis." Says Secretary of State Haig, "Do I think US foreign policy is inept? ... At times it is. At times it's not. At times it's even brilliant. At times it's rather stupid. It would be very hard to ask me to label it."

The UK wins the war.

6/11/82.

Steven Spielberg's redundantly t.i.tled E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial opens. "It's not only the film of the summer," swoons opens. "It's not only the film of the summer," swoons Los Angeles Times Los Angeles Times critic Sheila Benson, "it may be the film of the decade and possibly the double decade." In any event, it sure does make a lot of money. critic Sheila Benson, "it may be the film of the decade and possibly the double decade." In any event, it sure does make a lot of money.

6/12/82.

An estimated 750,000 supporters of a nuclear freeze gather in New York's Central Park in the largest disarmament demonstration in US history. President Reagan opines that the Commies were behind it.

6/17/82.

Interior Secretary James Watt one of whose semantic rules is, "I never use the words Democrats and Republicans. It's liberals and Americans" warns the Israeli amba.s.sador that if "liberals of the Jewish community" oppose his plans for off-sh.o.r.e drilling, "they will weaken our ability to be a good friend of Israel."

6/20/82.