The Century Handbook of Writing Part 3

Exterior-interior transition needed: We noticed that the house was built of cobblestones. There was a broad window from which we could look out upon the small stream that dashed down the rocky hillside.

Better: We noticed that the house was built of cobblestones.

_We went inside, and found that the living room was large and airy._ There was a broad window from which we could look out upon the small stream that dashed down the rocky hillside.

Cause transition lacking: The Romans were great road-builders.

They wished to maintain their empire.

Better: The Romans were great road-builders, _because means of moving troops quickly were necessary_ to the maintenance of their empire.

General-to-particular transition needed: Modern machinery often makes men its slaves. Last summer I worked for the Chandler Company. [This gap in thought occurs oftenest between the first two sentences of a paragraph or theme.]

Better: Modern machinery often makes men its slaves. _This truth is well ill.u.s.trated by my own experience._ Last summer I worked for the Chandler Company.

Transition to be improved by changing order: A careless trainer may spoil a good colt. A good horse can never be made of a vicious colt. [Here the order of ideas is: "Trainer ... colt.

Horse ... colt." Turn the last sentence end for end.]

Better: A careless trainer may spoil a good colt. And a vicious colt can never be made a good horse. [Now the order of ideas is "Trainer ... colt. Colt ... horse."]

Transition to be improved by removal of a disturbing element: Our cla.s.s in physics last week visited a pumping station in which the Corliss type of steam engine is used. _The engines are manufactured by the Allis-Chalmers Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin._ This type of engine is used because it has several advantages. [The italicized sentence should be omitted here, and used later in the theme.]

Note.--The divisions of thought within a paragraph may likewise be indicated by connectives: _however_, _on the other hand_, _equally important_, _another interesting problem is_, _for this reason_, _the remedy for this_, _so much for_, _it remains to mention_, _of course I admit_, _finally_. (For a longer list see 36.) Such phrases are also useful in linking one paragraph to another.

When a student first learns the art, he is likely to use transition phrases in excess, and produce something like the following: "When I have to write a theme, I first think of my subject. As soon as I have my subject, I take out my paper. On the paper I then make a rough outline."

This abuse of transition causes an overlapping of thought, like shingles laid three inches to the weather. An abrupt transition is better than wordiness.

Exercise:

1. The sh.o.r.e looked far off. Then we reached it.

2. A light snow was falling last night. This is a good day for hunting rabbits.

3. A dollar is often a large sum. I sold newspapers when I was a boy.

4. Many English words still preserve their old meanings. There is the teller in the bank.

5. We had to walk half a mile across the pastures in the fresh morning air. Exercise indoors does not arouse much zest or enthusiasm.

=9.= EXERCISE IN COMPLETENESS OF THOUGHT

=A. Fragments Misused as Sentences=

Rewrite the following statements in sentences each of which expresses a complete thought.

1. He gave me a flower. Which was wilted.

2. The gasoline flows through the supply tube to the carburetor. Where it should vaporize and enter the cylinders.

3. People of all ages were there. Old men, young women, and even children.

4. He told us that you had a good standing among business men.

That you always met your bills promptly.

5. Excuse Everett Smith from school this morning. He having the measles.

6. The internal combustion engine may be either one of two types. The two cycle or the four cycle.

7. The young men and women acted like children. Who should have known better.

8. There was a cross cow in the pasture. Which had long horns.

9. Bacteria are microscopic organisms. Especially found where milk or some other substance decomposes.

10. We pa.s.s on down the street. The buildings rising two or three stories high on either side.

11. The Y. M. C. A. enables you to keep your religious interests alive. As well as to a.s.sociate with clean young men.

12. She wasted her time on foolish clothes. While her mother took in washing.

13. He was dressed in a ridiculous fashion. Wearing, for instance, an orange necktie.

14. The point is similar to that of the ordinary steel pen, except that it is made of gold. Gold being used on account of its greater smoothness and durability.

15. Tire troubles have been made less formidable by the invention of a compact, efficient little vulcanizer. A factory for making which is now being built.

=B. Incomplete Constructions=

Improve the following statements. Supply missing words. Make sure that each construction and each sentence is complete.

1. When one year old, my mother died.

2. Yours received, and in reply would say your order has been filled.

3. While in there a man came in and bought a quarter's worth of soap.

4. War is largely dependent upon the engineers to design new machinery.

5. When you talk to a man look at him, not the floor or ceiling.

6. In writing a book, an author's first one is usually not very good.

7. Every summer while in high school, our family has gone to our cottage on Lake Michigan.

8. When a boy, Mary was my best friend.

9. There is, however, another reason a person should know how to swim.

10. I think more of her than anyone else.