The Century Handbook of Writing Part 5

1. Franklin is often regarded as the typical American, and wrote an interesting autobiography.

2. Coal miners wear little oil lamps in their caps, and they seldom receive very good wages.

3. My neighbor, Mr. Houghton, was always a very good friend of mine, and died last night.

4. I dropped the clock and injured the works, but the jeweler told me it would be cheaper for me to buy a new clock.

5. The next thing the camper should do is to make a bed, and the branches of the spruce are the best.

=Excessive Detail=

=11. Do not enc.u.mber the main idea of a sentence with superfluous details. Place some of the details in another sentence, or omit them.=

Faulty: In the town in which I live there are several large churches, and about six o'clock one morning, in a violent storm, one of these churches was struck by lightning.

Right: In my home town there are several large churches. One morning about six o'clock, in a violent storm, one of these churches was struck by lightning.

Wrong: In 1836, in Baltimore, Poe married Virginia Clemm, his cousin, who was hardly more than a child, being then fourteen years old, while Poe himself was twenty-eight, and to her he wrote much of his best verse.

Right: In 1836 Poe married Virginia Clemm. Poe was then twenty-eight, and Virginia was only fourteen. To this girl Poe wrote much of his best verse.

Exercise:

1. The house with the red tile roof is the finest in the city, and is owned by Mr. Saunders, who made his money speculating in land.

2. Then the engine tilted and fell over on one side, and the boiler exploded and added to the frightful scene.

3. The deer whose antlers you see over the fireplace as you enter the room was shot by my Uncle Will, who is now in South America on a hunting expedition.

4. The seeds, which have previously been soaked in water over night, are now planted carefully, not too deep, in straight rows sixteen inches apart, the best time being in April, when the ground is soft and has been thoroughly spaded.

5. One day last week my employer, Mr. Conway, a jolly, peculiar man, raised my salary, first telling me I was about to be discharged, and laughing at me when I looked so surprised.

=Stringy Sentences to be Broken up=

=12. Avoid stringy compound sentences. The crude, rambling style which results from their use may be corrected by separating the material into shorter sentences, or by subordinating lesser ideas to the main thought.=

Faulty: The second speaker had sat quietly waiting, and he was a man of a different type, and he began calmly, yet from the very first words he showed great earnestness.

Right: The second speaker, who had sat quietly waiting, was a man of a different type. He began calmly, yet from his very first words he showed great earnestness.

Faulty: There are many stops on the organ which control the tones of the different pipes and one has to learn how and when to use these and this takes time and practice.

Right: On the organ are many stops which control the tones of the different pipes. To learn how and when to use these takes time and practice.

Faulty: He published prose fiction, and this was then the accepted literary form, and the drama was neglected.

Better: He published prose fiction, which was then the accepted literary form, the drama being neglected. [This sentence makes three statements in a diminishing series. The important idea is expressed in a main clause; a less important explanation is fitted into a relative clause; and a still less important comment takes a parenthetical phrase at the end.]

Note.--One of the crying faults of the immature writer is that by excessive coordination he obscures the fine shades of meaning. When two clauses are joined, the meaning will very often be more exact if one is subordinated to the other. For a list of subordinating connectives, see 36.

Exercise:

1. He went down town, and it began to rain, and so he decided to go to the city library.

2. There is an old saying which I have often heard and I believe in it to a certain extent, and it runs as follows: The more you live at your wit's end, the more the wit's end grows.

3. Our salesman, Mr. Powers, has spoken very favorably of your firm, and we feel that our relations will be most pleasant, and the report of the commercial agencies is sufficient evidence of your good financial standing.

4. There was no escaping from this churn, so one of the frogs, after a brief struggle thought that he might just as well die one time as another, and so he gave up and sank to the bottom.

5. Socrates did no writing himself, and the only information we have of him we get from the writings of his pupils and from later writers, and our most reliable knowledge comes from two of these writers, Plato and Xenophon.

=Choppy Sentences to be Combined=

=13. Do not use two or three short sentences to express ideas which will make a more unified impression in one sentence. Place subordinate ideas in subordinate grammatical constructions.=

Excessive predication: Excavating is the first operation in street paving. The excavating is usually done by means of a steam shovel. The shovel scoops up the dirt and loads it directly into wagons.

Right: Excavating, the first operation in street paving, is usually done by a steam shovel which loads the dirt directly into wagons.

Monotonous: The doe is wading along the sh.o.r.e. She is nibbling the lily pads as she goes. Now she moves slowly around the point. She has a little spotted fawn with her. The fawn frolics along at the heels of his mother.

Better: Wading along the sh.o.r.e, the doe nibbles the lily pads by the way, and moves slowly around the point. A spotted fawn frolics at her heels.

Primer style: Rooms are marked on the floor. These rooms are about fourteen feet square.

Better: The floor is marked off into rooms about fourteen feet square.

Note.--An occasional short sentence is permissible, even desirable.

Successive short sentences may be used to express rapid action, or emphatic a.s.sertion, or deliberate simplicity. Otherwise, avoid them.

Exercise.

1. Decatur has wide streets. The streets are paved with brick, asphalt, and creosote blocks.

2. Sixteen posts are set in a row. All of these are at equal intervals.

3. The boat approaches the leeward side of the ship. This side is the side protected from the wind.

4. The _Scientific American_ reports the progress of science.

It explains new inventions. It makes practical applications of scientific principles.

5. The beans are usually harvested about the middle of September. They are cut when the plants turn color at the roots and the beans turn white. They are cut by a bean-cutter which takes two rows at a time.

=Excessive Coordination=