The Century Handbook of Writing Part 16

Right: They are as follows: [Or] They are the following:

Faulty: He tried, but of no avail.

Right: He tried, but to no avail. [Or] He tried, but his effort was of no avail.

Faulty: There is no honor to be on this committee.

Right: It is no honor to be on this committee. [Or] There is no honor in being on this committee.

Faulty: Sparks from the chimney caught the house on fire.

Right: Sparks from the chimney set the house on fire. [Or] The house caught fire from the sparks from the chimney.

Note.--The double negative and kindred expressions (_not hardly_, _not scarcely_, etc.) are an especially gross form of mixed construction.

Wrong: He isn't no better now than he was then. [Logically, not no better means _better_. The two negatives cancel each other and leave an affirmative.]

Right: He isn't any better now than he was then. [Or] He is no better now than he was then.

Wrong: She couldn't see her friend nowhere.

Right: She couldn't see her friend anywhere. [Or] She could see her friend nowhere.

Wrong: We couldn't hardly see through the mist.

Right: We could hardly see through the mist. [Or] We couldn't see well through the mist.

Exercise:

1. He doesn't come here no more.

2. I cannot help but make this error.

3. I remember scarcely nothing of the occurrence.

4. I would not remain there only a few days.

5. John would not do this under no circ.u.mstances.

=Mixed Imagery=

=35. Avoid phrases which may call up conflicting mental images. When using metaphor, simile, etc., carry one figure of speech through, instead of shifting to another, or dropping suddenly back into literal speech.=

Crude: The Republicans have gained a foothold in the heart of the cotton belt.

Right: The Republicans have gained a foothold in the South.

Crude: He traveled a rough road and climbed with his burden the ladder of success, where he is a glowing example and guide to other men. [The suggestion which a reader with a sense of humor may get is, that a man starts out as a traveler, suddenly becomes a hod-carrier, and is then transformed into a bonfire or a lighthouse.]

Right: He traveled a rough road, but found success. Other men followed in his steps.

Incongruous: Spring came scattering flowers, and there was rain a great per cent of the time. [This sentence mingles the language of poetry with the language of science. It should be fanciful, or else literal, throughout.]

Right: Spring came scattering flowers and rain. [Or] Spring came with much rain and many flowers.

Inconsistent use of irony: The phonograph was shrieking, "Waltz me around again, Willie." I am sure I love that beautiful song.

The taste of the people who attend these cheap theaters is deplorable. [The three sentences should be ironical throughout, or not ironical at all.]

Exercise:

1. We should meet the future from the optimistic point of view.

2. General Wolfe put every ounce of his life into the capture of Quebec.

3. A key-note of sincerity should be the mainspring of a well-built speech.

4. He went drifting down the sands of time on flowery beds of ease.

5. The blank in my mind crystallized into action.

USE OF CONNECTIVES

=The Exact Connective=

=36. Use a connective which expresses the exact relation between two clauses. Distinguish between time and cause, concession and condition, etc. Do not overwork _and_, _so_, or _while_.=

Misleading: _While_ he is sick, he is able to walk. [Use _though_.]

Misleading: Miss Brown sang, _while_ her sister spoke a piece.

[Use _but_.]

Faulty. Work hard _when_ you want to succeed. [Use _if_.]

Faulty: They will be sorry _without_ they do this. [Use _unless_.]

Faulty: Little poetry is read, _only_ at times when it is compulsory. [Use _except_.]

Faulty. The early morning and evening are the best times to find ducks, _and_ we did not see many flying. [Use _and for that reason_.]

Faulty: Corbin says: "In America sportsmanship is almost a pa.s.sion," _and_ in England "the player very seldom forgets that he is a man first and an athlete afterward." [Use _whereas_.]

Note.--_So_ is an elastic word that covers a mult.i.tude of vague meanings. Language has need of such a word, and in many instances (especially when the relation between clauses is obvious and does not need to be pointed out) _so_ serves well enough. Use it, but not as a subst.i.tute for more exact connectives. Beware of falling into the "_so_-habit."

Abuse of _so_ as a vague coordinating connective: So I went to call on Mrs. Woods, and so she told me about Mrs. White's new gown; so then I missed the car, and so of course our supper is late. [Strike out every _so_.]

Abuse of _so_ as a subordinating connective: You may go, _so_ you keep still. [Use _provided_.] _So_ you do only that, I shall be satisfied. [Use _though_.]